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Love Over Addiction

318 episodes - English - Latest episode: 5 days ago - ★★★★★ - 1.4K ratings

Join host Michelle Anderson as she discusses life while loving someone struggling with addiction. The goal of each episode is to leave you with encouragement, hope, and some laughs while you navigate the heartbreaking and rewarding relationship of loving someone with substance use disorder. If you're exhausted from trying to help, lonely, and unsure what to do next - you've come to the right place.

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Episodes

What To Do When They Start Getting Mean

March 24, 2024 09:39 - 4 minutes - 4.09 MB

One of the core beliefs we have at Love Over Addiction is that addiction is a third party in our relationships. We view addiction as a separate entity from our loved ones. This helps us with forgiveness and to process why we love someone who can be so cruel and self-destructive. When they start being rude, nasty, or mean, that’s the addiction trying to bait us. Addiction craves conflict and control. We don’t need to stand there and take it - but we also don’t need to take the bait. Inste...

What's the Difference Between Good Boundaries & Poor Boundaries?

March 17, 2024 16:00 - 4 minutes - 4.31 MB

Having good, healthy boundaries in place versus poor, unrealistic boundaries can make all the difference in our personal, spiritual, and physical lives. Having boundaries is important (especially when loving someone suffering from addiction), but boundaries can be confusing. What is a good boundary, some of us might be wondering? https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

How to Really Surrender Control

March 01, 2024 11:00 - 10 minutes - 9.99 MB

The word surrender is used a lot in the world of addiction. One of the things that always bothered me was that I was constantly being told that I needed to “let go and surrender,” but I never really understood how. The word surrender to me means letting go of my emotional investment in a certain outcome. Surrender doesn't mean we stop loving or caring. Another way of looking at how to “let go” is to think about the opposite of surrendering. What’s the opposite of surrendering? Controll...

Why We Keep Going Back to Them

February 23, 2024 10:00 - 8 minutes - 7.4 MB

Do you ever wonder: "Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me so much?" There are many reasons we stay, but today, I’m going to be vulnerable and share with you why I deeply loved a man who clearly didn’t love me or himself enough to get sober. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

3 Reasons We Don't Talk About Loving Someone Suffering with Addiction

February 16, 2024 13:00 - 10 minutes - 9.55 MB

Your loved one might seem put together on the outside. Most men and women who drink too much or suffer from substance abuse disorder hold good jobs and earn a good living. Most of the time, they can help take care of the kids and household duties. And because they are so high-functioning, it can leave you feeling nervous about sharing with friends and family just how bad things have become. In this episode, we explore three of the reasons why we don't talk about addiction and our loved o...

Valentines Day AND Super Bowl Sunday? Ugh.

February 09, 2024 13:00 - 4 minutes - 3.66 MB

It's almost time for Valentine's Day and Super Bowl Sunday (in America). One holiday can leave us feeling disappointed and unloved, wondering, "Why don't they love me enough?" We see the commercials for Valentine's Day with loving couples, chocolates, and flowers, but that's usually not our reality. We live in a different world. A world where love is unreliable. Where love hurts. And when they reach for the drinks, drugs, or whatever else is distracting them from getting healthy, we feel rej...

Normal Relationship Advice Does Not Apply To Us

February 02, 2024 11:49 - 11 minutes - 10.3 MB

Let’s be honest, not many people know what to do with our feelings of deep loneliness or constant anxiety when it comes to our relationships. And very well-intentioned people can give some really hurtful advice. Find the full show notes and join in the conversation: https://michelleanderson.substack.com

3 Ways You Might Be Codependent

January 26, 2024 13:00 - 9 minutes - 4.53 MB

Being codependent can go hand in hand with loving someone suffering from addiction. Like two magnets attracted to one another, we connect with our partner by a force that feels greater than ourselves. Love has something to do with it, but also, there might be some relationship dynamics at play. Find the full show notes and join in the conversation: https://michelleanderson.substack.com

Why It's So Hard To Love Someone Suffering With Addiction

January 07, 2024 23:54 - 9 minutes - 4.46 MB

And addiction happens to really good people. I truly, truly believe that. I always said my ex-husband is one of the most talented human beings I've ever met. He had it all. He was brilliant, kind, funny, charming and good looking. I mean, the guy had it all. And I hear a lot.  I meet a lot of people struggling with addiction, and they are some of the most talented human beings in the whole wide world. But I also believe that addiction can bring out the worst in the ones we love. And I'm ...

Should We Throw Away Their Substances

December 29, 2023 15:00 - 12 minutes - 6.2 MB

When we love somone suffering from addiction, it can be hard to know if we should throw away their drugs, alcohol, or get rid of their pornography.  We hear this from people in our community all the time. They'll find stashes in the bathroom, bedroom, garage, car, or office. What should you do when you find it?  We'll get into the details of how to handle each item, because their are legal differences between drugs vs. alcohol or porn.  Find all the details here: https://www.loveove...

3 Common Mistakes We Make During An Argument With Our Partner

December 22, 2023 19:00 - 10 minutes - 5.22 MB

When you love someone suffering from addiction, everything about your relationship is different. Arguemnts can be very challenging to navigate. Today we'll talk about 3 tips to navigate arguments with your partner. And three common mistakes we make (becuase we're human). Remember that you're not alone. There's a whole community of people that are in the same situation you are.  Find all the episode details here: https://www.loveover.co/podcast/common-mistakes-in-an-argument Get 12 Free T...

How to Get Back to Being Yourself

December 11, 2023 19:52 - 12 minutes - 5.93 MB

Today, let's dive into something deep—finding our way back to ourselves. You ever look in the mirror and wonder where that old you went? Yeah, it hits hard. Love, especially when it's entangled with addiction, can make us feel lost, lonely, and like we've lost our spark. But here's the thing—I believe we can reclaim ourselves, even in the midst of this chaos. It's all about being honest with ourselves. I want to ask you: What do you really want for yourself in the coming year? And what are...

I Was Losing Myself

November 21, 2023 22:01 - 11 minutes - 5.63 MB

When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I made a list of things I could control vs. things that I needed to let go of because, after a decade of loving him, I was losing myself. My wake-up call came when my friend from college was visiting for a weekend and tenderly said, “Michelle, I don’t even recognize you anymore.” I was a shadow of the woman I once was. Addiction was stealing my husband’s life, and slowly, like a thief in the night, it was creeping into my mind...

Why Do We Feel Depressed Around the Holidays?

November 16, 2023 18:09 - 16 minutes - 22.6 MB

Michelle talks about how difficult the winter holidays can feel when loving someone struggling with addiction, the top five things people like us worry about (and it's not the turkey stuffing) and how we have two choices - quit or double down on the "holiday magic" - both are perfectly acceptable. Plus, some loving advice she would tell her younger self.  If you are looking for community and want to connect in the comments - you can find Michelle and thousands of others on the Love Over Ad...

Saying Goodbye Is Hard: Final Episode Part 1

April 10, 2022 09:00 - 1 hour - 85.3 MB

Over 20 years ago I walked into a bookstore wearing a ratty old sweatshirt. I sat on the floor in the self-help section and began pouring over dozens of books. I was looking for a story of a woman who loved someone suffering from addiction. I wanted a book of hope, an instruction manual on what to do to save my family from this disease.  I found lots of books with brave tales of men and women who got sober. But nothing for the ones who love them. I was desperately alone without anyone I co...

Narcissism, Abuse, and the Progression of Addiction

April 03, 2022 09:00 - 53 minutes - 73.9 MB

Is It Possible To Build Back Trust?

March 27, 2022 09:00 - 30 minutes - 42.2 MB

Whether your loved one suffers from addiction or not, having trust in your relationship is essential. Right? Because without it, you'll most likely start to feel frustrated or even stuck. But if you entered this relationship with any trust issues from your past, it's important to make your healing a priority. And you're not going to be able to do that if you're looking to your partner to help you feel better. So, how do you start to build back trust? Is it even possible? Tune in to this we...

He Went To 5 Rehabs In 22 Years

March 20, 2022 09:00 - 1 hour - 105 MB

When your loved one who struggles with addiction has been in and out of rehab for 22 years, at what point do you say, 'enough is enough?' Because honestly, are they really EVER going to get healthy (especially when they can't be honest about their addiction)? That's something a strong woman in our community shared recently and what her 'line in the sand' was for leaving her marriage. Take some time to listen to this new podcast episode and how the work she's done on her healing (includin...

Her Trauma Bond Kept Her From Leaving

March 13, 2022 10:00 - 49 minutes - 67.4 MB

When you think about the relationship with your partner who struggles with addiction, have there been times you've questioned yourself about why you've stayed so long? And if so, what keeps pulling you back in even though it's not a healthy situation? This is something a brave woman in our community shared with me recently that many people will most likely be able to relate to. Tune in for this new podcast interview to hear how trauma bonds kept this woman from leaving an unhealthy relat...

Does An Alcoholic Have To Drink Every Day?

March 06, 2022 10:00 - 46 minutes - 64.4 MB

When you think of someone struggling with alcoholism (or any addiction), you probably feel that they must drink every day, right? But as you'll hear in this new podcast interview, that's not necessarily always the case. Tune in for this brave woman's story of how her Aboriginal roots and learned childhood behaviors impacted her life later on (particularly with relationships), as well as why someone who doesn't drink every day can still be an alcoholic. Find more here:  https://loveove...

Spiraling And Spinning Out Of Control? You’re Not Alone.

February 27, 2022 10:00 - 38 minutes - 53 MB

Loving someone with addiction can sometimes make you feel like you're spinning out of control, can't it? One moment you're feeling joy and hope, only to have it turn to fear and anger pretty quickly. And listen, you’re not alone. We've been there and completely understand. But the good news is that you can make it feel less and less like a roller coaster ride when dealing with your loved one. Tune in to this week's episode to hear how to stop spiraling, as well as to make sure you're mov...

He Won’t Stop Drinking

February 20, 2022 10:00 - 1 hour - 92.6 MB

Has your loved one flat out refused to stop drinking (or whatever their substance of choice is) no matter how many times you've begged and pleaded? And what if their addiction is affecting your young children? That's something a strong woman in our community spoke about recently (and how she tried to compromise with her husband multiple times). Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear how she finally decided to move forward and is protecting her children, as well as reconnecting with h...

Interview: Dating After Leaving Someone With Addiction

February 13, 2022 10:00 - 1 hour - 83.1 MB

If you've moved on from your relationship with someone who struggles with addiction (or have been thinking about it), have you wondered what 'life after leaving' looks like? Or what would dating again be like? That might seem a little scary, right? I recently spoke with a woman in our community who was very brave and open about what this has been like for her. Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear a great conversation about starting over, what dating again looks like, and how ther...

Does Your Relationship Show Signs Of Abuse? You Might Be Surprised.

February 06, 2022 10:00 - 17 minutes - 24.4 MB

If you've been tuning in for the last several episodes, you've heard me covering some clues that you may be ready to consider leaving your relationship with your loved one who struggles with addiction. And this week, I'm finishing up with the final two reasons.  As always, there's never any judgment on whether you decide to stay or leave. That's completely up to you (and you always reserve the right to change your mind at any time).  But please take some time to listen to this episode beca...

Does Your Relationship Shows Signs Of Abuse? You Might Be Surprised.

February 06, 2022 10:00 - 17 minutes - 24.4 MB

If you've been tuning in for the last several episodes, you've heard me covering some clues that you may be ready to consider leaving your relationship with your loved one who struggles with addiction. And this week, I'm finishing up with the final two reasons.  As always, there's never any judgment on whether you decide to stay or leave. That's completely up to you (and you always reserve the right to change your mind at any time).  But please take some time to listen to this episode be...

What If They Get Better After You Leave?

January 30, 2022 10:00 - 15 minutes - 20.9 MB

If you've gone back and forth on possibly leaving your loved one who struggles with addiction, what's holding you back from doing so? If one of the reasons is that you're afraid they might get better after you leave, just know you're not alone. But I want to share some loving truths with you, okay? Tune in to this week's new episode to hear several more clues that you may be ready to leave your relationship (even if you're still unsure right now). Find more here:  https://loveoverad...

3 Clues It May Be Time To Consider Leaving

January 23, 2022 10:00 - 30 minutes - 42 MB

Has the thought ever crossed your mind about whether you should stay or leave your relationship?  And maybe just the thought of leaving your loved one who struggles with addiction makes you anxious or scared (which is understandable). But just hear me out, okay? Tune in to this week's new episode, where I dive into three clues that it may be time to consider leaving. And if you decide that leaving isn't the right decision for you, that's absolutely okay, too. Find more here:  https:/...

Interview: He Used His Child To Manipulate Me

January 16, 2022 10:00 - 55 minutes - 76.7 MB

Have you ever felt like you're on a rollercoaster ride because of your loved one's addiction? Lots of ups and downs and uncertainty of what's ahead. So why do we stay on that ride (or keep coming back)? Tune in to this new podcast episode to hear a woman explain how her ex-husband used their child to manipulate her and how she found herself in a financially abusive marriage. But despite everything she's been through, she's now healthier and happier than ever, thanks to the work she's don...

Interview: He Was A High-Functioning Alcoholic

January 09, 2022 10:00 - 47 minutes - 65.3 MB

Have you ever wondered whether your loved one's drinking is really 'that bad?' When you love someone who is a high-functioning alcoholic, it can be easy to start doubting yourself and your feelings. I spoke with a brave woman in our community recently who opened up about going through this.  Tune in to this new podcast episode where she shares about her high-functioning alcoholic husband, as well as dealing with family members who are unsupportive of the decisions she's making for her fu...

Interview: Breaking The Cycle of Codependency For Her Daughters

January 02, 2022 10:00 - 47 minutes - 65.5 MB

For many of us, codependency is something we've dealt with for a long time. But have you ever wondered how you came to be that way? Or how to break the cycle of codependency, particularly with your loved one who struggles with addiction? This is something I discussed recently with a strong woman in our community. Tune in for this new podcast interview to hear how she's made her boundaries work for her and how she's committed to breaking the cycle of codependency for her daughters. Find...

When “Let Go and Let God” Doesn’t Work

December 26, 2021 10:00 - 34 minutes - 47.5 MB

You've probably heard the expression, “Let go and let God.” That it's somehow OK to lose control of what you want or believe. But I disagree with this saying when you love someone suffering from addiction (or even with unhealthy relationships with friends or family).  In our community, we believe that it's 100% OK to take control of your own life and feelings. You're a grown, wonderful, smart adult who knows what's best for YOU. Click to hear this week's episode about how taking control ...

Two Codependent Boundary Systems You Need To Know

December 19, 2021 10:00 - 31 minutes - 43 MB

As a codependent, setting (and sticking to) boundaries can sometimes be challenging. And look, no judgment at all. Boundaries are tricky and take lots of practice.  But they're also so important to have when you love someone suffering from addiction. Because here's the thing: without boundaries, the morals and values you entered the relationship with become compromised over time. Tune in to this week's episode, where I discuss a favorite book of mine (along with some helpful stories) abo...

Interview: She Almost Called Off The Wedding

December 12, 2021 10:00 - 38 minutes - 53.4 MB

Have you experienced red flags in your relationship with your loved one that almost caused you to make a huge decision to either stay or leave? That's exactly what happened to a woman I spoke with recently in our community. Not only did she almost call off her wedding, but she shares what her 'rock bottom' was in her relationship, as well as some vulnerable moments that you may be able to relate to. Tune in to this new podcast episode to hear how this strong and confident woman is coming...

Interview: I Hate The Holidays

December 05, 2021 10:00 - 40 minutes - 54.9 MB

Maybe you love the holidays. Or perhaps you're like a woman in our community I spoke to recently who has said, "I hate the holidays."  If that's something you've said before, you're not alone (and it definitely doesn't make you a 'Scrooge'). Tune in for this new episode to hear this courageous woman discuss several fears she has about the possibility of leaving her marriage, as well as some lessons she's learned while loving her alcoholic husband. Find more here:  https://loveoveradd...

Interview: Her Plan For A Happy Holiday

November 28, 2021 10:00 - 43 minutes - 59.5 MB

When you love someone struggling with addiction, the holidays may not always be something you're looking forward to, right? Because most likely, this is the time where their alcohol (or chosen substance) consumption might increase, especially with all of the holiday get-togethers going on. But what if you CAN still experience joy regardless of their actions and behaviors? That's one of the things you'll hear a strong woman in our community discuss in this new podcast episode (as well a...

Interview: How I’m Deciding To Stay Or Go

November 21, 2021 10:00 - 45 minutes - 62.7 MB

How do you know if you should stay or leave your relationship when you love someone struggling with addiction? I had the pleasure of speaking with a brave woman in our community recently who shared the lessons she's learned while working on her own healing and her reasoning for staying or leaving her marriage. Tune in to this week's new podcast episode to hear how she built up her confidence and independence and how she grappled with what the church says about divorce. Find more here: ...

Interview: I’m Here To Stay

November 14, 2021 10:00 - 1 hour - 83.4 MB

If you're with someone struggling with addiction, have you ever wondered what it could look like to stay in your relationship with them? I recently spoke to a very wise woman in our community who has done so much work on her own healing and has decided to stay in her marriage. Tune in to hear this new podcast interview and how she arrived at the point of saying, 'I'm here to stay.' Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/here-to-stay/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction....

Interview: I Had No Idea I Was Married To An Alcoholic

November 07, 2021 09:00 - 1 hour - 89.2 MB

What happens when a loved one has been hiding their addiction from you (even for many years!)? Because let's be honest: it can be devastating when you find the 'evidence' such as empty bottles stashed in a 'hiding place,' right? This is exactly what happened to one of the women in our community who Michelle spoke with recently. Tune in to this new podcast interview where she shares her story, how she went six years of marriage without realizing she married an alcoholic, and how she’s bui...

Mindful Detaching and Finding Your Center

October 31, 2021 09:00 - 8 minutes - 12.2 MB

When you have someone in your life who is struggling with addiction, you've probably felt a wide range of emotions: hurt, anger, sadness, and sometimes even hope. It can be a lot, right? So when you start to feel your emotions rise (which is normal!), it's important to find your 'center' again. But how do you do that? Tune in to this week's new episode for a quick and helpful tip about detaching that you can use with anyone in your life (even with strangers!). Find more here:  https:...

My Story Of Struggling With Depression

October 24, 2021 09:00 - 16 minutes - 22.5 MB

When you love someone struggling with addiction, you may feel depressed sometimes or have feelings of anxiety. You've been through a lot because of their addiction, right? Just know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Many people in our community can relate to what you're going through (including myself). And that's what I'm going to discuss today: my personal story of struggling with depression (along with some ways I've found helpful in dealing with depression and anxiety). Fi...

Ways To Spend Your Energy When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

October 17, 2021 09:00 - 17 minutes - 23.9 MB

When you love someone struggling with addiction, you've maybe felt overwhelmed sometimes. Or you start believing some negative thoughts about yourself that their addiction tries to convince are true. Can you relate? So how can you start to change this? Tune in to this new episode where I share some tips to help you feel less overwhelmed and more empowered instead. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/feeling-overwhelmed/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Staying With Your Loved One Who Struggles With Addiction

October 10, 2021 09:00 - 35 minutes - 49.1 MB

When you love someone struggling with addiction, the decision to stay or leave your relationship is ultimately up to you. It's one that you need to have full ownership of. But if you've decided to stay, what does that look like? And what are some things that you'll need to consider? Tune in to this new episode where I dive into this (as well as what a wedding dress moment has to do with staying with your loved one). Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/staying-with-your-lov...

What You Are Feeling Is A Big Deal

October 03, 2021 09:00 - 29 minutes - 41 MB

Loving someone with addiction usually means you feel many things: love, anxiety, and frustration (just to name a few). Or even that you're coming unglued. Can you relate? Just know that what you are feeling and what you're going through is a big deal. It's okay for you to feel all of the feels. And that's what I share with you in this week's new episode (as well as an 'A-ha!' moment I had after a nightmare recently). Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/feeling-big-deal/ ...

After You Leave: What To Expect

September 26, 2021 09:00 - 29 minutes - 40.1 MB

When you love someone struggling with addiction, there's usually a rollercoaster of emotions - feeling hopeful for their recovery, only to then feel disappointed when they can't get sober. Over and over again. Not only is this frustrating, but it's an unhealthy cycle for you, as well.  So if you've finally reached a point that enough is enough and you've decided to leave, then what? Tune in to this new episode to hear why it's time to take ownership of your life and what that may look li...

You Have Control Over Your Decision

September 19, 2021 09:00 - 39 minutes - 54.3 MB

Have you gone back and forth (maybe many times) on whether you should stay or leave your relationship with your loved one who struggles with addiction? And let's be honest: that mental mind game can get pretty exhausting sometimes, right? Just know that it's okay if you don't know right now what you want to do. But it's also so important to remember that you DO have control over your decision. And that's what I'm going to dive into with today's new episode (along with a personal story ab...

You Are So Much More Than Pretty

September 12, 2021 09:00 - 40 minutes - 55.9 MB

Have you ever thought that if you just keep a smile on your face and look pretty and perfectly together (even though you're barely hanging on), that it will be easier than expressing what you're REALLY going through while loving someone struggling with addiction? But how is that healthy? (Hint: it's not). Tune in to this new episode where I dive into why it's so important to embrace who you really are and shed the shell of who you think you 'should' be (to yourself and everyone else). ...

Real Talk When They’re Not Getting Sober

September 05, 2021 09:00 - 17 minutes - 24.3 MB

You've more than likely tried expressing your feelings to them, right? Like how their drinking or using is affecting you and your relationship. Or that you're at your breaking point in dealing with their behavior. But has that actually helped to change anything? Tune in to this week's new episode, where we do some 'real talk,' and I give some loving truths about what YOU can do if your loved one is not getting sober. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/sober-real-talk/ J...

When It Was Finally Time To Leave And Divorce My Ex-Husband

August 29, 2021 09:00 - 39 minutes - 53.9 MB

When you love someone struggling with addiction, have you ever thought about the possibility of leaving them? Because let's be honest, it can be exhausting wondering how much longer you can put up with the hurt and ups and downs. Right? And that's what I'm going to discuss with you today. Tune in to this week's new episode, where I share my personal story of how I finally realized that I needed to divorce my ex-husband (and how I knew that I would follow through with my decision). Find...

Has Addiction Convinced You That You’re Crazy?

August 22, 2021 09:00 - 49 minutes - 67.6 MB

Have you ever felt crazy because of your loved one's addiction? Like, maybe their addiction is all in your mind and not real? Or that you're somehow at fault for their addiction? So how do you move past feeling this way? Tune in to this episode, where I share several new stories that I haven't told before about my personal experience of feeling crazy because of my ex-husband's addiction. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/convince-crazy/ Join us here: https://loveoverad...

Do You Live In A Constant State Of Fear Or Anxiety?

August 15, 2021 09:00 - 32 minutes - 44.8 MB

Have you ever worried that something bad might happen to your loved one that struggles with addiction? Maybe it's a fear of them getting in trouble legally or overdosing...or even dying. Just thinking about this might give you some anxiety, right? But how do you start to overcome this fear so that it's not consuming you? Tune in to this week's new episode to hear why letting go of certain things is so important (and how you CAN start to feel better). Find more here:  https://loveover...