E19 How to Have a Vision for Your Sex Life - Part 3

Hey Mama who may be delighted that we’re going to talk about sex…or may want to avoid the topic entirely…

Happy Month of Love continues. We’ve been talking about love, romance, and sex – I suppose we could refer to these as spicy topics as my dear friend calls them!!

Episode 17 was about Why Accepting, Knowing, and Loving Yourself Is the Place to Start. 

Then in Episode 18, we talked about what it means to have an intentional marriage. 

Having a vision for our sex life stems from having an idea, a mental picture, clarity about what it is we desire for our relationship with our spouse. And if you determine how, meaning what action you will take to move toward your ideal love, romance, and sex life, then you have an intentional marriage. 

Today, I’m talking about some more practical steps that will help you have the marriage you desire - love, romance, and sex are all a part of that. There’s so much talk about how often is often enough, for example. Well, here are my suggestions on how to determine the answer to that question and a few more related to intimacy in your marriage

1. Have an honest conversation. Ask questions like, “How are we feeling about our sex life? Is there something we need to do or do more of in or out of the bedroom to make our sexual life more fulfilling? What are our needs? How can we communicate more clearly about sex? Is intimacy frequent enough (often one partner has a need for more frequency and, contrary to popular belief, it’s not always the man!)?

2. Set some mutually agreeable ground rules. Through your conversations about sex discussed above, explore preferences. Determine together how often is often enough, how you can make sure sex happen, what you are comfortable and not comfortable with. 

3. Put sex on the calendar. Many couples experience such levels of exhaustion and depletion in the middle of raising little ones, they need this agreed-upon method of ensuring an active sex life. When we started putting sex on the calendar, it seemed so unromantic. As we got more into a sexual rhythm that worked for both of us, the calendar became a sign of anticipation. 

4. Your sex life is YOUR sex life. No statistics, what others are doing, comparisons, myths, or ideas about “the right way to have a good healthy sex life” determine your levels of fulfillment and satisfaction. This is about you and your partner. 

5. Ever hear “Sex begins in the kitchen”? Well what that means is sex, attraction, romance does not just happen as soon as you close the bedroom door. Foreplay is action or behavior that precedes an event. It can be kindness, doing the dishes, having a nice family meal, a gentle touch, a knowing look, flowers. Foreplay can be a cuddle on the couch, laughter, date night. 

Oh and here’s a BONUS – Get a lock on your bedroom door!! I really didn’t want our kids walking in on me and my husband. A simple solution, put a hook and eye latch on the inside of your door. You’re welcome:)

For many of us, just starting the conversation around sex and intimacy will make all the difference. Those conversations will help you formulate an idea, a vision, a picture of what your ideal sex life looks like. Remember, if we aim for nothing, we’ll hit it every time. A conversation about your sex life will be the first step in moving toward the love, romance, and sex life of your dreams.