A Good Bad Guy
By Ryan Rimmele
The world is on the brink of collapse. It’s leaders are dead. Wars are raging throughout every continent… You’re welcome by the way.
It wasn’t even that difficult. All it takes is some quick research to figure out who should and should not have life. What people should be upset about is how easy that was to do.
It was almost too easy. You just start small with a group of deranged yet loyal individuals and the next thing you know you’ve toppled governments and wiped out half the population of earth. I’m surprised that I’m the first to do this.
I mean how many evil villains have you taken out in your careers? How can it be that none of those evil scientists, human-animal hybrids, and whacko billionaires ever succeeded?
You’re not answering so I’ll just explain to you how I did it.
When I was a young man I discovered my powers. As all of you now know, that would be the ability to transfer life from one being to the next. I was able to heal the sick and punish the wicked all at once. Best part: I don’t even have to be near the person I’m draining. Across the globe? No problem, drained. Unfortunately, I do need to be touching the person I was saving.... gross.
I was exactly what the world needed! But what I lacked was any sort of following. I couldn’t jet set around the world performing miracles for free? How is anyone supposed to support themselves like that? I had a wife and kids to support. Okay, not really but I could have and I wanted to be prepared in case my life took that turn.
So I built a following. Small at first. A few naive souls willing to give up everything to help my cause. With them I traveled the world healing the sick and giving life to those more worthy than the people I took life from.
You know the people I’m talking about: world leaders, heads of State, Presidents, and the occasional medical school deans who send rejection letters.
Eventually, I discovered people were willing to pay more to have someone killed than to have someone saved.
Don’t look at me like that... It’s a backwards world and I’m just part of it. Have you ever taken down a head of State from the comfort of someone’s deathbed? Feels great, you should try it someday. You’re all jealous I can tell from the look on your faces.
Over the years my following grew. They created small internet communities dedicated to spreading the good word of “The Messiah.”
Yeah, they started calling me The Messiah. I know, right? At first I wasn’t so sure about the name but it did grow on me after a while.
It’s amazing how easily an internet forum can infiltrate people’s minds and get them to do all sorts of stuff. Like deranged stuff. At a certain point they sort of just organized themselves, I had very little to do with it.
You think I personally caused draughts, wildfires, and wars? Oh goodness no. I just kicked a few balls down a few very specific hills and then boom... chaos.
The killing people thing I did do though. I will take credit for that. You got me there.
But I saved some people too. I’m a good guy. I’m a hero just like all of you. You think you’ve avoided hurting people in your line of work? Come on now. Back in the day, half the people I saved were casualties of your reckless heroics.
I just happened to use them to also drain the lifeforce of more, let’s say, “important” people.
And now here I am. King of the world. Sitting on my own thrown talking to a room full of superheroes hell bent on my destruction. Or should I say WERE hell bent on my destruction. You’re all very much dead now. I don’t know why you even showed up. If you let me monologue peacefully you might have realized how futile your attempts would have been.
I mean come on now, I’m The Mother Fuckin Messiah.