Grief - How to process and accept grief so you can grow as a Christian

We are in the last days of Lent; Palm Sunday marked the beginning of Holy Week. For Jesus it must have been a week of very mixed and intense feelings; the entry into Jerusalem seemed to be a triumph.  Jesus observed Passover with his disciples and then, the Garden of Gethsemane; prayers for deliverance, his betrayal, arrest, incarceration, torture. Friday, the crucifixion. Jesus was surrounded by people who were in the process of grieving his death, and in denial of it. He was also surrounded by people who were plotting against him and those who were totally oblivious to what was about to happen. He experienced abandonment, desertion, and denial by his friends. 

 In Isaiah 53:3, the prophet writes, “He was despised and rejected . . ., a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.Like one from whom people hide their faces . . . Luke 19:41 reads, “As he came near and saw the city, [Jesus] wept over it.” In John 11:33, 35, “When Jesus saw [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. Jesus wept.”

 As Christians we come to this week after five weeks of Lenten reflection and self-examination. We knew where all this would take us and here we are. 

 Jesus’ grief and suffering needs to affect us. His ability to suffer and grieve with others is a model for us. He also models grieving his own death.  At his crucifixion, Mary, his mother, demonstrates her love and care by remaining with him through the agony of his death. She had support from others as she kept vigil.

Grief is a difficult emotion, especially when we experience the death of people we love. However, we also grieve the people we have had difficulty with in our lives, especially if we yearned for a closer, more loving relationship and never had it. Most of us resist grieving and are uncomfortable observing it in others. It’s a temptation to avoid and deny and quickly move on from whatever makes us feel sad and vulnerable. We want to get back to “normal”. The truth is, once we experience a loss of any kind, life is altered even if ever so slightly. Things are never exactly the same.  We let go of unfulfilled dreams and plans throughout life. 

 There is much to grieve in life, just as there is much to celebrate. Coming out of the pandemic, we must realize all we have lost. We need to experience collective grief with our fellow human beings. 

Learning to grieve well is emotionally, spiritually and even physically beneficial. Unprocessed grief does not go away. It will make itself known in some way at some time.  We need to express our feelings freely without censoring them. Prayer and meditation are also beneficial. Opening to God’s love and care while being totally honest is healing.

This week, we explore our relationship with grief. 

 ·       Place yourself in God’s presence. Give thanks for God’s great love for you. 

·       Pray for the grace to understand how God is acting in your life. 

·       Review your day — recall specific moments and your feelings at the time. 

·       Reflect on what you did, said, or thought in those instances. Were you drawing closer to God, or further away? 

·       Look toward tomorrow — think of how you might collaborate more effectively with Spirit. Be specific.

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