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Movie Mastery

232 episodes - English - Latest episode: 12 days ago - ★★★★★ - 67 ratings

Jef and Jon review movies by randomly rolling on an audience-submitted list.

TV & Film movie review bad movies system mastery
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Episodes

Movie Mastery - Morbius (2022)

March 17, 2024 00:28 - 1 hour

As requested, we are doing the follow up to the Madame Web watch with a look back at the first sign that maybe Sony just doesn't know what the hell it's doing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - In Theaters Now: Madame Web

February 24, 2024 00:32 - 1 hour

Can this movie truly be as bad as they say? Do we have another Morbius? Can we convince them to release this again in a couple months? One of these questions answered and more in the triumphant return of In Theaters Now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Money Plane (2020)

February 02, 2024 22:10 - 1 hour

A trip to the seedy sky of the crime world where the most hardened criminals can gamble on the most degenerate games like *checks notes* Texas Hold-em. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Bulletproof Monk (2003)

January 19, 2024 21:17 - 1 hour

Chow Yun-fat teaches Seann William Scott that wuxia style martial arts is all about believing in yourself or whatever but it's fine since the movie is really about punching Nazis. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Life-Size 2 (2018)

January 05, 2024 21:54 - 1 hour

In a hard turn from the original movie that was about the acceptance of loss and moving on from grief, this movie is about how dynastic corporate wealth is a good thing, actually. And it's a Christmas movie! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Christmas Icetastrophe (2014)

December 21, 2023 21:42 - 1 hour

A SyFy Original TV movie where an asteroid freezes everything around it and also it's Christmas time. I don't know, I let Jef pick this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Black Dog (1998)

December 08, 2023 22:17 - 1 hour

A movie about a man willing to commit several major felonies and some light murder just so his family doesn't have to move from their home to an apartment. Dude loves him some suburbs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Swamp Thing (1982)

November 24, 2023 19:25 - 1 hour

You'll come to see Ray Wise be a manic sex pest and then stay because you already turned it on and it would be effort to put on something else. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - The Covenant (2006)

November 10, 2023 20:27 - 1 hour

A movie about how rich, old money white men can do whatever they want and if anyone tries to stop them, they're the bad guy. Also magic or something. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Blood and Donuts (1995)

October 27, 2023 22:33 - 1 hour

I guess the idea that being a vampire might not be great was novel in Canada in the 90's because this movie really focuses exclusively on that like it was going to blow your mind. It then does absolutely nothing else with its runtime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (1952)

October 15, 2023 17:08 - 1 hour

A knock-off Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis drag poor Bela Lugosi on screen to be as unlikeable as possible at him. Eventually, there is a gorilla. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)

September 29, 2023 02:52 - 1 hour

Nic Cage in a movie that seemed to be tailor made to have Nic Cage in it while simultaneously unsure of what to do with him. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Star Leaf (2015)

September 14, 2023 22:27 - 1 hour

A stoner horror movie that doesn't attempt to even remotely be scary but also doesn't lean into the stoner comedy aspect either. Just a big pile of nothing that wastes everybody's time. Just like us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Sinister Squad (2016)

August 31, 2023 23:21 - 1 hour

A cash grab mockbuster of Suicide Squad about fairy tale villains fighting against the forces of Death. A sentence that makes this absolute boring turd sound way more interesting than it is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - War-Gods of the Deep

August 18, 2023 00:54 - 1 hour

The UK tries to get in on the Corman trend of using Vincent Price in Edgar Allan Poe movies but messes it up so badly that it is almost impressive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Warriors of Virtue (1997)

July 21, 2023 17:53 - 1 hour

Trying to cash in on the Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers but having none of the charm and fun that made those work. With special guest James D'Amato! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Cats Don't Dance (1997)

June 22, 2023 20:58 - 1 hour

We just keep randomly getting animated movies for some reason. Blessedly, this one is not a low budget European turd but a fairly decent high budget one that got no promotion and nobody heard of. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Millionaire Dogs (1999)

June 08, 2023 23:03 - 1 hour

A German animated film about the dangers of wealth and the corruption of morality. Just kidding. Some dogs get a mansion and then do a Home Alone on some truly grotesque bad guys. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Sir Billi (2012)

May 12, 2023 02:29 - 1 hour

The final film from beloved actor Sean Connery and the first feature length animated film from Scotland. It is also so bafflingly terrible that Jon kind of lost his mind while trying to review it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Krull (1983)

April 27, 2023 22:30 - 1 hour

The cult classic fantasy/action/sci-fi film that that had some awesome ideas and also some poor execution. At least we get a young Liam Neeson that just looks happy to be there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Robin-B-Hood (2006)

April 13, 2023 20:24 - 1 hour

We take a look at a Jackie Chan movie that revolves around two professional thieves that become unlikely parents when they steal a baby. Hijinks but definitely not enjoyment ensues. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - The Ice Pirates (1984)

March 31, 2023 02:57 - 1 hour

A swashbuckling, fantasy, space opera, comedy that fails to effectively be any of those things. But hey, it's got a young Ron Perlman and Anjelica Huston. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)

March 17, 2023 22:15 - 1 hour

Godzilla runs a victory lap around all of his various kaiju nemeses in this 50th anniversary film. Plus some added in aliens, mutants, and Mayor Hagar from Final Fight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014)

March 03, 2023 06:12 - 1 hour

A Batman movie with almost no Batman. This is an animated Suicide Squad film where they got to imply some nudity and they took full advantage of it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery - The Toy (1982)

February 17, 2023 01:56 - 1 hour

I thought when we rolled into getting to watch a Richard Pryor film that it would be a nice treat. It was, sadly, not. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bridge of Dragons (1999)

February 03, 2023 00:47 - 1 hour

Dolph Lundgren in a movie that tries to blend medieval fantasy with modern warfare and ends up being mostly back and forth shots of people pretending to shoot guns and then falling down but some of them wear jerkins, I guess. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Curse 2: The Bite (1989)

January 21, 2023 00:12 - 1 hour

The old random number generator has really been punishing us the past few episodes and the hits just keep on comin. At least it isn't Baby Ghost. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chuck Steel: Night of the Trampires (2018)

January 05, 2023 23:04 - 1 hour

We look at a claymation satire of the 80's cop films that manages to be mostly preachy about how therapy turns you into less of a man. You can imagine we have opinions on this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Baby Ghost (1995)

December 23, 2022 01:20 - 1 hour

Martin Sheen has a little brother and he apparently was cursed by a witch to never be able to turn down a movie. And boy does this technically, barely count as a movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Saved! (2004)

December 09, 2022 02:45 - 1 hour

A movie that makes fun of the hypocrisy of the Christian faith's message and the actions their followers take. Definitely not going to get in trouble for anything we say during this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Halloween H20 (1998)

November 26, 2022 06:34 - 1 hour

I fucked up and made Jef watch a halfway decent movie from the Halloween series instead of one of the absolute trash ones that come before and after this one. My apologies to the audience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I, Frankenstein (2014)

November 26, 2022 06:28 - 1 hour

A movie that takes itself far too seriously given that it is on the level of Underworld fan fiction. Maybe lean into the fact that your story is goofy as fuck. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aladdin (1990)

November 11, 2022 00:01 - 1 hour

The story of Aladdin as a musical brought to you by Disney. Not the animated classic, the live action one. No, not the new live action one, the one from 1990. Yeah, the shitty one. That one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1995)

October 13, 2022 21:11 - 58.9 MB

It’s Horrortoberfest and that means I get to force Jef to watch a dumb horror movie and I timed this one to coincide with one of the worst franchise horror […]

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1995)

October 13, 2022 05:00 - 1 hour

It’s Horrortoberfest and that means I get to force Jef to watch a dumb horror movie and I timed this one to coincide with one of the worst franchise horror films around. Aint I a stinker? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – An Extremely Goofy Movie (2000)

September 29, 2022 22:17 - 55.1 MB

A sequel of sorts to the excellent A Goofy Movie, this film sees Max going off to college. This is such a big life change that the characters all seem […]

An Extremely Goofy Movie (2000)

September 29, 2022 05:00 - 1 hour

A sequel of sorts to the excellent A Goofy Movie, this film sees Max going off to college. This is such a big life change that the characters all seem to suddenly stop acting like they used to and mostly being unlikable idiots/assholes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Barbarian Queen (1985)

September 15, 2022 22:15 - 1 hour

Part of the larger “Roger Corman goes to Argentina” Cinematic Universe. Just be aware, this one has a lot of rape in it and is deeply uncomfortable to watch. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Bright (2017)

August 18, 2022 23:49 - 1 hour

Netflix’s first attempt at making a blockbuster film is mostly fantasy racism and copaganda set in a world where they didn’t spend more than minute thinking about world building and the implications of the setting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Monkeybone (2001)

August 05, 2022 02:14 - 1 hour

The movie that fools you twice. Once by making you assume there is going to be way too much Chris Kattan when he’s hardly in it and then fooling you again by making it so that Chris Kattan is actually the best part of the movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Cabin Boy (1994)

July 22, 2022 22:36 - 1 hour

This movie has famously been mocked for being awful ever since it first came out and was nominated for two different bad movie awards. But, does it deserve the hate or is there something here worth watching? Let’s find out together, shall we? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – McCinsey’s Island (1998)

July 08, 2022 01:17 - 1 hour

What starts out seeming like a standard Hulk Hogan action movie, quickly devolves into a strange, dreamlike comedy with cartoonish characters and a nonsensical plot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Snakes on a Plane (2006)

June 24, 2022 04:02 - 1 hour

We aren’t reviewing Morbius (yet) but how about another movie that decided to try to lean into the memes and then didn’t make any money because it turns out memes aren’t actually worth anything. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Initial D (2005)

June 09, 2022 23:51 - 1 hour

When you adapt a manga or anime into live action, only good things can happen. And what could be more exciting than watching someone drive the exact same route 7 times without losing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Karate Dog (2004)

May 28, 2022 00:25 - 1 hour

In the vein of A Talking Cat, a celebrity really phones it in while voicing an animal but this movie had the budget to also badly CGI the animal doing karate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Space Truckers (1996)

May 12, 2022 21:55 - 1 hour

Follow the thrilling escapades of John Canyon as he coerces a girl to marry him for a ride and then be chilled by the worst thing that poor Charles Dance has had to do on screen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – The FP (2011)

April 29, 2022 19:48 - 1 hour

In the near future, two rival gangs fight for control of Frasier Park, CA by playing a knock-off version of Dance Dance Revolution but mostly just say the N-word a lot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Megamind (2010)

April 15, 2022 22:09 - 1 hour

One of the few actually decent DreamWorks animated films but it still can’t escape the dreaded “all the characters dance” ending. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Dirty Love (2005)

March 31, 2022 21:49 - 1 hour

In what I can only describe as one of the worst movies that we have ever seen; Jenny McCarthy takes some time off from spreading misinformation about vaccines to write and star in a humorless “comedy” where everyone sucks and nobody learns anything. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Movie Mastery – Croczilla (2012)

March 18, 2022 20:24 - 1 hour

Thrill as a very large but not kaiju-sized crocodile harmlessly wanders around the Chinese countryside causing some mild panic and light property damage. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices