The Child that Cries Wolf - How to parent children that excessively complain. Ep 283

Background - Philippians 2:14-15 Do All things without complaining and disrupting that you may become blameless and harmless children of God. 

Let’s just start with an example: Your child is quick to tell you about every time they have an ache or pain.  When they are telling you about the ache it is often with such emotion that you wonder how they are even living through it.  Then, five minutes later, you hear laughing and playing outside and you look only to see that same child playing with their friends outside with what seems like a pain-free time. 

“When should I take my child seriously and when should I go tone deaf or even dismissive of their complaints.  

By the way, some modern day counselors will tell you that you should never dismiss your child’s complaints, rather, you should validate their complaints.  The proof is out on this one.  No, sometimes our kids need to know that irrational complaints need to be shut down sooner rather than later. Remember, it’s okay to say “NO” to your kids.  Someday they will thank you. 

First off, our topic today is not just limited to our kids.  This idea of how to deal with complainers in a respectful way is common in so many places, work, school, church, etc.  We want to tackle this topic today as it primarily relates to the home because this is the first training site to helping our kids recognize and deal more appropriately with their compiants. Chronic complainers that we run into in life are people that have typically practiced this act for a long time and somehow seem to believe they were successful with the strategy. Advice - 

As we talk about how to deal with the complaints of our children, we want to first lay out a few disclaimers and understandings. 

You must handle their complaints appropriately for the Season they are in.  Remember the seasons. Service 0 - 2ish yrsLeadership 3-13 yrsMentoring 13-18/21 yrsFriend and Counsel  21+   EmancipationIf you have a child in the first season, SERVICE - 0-2 years of age.  You never dismiss their cries.  In the second season - Leadership, 3-13, this is where the training takes place to help your kids learn the language of how to express what the emotions are behind the complaint.  Early in this season, you can help them by teaching them the actual words of the emotion.  “Are you feeling angry, sad, tired, etc…. DO NOT GET INTO THE HABIT OF BEING THE RESCUE PARENT - THEY ARE NO LONGER IN SEASON 1. Begin to teach your child how to problem solve by teaching them how to ask better questions. “What can I do about my complaint?”Later in Season 2 about ages 8-13, if you’re child leans towards the chronic complainer side, teach them PERSPECTIVE.    This is where they can begin to look at life through other people’s eyes. It is also an initial learning of EMPATHY for others.  What if your child cries “Wolf” a lot?  This is where we explain to them that we must CHECK AND VERIFY.  

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