EP 96: How to Force Your Way to a Great Relationship

Welcome! Let’s be honest. We all have those days when we don’t feel like going the extra mile, aiming for a deeper connection, and putting forth the effort to improve our relationship. It’s in those times when we have to make a choice and commitment to force ourselves to do what we don’t FEEL like doing. I’m taking a few concepts from Mel Robbins’ book, The 5 Second Rule, to make applications to relationships. Join me!

 

Think back to your childhood

If you are like me, you can think of many incidents during your growing-up years when your parents had to make you do things that you didn’t want to do—and they were for your benefit. Coming in for dinner, brushing your teeth, taking baths/showers, and other tasks were not what kids normally choose to do, but we had to do those things for our own good. Likewise, in relationships, we can’t operate solely on what we feel like doing; we are not always going to feel like doing the right thing! Sometimes you have to FORCE your way into doing what you need to do!

 

How to use The 5 Second Rule

When those times occur that you don’t feel like doing what you know you should do, you have to break those thought patterns in your brain and take action. Mel teaches people to count backward, 5-4-3-2-1, take action, break the thought pattern, and fight the tendency to procrastinate. Listen to my example of using the 5 second rule when my brain goes against the impulse to get flowers for my love. The right thing to do is to stop and buy the flowers, even when I don’t feel like it! When the thought comes of what you can do to improve your connection or make your spouse feel loved and appreciated, either act on it with the five-second rule or write it down so you can come back to it later—and take action. 

 

Learn to focus and take action

Whenever and wherever you have your best ideas, make it a habit to write them down. My best ideas come often when I’m in the shower, so I’ve learned to write them down quickly as soon as I get out. If I don’t focus on those ideas, they are gone forever, and I’ll never take action on them. There are so many gestures that we can do to connect with our partner and show our love; we don’t always FEEL like doing those things. It’s OK to force ourselves to do those things. We can use the 5 second rule or any other tool that helps us take action and override those feelings. Great relationships don’t just happen; they happen because we learn to take action.

 ***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are learning to put aside how you feel, use the 5 second rule, and take action on the things that improve your relationship fitness. You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!

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