Mating Matters

Mating Matters Farewell Brooke. BIG Announcement

Fantasies and Fetishes

NOTE: This episode contains some adult discussion which includes topics of sexual assault and abuse. Have you ever wondered about the secret and sometimes dark world of a human's "special" desires? Dr. Wendy asks Kinsey Institute's Dr. Justin Lehmiller if scientists have discovered an evolutionary basis for our fantasy worlds and fetishes. Oh, yeah, and a whole lot more! Lehmiller is a social psychologist and the author of "Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can ...

Casual Sex, Attachment and Our...Strange...Sex Ed

Dr. Wendy is hard at work on an episode called Fantasies and Fetishes where she talks to sex researcher Justin Lehmiller from the world famous Kinsey Institute. That episode is coming soon, but in the meantime there was a lot more they talked about that was too good to hoard, like his research on "friends with benefits" and the US' super lackluster sex education policy. No wonder porn is so popular, he says! Dr. Wendy also adds some other studies to the mix. But really, what Dr. Wendy wants ...

An Alpha's Evolution

In this special episode, we catch up with our promiscuous alpha Dr. Wendy spoke to in season one. Our listener first contacted us because he was at a crossroads. At the age of 24 he guessed he'd had about 200 sex partners. But the birth of his little girl really got him thinking about what he truly wants in life and love. We find out if an alpha can really change his ways. Contact us by email or voice memo at [email protected] or leave a message at 323-207-8277. We'd love to hear...

Accidental Incest - A Familial Phenomenon

WARNING: this episode contains discussion and stories regarding genetic sexual attraction, incest and sexual abuse. Genetic Sexual Attraction is a phenomenon. It requires a certain combination of events for it to be triggered in estranged family members, but when it hits it hits HARD. People who have experienced GSA have described at as OVERWHELMING, POWERFUL, ADDICTIVE, and the DEEPEST LOVE. Thank you to our two incredible guests who were so brave and honest when they spoke with us about th...

Precocious Puberty

How old were you when you started puberty? Most people will say somewhere between 10-15. There is a smaller percentage of people, though, who will experience those physical and hormonal changes earlier, in some cases MUCH earlier. Ladies, can you imagine starting your period when you were seven years old? Dr. Wendy talks with the endocrinologist who literally wrote the textbook on precocious puberty and a few people who have experienced this rare condition personally or as a parent. Questio...

Mating Messages: Questions From Quarantine

[EPISODE NOTE: Question two is regarding pedophilia.] Dr. Wendy answers questions from our listeners while we've all been on some level of lockdown. Thanks to all of our dedicated listeners who have called our message line at (323) 207-8277 or emailed us voice memos at [email protected]. Keep them coming!

The Trouble With Testosterone 2.0 - With Brooks Laich

This episode is an oldie but a bestie. As a special treat to fluff it up, though, Dr. Wendy talks to former hockey player Brooks Laich about, well, his testosterone. He is surprisingly open about how being a professional athlete could affect falling in love. Plus the show: how this powerful little hormone affects so much of a man's behavior and personality. Women, did you know you can increase his testosterone level any time you want?

Racy Relations

Dr. Wendy Walsh digs deeper into a major surface issue - skin color. Where does racism come from? Did racism evolve in homosapiens or is it something humans develop within their lifespan? She also points out important things to be aware of as you navigate the world or have kids of your own like implicit bias and how dating apps could be reinforcing racism as we search for love. Dr. Wendy also talks about the one group of people least likely to ever marry - not because they don't want to, but ...

BONUS: Racy Relations

Dr. Wendy Walsh digs deeper into a major surface issue - skin color. Where does racism come from? Did racism evolve in homosapiens or is it something humans develop within their lifespan? She also points out important things to be aware of as you navigate the world or have kids of your own like implicit bias and how dating apps could be reinforcing racism as we search for love. Dr. Wendy also talks about the one group of people least likely to ever marry - not because they don't want to, but ...

Quarantine Edition

In this Quarantine Episode of Mating Matters, Dr. Wendy touches on all kinds of tools and tips for people stuck at home with one person or with no person - or too many persons! Let give each other a break right now, and especially ourselves. Adversity does NOT "reveal character" it only reveals the coping strategy a person might have in crazy times, which he or she may come by honestly. She also goes over the three main ways our psychological immune system is trying to help us through this cr...

Women's Intelligent Bodies with Dr. Cindy Meston

Dr. Cindy Meston is a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Texas at Austin. She is also the director of the Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory there. She may be best known for her research on the female orgasm, but she says her primary research interest is sexual arousal. You know, without arousal not much else happens. You first heard her in our Mating Matters episode called "Why Women Have Sex." In this conversation Dr. Meston talks about the preparation hypothesis, s...

Mating Message: Daddy Issues

Girls with Daddy Issues. Boys with Mommy issues. Dr. Wendy answers a listener's question from our message line! Our relationships with our parents is a key ingredient of how we form attachments as adults. There are a few ways we deal with the abandonment, neglect or smothering we felt as children and no gender is immune. Have a question for Dr. Wendy? Call 323-207-8277 Further relevant listening: What Is Love?, Mothers, MILFs & Wives.

Quickie: Peace Be Of You

Turns out homo sapiens are built for peace, calm and equality. That's right. Our most natural state is peaceful. There actually was very little fighting among bands of hunter-gatherers, and only then when they felt there was no other choice, like when the Spaniards or British appeared with their weapons. The happiest couples and the most cooperative kids develop from a sense of autonomy, equality, and play...and they are at peace. Mating Matters Message Line: 323-207-8277 - We are currently ...

Quickie: Mating Strategies and Fatherhood

Dr. Wendy loves her research, but sometimes some of the best stuff doesn't fit neatly in to one of our Mating Matters episodes. In this Quickie, she looks at some of the latest findings in evolutionary psychology and anthropology and shares the gems. She talks about mating strategies of women and men, including how men will often use PDF's (public displays of fatherhood) as one way of impressing women and why less sex after having a baby is NOT a sign of trouble. In fact, it's just the opposi...

Royal Hunter Gatherers

The world has been abuzz with the "shocking" news that England's Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle are turning in their keys to the kingdom. First, this shouldn't be shocking to anyone. There've been rumblings of discord and discontent for several months. Dr. Wendy is here to explain how this all actually makes perfect evolutionary sense. On one hand they're doing what our hunter-gatherer ancestors did. On the other hand they are also living on the forefront of the evolution of marriage its...

BEHIND THE MINDS: Dr. Darryl Gwynne

BEHIND THE MINDS is a series in Mating Matters that opens up our expert interviews to anyone who is sciencey and nerdy and curious enough to want to hear it all! Want to know more? Here it is.  Darryl Gwynne, PhD, was the charming expert you heard in "Pornography Mindf**k." Remember the beetles falling hard for the beer bottles? That's him. He's a professor of biology at the University of Toronto at Mississauga. His research is mainly about sexual selection and trying to understand the evolu...

Funny Is for Foreplay

We know that laughter is good for our health. It lowers stress hormones which helps our immune system work better. But is this why a sense of humor evolved in humans? Not totally. Turns out humor has been of primo importance in our natural and sexual selection. On this episode, we explore the science of comedy and why women can't seem to say no to a funny mate. Basically, if you want to woo a woman, work on your wit and word play. Mating Matters message line: 323-207-8277

The Slower Road to Love

Love and attachment may come in stages, phases and flavors. Love relationships may involve sex, affection, emotional intimacy, commitment, public displays of love or private trysts. But the order of those stages is changing. If you’re over 40, fasten your seat belts folks, because Millennials are showing us how our anthropological ancestors sampled from the smorgasbord of human relationships, all in the name of good reproductive choices. Questions? Thoughts? Experiences? Call the Mating Matt...

Quickie: The New Double Standard

Dr. Wendy opened her Facebook page to discover a question posed to her that really rubbed her wrong. Who says modern women still have to live up to some sexual moral code created by society hundreds of years ago? The double standard is that thing that says men get points for sexual experience, but women get judged for it. These are new days and with equality comes freedom. Have a question, thought or experience you'd like to share? Call the Mating Matters message line: 323-207-8277!

Quickie: 10 Tips for Better Relationships

Mating Matters is all about the evolution of human mating and mating strategy - that is how to find a mate. In this quickie episode, Dr. Wendy thought it would be a great idea to talk a little about what you do with your mate once you catch one! Now what?? Here are ten great tips on making love last once you found your match. Call the Mating Matters message line: 323-207-8277

Allo Parents with the Grande Dame Herself!

Dr. Wendy's sick (yeah, right). I'm not buying it. I think she just wanted to pull one of her favorite interviews of all time with her personal and professional hero, primatologist and anthropologist, Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. You've heard her name mentioned in many episodes where Dr. Wendy talks about allo parents (Survival of the Gayest and Mother's MILFs and Wives Parts 1 and 2, and others). Allo parents are all the people who help a child grow, stay safe and flourish. Lots of people are all...

Allo Parents with the Grande Dame!

Dr. Wendy's sick (yeah, right). I'm not buying it. I think she just wanted to pull one of her favorite interviews of all time with her personal and professional hero, primatologist and anthropologist, Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. You've heard her name mentioned in many episodes where Dr. Wendy talks about allo parents (Survival of the Gayest and Mother's MILFs and Wives Parts 1 and 2, and others). Allo parents are all the people who help a child grow, stay safe and flourish. Lots of people are all...

Quickie: Is Monogamy Natural?

A Mating Matters Quickie is a flash episode to cover some general facts. Is monogamy natural? Are we torturing ourselves needlessly? Is pairing up with just one person a social construct forced upon us?? Now, now...so dramatic. Believe it or not there's a really good reason humans evolved to create long term pair bonds. And guess what, guys, you were a really big part of its creation. Mating Matters episodes related to monogamy: Hidden Eggs What is Love? Poly-Wanna-Cracker? The Secret Lives...

The Secret Life of Super Attachers

Why is it that some people struggle with maintaining intimate relationships and others seem to skip through the decades seemingly with no trouble at all? What have they got that others don't? What do they know? What's their SECRET!?! Well, aside from probably having good models of love as they were growing up, some people literally were born with a genetic advantage. But once again, remember, biology is not destiny! Here's what you need to know to make the most of love in your life. Comment...

BEHIND THE MINDS: Dr. Maryanne Fisher

BEHIND THE MINDS is the series in Mating Matters that opens up our expert interviews to anyone who is sciencey and nerdy and curious enough to want to hear it all! Want to know more? Here it is.  In this Behind the Minds episode Dr. Wendy talks to Dr. Maryanne Fisher. You heard her first in our episode called "Mean Girls, Gold Diggers and Sluts." She is a Professor in the Department of Psychology, and a member of the Women and Gender Studies Program, at Saint Mary's University in Halifax, Can...

Mating Message: Cinderella's Mate Crunch

We freaked a listener out. We didn't mean to, but we can certainly understand why. So assuming she wasn't the only one, we have recorded Wendy's advice to a panicked PhD candidate for anyone else out there who needs to know: What Do I Do Now? Yes, it seems there is a mate crunch. That is, more women focusing on their higher education, big careers and personal accomplishments than ever before, while men have maintained their same numbers and are therefore actually falling behind. Knowing there...

Why Women Have Sex

Why do women have sex? Weeeeell....it's complicated. Let's just say, guys, you're not wrong if you ever feel a little confused. Guess what, so are we sometimes. But truly, when we dive down in to it, it just goes to prove the theory that women are super duper complex. We are cerebral, but emotional; passionate, but defensive; curious, but cautious. And, of course, none of this matters if the garbage hasn't been taken out. You'll hear from two experts who literally wrote the book. Before them ...

Rape - A Love Story (Part 2)

Sexual coercion is not just a woman's problem. It is not something that women just need to learn to deal with, navigate or survive. It is everyone's problem to solve. It is everyone's biological nemesis. With awareness of their own biology, men can recognize triggering situations and avoid them. With awareness of men's slippery wiring, women can recognize dangerous situations and avoid them, if possible. In Part 1 you heard "D," a self-proclaimed perpetrator, but also a sympathetic human. In ...

Rape - A Love Story (Part 1)

Sexual coercion has been part of human history since we were Neanderthals living in caves. As abhorrent as rape is, it is something that has traveled the millennia with us through our genes. It is literally part of us. How do we deal with this horrific fact? We explore it so we can understand it so we can fight against it. A scientist who actually "wrote the book" about sexual coercion helps us get our heads around the truth. And the truth is that this situation involves every single one of u...

Poly-Wanna-Cracker? (Season 2 Premiere)

NOTE: ALL NAMES OF OUR GENEROUS CONTRIBUTORS HAVE BEEN CHANGED, except expert Dr. David Barash. Are we REALLY supposed to be with one person and ONLY one person, like, FOREVER?! Monogamy can be...challenging. Ask just about anyone who's been married a few years. Mating Matters' Season 2 kicks off with an episode about a hot topic many listeners specifically asked for: Polyamory. Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved...

Mating Message: Hold up, Dr. Walsh

Season 2 begins next week and we thought this question posed by a listener recently was the perfect primer for the premier episode, Poly-Wanna-Cracker? Polyamory seems to be all the rage in recent years and the idea of getting to love - or at least be intimate with - multiple people is certainly intriguing to many. Polyamory's definition, though, is kind of slippery and there may be some confusion out there. Dr. Wendy explains what true polyamory is in this baby bonus episode. If you have a c...

Mating Message: Sex Vs. Intimacy

In this little bite size bonus, Dr. Wendy addresses listener Alex from Michigan's question she left on our Mating Matters message line. Is it possible to share yourself completely without sex? How intimate can you be before a line is crossed? It's something we've AAALLL struggled with at one time or another as we navigate love and monogamy and sex. Yes, I did say AAALL. I know, a gross generalization. I should have said "many" or "most of us," but I'm just going for it, cuz deep down, isn't i...

BEHIND THE MINDS: Dr. Justin Garcia

BEHIND THE MINDS is a new series in Mating Matters that opens up our expert interviews to anyone who is sciencey and nerdy and curious enough to want to hear it all! Want to know more? Here it is.  Justin Garcia, MS, PhD, was the cool expert you heard in Dating App-athy. He's an evolutionary biologist and sex researcher at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Dr. Wendy's interview with him is definitely one of the tops of the season. He and Dr. Wendy go deep on topics like the paradox ...

#MeToo Round Two

There's been some rumblings that we have now entered the "Post #MeToo" era. Dr. Wendy says, whoa, whoa, whoa!. Not so fast. Well, actually things are moving super fast, but we aren't there quite yet. Instead, it's more like the world has just been taking a breather. In fact, the second wave has just begun. Of course Jeffrey Epstein was a huge sexual offender of young girls, but the last bomb to drop is opera's legendary singer and undisputed "God," Placido Domingo. At least nine women have ac...

The Evolution of Epstein

Uber wealthy millionaire Jeffrey Epstein has a thing for girls. Epstein has been arrested a second time on charges of sex trafficking in Florida and now also in New York. He was sentenced in 2008 to 18 months in a Palm Beach "jail," but ended up doing 13. (It was anything but hard time.)  Dr. Wendy Walsh digs through the evolutionary reason a man with boundless resources goes to the dark side. And despite a bottomless stash of cash, he and other men like him can't do it alone. You know what, ...

Listeners Talk: Pornography Trigger

Listeners Talk is a series of full interviews with Mating Matters fans who have called our message line. Ashli has had some troubling times over the years in her relationships because of pornography. She contacted Dr. Wendy for some clarity and advice. We used some of her interview in Pornography Mindf**k, but, truly, the conversation she had with Dr. Wendy was so great and it's about something that is affecting so many people, we thought we'd just let you all be the fly on the wall and maybe...

Pornography Mindf**k

Pornography. It feels like it’s everywhere. And the debate about porn keeps heating up. Is porn addictive? Are our relationships being hurt or helped by pornography? Why did humans evolve to copulate with a screen? Well, it's definitely complicated. Pornography might simply be a "mating error." Our Mating Matters Message Line is 323-207-8277 If you have anything to say about breaking up, including break up styles and skills - are you really good or really bad at it?, stalking or being stalk...

Mean Girls, Gold Diggers and Sluts

You know them; you've seen them; maybe you're even one of them. All the gossip, trash talk and slut shaming nearly every woman has grown up with? It actually has a reproductive purpose. The same kinds of female disses take place across our entire species around the world and have been from the beginning of time. But the truly tricky part is that women actually need each other...badly! From the early days of our species’ evolution, it was a circle of women practicing co-operative parenting who...

BONUS: Beware the Silver Medal

Did you already know that to your brain there is no difference between physical pain and emotional pain? There's a scientific reason people describe hurt feelings as a slap in the face or a punch in the gut - it's real. Dr. Wendy explains the importance of social integration, finding your tribe, and looking down when you're feeling bad - especially when you're finding your mate. Oh, the silver medal? For some, that would be a slap in the face. Mating Matters Message Line: 323-207-8277 Hot Tip...

Listeners Talk: An Alpha and His Junk Food Sex

A listener called in to ask Dr. Wendy for some advice about his rampant promiscuity. At almost 7-feet tall. our friend says he went from high school "freak" to college basketball golden boy and the ladies lined up. He's been taking advantage of the sexual opportunities, but he says he isn't any happier than all of the guys he knows who can't even get a date. Men, is he living the dream? You may be surprised by what he says is lacking. Ladies, is he a dog? What's a young, single guy to do when...

BONUS: The Chosen One

The genes we inherit from our ancestors may set us up for emotional and relationship challenges, but that doesn't mean we are doomed. Biology is not destiny. Dr. Wendy gets in to some new research on intergenerational psychology. If you have unexplained anxiety and depression, you may be carrying trauma from your family's past. You may be "The Chosen One" in your clan to investigate your family's history and heal your family today. But not to worry! It's a gift. Mating Maters Message Line: 32...

Mating Message of Interracial Hots

In this BONUS tweener (between episodes) Dr. Wendy explores race in evolution and in love, What turns you on? Why? Well, believe it or not for once there is a pretty simple answer! Can't give it all away, but let's just say a joyful squeal from mom might have something to do with it. We love hearing from you. Thanks to everyone who has called to tell us what they like, would prefer, and want to hear more of. Speaking of callers... Our Mating Matters Message Line is 323-207-8277. If you have a...

The Price of Manhood

What does it mean to be a man? Why did uber masculine behavior evolve in the first place? Is there a mating advantage? Spoiler alert. There used to be an advantage, but the environment is changing and men are adapting to a different kind of hunting ground. Way back in 1874 Charles Darwin had human mating figured out. In fact, he once wrote “if each male secures two or more females, many males cannot pair.” That’s the biggest fear of any man. No guy wants to be the one who misses out on mating...

Mothers, MILF's & Wives - Part 2

There’s probably no deeper, heart-wrenching emotional experience for women than the feelings that surround reproduction. Hope for a baby, the loss of a baby, the joy of a baby, the worry over a baby, and the feelings of sadness when a woman’s fertility window closes with no baby in sight. The risks and burden of reproduction seem to fall unfairly on women who face the challenges of survival with children in tow, and sometimes have to make heart-breaking decisions. This isn’t new. Our cave-wom...

Mothers, MILF's & Wives - Part 1

Motherhood is tricky. That's because motherhood is all about sacrifices and...worry. They worry about health, shelter, nutrition, education, and money. Despite this, about 80% of women become mothers one way or another, and most of the others are mothers to the village. Women have long had plenty of reproductive choices - if they have a baby, when they have a baby, with whom they have a baby, whether that baby will survive, and whether they’ll care for their own or others. If you’re a woman, ...

Mating Messages of Status and Sexuality

Mating Matters has busted out a new message line for people to ask questions and tell stories. While we're super busy producing more episodes for you, we thought we could cover some other territory in the meantime. On this BONUS episode, Dr. Wendy focuses on two interesting calls she has received - one about how a short man can raise his dating status in this new world of trigger swiping dating apps; the other from a woman who got married young to a man she loves deeply, but has never been se...

BONUS: Evolution's Hard Truth

Evolution's Hard Truth addresses the fact that "survival of the fittest" can be a tough pill to swallow. About 10% of men never mate and about 18% of women never reproduce. Human mating is an inside job. though, and there are things you can do to make sure you find yourself a mate, if you want one. Dr. Wendy gives some tips on how we can win the mating game by raising our mate status and focusing on things we CAN control. No, you do not need to be rich and great looking, but you do need to ge...

Survival of the Gayest

Ever wonder why same-sex behavior evolved in our species? If we are wired to reproduce, being gay - and theoretically not reproducing - seems like a sure fire way for our species to struggle to exist. For the record, at this point in our evolution, humans still need an egg, sperm and a womb to reproduce. So how have people who may not reproduce stay in our gene pool? Historically, same-sex behavior actually has increased chances for survival. And did you realize heterosexual people have a  se...

Sexy Money

In this episode of Matting Matters Dr. Wendy explores how the pursuit of money is really pursuit of sex for men, and why it works in reverse for women; why some singles pay more for sexual opportunity than they do for rent; why prostitution rates rise when women are disadvantaged, and why the price of sex drops drastically when women rise in economic power! No matter how you reckon it, sex costs.