The Work of Working on Your Own Work (Episode 207)

On today’s episode, Charlie talks with Andrea Owen, author of “How to Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back from Happiness.” She joins Charlie for a more personal episode, as they tackle topics like their fitness journeys, shame stories around needing to get help, and how communities help enable growth but can also create obstacles.

Key Takeaways:

[3:30] - When you’re in a position where you are helping other people work on their work, it can be really difficult to focus on and allow yourself to work on your own work.

[5:10] - Andrea always had a good relationship with fitness, but eventually experienced burnout from running. After her dad passed away, she stopped working out and exercising. In the process of getting back to that, she had to change her focus to working out to take care of her health, rather than for vanity reasons.

[7:20] - The perceptions surrounding physicality and social pressure can make it hard to stay true to the decision you’ve made for yourself. Charlie and Andrea both talk about how they observed other people in their circles during their fitness journeys, and feeling the weight of the “should.”

[10:25] - For Charlie, his struggles came from not feeling like his body was his, and that his fitness habits weren’t congruent with who he was. On top of that, he has been focusing on writing his book which put him on a different schedule with different priorities.

[14:05] - One of the big influences for Charlie to get things back on track was integrity; while sharing his book, he wanted to make sure he was portraying the reality that even though there is a lot going on, you have to prioritize your health too. Andrea had a similar shift in focusing on vitality and owning her body as it is.

[17:55] - You don’t want to unintentionally shame people who are happy with their body and their habits, but you can also help influence people who aren’t happy where they are and want to take steps to change.

[20:10] - Another shame story comes from being someone who helps people, but having to hire someone to help you. Andrea is part of a couple of mastermind groups, and also hired someone to discuss sex with, which can be a bit of a taboo topic in our culture.

[26:30] - For women, so much of their creativity is in their womb. So much of how they show up in the world is tied to that topic. The second chakra is also tied to sexuality and creativity.

[29:00] - Charlie hired a personal trainer and there was some shame around that, even though he knew it’s what he needed to hold himself accountable to getting it done. What he was most worried about was that he would love it, and it wouldn’t be sustainable.

[34:00] - Even though it’s hard, it’s better if we can lean in and enjoy the process. Life is hard enough; we don’t need to make it harder if we can help it. A version of getting the help that you need is an option for a lot of people. Asking for help is a pattern that shows up across many different areas of our lives.

[36:05] - Being in a community is a great way to give yourself some accountability. Doing stuff with other people makes the activities better. While virtual relationships and accountability is great, having local community and asking for local help can be especially beneficial.

[42:25] - Andrea’s invitation for listeners is to think about where you can show up more in your community - it doesn’t have to be the community where you live, but the circle of people you trust. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings, and ask for what you really need in those moments. Do this in romantic relationships as well.

Mentioned in This Episode:

Productive Flourishing

SaneBox

Andrea Owen

Books by Andrea Owen