Modern Love
361 episodes - English - Latest episode: 3 days ago - ★★★★ - 8K ratingsFor 20 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast.
Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday.
Listen to this podcast in New York Times Audio, our new iOS app for news subscribers. Download now at nytimes.com/audioapp
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Episodes
Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation
April 24, 2024 09:00 - 26 minutes - 24.6 MBLaufey, the 25-year-old singer-songwriter, has risen to prominence by taking the trials of today’s dating world — casual relationships, no labels and seemingly endless swiping on apps — and turning them into timeless love songs. Today, Laufey reads Coco Mellors’s essay, “An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill,” which is about a woman trying to work through her deep-seated relationship anxieties and attachment issues in an on-again, off-again situationship. Laufey says she, too, has been an anx...
Why John Magaro of ‘Past Lives’ Could Never Love a Picky Eater
April 17, 2024 09:00 - 34 minutes - 31.7 MBThe actor John Magaro is picky about whom he goes to dinner with. Magaro is an adventurous eater. So whether he’s buying offal from the butcher, making stews from the 1800s or falling in love over a plate of rabbit, he says it’s important to him that the people he shares a meal with are willing to be curious. For Magaro, it’s about more than personal preferences. Sharing a meal and connecting with other people, he says, is the bedrock of society. Magaro played Arthur in “Past Lives,” one of...
Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows
April 10, 2024 09:00 - 28 minutes - 25.7 MBOver the last two decades, Esther Perel has become a world-famous couples therapist by persistently advocating frank conversations about infidelity, sex and intimacy. Today, Perel reads one of the most provocative Modern Love essays ever published: “What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity,” by Karin Jones. In her 2018 essay, Jones wrote about her experience seeking out no-strings-attached flings with married men after her divorce. What she found, to her surprise, was how m...
The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke
April 03, 2024 09:00 - 25 minutes - 23.3 MBWhen Maya Hawke’s famous parents got divorced, she was just a little kid trying to navigate their newly separate worlds. Paparazzi aside, Maya’s experience of shuttling between two homes was still more common than the arrangement described in the essay Maya reads: “Our Kinder, Gentler, Nobody-Moves-Out Divorce,” by Jordana Jacobs. By staying under one roof, Jacobs and her ex-husband spared their young son the distress of having to go back and forth. But this “dad upstairs, mom downstairs” a...
How to Be Real With Your Kids
March 27, 2024 09:00 - 30 minutes - 28 MBPenn Badgley has made a career out of playing deeply troubled characters. From his role as Joe Goldberg on the Netflix series “You” to Dan Humphrey on “Gossip Girl,” Badgley has shown many times over how obsession and delusion can destroy love. In his personal life, though, Badgley says he’s not doing too much brooding. He’s a father and a stepfather, and he opens up about the importance of being vulnerable with his kids. Badgley reads “Watching Them Watching Me” by Dean E. Murphy, an essay...
Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’
March 20, 2024 09:00 - 30 minutes - 27.6 MBThe chef Samin Nosrat lives by the idea that food is love. Her Netflix series, “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat,” and the James Beard Award-winning cookbook that inspired it, were about using food to build community and forge connections. Since then, all of her creative projects and collaborations have focused on inspiring people to cook, and eat, with their friends and loved ones. After the recent loss of her father, Samin has gained an even deeper understanding of what it means to savor a meal — or...
Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love
March 13, 2024 09:00 - 30 minutes - 27.8 MBBrittany Howard, the five-time Grammy Award-winning singer, makes vibrant, dynamic music about love. As the frontwoman of the band Alabama Shakes, she was celebrated for the power and emotionality of her voice. When she began her solo career in 2019 with “Jaime,” an album named after and dedicated to her older sister, who died at 13, Howard revealed new dimensions of her songwriting and herself. Her latest album, “What Now,” captures the intensity of processing the past and starting anew. ...
Novelist Celeste Ng on the Big Power of Little Things
March 06, 2024 10:00 - 31 minutes - 29.1 MBBefore Celeste Ng became a best-selling author, she had a side hustle selling miniatures on eBay — dollhouse-size recreations of food were her specialty. Even after the publication of “Little Fires Everywhere,” “Everything I Never Told You,” and, most recently, “Our Missing Hearts,” Celeste still makes tiny things — now, as a hobby. She’s come to realize the parallels between making small things and writing: Both give her a chance to look closely at the world. Today, Celeste kicks off our s...
Three Powerful Lessons About Love
February 28, 2024 10:00 - 35 minutes - 32.6 MBWhen Daniel Jones started the Modern Love column in 2004, he opened the call for submissions and hoped the idea would catch on. Twenty years later, over a thousand Modern Love essays have been published in The New York Times, and the column is a trove of real-life love stories. Dan has put so much of himself into editing the column over the years, but as he tells our host, Anna Martin, the column has influenced him, too. Today, Dan shares three Modern Love essays that have changed the way h...
Modern Love at the Movies: Our Favorite Oscar-Worthy Love Stories
February 23, 2024 22:00 - 31 minutes - 28.9 MBThe New York Times’s film critic Alissa Wilkinson has a theory about movies: They’re all about relationships. No matter how big the action, the suspense and tension we experience when watching a film is often really about the feelings between the characters. But romantic relationships often fall back on old tropes, like the long-suffering wife of an ex-cop who can’t resist that one last, risky case. (We all know her; she leaves teary voice messages urging him to be safe.) Some of this year’...
A Politics Reporter Walks Into a Singles Mixer
February 21, 2024 10:00 - 23 minutes - 21.2 MBThe New York Times political reporter Astead Herndon went speed dating in a swing state to ask daters fun questions like: How early do you tell a prospective date whether you lean red or blue? When do you talk about your stances on issues like abortion or gender equality? It’s hard enough to find someone you click with. Then add election-year tensions into the mix, and things get even more complicated. Today: Our host Anna Martin speaks with Astead Herndon, host of the weekly politics podca...
Author Read: Un-Marry Me!
February 16, 2024 10:00 - 8 minutes - 8.17 MBDave Finch reads his Modern Love essay, “On the Path to Empathy, Some Forks in the Road." To hear our conversation with Dave, listen to the episode: “Un-Marry Me!”
Un-Marry Me!
February 14, 2024 10:00 - 27 minutes - 24.8 MBWe’re kicking off our new season this Valentine’s Day with a story from a Modern Love veteran. David Finch has written three Modern Love essays about how hard he has worked to be a good husband to his beloved wife, Kristen. As a man with autism who married a neurotypical woman, he found it especially challenging to navigate being a partner and father. To make things easier, Dave kept a running list of “best practices” to cover every situation that might come up in daily life. His method wor...
I Married My Subway Crush
December 06, 2023 10:00 - 28 minutes - 25.8 MBZoe Fishman couldn’t stop thinking about the man she called her “subway crush.” For years, she saw Ronen on the train and admired him from afar. When they finally connected, it turned out Ronen felt the same, and they began a blissful life together. But when their story took a devastating turn, Zoe had to grapple with longing for Ronen at a distance again. For the final episode of our season, we hear about the joy and loss that showed up in Zoe’s life, and the remarkable way she learned to...
Author Read: I Married My Subway Crush
December 06, 2023 09:55 - 12 minutes - 11.6 MBZoe Fishman reads her Modern Love essay, “The Subway Crush Who Crushed Me." To hear our conversation with Zoe, listen to the episode: “I Married My Subway Crush.” Zoe Fishman is the author of several novels, most recently “The Fun Widow’s Book Tour.”
Author Read: Our 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It Did
December 01, 2023 10:00 - 13 minutes - 12.1 MBSonja Falck reads her Modern Love essay, “Our 34-Year Age Gap Was Showing." To hear our conversation with Sonja, listen to the episode: “Our 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It Did.”
Our 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It Did
November 29, 2023 10:00 - 32 minutes - 30.1 MBSonja Falck was immediately attracted to Colin, the professor who was renting her a room. He was intellectual and lively, with bright eyes that drew her in. It was only after they were already dating that Sonja found out Colin’s age: He was 34 years older than her. Their age gap didn’t give them pause. Sonja and Colin got married, had kids and built a fulfilling life together. But when Colin reached his 80s, and Sonja was in her mid-40s, Sonja realized she was craving a level of physical in...
Author Read: Two Boys on Bikes, Falling in Love
November 24, 2023 10:00 - 10 minutes - 10.1 MBEric Darnell Pritchard reads their Modern Love essay, “Two Boys on Bicycles, Falling in Love." To hear our conversation with Eric, listen to the episode: “Two Boys on Bicycles, Falling in Love.”
Two Boys on Bikes, Falling in Love
November 22, 2023 10:00 - 23 minutes - 21.5 MBEleven-year-old Eric Darnell Pritchard was a solitary kid. They preferred reading romance novels to playing sports, and watching soap operas to hanging out with the neighborhood kids. Although they were obsessed with love, they felt too different to find a romantic connection of their own. Then, a cute boy moved in across the street. To Eric’s surprise, they both “like liked” each other. But when Eric told the wrong person about their new boyfriend, things quickly spun out of control.
Author Read: He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With Him
November 17, 2023 10:00 - 12 minutes - 11 MBJessica Slice reads her Modern Love essay, “He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With Him." To hear our conversation with Jessica, listen to the episode: “He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With Him.”
He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With Him
November 15, 2023 10:00 - 29 minutes - 27.3 MBWhen Jessica Slice started dating a man named David, there was a lot to like about him. They could nerd out about books and board games, he was thoughtful and kind. But Jessica had a problem. The more caring David was, the more she recoiled. "He’s the greatest!" She texted her sister. "But I doubt I’ll go out with him again." This wasn’t the first time she'd felt like fleeing from affection, but something about David made Jessica hesitate. Was she finally ready for a new kind of love?
Did I Fail as a Parent?
November 08, 2023 10:00 - 29 minutes - 26.7 MBRick Reiss was scared for his teenage son, Gabriel. Gabe was struggling with depression and mood swings, and no amount of therapy or medication seemed to work. But when Gabe became violent, Rick wasn’t just scared for his son; he was scared of his son. Rick and his wife felt as if they had to do something drastic. So they made the decision to send Gabe to a wilderness therapy program. Nearly 18 years later, father and son talk about the decision that changed both of their lives and how the...
Author Read: My Sweaty Revenge
November 03, 2023 09:00 - 11 minutes - 10.5 MBChristi Clancy reads her Modern Love essay, “Revenge of the Friend." To hear our conversation with Christi, listen to the episode: “My Sweaty Revenge.”
My Sweaty Revenge
November 01, 2023 09:00 - 18 minutes - 17.2 MBChristi Clancy had been avoiding her best friend’s ex-husband. He’d unexpectedly left her friend for another woman. After supporting her friend through the pain and heartbreak, Christi couldn’t help but resent the ex-husband for all the damage he’d done. So when the man walked into Christi’s spin class, she saw an opportunity to exact revenge in the best way she knew how: on a spin bike.
I Wrote This Essay, but Then Changed My Mind
October 25, 2023 09:00 - 26 minutes - 23.9 MBHeather Sellers wrote her Modern Love essay in 2013, about reconnecting with her elderly, estranged father. Although their relationship was painful, Heather made sure that her last words to her father were “I love you.” And at the time, that felt like closure. Now, 10 years later, Heather tells our host, Anna Martin, that she would write a completely different essay today. She sees her father, and herself, in a new light — and realizes that “forgiveness” isn’t as simple a concept as she onc...
Author Read: What Does It Mean to Be a Kept Woman?
October 20, 2023 09:00 - 13 minutes - 12 MBDeanna Fei reads her Modern Love essay, “To Keep but Not Be Kept." To hear our conversation with Deanna, listen to the episode: “What Does It Mean to Be a Kept Woman?”
What Does It Mean to Be a Kept Woman?
October 18, 2023 09:00 - 27 minutes - 24.8 MBDeanna Fei did not need a man. She was in her 20s, living in Shanghai on a Fulbright scholarship, writing her first novel: a book about fiercely independent Chinese women, very much like Deanna herself. Growing up as a first-generation Chinese American, Deanna resented the way some men, specifically white men, looked down on her. She refused to be anyone’s fetish. By the time she arrived in Shanghai, she had sworn off dating white men all together. But then, Deanna met a man: an older, suc...
Author Read: Don’t Hide in the Bathroom Stall
October 13, 2023 09:00 - 13 minutes - 12.7 MBSusan Gelles reads her Modern Love essay, “Single, and Surrounded by a Wall of Men." To hear our conversation with Susan, listen to the episode: “Don't Hide in the Bathroom Stall.”
Don’t Hide in the Bathroom Stall
October 11, 2023 09:00 - 26 minutes - 24.7 MBSusan Gelles was a lawyer in her 30s who was too busy to find love. But after finally admitting that she was lonely, Susan did something that went against all her best instincts. She started attending singles mixers. On this episode, Susan shares her disastrous mismatches, awkward flirtations and the story of how she almost missed her chance to meet the love of her life.
Author Read: Have You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?
October 06, 2023 09:00 - 12 minutes - 11.3 MBKhalid Abdulqaadir reads his Modern Love essay, “The Polygraph Test That Saved My Marriage." To hear our conversation with Khalid, listen to the episode: “Have You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?”
Have You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?
October 04, 2023 09:00 - 30 minutes - 27.9 MBKhalid Abdulqaadir’s life was full of secrets. He started keeping them when he was a teenager, after his father was accused of an unimaginable crime. He didn’t want to explain his family history every time he started a new relationship. So his secrets followed him, even as he got married. Many years later, Khalid was interviewing for a job in the U.S. government, and he was required to take a polygraph test. The examiner asked him a question he could not avoid: “Have you ever kept a secret ...
I Needed David Schwimmer’s Help
August 02, 2023 20:00 - 25 minutes - 22.9 MBSamantha Joseph’s childhood was scattered with golden trips to California to visit her Aunt Gail. Aunt Gail was the cool aunt. She worked in Hollywood and befriended actors like Robin Williams, Mayim Bialik and the cast of “Friends.” And yet she was still relatable (she’d get on the floor and play like a kid). One day, those trips to California stopped: Aunt Gail no longer wanted to see Samantha’s family. Samantha was devastated, and several years later, she was devastated again by the news...
Essay Read: I Had To Stop Asking Why
August 02, 2023 19:50 - 12 minutes - 11.4 MBSamantha Joseph reads her Modern Love essay, “I Had to Stop Asking Why.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Samantha in the “Modern Love” podcast feed - the episode is called “I Needed David Schwimmer’s Help:. You can also read Samantha’s essay on the New York Times website here.
Essay Read: How I Lost the Fiancé But Won the Honeymoon
July 27, 2023 20:00 - 12 minutes - 11.1 MBNell Stephens reads her Modern Love essay, “How I Lost the Financé but Won the Honeymoon.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Nell in the “Modern Love” podcast feed. You can also read Nell’s essay on the New York Times website here.
How I Lost the Fiancé But Won the Honeymoon
July 26, 2023 20:00 - 23 minutes - 21.9 MBBored and in love, Nell Stevens found a hobby combing the internet and entering her name into online contests. But, when she actually wins a prize — a luxury honeymoon in India — her world falls apart: The man she thought she was going to marry breaks up with her. She decides to go on the trip anyway. On today’s show, the host Anna Martin talks with Nell about her fiancé-less honeymoon — and what she had discovered about herself by the time she returned home. Today’s story “How I Lost th...
My Invisible Husband
July 19, 2023 20:00 - 14 minutes - 13.5 MBThe last time David visited his ailing grandmother, he hid his wedding ring in his pocket. He’d never told her about his identity as a gay, married man. Fearful David’s grandmother would disown him, his family never told her about David’s loving marriage with his husband, Constantino. It was an untruth David lived with until the day she died. Today, David shares how that untruth left a gaping hole in his relationship with his grandmother — and the power of telling the truth in his eulogy. ...
The Day My Family Changed Forever
July 12, 2023 20:00 - 23 minutes - 21.3 MBImagine you are on vacation. Your favorite shirt is waiting for you in your suitcase. You go to put it on, only to realize it’s not there. You forgot it, and there’s nothing you can do now. That’s an experience that played out time and again for Natalie Muñoz, who split her childhood and adolescence between her parents’ houses after their divorce. Now that she’s turning 18, she tells us how she’s finding a balance that works better for her. Then, Modern Love listeners share stories about t...
The Gift of Holiday Men
July 05, 2023 20:00 - 10 minutes - 9.97 MBKema Christian-Coates’s childhood was filled with “holiday men,” absentee fathers — including her own — who returned each year around Christmas only to disappear again. Her father’s absence left a hole in her life and the fear that she, like her mother and grandmother, would never find a man she could rely on. Today, we hear Kema’s story on realizing the power of her mother and grandmother’s presence in her life and on finding a lasting partnership. Today’s story: “The Gift of Missing Men...
Sex on the Run? No, We Parked.
June 28, 2023 20:00 - 18 minutes - 17 MBHaving sex in a car is usually a last resort, born from the trappings of youth. For Susan Silas, it was a midlife necessity. While working as a production accountant on a sitcom, Susan met a teamster. Despite having little in common — he was former military; she had been an antiwar protester — they hit it off. But, without a private place to go to, they found themselves having sex in the back seat of the teamster’s car. It wouldn’t be the last time. Today, Susan shares how car sex turned i...
What I Got Wrong About My Parents’ Marriage
June 21, 2023 20:00 - 25 minutes - 23.1 MBAs one of the only Indian girls in her tiny Canadian mountain town, Natasha Singh stood out — and she was unafraid of being different. At 13, she shaved her head. By 17, she had run away for good. A few years later she came out to her mother. Natasha’s worldview was worlds apart from her very traditional immigrant parents. Her mother always wore a sari — never pants — and Natasha longed for the power and control her father wielded in the family. She balked at the idea of marriage. That is, ...
For a 30-Year-Old Virgin, It’s Now or Never
June 14, 2023 20:00 - 18 minutes - 16.7 MBClare Almand was born with congenital heart disease, so her life was never what she would call “normal.” By the time she was 30, she’d had 10 open-heart surgeries and her health was rapidly declining. Clare thought she was dying. With death looming, she was running out of time to do something she’d never done, something she felt like everyone else had already checked off their list. Clare felt she was running out of time to lose her virginity. Today, Anna Martin sits down with Clare to dis...
The Marriage Proposal That Wasn’t
June 07, 2023 20:00 - 29 minutes - 26.8 MBBob Morris could tell that something was changing with his elderly father: His car was clean, his manners had improved and he had a shine in his eyes. He had a new “lady friend.” Her name was Arlene. Arlene loved Bob’s father, but she also set clear boundaries with him. She didn’t want to care for him when he got sick and — despite what Bob’s father led Bob to believe — she didn’t want to marry him. Today, Anna Martin talks to Bob about his father’s last love story. Then, she talks to Arle...
We Dated for Three Years. He Forgot It All.
May 31, 2023 14:55 - 27 minutes - 24.9 MBSam and Tyler’s relationship was built on a philosophy of joy. Together, they climbed trees, ate cream puffs in bed, and danced in a field with their friends. But, after three years together, Sam was no longer in love, and they broke up. A few months later, Sam was in a terrible accident. He had amnesia. He knew Tyler was important to him, but not why. He’d forgotten their entire relationship — and he didn’t remember their breakup. Now, Sam needed Tyler to fill in the gaps. Over hospital vi...
He Ghosted. I'm Grateful.
April 12, 2023 20:00 - 21 minutes - 19.5 MBDenny Agassi moved to New York City with a mission: She was looking to have great sex. Her first summer in the city, Denny downloaded the dating app Grindr. She filtered for trans friendly men looking for sex or short flings — and it worked. Then, one day, she got a message from a man named Jack. He was poised, curious and caring. What she thought could only be something casual — a Grindr relationship — turned into something serious and meaningful. Denny’s guard began to fall. But, just a...
Dating Advice From Jay Shetty
April 05, 2023 19:50 - 21 minutes - 19.5 MBWhen Jay Shetty graduated from college, he was prepared for two different paths in life: to work in finance, or become a Hindu monk. After three years at an ashram, Jay returned home to London hoping to share his learning with the world. He had to relearn how to make small talk — and how to flirt. He had his eye on someone special: a down-to-earth woman named Radhi. Their first date was a disaster. But it helped him realize that Radhi, who would one day become his wife, yearned for a more ...
The Healing Power of Love (Island)
March 29, 2023 20:00 - 21 minutes - 19.6 MB12 hopeful singles, thrown into a villa in Spain, hooking up, breaking up and making up. When Sophie Mackintosh was experiencing one of the darkest periods of her life, the reality TV show became her obsession. There was something about it that was deeply validating — and kept her coming back. Today: Sophie’s reflections on "Love Island." Plus, Lindsey Underwood, a Styles editor at The New York Times, gives us the lowdown on the show (she’s a superfan). After, Melissa Akie Wiley shares her...
How a $100 Bet Saved Our Relationship
March 22, 2023 20:00 - 22 minutes - 20.6 MBMark Jason Williams and his mom often butted heads on two issues: She was uncomfortable when he brought up anything about being gay, and he was tired of her incessantly talking about how he survived childhood cancer. By the age of 40, Mark had reached his wit’s end. He stopped pleading for her to change and instead proposed a $100 bet. But the real change in their relationship came when Mark broke his end of the bargain. Today, Mark and his mother, Betty Williams, tell their story.
Stop Looking for the Perfect Partner
March 15, 2023 20:00 - 21 minutes - 19.8 MB“The only three men I had ever imagined a future with all told me that something was missing,” Oz Johnson wrote in her Modern Love essay. When Oz was 23, her boyfriend said she met 99 percent of his criteria, but she was missing 1 percent. Over a decade later, another man broke up with her via email. Their love was almost perfect, he said, but not enough to last. What is this missing, unquantifiable feeling? Oz used to be haunted by these rejections, but now she has come to embrace the sear...
I Imagine Him Here
March 08, 2023 21:00 - 21 minutes - 19.9 MBFelice Neal was in the checkout line at Whole Foods when she dropped her sweet potato. A handsome customer behind her said, “I think this is yours.” Felice was smitten. Felice believes this meet-cute was fate — and it opened her up to new ways of looking for love in a city full of millions of strangers. Then, Jessica Strange shares her story about losing her husband, and selling the house they had lived in with their children. These days, she looks at photos of their old home on Zillow. Ev...
Dominate Me, but Not Like That
March 01, 2023 21:00 - 21 minutes - 19.7 MBWhen it came to dating, Aly Tadros was used to hiding the messy parts of her life. “Why even bother? As soon as a guy finds out about my baggage, he bolts,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay. That is, until Dan from OkCupid came along. His dating profile read: “I’m a feminist. I respect women while simultaneously enjoy dominating them.” That was the start of Aly’s journey into B.D.S.M. Today, Aly shares her story about exploring domination and kink, and what it has taught her about settin...