Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.
200 episodes - English - Latest episode: 7 days ago -It can be really hard to fix a marriage when you feel broken inside. It can be a challenge to try to meet your spouse's needs when your own are not being met or even fully understood. If you grew up religious or with high moral standards, this can add even more stress to the equation. This is a podcast that talks about the many challenges in marriage, and yes, even intimacy, and how they are effecting you on a personal level. Each week we take a deep dive into what is keeping your foot on the brakes when it comes to your arousal levels and what drives you to step on the accelerator. As your certified Life Coach, we will explore many fascinating topics, such as the different styles of arousal, the many types of intimacy, how blame effects our mood, the reasons we engage in these recreational shenanigans in the first place, and how life coaching skills get us through it all.
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Episodes
Less Rhetoric, More Sex
April 15, 2024 21:00 - 1 hour - 43.2 MBBook your FREE Discover Session today at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com Have you ever wondered what approach a husband takes when he is feeling in the mood for sex? Often, there is no strategic approach at all. And even more often, the approaches they do try often fall short. Listen in on today's episode where we look closer at a not-so-obvious trap about rhetoric that seems to be at the root of the many faulty approaches and quick fix attempts. Discover 3 tips for having a better dis...
Total Eclipse of the Intimate Heart
April 08, 2024 18:00 - 29 minutes - 20.4 MBHave you ever considered that there could be some awesome intimacy insights that could be gained during this unique time of the solar eclipse? If you haven't, maybe this could be your invitation to do just that. Listen in as we discuss some of the obvious occurrences that happen in nature during an eclipse and how it can relate to intimacy. During this time of transformation, when the sun is obscured by the moon, can act as a signal for our own internal transformation... as we allow the s...
Intimacy's Exciting Easter egg hunt
April 01, 2024 18:00 - 24 minutes - 17.1 MBDo you want to try something fun with intimacy this week? Then this is the episode for you. And while many women end up on the short end of the stick when it comes to how much pleasure they are experiencing with intimacy, there is so much potential that has yet to be discovered. Listen in on today's episode where we explore the ratio of potential pleasure that is possible for couples and how to advocate for it. With the fun and adventure of searching for Easter eggs as a guide, you can c...
When Sex and Fun are NOT in the Same Sentence
March 25, 2024 20:00 - 25 minutes - 17.3 MBDid you know that there are a lot of married women who don't put the words sex and fun in the same sentence? If you are a married woman reading this, it might seem like common knowledge. But a married man reading this might be feeling like a freight train just hit him. He may even wonder, how can sex NOT be fun? In today's episode, we take a closer look at this concept and the meta-message that takes root when a spouse thinks that sex is not fun. While it may seem like an impossible ta...
The Fastest Formula to Female Arousal
March 17, 2024 22:00 - 20 minutes - 14.4 MBHave you ever felt like, just when things were going well and headed towards a romantic night of intimacy, things got sabotaged? I'm guessing it's happened to most of us, even if we didn't mean for it to happen... and the sexiness gets derailed. And sometimes, we can even get off track for days, or even weeks, at a time when this takes place. But what would happen if the next time, we were able to get back on track much faster? That would be amazing. Listen in on today's episode where ...
Spicing Up Your Boring Sex Salad
March 12, 2024 00:00 - 21 minutes - 14.9 MBHave you ever had some deep introspective thoughts about sex and intimacy while you were eating a salad? If not, you are not alone. I hadn't either, until recently. As I looked down at all of the ingredients in my salad, the cucumbers really caught my attention. Why? I realized that I normally don't like cucumbers on their own. I find them boring. I don't crave them and I'm never upset when I don't have them around. But when they are mixed in with the other ingredients, I absolutely...
Intimacy Entropy
March 04, 2024 02:00 - 26 minutes - 18.3 MBHave you ever heard the word entropy before? Have you ever applied the concept to the intimacy in your marriage? While most of us probably have a general idea of what entropy is, we may never have thought of it when it comes to sex with our spouse. On today's episode, we dive into this topic just a little bit deeper to see how entropy will take its toll on our relationship if we don't make a decision to do something about it on purpose. If you have ever thought, "I haven't really done ...
5 Fears That Prevent Intimacy Progress
February 26, 2024 22:00 - 33 minutes - 22.7 MBHave you ever wanted to seek help to improve intimacy, only to be held back by some fears? This is very common, and is sadly that thing that keeps us stuck and keeps us from feeling closer to our spouse faster. Listen in on today's episode where we dive into the top 5 fears that prevent improvement in the challenging topic of intimacy. These are the fears that my clients wish they would have addressed sooner... before things got so bad that they were just feeling desperate and even consid...
Best... Sex... Ever!!!
February 19, 2024 23:00 - 55 minutes - 38.3 MBHave you ever wondered what contributes to having the best sex ever? While we might think it comes when we fulfill a checklist of sorts, it might come as a surprise that it can happen under even the most challenging and unexpected circumstances. Listen in as we take a closer look at some of the surprising elements that led to such an experience. It was not planned in advance and it did not involve any elaborate or large romantic gestures. But it did come through the process of two adults...
Vanquishing Valentine's Day Sabotagers
February 12, 2024 23:00 - 31 minutes - 21.4 MBDo you know what the most researched topic is when it comes to Valentine's Day? It might not be what you think it is. With all that is going on in the world today, people seem to be wanting to get back to their roots, and are wondering what love really is. Listen in as we remind ourselves with love really is, the things that might sabotage it during Valentine's Day, and what we can do to feel the love even more. Don't limit love, but instead, put more into your week on purpose with the f...
The Sultry Sexiness of Stopping to Smell the Roses
February 05, 2024 23:00 - 28 minutes - 19.3 MBHave you ever felt like you were longing for a little bit more from you intimate experience? If so, you are not alone. In a world of instant gratification, it should come as no surprise when we sometimes feel like something is lacking that may require just a little more of our time. Listen in on today's episode where we explore how sexy it is to slow the intimate experience down, include the senses, and involve the brain as well as the body. Heightening the journey to pleasure can be a t...
Sexy Wins for National Spouse's Day
January 29, 2024 23:00 - 26 minutes - 18.1 MBDid you know that there is a National Spouse's Day? Don't worry, I didn't know either, until very recently. But how cool is that? This is not the same as Valentine's Day. Since most people don't even know about it, there aren't any expectations to plan elaborate romantic dates or buy expensive gifts. It's just a day to celebrate your spouse. You can choose to celebrate any amazing aspect about them. We get to tap into our creativity and celebrate any way we want. Listen in on today's...
Lacking Pleasure, Lacking Desire
January 23, 2024 02:00 - 34 minutes - 23.6 MBHave you ever wondered why so many wives don't seem to have as strong of a desire for sex as their husband? While a huge difference in their natural and normal hormone levels does exist, there is often a different kind of connection that is missing. It's interesting to note that while husbands and wives are pretty much having the same amount of sex with each other, the husbands are experiencing much more pleasure than their wife... leading them to want to have more of it. Sadly, their wi...
Ignored or Ignited
January 16, 2024 04:00 - 22 minutes - 15.7 MBHave you ever felt like certain parts of you were being ignored by your spouse while other parts were getting all the attention? It's fairly common to have thoughts like this from time to time and it can easily lead to us feeling a bit down in the dumps. Listen in as we dive just a little bit deeper into what it actually means to be ignored and what we can do when we feel we need more attention than we're getting. The options available to us on how we can respond are pretty simple and eas...
Feeling Used
January 08, 2024 19:00 - 24 minutes - 17.1 MBHave you ever found yourself feeling used by your spouse? It's not a fun feeling. For a lot of women, they often feel like they are being used by their husband for sex. And for many husbands, they feel like they are being used for their money. But what if that is not actually the case? Sadly, we can easily think these kinds of negative thoughts and make assumptions and interpretations about our spouse that just aren't true. This just leaves us feeling miserable. Listen in on today's...
The Fun of a Dream Driven Marriage for 2024
January 02, 2024 04:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MBHave you ever held back your dreaming when it comes to your marriage or intimacy? Sometimes, we do this is as a way to protect ourselves... hoping to avoid getting hurt, just in case they don't come true. And then sadly, over time, we often stop dreaming all together. And when we stop dreaming, it can become harder to take positive steps to improve things. We can then lose the joy that we once experienced in our relationship. Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at w...
Holiday Mishaps and The 3 Stages of Marriage
December 27, 2023 01:00 - 48 minutes - 33.3 MBDid you know that there are three stages of marriage? While many people have heard about the love languages or the seasons of marriage, we may not be as familiar with the stages of marriage. Not to worry. Listen in on today's episode where we will define and explore these three stages. There are some simple signs that will help us learn if we are feeling stuck in one of the stages and are operating from a place of resentment and resignation. Learn the signs and what to do when you feel ...
Pumped, Primed, and Ready For Action
December 18, 2023 22:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MBHave you ever felt like something was missing from your intimate experience? If so, you are not alone. This happens to most couples from time to time and is totally normal. Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at the reproductive systems of men and women, where they line up (or should we say where they don't line up), and why its easier for men the be pumped and primed and ready for action. Discover why things are bit more challenging for women when it comes to arousa...
Where to Start with Intimacy Issues
December 11, 2023 18:00 - 24 minutes - 17 MBHave you ever felt overwhelmed or weighed down by the challenges you are facing with intimacy? Maybe, as you start to think about the lack of interest in sex or the lack of initiating it, you realize that it leads to thinking about how unfair things seem to be, which leads to thinking about another negative aspect of the intimate experience. And before long, it all seems too big and too complicated to solve. If you have ever felt this way, you are not alone. Its actually quite common and...
When Intimacy and Priorities Don't Line Up
December 04, 2023 21:00 - 31 minutes - 21.6 MBHas it ever seemed like you had one set of priorities and your spouse had a different set? This may manifest itself in the shenanigans that are, or aren't, taking place in the marriage bed arena. While most of the women I work with don't have a priority to dive deeper into intimacy, that is often the very thing that is needed. But this will look differently than they think. It will NOT strictly be from an "increase the frequency" of sex approach, but from from an approach of increasing...
Believing Sex Isn't Spiritual
November 27, 2023 23:00 - 27 minutes - 18.7 MBWhen was the last time you had a negative thought about your married sex life? Maybe it was last night. Or maybe it was this morning. Maybe you have had negative thoughts about it for quite some time. The thoughts we have about sex impacts our experience of it. And when we have a negative thought about it that is in conflict with our spiritual beliefs, we will start to experience cognitive dissonance, and even spiritual dissonance. Listen in as we discuss how these negative thoughts mi...
New, Fun, and Sexy Celebrations
November 20, 2023 21:00 - 25 minutes - 17.6 MBDo couples realize that duty-driven sex doesn't usually activate the pleasure part of the brain? If this style of sex is mainly what is taking place, it should come as no surprise that there might be little desire to return for more. But what would happen if we took a more fun and playful approach to the experience? What if we were to have sex that included a funny element to it? Then couples would laugh and smile together... which are some of the very components that can help a couple f...
How to Handle Communication Frustration
November 13, 2023 19:00 - 29 minutes - 20.2 MBHave you ever felt frustrated with the communication in your marriage? It could easily be that the both of you are really trying to talk about things as mature adults, and yet for some reason, it just doesn't seem to help as much as you were hoping. Let's be real. This happens to all of us. That's because everyone is operating on their own style of communication and under assumptions of what they consider to be "effective." But that leaves everyone using very different approaches, most...
Ignoring the Sexual Side of Yourself Increases Resentment
November 07, 2023 00:00 - 23 minutes - 16.2 MBHave you ever considered how ignoring the sexual side of yourself could be effective your marriage? Whether we realize it or not, continuing to ignore this topic will only make things worse over time, impacting multiple areas of our lives, not just the sexual aspect of our relationship. But what does it mean to ignore it? Listen in as we take a closer look at what is really happening when we ignore developing our sexual side in a way that it authentic and still aligned with our values and...
Sex A.D.D.
October 30, 2023 21:00 - 22 minutes - 15.2 MBHave you ever heard of Sex A.D.D.? Is that even a real thing? While it may not be an official entry in the big official Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, many women experience something that is very similar. This can show up in the form of being distracted during sex. Maybe in the middle of your sexual shenanigans you start thinking about your to-do list, or how cute those holiday pillows were that you saw at Hobby Lobby the other day, or maybe you start thinking abo...
Complaints About Your Sex Life Are CLUES About Your Sex Life
October 24, 2023 01:00 - 19 minutes - 13.3 MBWhat are your top three complaints about your sex life? Most of us could probably list them off rather quickly, since its normal and natural to point out the negative aspects of our lives with ease. But what happens when we have the same complaint for 5 years, or 15 years, or even 35 years? This is a clue. This is a clue that there is something to solve that we haven't been able to solve for all of this time. This invites us to initiate an investigation within ourselves, and into what a...
7 Sexy Sayings that Impact Intimacy
October 16, 2023 18:00 - 24 minutes - 16.6 MBDid you know that there are certain thoughts and sayings that can have an amazing impact on your intimate experience, even if they are not directly about that? This is the power of thoughts work. Just one new thought can challenge old patterns, change our perspective, and cause us to feel better! And the amount of effort it takes to think a new thought is nothing compared to some of the other stuff we do all day, everyday. Listen in on today's episode as we explore these seven simple sa...
Resolving the Mystery of Disconnected Intimacy
October 09, 2023 20:00 - 32 minutes - 22.7 MBHave you ever found yourself feeling unsatisfied after an intimate experience with your spouse? If so, you are not alone. Its actually fairly common. We might be less than satisfied because we weren't connected to the experience on a deeper level... or on a level deep enough where it actually had significant and personal meaning attached to it. When we are disconnected from intimacy either mentally or emotionally, we will also disconnect from it sensually and sexually. This creates a bo...
Guardians of Our Intimacy Galaxy
October 02, 2023 20:00 - 26 minutes - 18.1 MBHave you ever thought about the ways that AI might impact your marriage? You might have already considered this or perhaps it might not have crossed your mind at all yet just yet. But Artificial Intelligence is here, moving swiftly, and we will need to consider how we can protect our marriage. While robots that look like our spouse (or our fantasy version) might not be here just yet, we may not realize that an online digital version is easily available. This onscreen spouse can be a more...
Blue Balls and Blue Pearls
September 25, 2023 18:00 - 28 minutes - 19.9 MBHave you ever heard the phrase blue balls? This is a term that many men use when they are feeling sexually frustrated. But what about blue pearls? Is this a terms that women use when they are sexually frustrated? Not really. The interesting thing about this is that there is a term out there to discuss men's sexual frustration, but not really one for women. Here in lies part of the problem. When there is only terminology out there to express men's sexual frustration but not women's, we...
Catching Vibes, Catching Sexiness
September 18, 2023 18:00 - 20 minutes - 14.1 MBHave you ever wished that there was just a little more sexiness being experienced in your marriage? Sometimes, when we are feeling this way, we reflect back to our dating days and feel nostalgic for them and the attraction we felt during that time. And at other times, we may feel discouraged that things aren't the same as they used to be and we might be worried that we won't be able to get the sexiness back. Well, the good news is that I am here to help you get the sexiness back and to l...
She's Frustrated, He's Frustrated... Sexually
September 11, 2023 20:00 - 34 minutes - 23.4 MBHave you ever felt like you were sexually frustrated in your marriage? This is super common and totally normal. While both husband and wife have some type of understanding that they are wired differently, they often don't understand the specific details of how, and that lack of information is vital. And lack of correct information leads to lack of sufficient stimulation... especially for the wife. Husbands often feel frustrated when the frequency of intimacy is not what they hoped it wo...
Bridging the Gap Between A Husband and Wife's Differing Sexual Experiences
September 05, 2023 01:00 - 26 minutes - 18.1 MBHave you ever felt yourself comparing your sex life to what you see in the movies? Husbands may compare it to porn and the women may compare it to rom-com movies. Both of these paid portrayals of a healthy sex life are short lived and choreographed. They are not showing real life, where parenting differences show up, exhaustion from work and raising kids comes into play, and the baggage that each spouse brings to the marriage bed plays out. What is actually needed is a way to bridge th...
Pressure to Perform
August 28, 2023 22:00 - 25 minutes - 17.9 MBHave you ever felt the pressure to perform when it comes the intimate experience? This can easily come as a byproduct of the sexpectations that exist in the media we are exposed to and the world we live in today. When a wife feels the pressure to perform in order to be a "good wife," and when a husband feels the pressure to perform in order to be a "good lover," a high level of mental distress comes with it, and can interrupt the natural desire to be close and intimate. Stress is one of t...
A Wife's Personal Purposes for Sex
August 21, 2023 17:00 - 25 minutes - 17.3 MBHave you ever felt like you were just going through the motions of having sex with your husband, but there didn't seem to be much in it for you? This is totally normal and its actually very common. But after a while, you may start to become angry or resentful if you don't define your own purposes for being involved in sexy time. You may start to view your husband, your marriage, and sex as a whole through a very negative lens or maybe even as a waste of your time. Why go through your e...
When the Wife Says "It's My Husband's Fault Our Sex Life Isn't Better"
August 14, 2023 18:00 - 34 minutes - 23.5 MBHave you ever experienced the theme in your marriage that "it's my spouse 's fault that my sex life isn't better?" If so, you are not alone. While never intending to think this way on purpose, many spouses find themselves thinking this exact thought. The key factor to notice here is the word "intending." MOST of our thoughts happen unintentionally, even when it comes to thoughts about intimacy, or the things we think get us "in the mood" or "out of the mood." But what do we do when we h...
3 Ways "Duty Sex" Perpetuates Orgasm Bias
August 07, 2023 18:00 - 24 minutes - 16.6 MBHave you ever participated in "duty" sex? This is where you mainly have sex because you feel like it's your duty to and you are obligated to in order to be a "good wife." If we don't like the notion of having sex out of duty, chances are high that we won't enjoy the experience, that orgasm will be more challenging to achieve, pleasure will be minimal, and the desire to return for more will be low. There is so much misinformation out in the world about the female arousal system, which l...
Husbands Are Being Fed Garbage About Intimacy
July 31, 2023 23:00 - 29 minutes - 20.6 MBHave you ever really taken the time to stop and think about the information that is out in the world about sex and intimacy? Sadly, so much of it is just garbage. Even a husband with the best intentions, who is trying to improve things with his wife, can end up reading articles or books, or watching videos, that have incorrect and outdated information about the female arousal system, that use feminism as a buzzword and a mask, and then give limited solutions that go against the ethical s...
Top Ten Turn-Offs
July 24, 2023 06:00 - 20 minutes - 14 MBDo you remember some of those late night shows back in the day that used to do top ten lists? Well, we are about to do the same thing, but we are going to be more focused on the specifics of what turns us off from wanting to be intimate. Now, this list does not go in order and it for sure does not cover everything. But we wanted to point out some of the most frequent ones while addressing the type of information that is out there on the internet. Listen in as we discuss these top ten tur...
When You're Not Very Interested in Sex
July 18, 2023 02:00 - 22 minutes - 15.4 MBLast week, we did a podcast on not being "in the mood" for sex, and this week we are doing a podcast on not being very "interested" in it. Aren't these two the same thing? Well, they are not. But do we know how they are different? One actually comes before the other and causes it to happen. Do you know which one needs to come first in order to activate the female arousal system with the most efficacy? Knowing the difference between these two is key! Listen in as we discuss the diffe...
Not "In the Mood" for Sex
July 10, 2023 21:00 - 23 minutes - 16.2 MBHave you ever felt like you were not "in the mood" for sex? Most of us can relate to this from time to time, but what about when it happens a lot? No need to go searching the internets for hours on end looking for couples counselor near me. Start by listening to this episode and by applying the concepts. What happens inside the bedroom, or lack thereof, is often an indication of what is happening outside of the bedroom... or what's not happening. If we are longing to feel more emotiona...
A Spouse's Sexual Sovereignty
July 03, 2023 15:00 - 17 minutes - 12.1 MBSometimes in marriage, we may feel the tension of a power struggle, especially when it shows up in the sexual aspect of our relationship. At times, we may feel like we are just our spouse's sex slave, with little say in how the experience is going for ourselves. But it doesn't have to be this way. We can choose to focus on the freedoms that we actually have in our marriage when it comes to our intimate and sexual experience. We need to remember that we very much have a say in what we wan...
I Feel Like my Spouse's Sex Slave
June 26, 2023 21:00 - 20 minutes - 14.2 MBHave you ever felt like your spouse's sex slave? Believe it or not, this is actually quite common in marriage and is often a theme that comes up when a couple is struggling with intimacy. When we think of ourselves as a sex slave to our spouse, not only will we have some negative feelings about ourselves, but we will also have negative feelings about our spouse and about intimacy in and of itself. Listen in today's episode to break the bonds of this type of mental slavery, where our own t...
Cobra Kai and Fighting Dirty With My Husband
June 19, 2023 06:00 - 16 minutes - 11.5 MBDid you ever see the movie "The Karate Kid" when you were younger? The new spin off cam out a few years ago called "Cobra Kai" and most of the character s have come back years later and we get to see what their lives are like now. Some interesting themes come up, as well, like the 'win at all costs' theme when the naughty Sense Creese tells his start student to "sweep the leg" of his opponent. This simple meant, fight dirty, break the rules, and pay not mind to any damage you may do along...
Ep 151 Part 2: My Husband's Response
June 16, 2023 20:00 - 14 minutes - 9.92 MBWhat do you think about "quickies"? You and your spouse probably think about them differently. In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of quick sex and how he has changed his thinking about sex over time. Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 151, "A Quickie in the Office". He addresses sexual intimacy and how men can change their thinking about their own, and their wife's desires. What you'll discover: •Why ...
A Quickie in the Office
June 12, 2023 17:00 - 23 minutes - 16.4 MBHas it ever seemed like the "quickie" was mainly for the men? Of course it seems that way. But what does this mean for the women... that nothing is in it for them? That seems rather miserable, unmotivating, and kind of depressing. Who wants to do something when they think they will get nothing out of it? Listen in as we take a closer look at the anatomy of a quickie. We will point out the specific things that took place which led to an unexpected quickie in the office, where the wife ...
Ep 150 Part 2: My Husband's Response
June 10, 2023 00:00 - 15 minutes - 10.9 MBDo you ever wonder what happens when your, or your spouse's, arousal becomes dormant? In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of deliverance from arousal traps and learning together with your spouse about each other's Intimacy Trek and how a good marriage can become an incredible marriage. Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 150, "A Couple's Fight at a Restaurant". He addresses arousal traps and how men can ...
A Couple's Fight in a Restaurant
June 05, 2023 18:00 - 21 minutes - 15 MBHave you ever been in a restaurant and overheard a couple fighting? This happened just last week when my husband and I were on a date. Now, I give a lot of credit to this couple for going on a date when things were obviously heated between the two of them and at least they were trying to discuss things. So, there were a few moments in their discussion when they were speaking a little louder than normal and most of the people around them could hear what they were saying. The two main thin...
Ep 149 Part 2: My Husband's Response
June 02, 2023 19:00 - 16 minutes - 11 MBDo you ever wonder how your spouse REALLY thinks about you when you blame them for how you feel? We (Nick and Shellie) still blame each other all the time for how we feel; however, we know this is low level thinking and almost always untrue. Knowing this changes everything and helps us turn frustrations into learning opportunities. It's not easy, but it makes marriage WAY more Meaningful. People usually blame others to justify their feelings of anger, sadness, grief, boredom, or any other ...
My Husband "Made Me" Have a Panic Attack
May 29, 2023 20:00 - 17 minutes - 12.4 MBHave you ever found yourself in a negative situation that you didn't necessarily choose yourself and then thought that your spouse was the one that put you there? This happens in marriage quite a bit and it can be easy to fall into a cycle of thinking this way. Last week, my husband and I were having a conversation and I found myself thinking that he "made me" have a panic attack with something he said. Luckily, I knew some of the signs and was able to work through it. Listen in on today...