Kruse Corner Podcast

0322 Leave the Light On

When are we allowed to finally say that we have healed? Or, are we meant to stay broken? For over 3 years I have talked about struggling, trauma, and failure. Recently I began to talk about the healing that has taken place during that time. What did I find? That people were upset that I would "pretend" or "fake" being okay. When we say we are allowed to reach out, get help, and heal, do we truly mean it?

0321 Women, War and Wellness

For this episode I cover multiple books to add to the discussion of women in the military, the differences they face, and how competition seems to hinder our healing in the veteran community more than it helps. Learning different perspectives or discussing the various experiences we can have does not take away from anyone else's story, service, or cause. If we don't know what others face, how can we truly know how to help them heal? If you would like to explore the titles and topics covered...

0320 Physically Intact, Still Broken: Deployment Transition

In the veteran community we talk about transition often. Mostly because we can all agree and acknowledge that it has a major impact on all of us. But why don't we talk about the transitions that take place in our service more often? They impact us, too. When I returned from deployment, I was aware that I was not the same person. I knew I was struggling to adapt and to integrate back into the life I left behind. Then I would experience that same helplessness, same struggle, when I left the Ar...

0320 Physically Intact, But Still...

In the veteran community we talk about transition often. Mostly because we can all agree and acknowledge that it has a major impact on all of us. But why don't we talk about the transitions that take place in our service more often? They impact us, too. When I returned from deployment, I was aware that I was not the same person. I knew I was struggling to adapt and to integrate back into the life I left behind. Then I would experience that same helplessness, same struggle, when I left the Arm...

0319 There and Back Again

Marine Corps Veteran and co-host of Cancelled for Maintenance Podcast, Six, returns to the show so that we can discuss deployments. Specifically, the transition from being home, to being overseas, and then being home again. We try to cover all angles regarding this topic, offering insight and perspective from the one deployed, as well as the one that stays behind. Deployments are hard on everyone and we hope this conversation will help people to reach out, gain some understanding, and encour...

0318 Descent, Attempt, Recovery

This episode is based off information from Dr. Richard A. Heckler's "Waking Up, Alive." Lani discusses her most recent book recommendation and shares her experience with unhealed trauma and how it led to her descent into suicidal thinking, the suicidal trance, and how she moved on from the belief that life was not worth living. She will also discuss information about rebuilding the self and healing the past. Listener discretion is advised.

0317 "The Wounds Within" (Pt. 2)

This episode covers the second half of the book, "The Wounds Within: A Veteran, A PTSD Therapist, and a Nation Unprepared" by Mark Nickerson and Joshua Goldstein. In this episode, I cover warning signs, risk factors, changes made by the VA and military, and stories about poor leadership and not taking someone's mental health seriously. 

0316 "The Wounds Within"

September is Suicide Prevention Month. For this episode I talk about the book "The Wounds Within: A Veteran, A PTSD Therapist, And a Nation Unprepared" by Mark Nickerson and Joshua Goldstein. This episode covers PTSD, suicide, VA and military failures, the stigma held by our society, and why it is important that we police each other up (in person or on social media) when one of our own is attempting to attack or silence a veteran or service member in need.

0316 "The Wounds Within" (Pt. 1)

September is Suicide Prevention Month. For this episode I talk about the book "The Wounds Within: A Veteran, A PTSD Therapist, And a Nation Unprepared" by Mark Nickerson and Joshua Goldstein. This episode covers PTSD, suicide, VA and military failures, the stigma held by our society, and why it is important that we police each other up (in person or on social media) when one of our own is attempting to attack or silence a veteran or service member in need.

0315 20 years

I had not expected to release an episode this week, but with everything going on I just needed a place to process my thoughts and I chose to do that here. We all had different perspectives, opinions, and experiences involving the war in Afghanistan. It was a 20 year war that some feel should have never started or needed to have ended long ago. Others feel it was another Vietnam, destined to fail and carried out at too high of a price. Regardless of how you feel, chances are you or someone yo...

0314 Vigilant Valkyrie "Unseen Warrior" Event

The Valkyrie Veteran Convention "The Unseen Warrior" will be taking place September 25th, from 2 to 7 PM MST, at The Enlisted Association Chapter 1 in Colorado Springs. Event information and ticket links can be found by going to Vigilant Valkyrie's website: http://vigilantvalkyrie.org/ You will also be able to find sections to make donations, as well as a link to the Vigilant Valkyrie store where you can grab some awesome gear! Or, head straight to the store with the following link: https:/...

0313 Reflection

I reached a point after experiencing trauma where I could hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror. Mostly because that reflection forced me to see that I had changed. Dealing with and healing from trauma has been a long, difficult road. The first step towards reclaiming myself was taken when I was willing to acknowledge the post-traumatic stress, along with the impact trauma had taken on me.

0312 Power of Stories

Stories are powerful. They allow histories and traditions to be shared with future generations. They provide wisdom and insight. For some of us, stories were the way we learned to communicate and acknowledge deeply rooted pain and trauma. For myself, stories allowed me to break a silence that was slowly killing me. This episode covers what opening up about my past did and did not do for me. How it helped me out of a dark place and to find a path towards healing.

0311 Soldier Up

Transition is rough. That is something that many veterans can agree on. But what happens during our transition varies. This episode covers everything from my struggle to leave the military behind, the poor coping mechanisms I learned, mistakes made during transition, using training to survive, and why talking about these experiences can be important to someone thinking about suicide. Content for this episode can be found in "The Gaslit Heart: A Story of Service and Survival."

0310 The POG Diaries

When Kruse Corner was still just a blog, there was a section that contained excerpts from a journal I had kept while deployed to Afghanistan. I had shared it with the intention of presenting another perspective of a combat zone. The Kruse Corner Podcast just had its 2-year anniversary and to recognize that, I have brought back one of the most requested and commented on sections of the original blog: The POG Diaries. Remember, it isn't always about who has the best story. Sometimes its simply...

0309 No Man of War

This episode was not recorded to try to downplay anything people have gone through, especially in war. It isn't to make combat sound as though all can relate to every aspect of it. If you have the badass war story that you say you do, then you already know others cannot take that away by sharing their own experiences or by simply stating that they understand. I just want you to think; to take a moment and consider -- maybe we aren't so different. Maybe we can relate, more than we realize. 

0308 There and Back Again

After leaving the Army, I often found myself wanting to go back, but I knew deep down my dreams of a military career were over. Years later I would become an Army spouse and while a part of me was attracted to the idea of being connected to the military again, I quickly discovered everything felt wrong. For this episode, I visit one of my journals and share what I wrote about the push and pull I have experienced with the Army ever since I was honorably discharged. How the good memories keep ...

0308 Here Nor There

After leaving the Army, I often found myself wanting to go back, but I knew deep down my dreams of a military career were over. Years later I would become an Army spouse and while a part of me was attracted to the idea of being connected to the military again, I quickly discovered everything felt wrong. For this episode, I visit one of my journals and share what I wrote about the push and pull I have experienced with the Army ever since I was honorably discharged. How the good memories keep m...

0307 "The Great Place"

Last year (2020) Fort Hood gained the attention of an entire nation when the Guillen family began demanding answers for the disappearance and murder of SPC Vanessa Guillen. Known for corruption, cover-ups, murders, disappearances, and other unbelievable stories, Fort Hood is anything but "The Great Place." Source: Jeong, May. (2021, July 6). Inside the rash of unexplained deaths at Fort Hood. Vanity Fair. Corrections: Time Stamp (PV2 Morales) I said the "Army" pressed military investigator...

0306 Ignored and Punished

This episode covers several military stories involving service members that were sexually assaulted and then punished for being a victim of MST. Details of violence and rape are included in this recording. Discretion is advised. Sources for this episode: Change.org, Human Rights Watch, and Protect our Defenders. The Heath Phillips story is from the video "Heath's Story of Surviving Military Sexual Assault." Two of the articles used were "Embattled: Retaliation Against Sexual Assault Survivo...

0305 Suicide, Accident, or Cover-up?

This episode covers two cases from the early 2000's that still don't have all the answers. Kamisha Block's family was told that she died in a friendly-fire accident in Iraq, while LaVena Johnson's family was informed that she had committed suicide on her deployment. When both families received the body of their loved one, they had questions. What had happened to these women and what was the Army trying to hide?

0304 Remember Asia Graham

This episode gives a brief overview of the Asia Graham case. Just because Christian Alvarado -- the soldier that sexually assaulted Asia back in December of 2019 -- received his sentencing on June 18th of this year, it doesn't mean that this case needs to be swept off to the side to be forgotten. Change is still needed and until that happens, stories like this one will continue to take place. 

0303 - Toxic Exposure

Between the WWII vets that were near atomic bomb testing, the Vietnam and Gulf War veterans that were around chemicals, and Post 9/11-era veterans that were stationed near burn pits, millions of military personnel have been exposed to toxins that are causing them to suffer or die. These men and women do not have time for the VA's denials. They do not have time for politicians to play their games, or time for legislative efforts to be put on hold or overlooked. Changes are needed now. Care is...

0302 - Ready to Listen?

Everywhere you look on social media, you can find people talking about domestic violence, abuse, or sexual assault. There are entire pages and organizations dedicated to these topics. So, if so many are talking about it and sharing their experiences, why aren't changes being made? Why does it still feel like these issues aren't being addressed? When survivors speak, are people actually listening? If we truly have one another's six and nobody stands alone, why aren't we being louder? Why aren...

0301 - Talking P-T-S-D

With June being PTSD Awareness Month, it only seemed right to kick-off season 3 sharing what I have learned about PTSD and PTS. This is a topic I have covered in past episodes, but based on feedback and reactions, it is clear that the stigma and misperceptions surrounding this trauma and stressor-related syndrome are still alive and strong.

Kruse Corner Podcast (Trailer)

Memorial Day 2021

It is always surprising to hear how many people don't know why we have Memorial Day. This episode is to explain what Memorial day is and what it means to others. For this episode, Lani will read a number of messages that were sent to her from other veterans, service members, and members of military families. These personal reflections speak of the honor and mourning that take place, not just on Memorial Day, but every day after we lose someone near and dear to our hearts that made the ultima...

S02E16 - Times Can Change

Due to avoiding negative stereotypes and feeling like being "one of the guys" was the safest way to belong in the military, women sometimes create barriers for each other during their time in service. I left the Army feeling bitter towards other women because of how I had been treated, but as a veteran, I was desperately seeking the company of those that had similar experiences to me, so I gave women veterans a second chance and was greatly surprised. My view of military spouses was also cha...

S02E15 - A Pill For A Pill

For this episode, Lani shares her personal story about dealing with prescription drug use. She describes what began to happen to her body after doctors continued to stack pill upon pill in her system for years and then one day, without warning, took them all away.

S02E14 - Alyssa's Story

For this episode I am joined by, Alyssa, who served in the Army as a generator mechanic. Alyssa describes her time in Korea, the successes and challenges of fighting for benefits, her reaction to the Vanessa Guillen story, and how she reached the decision to not remain silent any longer. Stories like Alyssa's are crucial. If veterans do not communicate their struggles or experiences, how will anyone know where the changes need to be made and the support needs to be given? In her own words: "...

S02E13 - The Invisible Women

From overcoming sexual harassment and assault in the workplace, to having our achievements criticized or belittled, and constantly having to prove that we are better than those stereotypes and low expectations that follow us wherever we go; women are met with a number of challenges the moment they decide to join the military. And those challenges continue once we become veterans and, again, must prove that we deserve to be recognized, receive proper care, have our sacrifices counted, and are...

S02E12 - J Marie from Women With An Effed Up Mind

For this episode, I will be talking with fellow podcaster, J Marie, who runs the Women With An Effed Up Mind Podcast. We will be discussing domestic violence and how it is handled by both the military and the civilian sides. We share our stories of dealing with and surviving domestic violence because it is a topic that is overlooked, too often. We also touch on how the mental health struggles that stem from violence or MST are often wrongly criticized, or ignored. Please remember that, even i...

S02E11 - My PTSD Story

It took a fair amount of time for me to admit that I struggled with PTSD, but it took even longer to convince people that the pain and fear I felt was legitimate. As a woman, I was often treated as though I was being dramatic or lying; as a combat veteran, I didn't have the story people were looking for; and as a mother, I was ridiculed for "allowing" my trauma to occur in the first place.

S02E10 - Six from Cancelled for Maintenance Podcast

For this episode I am joined by, Six, a Marine Corps Veteran and co-host for Cancelled for Maintenance Podcast. We sit down to talk about transitioning out of the military, the misperceptions and stereotypes about what a veteran looks and acts like, poor leadership, mental health, and how that "shut up" and "keep pushing" mentality the military teaches leads many to struggle and suffer in silence both in and out of the service. We cover a ton in this episode so make sure you stay until the v...

S02E09 - Home is Where the Heart Is

When I returned from my deployment to Afghanistan, I struggled to find the same comforts and connections I had found while in a combat zone. Then once I returned to a civilian life, I struggled to find where I belonged. When I finally opened up about feeling lost and out of place to a friend, I was told "home is where your heart is." It was at that moment that I realized that I had no idea where that was.

S02E08 - Take A Number

Between leadership that could care less if an individual is suffering and veterans that only look to tear others down for the ways in which they choose to heal or help; no wonder so many choose silence over opening up. Add in the relentless and too often hateful world of social media and you have a perfect concoction for convincing someone they don't matter. We can do better. We must. People are speaking up, they're reaching out. But if we only hear them and we're not truly listening, are we...

S02E07 - Invisible Wars

Is mental illness something you can see? Does a person's outer appearance speak for the pain inside? Some think so, however, others are too aware of the masks we place over invisible wounds.

S02E06 - Beasts of Burden

Empathy. Something I didn't expect to find in the Army. Aside from making the deep emotional bonds I had possible, it helped me to truly understand the pain of those I served with. A gift and a curse, in so many ways.

S02E05 - Here to Stay

Suicide. A word surrounded by stigma. An action that triggers a multitude of emotions. A daunting thought. Often an unpredictable end. It is a tough discussion to have, but a discussion that needs to take place, nonetheless. If we can't talk about it, how will anyone truly understand. Warning: This episode may trigger some listeners as the host covers her experience with losing friends to suicide and discusses suicidal thinking.

S02E04 - Bottle Up and Explode

Depression, anxiety, and a whole lot of pills. My struggle with finding care and managing the invisible war occurring inside my head. *Disclaimer: The host is not a medical professional or engaged in rendering counseling or other professional services, and the views presented in this episode are not meant to be used in place of recommendation or diagnoses by professionals, nor are they intended to be used in place of therapy, offer medical advice, or give emergency assistance. 

S02E03 - Belonging Again

Coming home from a deployment, leaving the military, transitioning back into a civilian life; each a challenge in itself. How do you find purpose when you're not sure of who you are, or where you fit in?

S02E02 - Barriers to Reaching Out

In the Army, I learned how to bottle things up. As a veteran, I began to hide, and I saw a number of my buddies doing the same. Resources existed. People were asking what was wrong. Why did the silence and the isolation continue? And how do we still miss the signs?

EP0102 Back to the Beginning

The start of a new season, "Back to the Beginning." Host, Lani, returns to take the Kruse Corner Podcast back to its start by covering topics related to veteran and military issues. Reach out on Instagram @kruse_corner if you would like to be a part of a future episode.

S02E01 Back to the Beginning

The start of a new season, "Back to the Beginning." Host, Lani, returns to take the Kruse Corner Podcast back to its start by covering topics related to veteran and military issues. Reach out on Instagram @kruse_corner if you would like to be a part of a future episode.

EP. 36 Vigilant Valkyrie

Listen in to hear the interview with Vigilant Valkyrie's founder, Smiles. Vigilant Valkyrie's mission is to connect and support female warriors of all branches. In this episode, we discuss tough lessons learned in the military, overcoming female stereotypes/stigmas, and Vigilant Valkyrie's future goals for continuing their support for sister vets everywhere. To contact Vigilant Valkyrie, look for them on Facebook and/or Instagram, or send an email to [email protected]. Also, make su...

Motorcycle Charity Ride with Mark Czarnecki

Mark Czarnecki has returned to the Kruse Corner Podcast to talk about a cross-country motorcycle ride he will be completing  to help raise money for the Green Beret Foundation. Listen in to hear important details about this charity ride so that you can track Mark's progress as he rides from coast to coast, conducting challenges along the way. Follow Mark's journey on Instagram @caesar1911. If you would like to make a donation to the Green Beret Foundation to support their cause, please visit...

EP. 35 - We Are Vanessa Guillen

The disappearance of Vanessa Guillen from Fort Hood has gained national attention. Now, more than ever, it is crucial that we tell our stories. MST is a painful topic, but our stories can be what brings about the change that will keep our brothers and sisters that still wear the uniform--or those that wish to serve one day--safe from experiencing the pain and trauma too many of us know too well. We cannot stay silent about military sexual trauma any longer. DISCLAIMER: this episode covers mi...

EP. 34 - Jon from Household 5 Soap Co.

Army Veteran Jon Bradshaw joins me to talk about his Veteran Owned and Family Operated business, Household 5 Soap Company, which specializes in handmade vegan soaps and other body products. Jon and I discuss the struggles of reintegrating into a civilian life, connecting with other veterans, and dealing with stereotypes. Jon also describes what it was like to leave the military at 25 and still not be considered an "adult" by civilians. If you would like to contact Jon or check out his compan...

EP. 33 - Lauren Feringa from Hippie and a Veteran

Army Veteran Lauren Feringa from Hippie and a Veteran joins me to talk about the struggles of being a woman and a mother with PTSD. Lauren talks about a number of alternative therapies that exist outside of the VA system such as Stellate Ganglion Block, cannabis, and psychedelics. We also discuss the difficulties that came from leaving the service and the unexpected grieving that followed the removal of the uniform. This is an amazing episode for learning more about PTSD, alternative therapy...

EP. 32 - Robert Dabney Jr from VetPark

Army Veteran, Robert Dabney Jr, joins me to talk about his Veteran-Owned organization VetPark. VetPark is on a mission to encourage healing through creativity, supporting the arts, building community, connecting veterans, and providing opportunities to those that are interested in alternative therapies. Robert and I also talk about PTSD, life after leaving the military, and the struggle of getting help when you want to either avoid or fight against being labeled. If you would like to contact...