LM1163 Be Careful What You Ask For

LM1163 Be Careful What You Ask For

LM, Episode 1163, 2/23/23, Be Careful What You Ask For

I’m afraid three years of Covid has caused people to forget how to behave in a social setting.  When you sign on to do a club weekend, you know it is not like a theater or a speaking engagement.  There are lots of distractions and disruptions.  You have people ordering drinks, waitstaff dropping dishes, people throwing up, the worst is when they drop the checks and the whole audience quits listening to you and starts trying to figure out how much to tip. It is evident whatever multiplication they are teaching in school today isn’t working because people have to pull out their phone’s calculator to figure it out..  Come on, really?  You can’t multiply 20 percent in your head?

But this weekend was the weirdest.

During my show on Friday night a couple on the front row have a pizza delivered.  I don’t mean they ordered pizza from the waitress and she brought it with their drinks.  No, a Dominos’ pizza delivery guy walks up to the front table, pulls out three boxes of pizza from his insulated sleeve, and has the guy sign the receipt.  I wouldn’t have minded as much if the delivery guy had bought a ticket.

Later when I paused to take a drink, the guy yells, “We have some leftover pizza up here if anyone wants it,”  and three people come up for a slice.

I’m doing 90 minutes and with 30 minutes to go, four women join us.  When I ask what brings them to Kenosha, they say they’re on a girl’s weekend away. Being sarcastic, I go, “Well welcome.  There’s pizza down here if you’d like some,” and damn if two of them don’t come down for a slice.

After the show the guy asks if I want any pizza. “No, thank you.  I think I’ve had enough of the pizza for tonight.

Last week I had a Laughter Matters about how I have a sixth sense that I know when someone’s about the heckle and I just start speaking to drown them out.  I invited anyone who wanted to heckle me to come to the Kenosha Comedy Club to do so.  Be careful what you ask for because Saturday night a guy at a different front table did just that.  I don’t think he meant to be disruptive.  He really enjoyed the show, but he lacked the social skills to be allowed out in public.  He wanted to comment on just about everything I brought up.  

When I said men of our generation classify women as being either a Ginger or a Mary Ann after Gilligan’s Island, he points to his wife, yelling, “She’s a Ginger.”  At one point he yelled, “Arkansas,” even though Arkansas didn’t relate to anything I was discussing.

Between my sixth sense and Ginger occasionally cupping her hand over his mouth to shut him up, we survived the show.  

The following day I’m telling my comedian friend, Stewart Huff, about everything.  I mention my sixth sense that notifies me when someone’s about to talk so I can talk over them, he says, “I wish I could develop that.  When someone yells at me, I never understand what they’re saying, so I ask them to repeat themselves.”  

I find this hilarious and ask, “Does that work?”

Stewart says, “It never ends well.

I hope you will join me in going to Stewart’s shows at Wiley’s Comedy Club in Dayton this weekend.  I’m not buying a ticket.  I’ve comendered a Domino’s Pizza delivery shirt and am delivering pizza to whomever is at the front table.

Take care and always remember laughter matters.