Misva #570: Not to have Relations Outside the Framework of Marriage

The Torah commands in Parashat Ki-Teseh (Debarim 23:18), “Lo Tiheyeh Kedesha Mi’benot Yisrael” – there shall not be a “Kedesh” among the women of our nation. According to the Rambam, this verse forbids having an intimate relationship with a woman without a Ketuba (the contract given to a woman at a wedding) and Kiddushin (betrothal). Even if the man and woman are allowed to marry one another, they may not have a relationship outside the framework of marriage. The Ramban understood this verse differently, as forbidding relations with a woman who is forbidden for marriage, and with whom Kiddushin is not effective. For example, one cannot betroth a family member; such a betrothal has no halachic effect. According to the Ramban, then, relations with a family member would be forbidden by force of this verse. The Ramban writes that this verse also commands Bet Din not to allow a woman to act in a manner of “Hefker,” meaning, without restraint, freely having relationships with men. Such a woman, the Ramban explains, is not likely to discern between men with whom relations are permissible, and those with whom relations are forbidden. Therefore, the Torah requires the court to intervene and stop a woman who acts promiscuously. Targum Onkelos translates this verse as forbidding a woman from having relations with an Ebed Kena’ani (gentile servant). The Ramban includes this interpretation in his understanding of the command. This prohibition applies in all places and in all time periods, and is binding upon both men and women. One who has a relationship outside the framework of marriage, according to the Rambam, or with someone with whom Kiddushin is not effective, according to the Ramban, has transgressed this command, and is liable to Malkut.