Carry On England 1976 movie script

During the darkest days of the war Captain S Melly is put in charge of the experimental 1313 Anti-Aircraft Battery along with the bellowing, ball-squeezing Sergeant Major “Tiger” Bloomer. Melly soon discovers the “experiment” is that half his men are women, led by the randy Bombardier Ready, Sergeant Tilly Willing and Sergeant Len Able. Tiger is unable to discipline properly as he is unable to swear around women and must avoid the randy advances of Private Ffoukes-Sharpe. Meanwhile the battery are happy to spend the war in each other’s beds.

Melly shakes up the battery with a fake air raid and is furious when instead of loading the gun they dive for cover in their private bunker, the “Snoggery”. Even worse the anti-aircraft cannon is made of wood; with a war on, real guns are hard to come by.

Determined to get the battery up to standard Melly and Tiger put the men, and women, through vigorous retraining, violent exercise and 12 mile long route marches. In response Ready, Willing and Able sabotage Melly’s uniform, leaving him red faced and bare cheeked. The whole battery is confined to camp as punishment, Melly not realising that men and women in close quarters don’t need to leave camp to enjoy themselves. Realising his mistake Melly endeavours to separate man from woman with barbed wire around the sleeping quarters, round the clock battle drills and separate mealtimes.

Determined to reunite with their beloveds, the battery digs secret tunnels under the barbed wire for easy access, making life bearable again. Unfortunately the very next day Melly finally takes delivery of an anti-aircraft cannon, which promptly falls into the tunnel. Forced by Melly to retrieve the gun from its hole the battery sabotages an inspection by Melly’s Brigadier, hoping Melly will be reassigned somewhere else.

When a real air raid arrives both battery and officers pull together to defend England, successfully shooting down all enemy planes and with only one casualty; Captain Melly’s two sprained fingers, which go on to inspire one of the most famous symbols of victory for the entire war.