20. Logan Ury: How To Not Die Alone (The Science of Finding Love)

The Reader's Journey

Podcast Notes Key Takeaways The hard work of love isn’t just finding someone, there’s making it work, keeping the love alive, and navigating the ups and downs of a relationship“Finding somebody is challenging, but that’s not where the hard work ends” – Logan Ury It’s okay if you go on a first date and don’t feel the “spark” or instant chemistry. Oftentimes it takes time to develop that chemistry.“Way too often people are rejecting partners that could be potentially great matches long term because they didn’t feel this instant spark” – Logan Ury“Create a rule of thumb that you always go on a second date unless something really dramatic and bad happens on the first date” – Logan UryTraits you should look for in a longterm partner:Emotional stability: someone who doesn’t overreact in tough situationsLoyalty: someone who has existing long term friendshipsGrowth mindset: someone who believes they can grow their skills through effortAbility to make hard decisions together: you want a teammate who you can trust and work well withThere’s a big difference between falling in love and being in love. Falling in love is an intense positive feeling whereas being in love is more of a low but sustainable positive emotion“It’s not going to feel as intense as it did in the beginning and what you need to do is find someone great, commit to them, and understand that being in love doesn’t feel the same as falling in love” – Logan Ury

Read the full notes @ podcastnotes.org

My guest today is Logan Ury, the author of How To Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. Logan studied psychology at Harvard, ran Google’s behavioral science team, and now works at the dating app Hinge and as a dating coach.

In our conversation, Logan shares advice on what really matters in a long-term partner and what doesn’t, the pros and cons of online dating, why you shouldn’t focus on the initial spark or chemistry on a date, the difference between falling in love and being in love, and so much more.

TIMESTAMPS:

[00:44] - Why modern dating is so hard[03:55] - The 3 dating tendencies (or what’s holding you back in dating) [08:10] - Attachment styles and how it affects your dating life[12:00] - Myths around the spark and love at first sight[16:37] - The traits that actually matter in a long-term partner[20:50] - Vetting for a life partner[25:36] - Why you should go on more second dates[28:47] - How to make dates more fun and less like job interviews[33:00] - Tips for staying in love [35:40] - How to know when you found the person you want to marry[38:50] - A book that had a huge impact on Logan’s life

Resources:

Twitter: @loganuryWebsite: loganury.com

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