'tired' || Original Poem

This heaviness is interpreted as laziness when in reality it’s an exasperation of this dehydration pumping through my veins like a drug I did not choose to take. 

I’m over dosing yet I’m not even indulging 

nor do I feel the high. 

My brain screams for mercy yet 

IT 

is 

The perpetrator. 

It is the protagonist and antagonist all at once. 

My defenceless body is at the forefront of the brutal beatings that go on and on and on. 

Every morning is worse then the night before. 

This spiral is an endless cycle of invisible torture that no one sympathisers for. 

And because of their “views” and “opinions” on my disease, 

Because they can not see the outcomes they think it’s a breeze 

They don’t see the war just to get up out of bed

They don’t see the mask society gives me to wear each and every day 

They don’t see the tiredness wearing on my sanity 

They don’t see that my full tank starts where their fuel light flashes 

They only see laziness, attention seeking and whinging 

They only see what they want to see,

Not what is my true reality.

And because that’s all they see, 

I am forced to wear the crooked mask they give me;

I put on a broken smile and try to hide the blaring alarms my brain screams at me all day every day 

My answer is always “I’m doing good” when in reality I am no where near good but they don’t ask to hear the truth. 

I am pushed into a corner of isolation because I don’t want these labels

I don’t want this shame

I am not to blame. 

All I want is to wake up as if I had actually slept. 

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Instagram: keane_to_write

*Copyright ownership: Keane to Write*

Music Credit: "Break Free" by Fabien Tell