Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships artwork

Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

474 episodes - English - Latest episode: 24 days ago - ★★★★★ - 43 ratings

The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people that host Dr. Rhoberta Shaler calls Hijackals®. 


She offers invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered in relationships with folks like those. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways.


Many Hijackals have behaviors that are considered the same as those who are diagnosed as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 

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Episodes

Expecting Emotional Maturity from a Narcissist? Don't Hold Your Breath!!!

March 05, 2024 04:54 - 27 minutes - 22.2 MB

SOOO frustrating! You hoped for a partner, parent, sibling, or adult child with whom you could communicate, collaborate, and co-operate, but no. You live most of the time with q tiresome toddler or miserable middle schooler, right? Learn more about recognizing the patterns and altering your expectations now. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: #Hijackals are emotionally immature. Check your expectations when you approach a narcissist. Expecting equality? Oops! Often feel you're talking to a tir...

Narcissists Make OUTRAGEOUS ASKS. Learn to say NO,

February 27, 2024 04:38 - 43 minutes - 34.7 MB

Narcissists ask for too much...and they expect to get it. It's essential to hear that a question is outrageous so you can respond differently. If you've been with a Hijackal for too long, you may have stopped hearing their questions as outrageous; This episode will sharpen your listening skills and increase your sensitivity to questions that are intrusive, violating, and need a solid NO answer. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Listen for outrageous questions. You may have become used to them...

Narcissists Make OUTGRAGEOUS ASKS. Learn to way NO,

February 27, 2024 04:38 - 43 minutes - 34.7 MB

Narcissists ask for too much...and they expect to get it. It's essential to hear that a question is outrageous so you can respond differently. If you've been with a Hijackal for too long, you may have stopped hearing their questions as outrageous; This episode will sharpen your listening skills and increase your sensitivity to questions that are intrusive, violating, and need a solid NO answer. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Listen for outrageous questions. You may have become used to them...

Standing Up to Narcissistic Intimidation -Here's How!

February 20, 2024 05:20 - 46 minutes - 37.6 MB

Being with a narcissistic person is scary, right? You are usually wrong...even when you're right!. You never know what mood they'll be in. They lie, gaslight, rage, and fall silent. They are intimidating! They keep you on edge! What can you do to reduce the intimidation? Listen to this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Narcissistic people are likely to engage in several kinds of abuse: verbal, physical, sexual, financial, emotional or spiritual Hijackals use intimidation as a quick...

How Being the Golden Child In the Family Hurts You

February 13, 2024 04:43 - 34 minutes - 27.7 MB

Can't do anything wrong? Get away with nonsense? Get extra goodies? Attention? Time? Might sound good but it can get old fast and leave you with very poor self-esteem and a lack of identity. Have a sibling who is the Golden Child? You envied them and now you se them differently? VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE to straighten your thinking about yourself and others who were treated as Golden Children growing up. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Why being the Golden Child is not a great role help to und...

It's Smart to Stop Trying to Please a Narcissist

February 06, 2024 04:29 - 35 minutes - 28.3 MB

Narcissists love it when you run after their approval. You hope to explain yourself and be heard; they hope to explain you away. In this episode are five iron-clad reasons to not even try to please a Hijackal - save your energy, save your time, save your self-esteem. Listen in. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Hijackals want you to please them They make it very difficult to do Why narcissists always need to be right Refusing to remember the truth makes things impossible I'm here to hel...

STOP OVERSHARING. It's dangerous.

January 09, 2024 05:15 - 34 minutes - 27.6 MB

You want someone--at least one someone--to hear you, see you, believe you. So you share. Sadly, that often turns into oversharing, leaving you a little red-faced. if you fully embarrassed a little later, right? "Why did I do that?"  There are good reasons you overshare. Don't beat yourself up for it. Listen in to understand the "whys" and stick around for the "why nots!" so you can make positive changes in what you share and with whom. You can stop oversharing, and still be heard when you t...

5 Must-Do's to Save Your Sanity from a Narcissist

January 02, 2024 04:44 - 30 minutes - 24.5 MB

Steps to emotional freedom require knowing where the path starts. These five "must-do's" are fundamental to saving your sanity, self-esteem, and self-confidence. When you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic Hijackal, it's even MORE critlcal. Know the importance of each of these and how to keep them top of mind. Develop enough strength to follow the "healthier human" path to avoid being sucked down the "Hijackal human" one. YOU CAN!!  HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: How to not get s...

How to Avoid Falling in to Reactive Abuse Trap

December 19, 2023 06:27 - 28 minutes - 22.9 MB

Oh, how Hijackals love to poke, prod, and provoke you into losing it and reacting, right? And then they like to wind you up further so you'll yell, blame, complain, and meltdown. Crazy-making? Yes, INTENTIONALLY CRAZY-MAKING! Learn ways to not go there, to not react, to not behave like the Hijackal...or the way the Hijackal wants to manipulate you into behaving, How to choose control and calm instead. Yay! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Nasty, manipulate way to make you out to be the abuser...

5 Good Things Narcissists PROMISE...but NEVER DELIVER!!!

December 12, 2023 05:37 - 32 minutes - 26.2 MB

Narcissistic Hijackals know what you want. Yet, they withhold giving it to you. They know what you need. Yet, they refuse to fulfill it. They know how to make you happy, but prefer disappointing you. Think deeply about these five "would be good" things narcissists promise but fail to deliver...and, they do it very deliberately. There are real deal-breakers...when you actually see them. Listen in. Don't be fooled by the promises!!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: 5 good things that Hijackals p...

NEVER TRUST A NARCISSIST

December 05, 2023 05:09 - 40 minutes - 32.1 MB

You want to be able to trust a person, right? It's natural. It's healthy. Yet, you cannot trust narcissists or any variation of Hijackal. And, I know you want to.  In this episode, hear the many ways you CANNOT trust them, even when you want to. Hear ways you convince yourself you can believe them, and why you must stop. Yep, it's hard sometimes. But, if you trust them, you're diving into crazy-making even further...and, that's never a good thing. Join in. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Trus...

10 Ways You Can Get Used to Being Emotionally Abused

November 28, 2023 04:45 - 41 minutes - 33.5 MB

Little by little, nasty, bitter, unfair things start becoming part of the day-to-day with a narcissist. Those Hijackals are relentless in wearing you down and getting their way, right? You might pass it off as another "little thing to avoid" to reduce the abuse. WHAT? You're doing things to reduce the abuse rather than set boundaries and making plans to leave? SEE HOW SNEAKY IT ALL IS? Don't miss these ten main "features" of narcissistic emotional abuse!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: You c...

27 Sneaky, Nasty Ways Narcissists Try to Rule the Roost

November 21, 2023 04:52 - 44 minutes - 35.3 MB

Some Hijackals are subtle, some are sneaky. All are to keep your relationship in chaos, preferably with you giving in to their whims, demands, and expectations. Most of all, they want to be in charge and in control of all the things. Be informed. See them for what and who they are. They are always wanting to create a fracas, a commotion, an upset, and a mess. When you can see what they're up to, it's easier to see their ploys, tricks, and defaults. Then you an choose your responses in healt...

Don't Let A Hijackal Harden Your Heart. Harden Your Attitude Towards Them.

November 14, 2023 04:53 - 33 minutes - 26.7 MB

When you're on guard every minute, hypervigilant about the next accusation, you might think I'm suggesting something impossible...maybe even crazy. I'm not. It's important to recognize that you can stay in charge of yourself, no matter what kind of crazy-making the Hijackal or narcissist engages in. Difficult? Yes, but not impossible. Worthwhile? Definitely! Learn this invaluable approach to taking good care of yourself, even though you may be rattled daily by a Hijackal now. HIGHLIGHTS ...

Stop Being "Too Nice!" It encourages Hijackals.

November 07, 2023 04:38 - 32 minutes - 26.3 MB

You may think that it's impossible to be "too nice." It's not. It actually can make things worse...and that's just what it does when you're in a relationship with a narcissistic Hijackal. You do all the giving and then, more is expected, right? Not working! Listen in to recognize the ways being "too nice" works against you. Hijackals LOVE to take advantage of someone who will fall all over themselves to keep the Hijackal happy. Remember, though, the Hijackal is dedicated to never being hap...

How Crazy-Making Hijackals Use PLAUSIBILITY to Suck You In

October 31, 2023 04:11 - 40 minutes - 32.8 MB

Most people want to believe the stories of others. You want to be able to trust, right? So, you're inclined to be sucked in by plausible stories, excuses, reasons, etc.. Also, you don't want the hassle of their endless denials and turning things on you. Learn how plausibility is the key to turning this into healthier interactions to stop the crazy-making. Listen in and get away. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: plausible = seeming reasonable, probable, or persuasive...or NOT! How a plausible ...

Top 12 Traits That Scream Hijackal!!! Don't Be in Denial.

October 24, 2023 03:25 - 35 minutes - 28.1 MB

You're a good person. You want to see the best in folks. You are right ready to help someone excuse their poor behavior, and be understanding. Hijackals count on that! They treat you poorly to see how much you'll put up with. It's often not long into the relationship before they're taking up all the space....and you're gasping for air, dying to be heard. BE CLEAR ABOUT THESE 12 TRAITS. See them. Believe them. Don't expect them to change. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: There are many more th...

Narcissists ARE Aggressive. Don't Poke a Hijackal on Purpose

October 17, 2023 07:22 - 30 minutes - 24.7 MB

Narcissists and other Hijackals are infuriating, frustrating, and crazy-making. You reach the end of your tether and you want to tell them everything that's wrong with them and more.  You've likely noticed that nothing good happens when you accuse them of being narcissistic,, point out their flaws, or ask them to change. What's much ore likely to happen is that they explode, spilling their nastiness in every direction. MAXIMUM AGGRESSION.  Listen to this episode to understand why and how t...

Stop Kidding Yourself. Narcissists Behave Badly & Get Worse!!!

October 03, 2023 03:57 - 32 minutes - 25.7 MB

You want to believe that love can change people, right? So, you give, give, and give in yet nothing really gets better beyond a half minute. You decide to give more until there is little left of you. Nothing changes...except for getting worse. That's because their decision to change has nothing to do with it And, worse...they have no interest in changing to make things better. Listen in to realize the many reasons WHY this is so, and WHY it's so hard to believe people who think and behave ...

How Having a Narcissistic Mother Messes with You Long-term

September 26, 2023 05:17 - 37 minutes - 30 MB

Male and female children are differently treated--and affected--by having a narcissistic mother. SO many things you may never have thought much about! This episode will help you think in different ways about the long-term effects that having a Hijackal mother could have had on your sense of self, your self-confidence, your resilience...AND on your relationships. Use this episode to help you uncover hidden pieces SO you can turn them around and feel clearer and stronger. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS ...

TOXIC SHAME - Why Narcissists NEED You to Feel WORTHLESS

September 19, 2023 03:49 - 31 minutes - 25.1 MB

Unless they want something badly, narcissists want you to be in emotional chaos. In fact, they want you to feel less than and inadequate. Back-handed and blindsiding, they do their best to keep you off center and uncertain. Learn about toxic shame and how it may be playing out in your inner dialogue and in your relationship with a narcissistic parent and/or partner. See it so you can stop it! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: What is toxic shame? How is toxic shame different from "normal" sha...

Is THIS Narcissistic? Q&A with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

September 12, 2023 03:21 - 31 minutes - 25.6 MB

New! Your questions are the focus for this episode. Narcissistic or not so much? What are you wondering about? Recognizing the patterns, traits and cycles that ARE narcissistic is wise...AND so is discerning what is NOT narcissistic. Ask your questions in the chat and I'll answer them as clearly as I can. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Questions from audience about narcissistic traits Are alcoholics likely to be narcissistic? Do narcissists often have alcoholic tendencies? What about a...

Triangulation is Manipulation

August 29, 2023 04:11 - 41 minutes - 33 MB

TRIANGULATION. See It. Say No, Step Away,. Understanding what triangulation really is allows you to see it more clearly and step away more readily. Get the inside scoop on this in your life. Once you see it, you can do something about it. You'll feel SO much better when you do. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: What triangulation is Why narcissistic people use triangulation How to recognize the abuse of triangulation How to step away, and say NO more often Taking back your power in small way...

Saying "NO" to a Narcissist & Making It STICK!

August 22, 2023 03:32 - 28 minutes - 22.9 MB

Narcissists HATE to hear "NO!" You don't want to be a pretzel or a doormat, so you NEED to say NO when you mean it. Overtime, a Hijackal® may wear you down and try to get what they want by any means. How do you make NO mean NO...and make it stick? You already know how little a Hijackal® wants to be denied. A "NO" means that to them and they don't take it happily...or lying down. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Understand what a "NO" signals to a Hijackal Why narcissists hate haring "NO" W...

Saying "NO" to a Narcissist & Making It STICK!

August 22, 2023 03:32 - 28 minutes - 22.9 MB

Narcissists HATE to hear "NO!" You don't want to be a pretzel or a doormat, so you NEED to say NO when you mean it. Overtime, a Hijackal® may wear you down and try to get what they want by any means. How do you make NO mean NO...and make it stick? You already know how little a Hijackal® wants to be denied. A "NO" means that to them and they don't take it happily...or lying down. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Understand what a "NO" signals to a Hijackal Why narcissists hate haring "NO" W...

How Narcissists Create SITUATIONSHIPS NOT RELATIONSHIPS

August 15, 2023 03:13 - 36 minutes - 29.3 MB

It's all rosy, dreamy, and forever in the beginning...until it's not! You try and try to recapture interest, regain emotional intimacy, and re-examine every inch of your mental, physical, emotional self, and still the connection is intermittent. That's because narcissists--all Hijackals--create situationships NOT relationships. You NEED the clarity of this distinction to really accept the realities of a Hijackal relationship. It helps a lot! Calibrate if you're settling for a situationship...

Have a NARCISSISTIC ADULT CHILD? 21 Things NOT to Do

August 08, 2023 03:03 - 36 minutes - 29.4 MB

Having a Hijackal adult child is confusing, infuriating, disappointing, and frustrating among many other things. (And, it's worse when your child creates children!) What you DON'T do is as important as what you do. Listen to this episode to hear 21 things to think about right away. If you can refrain from doing these 21 things, you'll be empowered and no longer feel like a hostage to the Hijackal's bad behavior. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Why learning to say no to a Hijackal is absolutely...

Narcissists ARE Revenge-Seekers

August 01, 2023 03:22 - 27 minutes - 21.7 MB

You may not think about it like that, AND, it's true. Narcissists ARE Revenge-Seekers. Whether the revenge is subtle or obvious, small or huge, it's still revenge. Once you see what I mean, you'll see it clearly in your relationship...and, I hope you won't un-see it! It's nasty. Revenge is the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong you think they caused you. Hijackals® sometimes don't wait for you to do anything at all. There's just blame you anyway. Familiar? Y...

Stuck on a Partner's POTENTIAL Instead of Their REALITY?

July 25, 2023 03:28 - 34 minutes - 27.9 MB

You can get terrible stuck--for a very long time--by buying into a partner's potential. You can see how it could be, so you hope it will be. There's the mistake. See the differences today so you can make healthier decisions right away. Open your mind to the idea that you keep buying into promises that never materialize. Is that possible? When you step back and look at the patterns, it's often the case when dealing with Hijackals®, or other narcissistic people. They'll tell you anything to g...

Stuck on a Partner's POTENTIAL Instead of Their REALITY?

July 25, 2023 03:28 - 34 minutes - 27.9 MB

You can get terrible stuck--for a very long time--by buying into a partner's potential. You can see how it could be, so you hope it will be. There's the mistake. See the differences today so you can make healthier decisions right away. Open your mind to the idea that you keep buying into promises that never materialize. Is that possible? When you step back and look at the patterns, it's often the case when dealing with Hijackals®, or other narcissistic people. They'll tell you anything to g...

How NOT to Confuse BEING USED with BEING LOVED

July 18, 2023 05:45 - 33 minutes - 27.2 MB

It's confusing. You see what you think are loving behaviors. Then, you start wondering, but give a narcissist the benefit of the doubt. Then, you're in a pattern where things have gone lop-sided, pear-shaped, and somewhat south before you realized that you've confused being used for being loved. SO IMPORTANT TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE! Listen in. You SO want to believe it is love. I understand that, however, you also don't want to be taken in by someone who never intends to love you in any meani...

Narcissists Use INSULTS Because They Can't Use LOGIC!

July 11, 2023 03:40 - 30 minutes - 24.5 MB

Insults are a low, low form of expressing disagreement. Not strange that narcissists stoop that low, is it? Their incessant NEED to win means they will go low in hopes of winning quickly. Sad & nasty! Insults only show emotional immaturity. Think of the playground. Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong, said the philosopher, Rosseau. SO TRUE of narcissistic Hijackals! The philosopher, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, said "Insults are the arguments employed by those who ar...

NARCISSISTS = The Ultimate Frenemies

July 04, 2023 04:06 - 26 minutes - 21.2 MB

You want a best friend and a narcissist won't be one. You want a confidante and a narcissist uses your words against you. At best, Hijackals® are frenemies. You're unsafe around them. You feel the lack of safety, but sometimes you don't want to admit it. You recognize the friend/foe nature of them, and don't want it to be so. Listen in to why it is important to recognize that frenemies is as close as you will ever really get to them. Sad, I know, but REAL! If you have a Hijackal® in your ...

Narcissists are AWKWARD. ANGRY & ARGUMENTATIVE

June 27, 2023 03:48 - 28 minutes - 23 MB

Sure, narcissistic folks can be charming when you meet them. You just don't know what's lurking in the background, right? It can happen quickly that Hijackals® go from charming to manipulative, but it may take a while to catch on to what's going on. Basically, though, they are awkward, angry, and argumentative. In this episode, I talk about what "awkward" really means, and why it applies so well to the shenanigans of a Hijackal. Also, about why and the how the anger serves them, and results...

Giving TOO MUCH? Empathy & Compassion Can TURN TOXIC!

June 20, 2023 04:19 - 27 minutes - 22.2 MB

In healthy situations, you would never think that empathy and compassion could have downsides, right? When you're with a Hijackal, a narcissistic, or other endlessly difficult person, you can find that you've stepped over into some strange land where empathy and compassion cause you to suffer. SO IMPORTANT to recognize when too much is too much and it's hurting you. You'll also benefit from the tips in this episode to help you keep your empathy and compassion in balance. Game-changer! It's...

Is a Narcissistic Hijackal Blowing Up Your Phone?

June 13, 2023 04:10 - 32 minutes - 25.9 MB

A BIG complaint I hear so often is that the partner of a narcissistic person--a Hijackal®--is blowing up their phone...daily. It's such a sign of things going sideways, and it slides into that territory too easily! How do you know when it's too frequent? Too unreasonable? Too disrespectful? Then, what can you do about it? Listen in. This is basic to your well-being....and, more importantly, your safety! In the beginning of a relationship, a person calls and you may be flattered: "They like ...

How Narcissists EXPLOIT Your Natural Longing for Love & Belonging

June 06, 2023 05:12 - 30 minutes - 24.2 MB

It is natural to want to be loved and love. We organically want to belong. Absolutely! It's healthy, too. However, narcissistic people and all Hijackals excel at manipulating you and your feelings for their own purposes. You give and give, and still it's not enough. Then, they tell you that their poor treatment of you is not abuse, it's because you're inadequate. (Sad.) Not true. You are being used--and abused (yes, abused)--when all you're long for is love, understanding, and inclusion. Na...

Narcissists are Masters of Crazy-making WhatAboutism

May 30, 2023 04:58 - 29 minutes - 23.4 MB

Ever feel your head spin when you're trying to express your feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs to a Hijackal? Of course, you have. That's because they are masters of this phenomena know as WhatAboutIsm or WhatAboutery. It's a powerful defense and deflection strategy narcissists use to confuse! Learn what it sounds like because you already know what it feels like. When you recognize it and name it for yourself, you can refuse to play along with it again. The Hijackals defense mechanisms ca...

NARCISSISTS! Do They Hurt You on Purpose?

May 23, 2023 04:07 - 1 hour - 49.1 MB

People ask so often: Do narcissists and other HIjackals know that they are being mean, difficult, coercive, dismissive, and more? You want to know. In this episode, I'll lay it out and explain it all, ONCE AND FOR ALL. Listen and take it in because knowing this answer can change your relationship forever. When you recognize what the narcissist or any other Hijackal does on purpose, you'll be affirmed that what you are thinking IS what is happening. Hijackals like to keep you as isolated as ...

Narcissists: Rigid Thinkers Who Demand to be Right

May 16, 2023 03:38 - 43 minutes - 34.7 MB

Rigid thinking and what-about-ism are seriously linked. Know someone who is rigid in their thinking? They are RIGHT and that's all there is to it? And, if you don't agree with them, you're wrong...and, that there is something wrong with you? Hijackals® do that! Even entertaining your thoughts or feelings for a hot second is not on their playlist. Learn how pervasive this is so that you can clearly see it happening and make good decisions about the relationship. What-about-ism relates direct...

Why Emotional Abusers Prefer People-Pleasers Who Fawn

May 09, 2023 03:50 - 32 minutes - 26.3 MB

Maybe, you're too nice. You fawn. You'll do anything to keep the peace...or, at least, sidestep potential rage if you can. Peace at any price, you may say. Maybe, you find yourself fawning. (Hear more about that in the episode, too!) Emotional abusers appreciate fawning. It's easier for them and they don't care about you. ESSENTIAL to see these dynamics clearly if they are playing out in any relationship in your life. When you do, you can take steps to change the patterns. There's nothin...

SETTLING for Crumbs Leads to EMOTIONAL MALNUTRITION

May 02, 2023 03:58 - 30 minutes - 49.2 MB

Narcissistic people starve you in so many ways. Every now and again a narcissist--a Hijackal--is kind, offers a compliment, or shows interest in your feelings. THOSE ARE CRUMBS. You may be so starved that those crumbs feel like a feast. You make a big deal of it, and think the world has reset in your favor. NO! The Hijackal wants something from you and knows how to get it. It's important to see this clearly. Emotional malnutrition is real. Malnutrition is the state of you end up in when you...

Narcissists PURPOSEFULLY Misunderstand You

April 25, 2023 03:37 - 28 minutes - 22.5 MB

So infuriating! Endlessly frustrating! Trying to talk with a narcissistic person--or any Hijackal--can be crazy-making. It usually is if you dare to even remotely want to discuss the dynamics of your relationship. You've likely been upset by their purposeful misunderstanding of what you say, what you do, and what you want. Why do they do it? What can you do about it? Listen in. Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people who hijack relationships for their own needs--have to "on top" and ...

STOP Getting Your Exercise by WALKING ON EGGSHELLS!

April 18, 2023 03:47 - 30 minutes - 24.4 MB

Are you exhausted by running after pleasing someone who seems dedicated to never being pleased? That's WALKING ON EGGSHELLS. That's the game. You do everything as right as you think they want it, and you are never rewarded by getting it right. Sound Familiar?  Narcissists and other Hijackals are looking for power, and one way they think works for this (because it usually does) is by withholding approval. That makes you run faster, they hope. Join me and find out how to stop getting your exe...

Continuous Coping = STUCK in SURVIVAL MODE

April 11, 2023 04:27 - 55 minutes - 44.3 MB

... and that is unhealthy -- for YOU. Healthy relationships have equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. Toxic relationships do not. You will be coping tooooo much, and in balance tooooo little. Does that sound familiar? You could be giving your life away to a narcissist with nothing but promises in return. Listen in to this episode and find out what's true for you. To cope is defined as "to deal effectively with something" (Oxford) or to "deal with and attempt to overcome problems and diff...

Why Narcissists Lie, Delay & Deny

April 05, 2023 01:46 - 22 minutes - 18.1 MB

SO FRUSTRATING! When you are with a narcissist or any kind of a Hijackal, you know that they use these three tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Hijackals hate accountability, and will do anything to squirm out of it. They lie, delay, and deny. But why? You likely have many ideas about why and I wanted to give you others. Hopefully, these insights will help you to see the depth of the insecurity and instability that is basic to narcissistic people. Yes, they don't see...

Stop GOING THE EXTRA MILE for a NARCISSIST!

March 28, 2023 05:10 - 27 minutes - 22 MB

It's tempting. You may think you're being "nice." After a while, you're doing all the giving. Then, it's exhausting! Why does this dynamic happen? Why does it persist? What can you do to stop it? Listen in. In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, you may think you've found your perfect, ideal, longed for mater. Things shift. Things sour. Things take a turn and the narcissist--Hijackal®--wants more and more while they give less and less. All the while, the narcissist also beco...

Self-Centered vs Narcissistic. Is There a Difference?

March 21, 2023 03:27 - 29 minutes - 23.6 MB

Yes, narcissistic people are self-centered, but does the reverse hold true? Are self-centered people always narcissistic? Important distinctions here that can help you understand the troubling folks in your life. Or, do you think it's a distinction without a difference? Listen in and see what you discover.  In this episode, I offer you ten ways to see the differences between self-centered people and narcissistic people. These ten distinctions can be VERY helpful if you're wondering whether ...

Why Narcissists Insist You're NOT GOOD ENOUGH...even though they chose you!

March 14, 2023 03:49 - 29 minutes - 23.8 MB

Hijackals insist you're not good enough...even though they chose you or gave birth to you. What's up with that!@##%%!? It's crazy-making and it's important to understand why this happens. And, why it continues throughout the relationship unless you change. It's not OK. This episode will help you clearly see through this crazy-making habit of emotional abuse: making you feel not good enough. It serves the Hijackal but it does not serve you. Understand these things so you can make positive ch...

Resentment Creates Rage & Repression. Not Good!

March 07, 2023 04:55 - 34 minutes - 27.6 MB

It's SO helpful to recognize the underlying resentments triggered in both a Hijackal AND their partner. Some may surprise you! Recognition leads to understanding which helps you to know your next best steps. Resentment is rife in all relationships with Hijackals...on both sides, too. You may feel it. Now, explore why and what's under that. Why? So you move forward wisely. Both Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people with narcissistic tendencies--and the person with whom they share a ...

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