Making Polyamory Work
119 episodes - English - Latest episode: 2 days ago - ★★★★★ - 188 ratingsGrounded in reality and untamed honesty, Libby Sinback tackles the hard questions about how to create and maintain authentic, loving and healthy nonmonogamous relationships.
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Episodes
Navigating Asexuality with Aubri Lancaster
April 23, 2024 07:10 - 1 hour - 58.4 MBLibby talks with AASECT-certified sexuality educator Aubri Lancaster about asexuality and aromanticism. Aubri's website: https://acesexeducation.com/ Aubri's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acesexeducation/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Is Hierarchy bad?
April 16, 2024 07:10 - 49 minutes - 45.7 MBLibby shares her thoughts about debate about whether hierarchy is bad or wrong in polyamory. Additional reading: Lola Phoenix - the Hierarchy Polyamorous People Don't Talk Enough About: https://www.nonmonogamyhelp.com/the-hierarchy-polyamorous-people-dont-talk-enough-about/ Ready for Polyamory - Is there a Problem with Hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy Poly.Land - Sneakiarchy: https://poly.land/2018/11/01/sneakiarchy-secret-hie...
Unmet Needs in Polyamory
February 20, 2024 08:10 - 50 minutes - 47.1 MBMost folks practicing nonmonogamy accept that no one person can meet all their needs. And yet, sometimes it can be challenging when a new partner starts meeting needs that haven't been met by an established relationship. In this episode Libby explores the trickiness when new relationships fulfill desires that established ones don't some ideas to help you navigate this situation well. There’s Nothing to Fear: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/theres-nothing-to-fear 9 Relationship...
Seriously! Compassion
February 13, 2024 08:10 - 15 minutes - 14.5 MBThis week Libby shares a re-release from December 2019 about the science of compassion, and why it's key to loving relationships, including the one with yourself. The Gottman Institute on Contempt: https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/ The Harvard Business Review on Self-Compassion: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion About the Carleton University Study on Self-Compassion and Procrastination: https://www.p...
Sacred Unraveling in Polyamory with Joli Hamilton
February 06, 2024 08:10 - 34 minutes - 31.9 MBPart two of Libby's conversation with Dr. Joli Hamilton where they discuss how navigating differences can open a relationship and the people in it into transformation. Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/ The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Individuation and Navigating Differences with Joli Hamilton
January 30, 2024 08:10 - 29 minutes - 26.9 MBWhat happens when exploring different relationship styles reveals uncomfortable differences between you and a partner? In this episode, Libby talks with Dr. Joli Hamilton about polyamory as a sacred process of individuation and grief. Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/ The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Solo Polyamory with Crystal Byrd Farmer
January 23, 2024 08:10 - 59 minutes - 55 MBLong-requested, Libby discusses solo polyamory with Crystal Byrd Farmer, author, organizer, diversity consultant.. and solo polyamorist. SHOW LINKS: Crystal's website: https://crystalbyrdfarmer.com/ Crystal's book: https://newsociety.com/books/t/the-token Solo polyamory: https://solopoly.net/2014/12/05/what-is-solo-polyamory-my-take/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Polyamory and Neurodivergence with Alyssa Gonzalez Pt 2
January 02, 2024 08:10 - 35 minutes - 33.1 MBIn this part 2, Libby and Alyssa talk through some of the challenges that can show up in nonmonogamy for people who are neurodiverse --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Polyamory and Neurodivergence with Alyssa Gonzalez Pt. 1
December 26, 2023 08:10 - 51 minutes - 48.1 MBLibby and Alyssa discuss being neurodiverse and how polyamory and being neurodiverse can complement each other beautifully. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Triangulation
December 19, 2023 08:10 - 29 minutes - 27.3 MBTriangles show up in relationships all over the place. In this episode Libby discusses triangulation, what it is, common ways it can show up in polyamory, and whether triangulation can harm or help. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
When I Don't Use Boundaries
December 12, 2023 08:10 - 22 minutes - 20.6 MBLibby talks through when she personally does NOT opt for boundaries, and why boundaries are often the last move she will make in navigating relationship difficulties. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
What is a Boundary Violation? with Juliane Taylor Shore
December 05, 2023 08:10 - 48 minutes - 45.3 MBLibby and Jules answer a listener who asks, "If boundaries are between you and you, then what is a boundary violation?" Jules also goes over her 6 steps to setting an external boundary. Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/ Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175 --- Send in a voice message: https...
Your Brain on Boundaries with Juliane Taylor Shore
November 28, 2023 16:16 - 44 minutes - 41.1 MBLibby is joined by author and therapist Juliane Taylor Shore to talk about internal boundaries and how crucial they are (even though they are often not talked about or overlooked when people talk about boundaries.) Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/ Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175 --- S...
Codependence
November 21, 2023 08:05 - 23 minutes - 22 MBThe word "codependent" comes up a lot in polyamory spaces, but so often it is misused that it's losing its meaning. Libby talks about her dislike of the term, how she thinks it often is used to shame and pathologize perfectly normal human needs, and how she likes to talk about codependence differently. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Boundaries Aren't Magic
November 14, 2023 08:10 - 22 minutes - 20.5 MBA lot of people are talking about boundaries now. But as Inigo Montoya once said, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." In this episode Libby explains that boundaries are not a magic way to get people to do what you want them to do. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Dating as a Couple
November 07, 2023 08:10 - 42 minutes - 39.1 MBNothing is a hot-button topic quite like a couple looking to date the same person. A lot of people have only one piece of advice, "Don't," often served with heaping portions of shame and ridicule. Yet, year after year, established couples seek to find a shared partner, and many folks also seek relationships with established couples. Is there something to this? In this episode, Libby offers some thoughts on why you might want to date as a couple (or date a couple) and some helpful ideas on how...
Polyamory After an Affair
October 31, 2023 07:10 - 43 minutes - 40 MBIncreasingly, Libby hears from folks who are interested in polyamory to solve a problem: either they or their partner cheated, and they want to repair and stay together, and nonmonogamy seems like a solution. In this episode, Libby outlines why it's rarely that simple. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
The Heart Wants What it Wants
April 25, 2023 07:10 - 26 minutes - 24.2 MBLibby offers an uncomfortable but necessary reality check: love alone doesn't conquer all. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Uhauling
April 18, 2023 07:10 - 31 minutes - 28.9 MBMaybe you know the joke, maybe you don't, but showing up for a second date with a uhaul can be risky. In this episode, Libby goes over why she thinks cohabiting during the new relationship energy (NRE) phase might not be the best idea, and what to do instead. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
What’s Your Story?
April 11, 2023 07:10 - 35 minutes - 32.6 MBWe all carry stories with us about who we are, our place in the world, how others will see us, and what's possible for our lives. Some of these stories are stories we like, some are stories we want to write a new ending to. But did you know that try as you might to change the story, there's an invisible force that may be acting on you that might sabotage your efforts? In this episode, Libby talks about how your very own brain can stop you from changing your story, and some ideas for what you...
Revoke Your Moral License
March 28, 2023 07:10 - 20 minutes - 19.2 MBDo you sometimes use doing "the right" or "good' things as an excuse to then turn around and do "bad" or "selfish" things? There's a name for this - it's called moral licensing, and it may not just be messing up your goals, but possibly your relationships. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonagal: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781583335086 Article on Moral Licensing: https://www.businessinsider.com/what-moral-licensing-means-2017-11 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spo...
Don't Ask, Don't Tell with Jessica Fern (Part 2)
March 21, 2023 07:10 - 25 minutes - 23.7 MBIn Part 2, Polysecure author, Jessica Fern and Libby talk about a very specific arrangement that relates to privacy/secrecy: the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) relationship. Together they discuss why you might want a DADT arrangement, when it can work, and when it might not. Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933 Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- ...
Privacy, Secrecy, and Transparency with Jessica Fern (Part 1)
March 14, 2023 07:10 - 30 minutes - 28.7 MBPolysecure author, Jessica Fern joins Libby to talk about a much-asked for topic, Privacy, Secrecy and Transparency. Together they share their own experiences, what they've learned, and how they advise people to handle sharing information. It can be tricky, but there are ways to make it easier! Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933 Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-...
The Ladder of Accountability
March 07, 2023 08:10 - 21 minutes - 19.5 MBLibby shares one of her favorite tools for owning your ish when you mess up with someone you care about. Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
What if We Don't Have Sex? With Chaneè Jackson Kendall
February 28, 2023 08:10 - 45 minutes - 41.8 MBChaneè and Libby answer a question from a listener who identifies as asexual who asked about non-sexual polyamorous relationships. Chaneè identifies as almost-megasexual, Libby identifies as greyace/demisexual, so you can imagine that it is a RICH conversation. They talk about nonsexual partnerships, chosen family, grief, vulnerability and choosing the love that you want for your life. This one is not to be missed! Amatonormativity: https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity Relationsh...
Relational Privilege with Akilah Riley-Richardson Part 2
February 21, 2023 08:10 - 33 minutes - 30.7 MBIn part 2 of Libby's conversation with Akilah Riley-Richardson, Akilah shares her PRIDE model for supporting couples who are working to create safety and resilience in their relationships. Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/ Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/ Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mendi...
Relational Privilege with Akilah Riley-Richardson Part 1
February 14, 2023 08:10 - 41 minutes - 38.8 MBIn this episode, Libby talks with couples therapist and trauma specialist Akilah Riley-Richardson about relational privilege and how essential it is to create safety in order to find intimacy. (Part 1 of 2) Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/ Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/ Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-t...
Values and Belonging, Part 2
February 09, 2023 08:10 - 38 minutes - 35.8 MBIn Part 2 of this episode, Libby shares her journey to getting clear on her values, figuring out how to act within her integrity and how that led her to find her way to true belonging. Braving the WIlderness by Brene Brown Southwest Love Fest (Use code "GOSLOW" for a 10% discount) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Values and Belonging, Part 1
February 07, 2023 08:15 - 36 minutes - 33.5 MBLibby introduces a new season of Making Polyamory Work with a very personal reflection on belonging, fitting in, values and integrity. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Coming Out To Your Kids
December 06, 2022 08:10 - 1 hour - 68.4 MBLibby and Catherine of Expansive Connection answer a listener question about coming out to older kids. https://www.expansiveconnection.com/ https://www.expansiveconnection.com/enm https://www.instagram.com/expansive.connection.coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
[Replay] The Holiday Minefield
November 22, 2022 08:10 - 34 minutes - 31.7 MBLibby reviews some of the biggest challenges that can show up around the holiday season when you're non-monogamous and how to navigate them without exploding an already stressful season. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
There's Nothing to Fear
November 17, 2022 08:10 - 13 minutes - 12.9 MBLIbby talks about how important it is to talk about fears with our partners. How we respond when our partner shares a fear with us can make a tremendous difference in how we tend to them and ourselves. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
New Information Shock
November 15, 2022 08:10 - 19 minutes - 18 MBLibby describes the phenomenon known as New Information Shock and how to handle it when you encounter it in your relationships. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
The Most Important Step of Repair
October 18, 2022 07:10 - 24 minutes - 22.6 MBIf you want to make a good repair, there's one step that Libby wishes people prioritized more. Mia Mingus - The Four Parts of Accountability & How To Give A Genuine Apology: https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/how-to-give-a-good-apology-part-1-the-four-parts-of-accountability/ Repair Episode: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/slow-down-to-break-up?rq=repair Are You Checking Out or Checking In?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/are-you-checking-in-or-c...
Breadcrumbing and Signposting
October 11, 2022 07:10 - 20 minutes - 18.5 MBOne tool that might help you with rocking-the-boat type conversations. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Agreements Are Great
October 04, 2022 07:10 - 36 minutes - 33.4 MBLibby talks about why she likes agreements, what purpose they serve in relationships, and some things to watch out for when making them with your partners. Why Predicting Future feelings is So Difficult: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200825-why-predicting-our-future-feelings-is-so-difficult --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Where Is This Going?
September 27, 2022 07:10 - 44 minutes - 41 MBLibby speaks about the Relationship Escalator, and talks about some ways she has found to step off it. Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: https://offescalator.com/ Solo Poly: https://solopoly.net/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
How Do I Know if I'm Polyamorous?
September 20, 2022 07:10 - 46 minutes - 43.2 MBLibby is joined by Multiamory's Dedeker Winston to answer a listener who asks two questions: How do I know if I'm polyamorous? And, how should I go about dating if I'm not sure? Dedeker Winston: https://www.dedekerwinston.com/ Multiamory: https://www.multiamory.com/ Kathy Labriola's Jealousy Workbook: https://bookshop.org/books/the-jealousy-workbook-exercises-and-insights-for-managing-open-relationships/9780937609637 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sho...
Food
September 15, 2022 07:10 - 15 minutes - 14.6 MBLibby names the 10th relationship of a modern marriage: Food. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Leave Room in a Crisis
September 13, 2022 07:10 - 41 minutes - 38.8 MBLibby talks about the costs of operating your time, energy, and attention at full capacity by default, and why it's worth considering intentionally having more downtime to recharge and also so that you have some room to push if there's a need or crisis. Happiness is Other People: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/27/opinion/sunday/happiness-is-other-people.html One Secret to Happiness: Relationships: https://www.thestatesman.com/lifestyle/75-year-harvard-study-1-scientific-secret-happiness-...
9 Relationships of a Modern Marriage
April 19, 2022 07:00 - 31 minutes - 29.5 MBDid you know that marriage as conventionally practiced in the 21st century (in a lot of the world at least) is actually like... 9 different relationships. In this episode, Libby explains those 9 relationships, and how what marriage is trying to do is pack a whole village into one other person. She asks the question, what could we do instead that might work better? ----------------------- SHOW LINKS Marriage, a History, by Stephanie Coontz: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/291184/m...
Know Your Power
April 12, 2022 07:00 - 27 minutes - 25.3 MBHow empowered are you in your relationships? Have you stopped to notice where you might be disempowered... or too empowered? In this episode, Libby talks about power dynamics and how important it is to name them if you want to have relationally-empowered partnerships. -------------------------- Libby is presenting at Southwest Lovefest Virtual Con April 24th! https://www.swlovefest.com/virtualcon22 Want help creating empowered relationships? Check out the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle. Ne...
On Drop
April 05, 2022 07:00 - 15 minutes - 13.9 MBDo you know what drop is? In this episode, Libby explains drop, what it is, why it's rough, and what you can do to make it a little easier to deal with. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Veto Happens
March 29, 2022 07:00 - 31 minutes - 29.2 MBThe relationship veto is a controversial topic in polyamory circles. Libby talks about what vetoes are, how they can happen without being called a veto, and how they aren't always a bad thing. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Yes Intent Does Matter
March 22, 2022 07:00 - 28 minutes - 26.6 MB"Intent doesn't matter." That statement has cropped up in multiple conversations online and in person over the years. In this epsiode, Libby shares why that simply isn't true, at least not when it comes to a valued relationship. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
For Your Mom
March 15, 2022 07:00 - 29 minutes - 27.7 MBIn this episode, Libby speaks to parents of adult polyamorous children who may be having a hard time with the idea. SHOW LINKS: It's Called Polyamory: https://thorntreepress.com/its-called-polyamory/ When Someone You Love is Polyamorous: https://thorntreepress.com/when-someone-you-love-is-polyamorous/ The Coffee Break Primer on Polyamory: https://adapowers.medium.com/the-coffee-break-polyamory-primer-6c64b4dc53de This Heart Holds Many, My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Pol...
Are you Checking Out or Checking In?
March 08, 2022 08:00 - 22 minutes - 20.4 MBOne of the most important things in relationship is to act with intention rather than reactivity, but if we're so busy and distracted all the time, it's really hard to slow down enough to do anything but react when we're upset. Libby invites you to ask yourself this question, "Are you checking out or checking in?" Show Links: Your Smartphone is Making you Stupid: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2017/08/a-sitting-phone-gathers-brain-dross/535476/ Proactive vs. Reactive: h...
Doing It in a Group
March 01, 2022 08:00 - 44 minutes - 40.8 MBIn this epsiode, Libby gives you her best tips for having awesome sexytimes with groups of 3 or more. CN: NSFW. Mature content, including explicit mentions of sexual behaviors in this episode. So um, you may want your headphones in. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
The Still Face
February 22, 2022 09:00 - 33 minutes - 30.8 MBLibby talks about the effect withdrawal patterns can have on our nervous systems, and how to navigate that if it is showing up in your relationship. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message
Asking Needs To Be Okay
February 15, 2022 09:00 - 21 minutes - 20.3 MB"How could she ask for that?" is a phrase I have heard before. It's a phrase I've even said. But I firmly believe, it's okay to ask for whatever you want. The problem lies in whether or not your partner feels like they can say no. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message