The Devil's Advocate By Ashley Jade

For Bridget and Shani, The Devil's Advocate by Ashley Jade was steamy AF
with some of the hottest scenes they’ve reviewed on the podcast so far.
They also fall into a rabbit hole, discussing their experiences with people
who make up stories, as well as their wildest sexual escapades with their
exes, from finding cum stains in unusual places, having non-stop sex in
just a few days, and going for a peculiar morning tea.

Romance at a Glance is a podcast where hosts Bridget and Shani review romance novels and interview some of romance’s biggest authors diving into candid conversations about life, relationships, and sexual desires. Expect 100% honest reviews, spontaneous singing, life lessons, indecent anecdotes, and bawdy humor. Leave us a rating and review on iTunes.

Full transcript available below.

Book Review at a Glance

Heroine Rating: Eden

Shani: 🍑🍑🍑

Bridget: 🍑🍑🍑🍑

Hero Rating: Cain

Shani: 🍆🍆🍆

Bridget: 🍆🍆🍆

McDreamy to Mc Steamy:

Mc Lean into the fuckery

Classy to Nasty:

Shani: Nasty

Bridget: There is some kinky shit in this book!

Romance at a Glance Reviews The Devil’s Advocate by Ashley Jade

Book Title: The Devil’s Advocate

Author: Ashley Jade

Narrator/ Available in audio: Teddy Hamilton, Victoria Mei, Soren Gray

Part of a Series: Yes, Book 2 of the Devil’s Playground

Genre: Dark Romance

Cover Art: This cover was a bit more typically romance for me. Hot guy and girl, no shirt for him and provocative undies for her! Like the colors and font.

Synopsis: 

Eden is Cain’s adoptive daughter and Damien is the former best friend and lover of Cain. Cain turns out is a piece of shit psycho, but puts on a mayoral front to win the election. He keeps Eden, who has anxiety and agoraphobia in his house, and while it seems like he’s protecting her in book 1, it turns out he’s been the problem all along. Damien King may be the devil she makes a deal with in his quest for vengeance, but they didn’t tell her how much she’d like it.

Favorite Line in the Book: 

Shani:

“Such a shame this little cunt of your will never taste as sweet as it used to. ..” Cain says (His words sting but I know it’s all the anger he’s harboring cuz I had sex with someone else. ) PArt of me loves seein his pain cuz it means what he feels for me is real. 

“Lower your nightgown, Eden. So Jeoffrey your beautiful tits.” “They taste incredible,” he whispers in Jeoffrey's ear. “

Bridget:

“Look up at the stars and hold your breath.”

“Why?” - “Because this is going to hurt.”

What's—” “Taking what's his.” - Damien to Eden while taking her virginity

“You can either stay the lamb…or become the slaughterer. If you want something, step up and claim it. Because there’s only room for one queen in a castle.” - Damien

“I’ll show you how I like to be fucked.” - Damien

Quick Guide Review of the Book and Notes

Worth the Read?

Shani: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Bridget: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Favorite Review:   

Shani:

Catherine Russell rated it really liked it 4stars

SO GOOD. My mind is still reeling from the journey it just went through. This book was completely different than what I thought it was going to be. It was very dark and psychologically thrilling. I don't know exactly what I was expecting from this story, but it sure wasn't this twisted, deranged version of a love story. It's not your typical love story, that's for sure. I read so much that it's hard to find something new and unexpected, but that's what this book is. You have no idea where the story's leading or what's going to happen next. Just when I thought that we were done with all the twists and manipulation, this book throws another curveball at you. Some of them, I did not see coming at all.

Apr 19, 2019Yael Shalom rated it did not like it 1 star

I can divide the book into several parts:

20% plot.

40% repeated thoughts- Psychological self-analyzes of the characters

40% blowjobs

—

Bridget:

Mar 30, 2019L Cherry rated it 5 stars

Wow! That was just a twisted tale of so many damaged people. There was an unexpected twist that kept me on the edge, but the ending really caught me off guard. I look forward to other twisted books from this author.

—

Read The Devil here and here.

Bridget read it on Kindle Unlimited, try out your first month free!

Shani listened on Audible. Try Audible Premium Plus and get up to 2 free audiobooks!

Full Podcast Transcript

Welcome to an exciting episode of Romance at a Glance. With me is Shani, as always. I’m happy to have you in the same room with me.

It’s exciting. I miss you.

The Devil’s Advocate

I miss you too. I am happy to have you here in all of your glorious energy and also excited this is a good one for us to be in the same room for we are talking about The Devil and The Devil's Advocate books 1 and 2 of The Devil’s Playground. We decided to do both. We're mostly going to focus on book 2, but we decided to do both because they're quite short, and for book 2, you can't do it without knowing the backstory that comes from book 1.

I felt like book 1 alone would have been weird as to what’s happening and it justifies some of the stuff that happens in book 2. I would have been like, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

As you guys know, we're in our dark romance series and this is certainly a dark romance. I am excited to dive into all of the juicy goodness.

Beyond juicy goodness, this book is wet beyond juicy. It’ll wet slap your mama wet. Let me tell you right now.

On that note, let's get this shit popping.

It’s so funny. Let me take some water. I’m going to laugh at the whole book.

We're talking mostly about The Devil's Advocate. This is by Ashley Jade. Shani, tell us a little bit about the narration. What did you think?

One of the dudes was a good narrator. However, the other two were not so good. The girl was not good for me. It was Teddy Hamilton, Victoria Mei and Soren Gray. Victoria did the men in a weird voice that I greatly didn't like. It’s like when people go, “I’m a man now. This is my man voice.” It didn't do it for me. It kept taking me out of the story.

Shani, tell us a little bit about the narrator.

Teddy Hamilton, Victoria Mei, Soren Gray, the three narrators. One of the guys did a good job, I don't know who it was, but the other two didn't do it for me, especially the girl. She kept doing the male voices terribly. When you go, “I'm a man now. This is my man voice,” it was a little bit rough. That took me out of the story a little bit.

Did they switch because they are three narrators? You get three POVs and each one did the POV of one of the characters.

Cain's character sounded nefarious. I felt like he shouldn't have sounded so nefarious. He should have been nefarious. It's when somebody’s like, “I am evil but I am also the bad guy.”

You do know by the end of book 1 that he's the bad guy. You don't necessarily know at the beginning of book 1, but by the end of book one, you know that he's a bad guy. They’re both bad but he’s a bad guy.

I felt the book preface that by saying that they're annoying and everyone's the devil. I was excited about that because I was like, "Is this the book where we go in and there's no heart of gold? Is this that book?" I was excited about that. I wasn't sure if Cain was the bad guy when it started, which I was happy about because they were all fucked up. Everything was fucked up. Are we grading the fuckery? I was excited to read this book. I was less excited about the narration, but on a scale of 1 to 5, I'd give it overall a 2.

I like the tagline which is, “I made a deal with the devil and I liked it.” I was like, “Girl, are you going to hell? I’m ready to talk about it. Let’s get going.” I thought, in general, the cover art of this book. In the first book, the devil is the one guy alone and I was there for it. The coloring of it is nice. He's flexing the abs. He's shiny because they rubbed oil on him. He's got maybe a 5:00 shadow thing happening. He got an intense look on his face and tattoos. I was like, “Yes, please, let's talk about it.” For book 2, you could almost do the exact same pose with different coloring and it would be a normal bodice ripper romance novel. It's two people. She's facing him. He has no shirt. She's got provocative undies on and she’s got long flowing hair. I didn't like the cover as much as I did cover one. In cover one, I was like, “Somebody's going to be fucked hard tonight.”

Between the two covers, I'm assuming it's a logistic thing. Ashley didn't have access maybe to the same model. Who is the person in book 1? Is that Cain or Damien?

It must be Damien. In my mind, it’s Damien.

Who’s on book 2? It doesn't make sense.

Book 2 should be Damien.

That book 1 is Damien and book 2 is Cain. It would have to be Cain because it's rarely a different dude. Look at the hairline.

Maybe it's because she’s supposed to be the devil's advocate and she's now fucking over Cain. It’s showing that she's got her power and she's got her claws in him.

It is cool because that means that the people on the cover are not the ATA. They're not the actual couple that makes it in the book. I had questions. It doesn't quite add up.

I do like the coloring and the font. It all worked for me as a package.

The one that didn't work for me on cover 2 was that she looks like a porn star on the cover. She's 17 or 18 and she's getting her life together. This looks like a porn star on the cover.

She’s like a scandalous lady.

Whenever I was looking at the cover while I was listening to it, it didn't mesh with the character.

It’s her at the end of the book not at the beginning.

I expected more of that girl-next-door looks, but this girl is wearing lingerie. She's got fake eyelashes on and she's got the classic Playboy Bunny with the big hair. She did not work for me graphically as the character. I expected more of the girl-next-door type of feel. Otherwise, I did enjoy it. You know me, I love enjoying skin and pecs, arms and tattoos.

Let me walk you all through the synopsis. Eden is our main character. I'm going to give you a quick backstory on book 1, even though we're going to focus mostly on book 2. Eden is about to turn eighteen. She's weeks shy of eighteen and she's obsessed with her stepfather who married her mom when she was twelve or something like that. Her mom is now deceased. She's obsessed with him and totally in love with him. She's also an agoraphobic who hasn't left the house in years and has severe anxiety. We get the backstory that when she was fourteen years old, she was in what she calls a friendship and said nothing ever happened, but she was involved with her teacher.

They would text each other and later on, one of the characters was clearly grooming her. At the time, nothing had happened yet. Everyone found out about it and he turned on her. He had some powerful relatives. Her mom threw her under the bus because she wanted to be the district attorney. She took her out of school and was like, “I'll send her somewhere.” In the meantime, they're pumping her tons of medication to keep her comatose almost. As she gets older and her mom dies, Cain, her stepfather, you’ll think he's her protector. He's running for mayor. She's obsessed with him and it turns out that they had one discretion a few weeks ago where things went a little not fatherly. It’s more on the daddy territory. He’s like, “This could never happen again.” She wants to tap him again. That's where we start with Eden.

Much of the first book flashes back. That's where the first book starts. Much of the first book flashes back to Cain's senior year in high school and his becoming friends with Damien King. Damien is the devil of the book. He's the bad boy who has a rich daddy, who doesn't give a fuck about anything, Consequences be damned because he knows he'll get out of it so he fucks, smokes, drinks and does whatever he wants because he doesn't care. Cain is straight-laced. He’s on the debate team, wants to be president, wants to go to Harvard. His dad is a senator and he wants to follow in his footsteps.

You’d think everything's perfect with him, but it turns out that his dad beat him severely so does his brother. Damien is enticing to him because he seems to have this devil-may-care attitude that Cain wishes he has. They form a friendship and they start fucking one of the teachers together. Damien has a friendship with this teacher, but Cain is there to have sex with her. Things start to get more and more depraved and they start getting close to, “Won't they touch tips?” Slowly, they start licking places together, and slowly they start touching places together.

Eventually, the teacher is not in between them anymore.

There’s so much that happens in this book, but I do want to give a quick backstory. Cain ends up killing his dad and his twin brother and burning their house down. He blames their teacher and frames her for it and says that she was having sex with his twin because they're twins. She’s like, “I was having sex with Cain.” He's like, “Why would I use my own name? Caleb would use my name and he wants it covered up.” Damien gets roped into confirming the story. She gets let out of jail and gets murdered by her abusive husband who then kills himself.

Damien goes to Cain and thinks that they're going to be together in some fucked up weird relationship. Cain’s like, “No, bitch. You got to leave the country or I'm going to kill you," because he has a recording of Damien saying how he would kill someone and get rid of the evidence, which is how he killed his family. Fast forward to maybe close to fifteen years and Damien is back. He plans to bury Cain. That's where book two starts. You said before we started recording that book 1 felt like a prequel and I agree. Book 1 started with a bang with her and Cain having that sexual thing. She started touching herself, he succumbed, he made her orgasm and he came on her. I’m like, “This is heading to some fucked up stepfather-daddy kink.” I was like, “Okay,” and they flashback. We are in the flashback. We almost heard nothing from Eden for the rest of that book. While I enjoyed the flashback story, I almost wish that we didn't even have to know about Eden yet. Book 1 was the two of them, and book 2 was present day.

I agree because it was weird for me to spend an entire book in a flashback. When you read the book, you have an expectation of the characters you're following. Quickly, I realized we weren't going to be following Eden in this book.

I kept thinking because in Corrupt which we read, they added the flashbacks that were done well. It would flashback which was related to whatever was happening in the present day, explaining something that was happening and or revealing something. This book was like, “I'm fucked up in present. Let’s go to the past and talk about it.” It was confusing because I kept expecting to go back to Eden and we don't until the last chapter. Book 2 is about the present day and never flashes back again.

The thing about it is what you said. I'm not mad at following those two characters, but I felt like I'm being promised that one thing is going to go and it doesn’t. I didn’t like it but I didn't hate it.

It was more confusing than anything. I thought I was going to be following her and she's not there. I was like, “Am I supposed to care about this?” If you think about the flashbacks as their own story, I thought they were good. The writing and pacing were good. I was interested. The sex was kinky and fucked up.

I love the teacher stuff.

They had her all tied up. She was begging them to come.

When he tells her, “You're going to suck his dick?” I was like, “Yes you are. That’s what’s happening right now.”

Damien is much in charge of what's happening and directing the scene. There were a lot of times where she's begging them to come and they're like, “Tell us who's dick is who’s.” They're both fucking her with a blindfold on. They’re daring each other to go further. In one of the scenes, Cain is fucking the teacher and Damien is licking her to orgasm, but then he’s also licking his shaft and he's staring at Cain. Cain was like, “How far is this dude going to go?” He’s like, “I want him to go.” He comes because of the taboo of his friend doing it. Props to Ashley Jade.

Ashley Jade, you are sick. Your brain is sick and we appreciate you.

We love you so much.

You're sick and twisted in all the best ways. We appreciate all of you who recommended these books. You guys are real friends.

You’re the real MVPs. Books 1 and 2 both had phenomenal scenes of commanding. I'm going to skip ahead and read you one of my quotes.

Do it but do it in a sexy voice. We’re taking it to Bridget’s sexy corner.

I'm going to tell you about two different scenarios, which are going to highlight at this point. Book number 2, Damien and Eden have met and he is about to take her virginity on a balcony. He's eating her out to orgasm. She's facing away from him looking out at the stars. She's coming down from an intense “Oh” face. He says, “Look up at the stars and hold your breath.” She says, “Why?” He goes, “Because this is going to hurt.” She goes, “What?” He goes on taking what's his and he starts fucking her life away. He doesn’t even care that she's a virgin. In the end, she turns to him and she’s like, “I'm a virgin.” He goes, “I know. You bled all over my dick.” He proceeds to lick it all up. I was like, “Holy sweet baby Jesus. What is going on?”

It sets the tone. Later, they're at his house and she is riding him. She says, “I'm not sure I'll know what to do.” He goes, “I'll show you how I like to be fucked.” I was like, “Oh my goodness. Yes, please do.” The maid comes in and is acting like a little biatch. He’s like, “There's only one room for one queen in this castle. You either need to step up and become a badass, or you need to get the fuck out.” He's like, “I'm not going to tell her to leave.” She’s like, “She can watch,” and she starts riding him. I’m like, “Snap, baby girl. You tell her. You watch. You can’t have this anymore. I'm here to party.” There was a lot of depraved weirdness in this book and I love it.

I thought this book was so depraved and I was so, “I'm here for it,” especially because all the books we've been reading to this point have been to get darker. Lean into it. I liked that this book was a bit of a hybrid where Damien was a bad guy with a heart of gold, which is that classic trope we've been running into. You had Cain who was not.

Cain was a good boy on the outside and sadistic on the inside.

I like that both were present and we got to play in a little bit. It got to hit both those things for me. You’re the heart of gold romantic feel, and also this sadistic fuck. You didn't know who she was going to end up with.

He was the good guy who was telling the truth about stuff.

I felt there was that intrigue especially because I thought that Cain was going to be the hero of the book. That's how the book leads you into thinking. It's a dark romance. Even when he does sadistic stuff, you’re like, “They could still get together.” She did a good job of making me question, “What the fuck is happening here,” in a good way. In some of the other books, I was like, "What is happening?" This one is like, "What is happening?" There was a lot of fucking in between.

The Devil's Advocate: It is weird to spend an entire book in a flashback. When you read it, you expect the characters you're following.

There was bondage. At one point, Damien has an assistant manservant or whatever.

That's my quote.

Set the scene. Take us to Shani’s nasty lair.

Shani’s nasty nook. My line is, this is when Jeffrey comes in and she says, “Call him back.”

Let me set the scene, Shani.

I’m a terrible scene setter.

She and Damien are starting to fuck and mess around. His manservant assistant who he's been with him for ten years comes in. He's like, “I'm so sorry. The door was unlocked.” He pivots and leaves. She tells Damien, “Call him back in.”

When he comes back in and Damien says to her, “Lower your nightgown, Eden, so Jeffrey can see your beautiful tits.” She does and he goes to Jeffrey and whispers in his ear. She says, “They taste incredible.” I was like, “This scene is about to get nasty. Shit’s about to get nasty.”

She asks him, “Does Jeffrey ever play with you?” He’s like, “Yes, sometimes.”

Go read it for yourselves.

You guys have to. It's on Kindle Unlimited. That scene is so good. Shani, I have to say this was a true one-handed read because this book is hot as fuck.

Do you know what the best part of this book was? My partner is an advocate for me listening to my books while we mess around. I was upstairs one-handedly reading this book and we live in a big warehouse studio. He can hear me sometimes and he's like, “What are you up to up there?” I was like, “A one-handed read.” He's like, “Do you want company?” I was like, “Tell me more.”

"I’m intrigued. What are you offering?"

What he was offering was quite nice.

That’s amazing

This was a book for that. If you guys haven't read about this before listening to an erotic audiobook while you play with your partner is fucking gold. You get the best of the dirty talk.

The author agonized over the perfect dirty talk.

This book is full of dirty titles and many phrases that she keeps hitting you with them. The sex scenes are long enough or sometimes when you're listening to a sex scene in a book, it goes by so fast. I don't know why but physically reading a sex scene, I always felt I had more time to enjoy it than listening to it. This one, they’re not done. They don't do one thing and they're done.

They go through all the stages.

 Everybody gets theirs twice. This was a yummy good time.

I like that there was an evolution of everything. Eden's character has evolved the most throughout the book because she's the main character in the second book. I feel Cain and Damien both evolved to a lesser extent. Damien realizes he wants her and wants to be with her. Cain devolves as he learns more about him. He unravels the pressures of all these things and keeping all these secrets, and trying to do all these things to become the mayor. He spirals out of control when Damien comes back so he devolves in his behavior.

FYI I like the scene where Cain goes to the mayor to try to get him to arrest Damien and the mayor fucks him in the ass.

He goes to the chief of police.

The chief of police is going like, “You're going to be here every Wednesday 5:00 when my wife's in her book club, and I'm going to fuck you in the ass.” I like this scene.

It was hot. Typically, you hear or see about women being sexually coerced. That part is from Cain’s point of view. He is willing to do anything and he doesn't care. The things you do for power. The power dynamic is always a fun one and I thought that scene was written so well because he's like, “If you want this, come over here and suck my dick and I’m going to fuck you in the ass.” I was like, “The chief of police is nasty.” You are corrupt. In real life, I don't agree you should go to jail but in a book, “I would like to hear more.” All the scenes were so hot. Even the scenes where there was no sex. The way that Damien looked at her and talked about her. I always like it in books where there's a badass motherfucker and he's telling the woman, “You're a badass too. Tell all these people to bow down.” She slowly starts to say, “That's right. Fuck all these people.”

At one point in the middle of the book, they go to a dinner thing for the political stuff because Damien ends up cooking up a way that he can become the opponent in the last week. They're at the dinner and Cain has agreed to become the fiancé of the governor's daughter. He doesn't love her. He doesn't even care but he wants to be the mayor and he wants to be the president. She'd be a good political wife. She said something super catty and Eden shuts that shit down. She’s like, “I shouldn’t be here. Maybe I should ask my daddy.” Cain is her stepdad. She’s like, “Daddy, is it okay that I’m out?” Cain’s like, “Shut the fuck up.” She's like, “Maybe I should go home with you, Daddy.” I was like, “You turned the tables.”

Even when Cain was fleshing out to be the bad guy at the end, there was a point in time where she started fooling around with them and was like, “Fuck off.” I was there for that.

What scene is this in?

It was in the second book. It was towards the end of the book where she's not about Cain anymore and he was trying to seduce her or something. I can't remember exactly what happened. They start fooling around and she shut it down. I know she hit him or something or did something physical to him. I forget. She's like, “It's not happening.” At some points, this book did a good job of making the twist and turn to feel natural but in book 1, the twist did not feel so natural to me. Cain is the bad guy in book 1, but we have access to his inner monologue. This is the problem when you do too many POVs or you do everyone's POV. In his monologue, he was like, "What's happening?" At the very end, it's like, “Shocking, I was the mastermind of this all the time.” I was like, “No.” I went back and listened to his POV. He was shocked at what was happening in his own mind. It's hard for me to follow that thread. The author missed the mark in that regard.

I also think that he was shocked that she would go against him. He was legitimately shocked because he doesn't see himself as a bad guy. Even though he's killed all these people and killed her mom. As a terrible human being, he doesn't see it. He was shocked that she could ever see him as the bad guy which a lot of fucking narcissistic psycho people would be shocked about. For me, that was why it fit but I agree with you, in general, there are too many POVs. It's tough when you have three main characters because if it’s two POVs, you’re like, “Clearly, they're the emcee and this other person is not.”

I almost wish I had only seen the book through her point of view or maybe through Damien's or something. In general, it's hard to have multiple POVs. Dual POVs can work, especially with a good author. Three POVs is a tough thing. It also gives away too much stuff in a thing like this where there’s a lot of stuff that's being revealed through either flashback or we find it out later. Damien reveals her medical chart to her. She learns it in real-time with us. In the end, there's a big twist. At that point, you're not in his POV but it made it slightly less. In this scene, he gets captured by Damien. Damien forces him to confess everything.

It was a great scene, by the way. He put his dick in a tank with the piranhas.

He was like, “I don't care. I'll let this piranha eat your dick.”

I was like, “Fucking Ashley Jade. Can we have tea?”

If you know her, let her know that we want to talk to her. I've been emailing her but I have yet to hear back. He escapes because Eden lets him go. It seems like Eden's letting him go because either she forgives him or he ropes her into this thing of like, “Is Damien sending you away already?” He's using his knowledge of Damien to make her sway to his side. She lets him go and they go back to his house. In my mind, I was like, “Eden, don't be dumb.” A lot of times, these girls in these romance novels are making stupid-ass decisions, especially in dark romance. However, Eden was not making stupid decisions.

She was.

It was stupid to go with a psychopath.

It was for a dramatic effect.

She wanted to kill him in his own house, not in Damien's house. That's why she did it because she didn’t want Damien to get blamed. She wanted to do it. She goes back with him and she seduces him. It's like, “I'm yours.” He turns her around, pulls her pants down like he's going to have sex with her, and then he's getting ready to pee on her. Being in his sadistic mind frame in that scene helped with how fucking creepy it was and also with the surprise. We didn't get to hear any of her premeditations. All we heard was him being like, “If she lets me pee on her, I'll know for sure that she's mine.” She lets him pee on her. She's got her knife that Damien gave her and turns around and slits his throat and he’s like, “What?”

I thought the Audible messed up because he stops talking mid-sentence and then it switches to her POV.

He’s dying on the carpet. Damien has chased them because he found the guy, but he gets there after she's already killed him. She kills him and leaves and Damien lights him on fire. He touches the knife, which I didn't understand. I'm like, “Why don't you take the murder weapon?” He touches the knife and he's like, “This is one I'll gladly take.” She gets him out of jail by blackmailing the chief of police who is fucking Cain and there are photos of it. She's like, “There are two things that can happen, I can release all these photos or you can let him go.” I like that in the end. She becomes the bad queen.

She grows. She's ready. I did like that a lot. It was interesting because this book could have gone badly at many moments. In the second book when Damien was telling her what's going on in the past, she knows Cain and she doesn't know who to believe. There are certain parts in that book where I was like, “Who do you believe?” I have information due to book 1, but you don't have that information. Sometimes she was making decisions and I'll be like, “That's a hard decision to make knowing you know nothing at this moment.”

Not to mention that she hasn't left the house in four years. Cain has been taking care of her and has brainwashed her. His therapist is on purpose brainwashing her into thinking Cain is the only thing that will help her. She’s on massive amounts of meds.

It made sense that he tells her like, “Your therapist is in on it.” That gave me the justification I needed for her to be listening to Damien. Before that, if there was a waffling, I'm like, “What's the waffle? You don't know this guy from Adam? You know this guy here.” That's like trying to choose a stranger over your husband. It’s not going to happen.

That was a huge turning point. I also though think Damien set it up in a good way. He has been chatting with her on this adulterer’s app and pretending that he's Cain. She's been talking to him and confessing to him and they formed this relationship. She likes that app and that relationship more than she even likes being around Cain. She'll be around Cain and then she'll be like, “I'm going to go to my room because on the app I can be with him for real.” It turns out that she's falling in love with Damien over this app.

He sends her this dress for this masquerade ball and she wasn't planning on going but he's like, “We can finally be together.” She thinks it's Cain. He's like, “You don't have to be worried. No one will know who you are. You have a mask. This is the one time where you can come out without fear.” The whole town ridicules her and is mean to her. Also, the therapist has been brainwashing her into thinking people are meaner than they are. She goes to this masquerade ball but she sees Cain kiss this new fiance and sees her giving him a blowjob. That was the big shatter of the first illusion.

Especially when he's like, “Why don't you finish the blowjob that she was giving me?”

He’s like, “Do you want to finish what she started?” I'm like, “That's gross. She's eighteen. This girl is a sweet virgin you've kept at home for four years.”

It makes sense because she's been stuck at home and all that. Even when she loses her virginity and she thinks she's losing it to Cain, he had sideswiped her in the face.

I don’t think she thought it was Cain at that point. She knew it wasn't Cain when she got fucked.

Did she? She knows that was Cain because she was going through the app.

No. Already in her mind, she was like, “That couldn't have been Cain.” She notices the voice is different. She doesn't know who he is yet but she already knows it's not Cain.

I must have missed that. I liked her getting fucked on the balcony.

I thought it was great. First of all, I liked that he had her wear this pearl G-string. The whole time she's there, she's on the verge of orgasm. He eats her out in the closet so she orgasms. She's on a fucking high wire of desire this whole time and he delivers. I will say that he delivered on the sensual promises he made. I also do like that he was a dark romance hero though. Consent is important in real life. In this book, I was glad that he took a deep breath and fucked her. She was like, “Okay.” He's like, “Sorry, I'm not the hero of the story. I'm the devil.”

I felt like this book was written from a female case. Sometimes when I read these books, even though I know women are writing them, it almost feels like women are writing them in a way that they have been taught what sex should be. To me, this book felt like a woman with a nasty, kinky mind was putting down all her fucking desires and shit on the page. I enjoyed it. Everybody was super taken care of most of the time unless they weren't supposed to be. During the story, we got to enjoy the sex scenes. They weren't too long. They weren't too short. They were good. If there was action happening, it was happening. Even though they kept having sex throughout the book, every time there was something different. There was some little aspect of it that was a new something, which I enjoyed.

I bet you liked that first scene when you got introduced to Damien King and the lady is giving her report about what happened during the interview. He's watching the piranhas eat each other and then he turns around and he's like, “Take your clothes off.”

I like what he said before that when he's like, “You could give me the report or you could go suck this dick.” I was like, “Set the tone for me.” She was like, “I'd be more than happy to take my clothes off.” This book has a lot of my fantasies.

Nonconsent and a lot of primal like taking and pushing down.

That dirty talk with Jeffrey, that's one of my top fantasies. I love the gifting to another situation.

Do you want to lick her? Do you want to taste it?

I love that he was in control of the situation and making what was going to happen happen. It was beautifully done. It was like a ballet. It's what that ballet book should have been because there were two of them in that. I was like, “What the fuck? You missed the mark.” Was that Perfection? This one hit the mark right on the head.

Ashley Jade was like, “Bullseye.” In books, romance in general, I want to know unequivocally that the hero and heroine desire each other. I thought she did a good job where they weren't having sex or there was nothing inherently sexual about the scene. He sees her and before they go to the funeral, he pushes her up against the wall and tells her, “If I didn't say yet, you're beautiful.” She's like, “You already told me.” He's like, “I bear saying it again.” He grabs her boob, sniffs her, and pushes as hard into her knees. He’s like, “That's for you for later. Buckle up.”

Where’s the seat belt?

Keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle. Ready to go. I didn't know superly what to expect about these books. A description of them doesn't make sense. The synopsis doesn't make sense for what the story's about.

Everything I found from the synopsis was like reading a piece of the book. I was like, “I don't like those synopses.”

Spell it out for me. What's happening in this book? I thought the synopsis didn't make sense. If you guys are checking out this book and you look at the synopsis and you're like, “Aroo,” know that we also think that it doesn’t make sense. That does not take away from the fact that I thought book 2 was great. I thought book 1 was much shorter. Also, I didn't like it as much. I still thought it was a solid four stars. I was happy with book 1. I thought it was entertaining. The sex scenes were great. I was a little confused about why Eden was not in it more. In general, I was still in the story and interested in reading so that I could keep on reading. I wasn't like, "Let me put it down for a little bit." I was like, "Let me stay up and read this book."

I agree with you on book 1 because of the whole Eden thing. Also, being in Cain’s POV, it shouldn’t be a surprise to him. That didn't make sense to me. I thought it was super entertaining. I also thought it was tight. Book 2 for me was not tight. It was way less tight. I wish that book 2 had been the same amount of page count as book 1 in the tightness of it. I felt like there was a little bit of waffling that I could have done without between them.

Too many intrigues.

I hated that the book did this. At the end of the book, all the intrigues are figured out and everything's done. We find out that the teacher from book 1 is her mom because she was adopted by an aunt and nobody knew. That was useless information. That didn't need to happen in the book.

It didn't add any value. She already lost him. He already killed her mom.

When she finds this out, Cain’s already dead. I didn't understand why she’s put it in there.

It's more of Damien's reasoning. Christy who is the teacher had a friendship with him and in a way loved her. He had enough power and reasoning to know that Cain killed her. He wanted Cain to atone for that. He was mad that Cain left him and mad that Cain blackmailed him. He was mad that Cain killed Christy because he didn't think Christy deserved it.

Why does she have to be the mother?

He finds out that Cain is taking care of Christy's daughter. For him, that's the final straw. He says, “I started watching you when they got married.” I was like, “He shouldn't be allowed to taint you.” I don't think it's necessary. I agree with you. He could have been like, “Now is the time to strike. Who fucking cares? She's eighteen. I can use her as my pawn.” That's the reasoning.

It seems a little fucked up because he has this love for Christy but he fucks over her daughter in the process of the revenge and everything else.

He uses her as a pawn.

It was a strange bit of information.

I don't think it was necessary.

I was like, “Ashley Jade, we're doing good.”

There are one too many twists. I was fine with the twist that he killed Christy and killed the husband. I liked that twist. I felt like that could have been the final twist.

That should have been the last twist.

That's why he used the piranhas, to force him. It’s like, “I already knew that you killed your family. I already knew that you killed her mom but I want you to tell her so she knows. I want you to finally admit to me that you killed Christy. I know it was you.” The piranhas are about to eat his dick so he's like, “It was me.”

The Devil's Advocate: All the scenes were so hot. Even the scenes where there was no sex.

That last twist was like a story that's “And then?” You’re like, “Too many of and then.”

I still think book 2 is better than book 1.

I do too. I wish book 2 was tighter like book 1.

We could have lost twenty pages easily. There’s a lot of stuff that happened in book 2. There were a lot of different scenes. There were a lot of different events. They went to the funeral. They went to the gravesite. They went to that dinner. They were at the masquerade ball. They were at some other charity thing where they met in the bath. She and Cain had that rendezvous in the bathroom. They were at his house for a few different nights and times. There were a lot of different things that happened. A few of them had fairly repetitive themes about what was going on in those separate events.

I feel like we got the point. There would be a scene that was trying to make a point but we'd already gotten that point earlier. I agree, we could have lost at least twenty pages. That was my only wish for the second book. The second book was better than book 1 and it needed to be tighter. I always say that good sex in the books can carry it. It can change my star rating. I'm like, “The plot, whatever, but the sex.” This is one of those books where I was like, “Five-star sex first.”

Shani hit me with them peach booties. What have you got?

For my heroine rating, she got three stars for me. At the beginning of the book, she annoyed me. I was like, “What are we going to do here? What's happening here?” I felt like it was going to go down the road of all these other dark romances where the girl is always whiny and antsy. She gained stars for me at the end when she was like, “Fuck Cain. He's in on it. I'm going to double-cross him and then I'm going to slit his throat.” I was like, “You gain back the stars that you lost.” For me, she was a solid three stars. In all honesty, she was the least interesting character for me in the books whatsoever.

It’s hard for her not to be the least interesting character because you get so much backstory from the other two. Also, they're significantly older.

They're also fighting each other. There’s more action between them.

She’s been locked in her house. When we start the book, she's cloistered and doesn't know anything about the world. She’s obsessed with her stepdaddy and that's it. Slowly, she blossoms. I always like a character who steps into that power and takes it. I liked that as she stopped taking all those meds and stop being brainwashed, that she started to fuck some other people up with her words and actions and stuff like that, which I like. This might be more related to Damien's score but I like in dark romance and in general when a character is supposed to be bad and they're willing to do bad things.

In a lot of these books, there are bad guys with hearts of gold and then they're not willing to jeopardize the woman. I liked that in this one he's like, “I need you to go. I need you to seduce him and find out what's going on. I need you to do this. Use your body if you have to.” She's like, “That's fucked up but okay.” I like that when he starts to fall in love with her later, especially after Cain fingers her in the bathroom and hurts her and doesn't care because he's mad that she had sex with Damien. She said something like, “I'm sorry. Were you finger-banged to pain and had to kiss the guy and keep a straight face? I don't feel bad for you.” He's like, “Did he do that?” He's like, “I don't know if I want you to be alone with him anymore.” She's like, “It's not your decision. I'm going to do whatever I want and what I have to.” I was like, “I like that.”

At that point, I remember that she was like, “This is your plan over here. This is my plan over here. I got finger-banged so I'm going to do what I want to do.”

It’s like, “Your plan sucks and I'm going to fix all this.” I like that. I gave her four stars because I thought she had a good evolution as a character. I like that she owned her sexuality and was asking for what she wanted. She was wanting to try different things and was like, “I’ll invite him back in. I'm going to ride you while this lady watches me. I'm going to use my sexuality to wound Cain in public.” I liked it. I didn't give her five stars because she's not my favorite character of all time, but I liked her.

She grew throughout the book.

I liked her. I gave her four. She’s a solid character.

It's funny that you said cloister in the beginning because that's how I feel about the cover. On the cover, I'm like, “This is a porn star on this cover.”

That's her at the end of the book. That’s her at the end once she's got the make-over, some nice clothes, lingerie, and she knows how to ride that D. She learns how to wield her sexuality like a weapon.

What did you think of Damien?

Damien, I gave four stars because that man can fuck a banshee. He was a dark romance hero. He did have a little bit of a heart of gold for her. Jeffrey was his friend. Also, he did not give a fuck and was willing to go to real depths to fuck Cain over, which I enjoyed. I did give him an entire star off because he tried to send her away and that's a pussy as bitch move. I don't like when they try to send her away. I was like, “You bitch.” I was like, “You’re losing a whole star, Damien.”

We're in complete ditto with that one. I gave Damien four stars for the same reason. I liked that he was into the fuckery. I enjoyed that about him. He was like, “That's not me. I'm about to do some fucked up shit right now.” He lost a whole star when he tried to do that whole magnanimous, “I'm sending you away.”

What did you give Cain?

I gave Cain three stars because I hated and loved Cain. I was torn. Do you know when you don’t know how to feel? For Cain, I did not know what to feel so I gave him a three.

He’s a one-star human being because he's a piece of shit, a sadist murderer. Also, as a character in a book, I thought he was good.

She wrote a narcissist solidly.

He has this selfishness about her pleasure and selfishness about everything. I thought she did a good job of him unraveling. I wanted to give him one star because he's a bad person. I agree with you. He was a pretty solid psycho.

You were asking before, “Are we even rating him?” He was presented like he was going to be the hero of the book so I felt like I needed to rate him. Also, the dynamics of the character. He did what he was supposed to do as a character. The mechanics of his character worked.

He even stooped to no bounds. They're about to go into the debate for mayor and he whips out Damien's dick and crawls over to him like, “I'll beg. I’ll suck your dick.” I was like, “You have no pride.”

Also, “Can I watch you suck his dick?”

Damien throws him on the floor and is like, “I wanted to see if you’ll do it.”

This book was twisted and I was here for it.

My classy to nasty rating was, “There’s some kinky shit in this book.” That’s all I wrote. I said, “Damien was McSteamy for sure.” Nobody was a McDreamy in this book.

I said, “Damien was a McLean into the fuckery.” He was about it. When people say, “Are you about the game? I was like, “Damien was about the game.” What I liked about this book is also that the girl was not the center of the story. In every book we read, the girls are always the center of the story. This one was about their revenge. The revenge between them was the fight and they were willing to do whatever. She was a side pawn in this. The book is about their revenge. By any means necessary, they were willing to get it. The things that they do to fuck each other over between fucking the chief of police to getting a guy to commit suicide so that he can take his place in the election. They were willing to do whatever and I loved it.

I also like that she wasn't in their plan and then she ended up being the one who “wins.” They didn't think she was even a player. She ends up being the one who kills Cain and is like, “Damien, you're going to marry me because you love me. Suck that up.”

“Also, I got you out of jail, motherfucker.”

Bribery, corruption, and blackmail. You're welcome.

I’m caring for the culture.

I agree with you. It's Damien v Cain, and Eden is a casualty. Eden's like, “No. I know how to play this game.” She ends up being a victor, which I liked.

I did like that she was the one who killed him in the end. I understand the dynamics of what you're talking about in terms of she took him out of Damien's house so he wouldn't be in trouble. At the end of the day, I am a girl and I'm not strong.

Are you saying that it’s stupid that she went somewhere alone with him?

Yes.

She could have stabbed him in the heart right then.

Nowhere in this book do they say she does Krav Maga. She's fairly petite. Even if she planned on killing him, I still think it was dumb because he could have easily bopped her one in the face.

He wouldn’t because she had convinced him, Shani.

I know she convinced him, Bridget.

He was pussymatized. He also thought she was dumb. I agree with you, it's a terrible idea. If you guys are ever in this situation, please don't take them to a second location. Kill them while they’re handcuffed. She knew that he didn't see an equal. He thought Damien was manipulating her the whole time. He didn't think that she was coming up with any of the plans. He still thinks of her as this deranged, little agoraphobic who's obsessed with him. He's narcissistic and that he's convinced her that Damien is not the one. She lets him go. He's like, “I finally get to fuck her.” He hasn't fucked her yet and he's been waiting for years to do that. He pees on her and he's like, “For sure, she's mine.” Damien is in his own arousal in mind and he's out of it. Also, she brought a knife. She didn’t go there and think she's going to overpower him. She went there and slit that man’s throat. She didn't try to like, “Let me try and stab you and figure it out.” She went straight to the jugular and let's chop that shit up. I agree, don't ever do this in real life. It’s a horrible plan.

Especially with a knife. You don't bring a knife to a gunfight.

He didn’t have a gun.

No. She needed a gun to take him to a second location.

The Devil's Advocate: Even though they kept having sex throughout the book, every time there was something different.

A gun would be harder to use though in some ways.

A knife slitting someone's throat, that's personal as shit, Bridget.

It's going to be personal because you know he wants to fuck you. She knows she's going to have to get close to him and let him do some shit so that she can get close enough. I’m saying that you're more likely to hurt yourself with a gun if you don't know what you're doing than with a knife. Everyone knows how to jab somebody. A gun, the safety is on, you don’t know what to do. You're nervous that it's going to backfire or miss him.

If I’m taking someone to a second location, I'm going to have a gun.

I'm going to have a fucking assault rifle.

She should have stabbed him and then cut his dick off before he was dead and put it in his mouth. That would have sealed the deal. That was a badass seal the deal for me right there. I would have been like, “You’re ready for Damien. You two are psychopaths.”

Did you like the ending epilogue scene? She's wearing headphones in her bikini and he comes up behind her. She's like, “My husband's going to be mad.” He's like, “Your husband's not going to know.” She’s like, “He's coming.” I was like, “Shani’s going to like this role play.”

I do love role play. It's funny because many dudes won’t role play with you. I don't know what it's like on the other end of the spectrum because I never did anything with a girl. Girls, I feel like we're more playful in nature. Even with my sisters, we play.

Visually, they're getting off. For us, what's going on in your mind is important, not just physical and visual, which they're more physical and visual.

If you're only taking care of that physical-visual, there's a 50% chance you're missing in the play of it all. I'm always like, “I love to fuck and play.”

I'm going to have a walk-in closet at my next house, Shani. If you didn't already know this, we're moving to the Midwest. We live in a small 1,400 square foot house in LA that has no closets anywhere and no storage space. We were looking at houses and it's crazy how many closets are in these houses in the Midwest. We're going to have a huge closet. We don’t even have that much stuff. I'm going to get some costumes. I could put some black drawers in the back of this closet and see what's going on back here. I don't know. Maybe I need to have a little lingerie section. I don't wear lingerie but I will for the right event.

That’s what I was thinking when you're talking about he's a fucking narcissist. She would never see it. I have to agree with you. I have this friend who’s 100% narcissist, textbook 100,000%. He likes to tell me how his wife left him. He makes it seem like he is the victim. In this story he's like, “She got up and she left.” What he always fails to say in the story is that he was carrying on an affair and not coming home for months and months. The said mistress shows up to his door and knocks on his door. His wife opens the door and his daughter is there. After this, they were fighting and he's like, “She doesn't want to fight for our marriage.”

What marriage? You had another whole life.

He says to me, “I saw her again. I understand and remember why I broke up with her.” I'm like, “What history?”

People love revision. First of all, everyone makes up a story about every single event that's happening all the time. We're always making up stuff in our heads about whatever. It’s like, “That person's into it. Their tone.” They could be having a bad day. It’s not even related to you. They don't even notice. I understand having shades that are different. I will remember something from my childhood and my sister will be like, “That's not what I remember.” Our accountings are pretty close. It has different shades of like, “You were mad at me.” She's like, “No, I wasn't mad.” For the most part, the facts of “I kicked you and you kicked me” are in the same order. I talk to people and I'm like, “None of that happened. You made all that up.” My friends always tease me for embellishing. They’re like, “You embellish every story.” I tell a story and every time I tell it, it gets a little bit better and a little sweeter. The fundamental facts, I don't alter. I alter the color of what the fact means or how they made me feel. I don't alter A, B, C, D, E. I'm like, “A, B, C, D, E, F, G.” I alter the fun.

You do something that I do too. I'll remember a story and won’t remember the facts that lead to the said story. I'll make up the information that doesn't matter, the ramp to the thing. I won’t remember if it was a Sunday or Tuesday. I won’t remember if it's raining. You get people to the meat that you need them to get to. You're like, “Generally, it was something like this.”

When you meet someone, they're stuck on their own. You're like, “You need to see a therapist because that's not what happened. Maybe you should have a film crew follow you around because you don't even know what shit you’re spouting. You don't even know what you're doing. You don’t even know what actions you’re taking.” What woman wouldn't leave a husband who had his whole ass separate life with this other woman and didn't come home for months? She has a child and you're not there to help her take care of that child. Why is she going to fight for that marriage? That’s not a marriage. You fucked that all up. That’s on you. She didn’t do it. She's at home.

When he said, “She wouldn't fight for our marriage,” I was like, “You are a dumbass white dude.” I looked at him dead in the eye and I was like, “You are delusional” When we talked about Cain I'm like, “100%, I see it.” He's like, “I got her now. She believed my lies.”

Not to mention that he got away with four murders as an eighteen-year-old and no consequences, and then he murdered someone a couple of years ago and no consequences.

It makes sense because he's like, “She ate the lies I told her. She believes it. I’m in.” It would make sense that he have such a big ego that he doesn't even see it coming.

When he peed on her, I was like, “She better kills this motherfucker.” I don’t agree with pee. I was like, “No to that golden shower.” It shouldn’t even have a name. It’s pee. It's not a golden shower. It’s pee. It’s urine. I’m not going to shame anyone. If it turns you on and consensual, you do what you. However, I will say that don't do it on your carpet. Do it in a bathroom where you can immediately wash it off. You know I’m right, Shani. It will stain your carpet. Don't do it on your carpet.

I’m a germ freak.

If they ask, I would say no. If they peed on me, I'd be like, “Let me punch you in the dick.” In my historical sexual encounters, if someone had peed on me, first of all, I would have been grossed out. I probably would have vomited on them. I would have been shocked. I don't even know if I would have been mad. I’d be like, “What do you think is happening here?” At what point did you think she probably wants to be peed on? Let me tell you a story about how you need to ask somebody.

First of all, ask somebody. That's a prenegotiation. That’s not in the moment. We’re all in our right minds.

Let me write this on paper and get some sign. For me, it's a hard pass. I would rather someone cut me while we’re having sex than pee on me. I'm not exaggerating. I also don't want to be cut. I’ve never had that happen but I don’t think so.

Especially when I was younger, I was like, “I’d rather fuck somebody than blow them.”

It’s much less intimate. Whenever I see things where they coerce someone into giving them a blowjob, I'm like, “I'd rather sit on their dick real quick. I would never want to give them a blowjob to get something.”

I need the distance.

I don't want to feel gross.

I was talking to somebody and telling them that a lot of the furniture that I got was given to us. The first thing I did was get freaking furniture. Bridget gave me a shit ton of furniture. The couches we got, first of all, came from a dude's apartment, so 100% they were getting clean. I cleaned everything. If my partner and I play on those couches, because those are our guest couches, I put down blankets. I cover the couch entirely before I will play on anything that is something where any guest in my home will sit on that thing. I always go to people's houses and I see what is clearly a cum stain. I'd be like, "That's a cum stain next to me.”

Really?

All the time, people without children.

Anytime I've ever had something where I'm like, “Shit, one of us got cum on this couch,” I just wash the couch. Even for myself, I don’t want to sit on my own cum later that's dried. First of all, the couch is going to smell like sex forever.

I feel like cum has a distinct smell.

Having small children, you don't get to play in all the rooms that you would like to play in. At night, after they go to bed, I could but then I have to clean it.

If you go to a couple’s house and you’ll be seeing stuff, you're like, “I know you fucked right here. I'm sitting on it. You didn't clean it and you let me sit here.” That's inconsiderate. I have two rules. My guests need a clean place to pee and a clean place to sit. That's it. That's all you're going to get. Everything else is a mess but those two things have to happen.

I’m shocked that you've been to someone’s house and see cum stains.

Many times.

I've never seen that. Maybe I'm not observant.

Do you ever want to fool around with a dude and you go to their house or their dorm, and you see their sheets and you're like, “That's a cum stain.”

First of all, I'm not observant. Also, my college boyfriend, we only had sex once. Before he and I had never had sex. I don't think he had sex at his house when he had sex with someone.

Maybe it’s masturbation stains.

I don't remember seeing any stains. Also, I was in Minnesota and we had a lot of blankets. I wonder if there are stains underneath the sheets or something like that.

He could’ve been a shower masturbater. I know some guys that are only masturbating in the shower. I don't know why that's the place to be.

I don’t know if I ever asked him where his preferred masturbation session was. Once he started dating me, I don’t think he was masturbating because we were fucking all the time. We were fucking multiple times every day.

My first boyfriend, we were fucking all damn day. I was like, “Go to class and come back to fuck.”

Every time we saw each other, if we’re more than one minute with no one in the room, somebody’s finger or dick or something was in somebody.

I don’t even know what that fuck I was doing at that point but I was doing stuff.

It didn’t matter. My roommate was like, “I'm going to go downstairs to go grab a coffee.” We're like, “Okay. Lock the door and fuck me real quick. We got five minutes. Hop on in. Get on in.” I miss the fervor. It’s great. It’s a wonderful time in my life.

He’s a good first boyfriend.

He was a wonderful first boyfriend. I hit the jackpot. He was great. He was the best. He loved me without condition and vice versa. We fit together like cookies and milk. He visited me once for a four-day weekend in Chicago. We lived in different states for the summer that we were dating. We had sex sixteen times within four days. I know because we had a box of condoms. I know how many we did. On the last day, I was sore. I was like, “You got to use a lube.” He's like, “Really?” We had never used lube before. I was like, “Honestly, I want to have sex with you. We should do it but I'm sore.” The only lube we had was a free lube you get at college. It was strawberry flavored. We were both fucking dying laughing the whole time. The whole room smelled like strawberry lube.

I remember those little squeezy packet things. I had a good first boyfriend. It ended poorly. We were both super naive and dumb, which is great. He came from a religious family and I came from a religious family. We were exploring together even though he was Muslim. When you come from a religious family, it doesn't matter what the religion is, you still get the same traumas and the same mindset and the same whatever. He wasn't a racist person. He came from a small village. He didn't have a frame of reference for a lot of different races. He had this mentor who was Indian and who kept telling him that it would not have been okay for him to date me. He would say that in front of me to my partner.

It got to the point where my partner started repeating those things. That was the point where I had to be like, “That was fun while it lasted.” I broke up with him. He was not happy that I broke up with him but I was like, “I can't do that.” It was interesting. In the beginning, it was classically like the first love type of fun dumbshit. We used to watch so much Bollywood. Our relationship was fucking, hanging out, going to canoe and stuff, and then watch Bollywood. That was what we did. That fervor.

You can’t get that back. We had school responsibilities and stuff. There’s no real responsibility. You're twenty years old. You got all this energy. You stay up all night long fucking. You’ll be like, “I have an 8:00 AM class.” If someone told me, “I have an 8:00 AM class,” I'd be like, “Good for you. Please don't talk to me. I don't have an 8:00 AM class.” I'd be like, “Wake me up at 7:30. Let’s fuck before school.”

Let me tell you about a fail. I feel like you're the only person who will appreciate this. I was talking to my partner. Even though we consider ourselves in a kink dynamic, we don't have any protocols or things like that. Since I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety, I was like, “I would like to have some protocols, something that we do every day that we're beholden to.” I gave him examples of the things I would like. He picked none of the examples of the things I would like. He said, “We're going to have 9:00 AM tea time every morning. We’re going to wake up at 9:00 AM and we're going to have tea, sit together, and enjoy 30 minutes of whatever.” I was like, “That's not one of the things that I offered. 9:00 is a time in which I'm not awake.”

“What you're saying sounds terrible. I don't want to do that.”

He's like, “Maybe this will add some structure.” I was like, “I’m not a morning person. I'm not going to become a morning person. I'm going to give it a fighting chance.” I've been waking up at 8:55, throwing on my robe and making it down to the table. He has to sit there and have tea with me with one eye open and looking like a grumbling grouch. He's talking to me and I’m like, “What?”

What's your name? Who are you? How did we get here?

He’s like, “You're not feeling this as much.” I was like, “I love to the tea time.”

Why don’t we have a 10:30 tea time? You can work for a few hours and then we can have a break, snack time, tea time.

I don’t want to have evening tea time. After dinner or before bed we’ll have tea that we enjoy. I was like, “I gave you many options.” I used to tell Bridget that I'd be here in the morning and show up at 11:30.

That's generous to yourself. Some days you'd be here at 11:30. Most likely you’re here at 12:30.

She was like, “I'll see you in the morning.” I was like, “11:30.”

It’s a Sunday morning, Shani. That’s midday.

Needless to say, it's not working.

When I move to the Midwest, I'll be on Central Time which is later. It’s slightly convenient when you’re in a later timezone because by the time you are ready to work at 3:00 or 2:00, I was like, “This is perfect. It’s the middle of my day. We can work for a few hours.” I'm going to be here at 8:00 AM and I'm like, “Shani is not going to be ready that time.”

I'm going to try.

If we wanted to record at 8:00 PM Central, you could do that.

I decided to try to give this tea time one last fighting chance. This is what I'm going to do. He sometimes goes to work. Sometimes he works from home. He can but he has the first meeting at 9:30. It's pretty much that before for his day. What I'm going to try to do is attempt to be in bed every night by around 10:00. I have to be asleep. If I sleep before midnight, I can get up at 8:00 AM, no problem. Generally, I'm a night owl so I don't go to bed until 2:00 AM and 3:00 in the morning, which is not conducive for waking up at 8:15. I'm going to attempt to go to bed early. He has to go to bed early anyway so I'm going to go to bed with him and see if I can naturally wake up sprightly and ready for the day fresh as a daisy by 9:00 AM, which would be helpful for us.

It would be great. You should try it. I have had a ton of things to do between Romance at a Glance and consulting and getting my house ready. I was up until 2:00 AM or 3:00 AM multiple nights. On one of the nights, I was reading. The other nights, I was working on shit, Shani. Leo is like, “Are you coming to bed?” I was like, “No, I am not. I am on my computer still and I have shit to do.” I could do it if I could wake up later. My kids still come in and wake me up at 7:00. It's not pleasant to go to bed at 2:00 when you have to wake up at 7:00. I'm like, “Who am I? Who are you? Get out. Go watch PAW Patrol. You know how to turn on the TV.”

I feel like I would stare at my kid dead in the eye and be like, “I will murder you. I brought you into this world. I will take you out of this world.”

When Kira asks me for something and I'm like, “You need to stop moving right now.” Let’s talk about our ratings. What is your star rating for this book?

I was on the fence but I decided that because this book gifted me so much goodness in my vagina, I’m going to give it four stars.

Me too. I gave it four stars. I thought this book was better than the first one, which was a 3 to 4 star. This book was more of a four leaning towards five. It’s 4 or 4.5 stars if I had to qualify them but I don't think it was quite at five stars, which is why I gave it four stars. I highly recommend it.

Also, we get a small commish that you don't get to pay for. They give it to us. That helps us run this show. I agree with you on the rating. The first one is 3 to 4 stars. The second one is between 4 and 5 stars. I didn't give it five stars because of the tightness of the book and for the inconsistencies that I felt in the POV of what was going on. This book put some band-aids on some things. You can let some things go when you're like, “Suck on her titties now.” It’s like, “What was I mad at?” I was excited about this book. This is going in my spank bank. If I got five minutes and I need something that's going to do it for me quick, spank bank.

There you have it. Until then, may your books be your lover.

Your hand your best friend.

See you next time.

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Welcome to Romance at a Glance, a podcast that uses romance novels to dive into candid conversations about life, relationship dynamics, and sexual desires. 

As hosts Bridget and Shani review books and interview some of romance’s biggest authors, they explore the breadth of the genre, openly embracing the sex, diverse couplings, and taboo in order to create a safe space for listeners to be exposed to different lifestyles, fantasies, and to pique their naughty curiosity.

Expect 100% honest reviews, spontaneous singing, life lessons, indecent anecdotes, and bawdy humor.

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May your books be your lover and your hand your best friend