When You Lack Desire for Your Spouse

When you find yourself lacking desire for your spouse, I would invite you to look somewhere else.

I want to invite you to look at how you feel about yourself.  How good I feel about yourself is usually more of the underlying reason why you lack desire for your spouse, then your spouse's. It really has to do with you.

So let me unpack that a little bit.

When you look in the mirror, are you free from shame? Or maybe when you stand in front of a group of people? Do you feel free from shame with your clothes on for example?

Do you feel free from shame, when you buy that great new outfit, and you get that great new haircut, and you've been working out and you feel like you look great?

The fact that we spend so much time in front of the mirror, or so much time at the gym are often indicators that we actually feel a great amount of shame.

We're trying to do things to cover up our shame, but if we live long enough, you find you're not really covering shame by working on how you look on the outside.

If you find yourself pursuing sexual integrity, and you're lacking sexual desire for your spouse, stop focusing on them, criticizing them thinking If only they would look better.  If only they would treat me better, if only they would…

Take your focus off of that.

Start focusing on having Jesus restore your own sense of dignity and your own sense of goodness.

That your shame was put on the body of Jesus, so that he could restore to you your sense of worth, as one who is made in the image of God, and who is in fact, designed by God to be and become more and more of a good gift for your spouse.

As you embody that and carry that in the interior of who you are more and more,  you will find that your desire for your spouse grows.

Highlights: 

When you find yourself lacking desire for your spouse. 0:04Lack of sexual desire for a spouse.Two reasons why a spouse might lack desire.Shame and the interior of you. 1:49Adam and Eve and feeling free from shame.The importance of self-improvement.How they felt good. 3:49They felt interiorly that they were a good gift to each other.Adam sees her as a help.The interior sense of goodness in ourselves. 5:20Freedom from shame comes from an interior sense of goodness.Husband's attraction to porn.The illusion of attraction is the illusion of goodness. 6:37Attraction is the illusion of goodness.Being a good gift in the world.Stop focusing on your spouse's appearance. 8:27Lack of sexual desire for your spouse.Focus on yourself, not them.Start focusing on restoring your own sense of dignity. 8:52Restore dignity and sense of goodness.Bring yourself as a good gift to your spouse.

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