Judge John Hodgman
676 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 8 hours ago - ★★★★★ - 7.3K ratingsJohn Hodgman's Today in the Past podcast is now The Judge John Hodgman Podcast. Have your pressing issues decided by Famous Minor Television Personality John Hodgman, Certified Judge. If you'd like John Hodgman to solve your pressing issue, simply email it, along with your phone number, to [email protected]. THAT IS ALL.
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Episodes
Getting Justice Today
May 24, 2023 22:49 - 1 hour - 72 MBIt's time to clear the docket! This week, we're tackling disputes about the theater, and we have two very special expert witnesses: the award-winning duo Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Bobby Lopez! Between the two of them, they've made some of the most memorable musical theater works of the modern era: Frozen, The Book of Mormon, Avenue Q and so much more. They've come by to lend their expertise to settle disputes about the ending of Pippin, post-show etiquette in community theater, and – of cou...
Dolly Pardon
May 17, 2023 23:00 - 1 hour - 65.4 MBLeann brings the case against her daughter Abbie. Abbie has a collection of creepy dolls in their living room, on top of their piano. Leann thinks the dolls are TOO creepy! She wants Abbie to move them to her room. But Abbie wants them to stay where they are! Who's right? Thanks to reddit user u/Junk_Mutluck for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com!
Hot, Tubular, Non-Sandwich Beef
May 10, 2023 22:10 - 1 hour - 58.1 MBCan you feel it? The changing of the seasons? The crispness of the air? The ever-growing magnetic pull in the back of your head that urges you toward the mythical land of western Massachusetts? That can only mean one thing: the return of the one and only Summertime Funtime Bailiff MONTE BELMONTE! He joins us to clear the docket and dispense justice on issues relating to wrapping paper, the game of Blank Slate, hometowns, and more. PLUS: A letter from the mysterious ROBIN HOOD CAMP!
FlavorHub
May 03, 2023 22:10 - 54 minutes - 49.5 MBIt’s time to clear the docket! This week, we get what we get and we cast a wide net, dispensing justice on topics like umbrella etiquette, what to wear to a rock star birthday party, a smelly sewer museum and more! PLUS: who would win – Batman or Darth Vader?
This Is The Name Of Your Mullet
April 26, 2023 22:56 - 52 minutes - 48.2 MBIt’s time to clear the docket! This week, we're taking on NAMING DISPUTES! Who has the naming rights to an inflatable dinosaur? What to name a mullet? And how many names of different Alpha Flight members can John and Jesse come up with?
Live from SF Sketchfest
April 19, 2023 22:30 - 1 hour - 62.9 MBThis week’s episode was recorded live in front of an audience at the Sydney Goldstein Theater! Our first case is SCOTTISH RITE OF WAY: Nate brings the case against his partner Chan. The two live together in a building that once was a Masonic lodge. One of the rooms in their apartment has a strange door that opens onto a dark and mysterious hallway. Nate wants to investigate the hallway. Chan wants him to leave the mystery door alone! Thanks to reddit user u/acone419 for naming this week's m...
Grudge Match
April 12, 2023 22:38 - 50 minutes - 45.9 MBIt’s time to clear the docket! This week, we have a good old-fashioned GRUDGE MATCH! You wrote in with your long-festering grudges against teachers, strangers and crummy cousins, and we're dispensing some long-awaited justice! SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST in APPLE PODCASTS or the RSS FEED.
Live from Denver
April 05, 2023 23:00 - 1 hour - 79.8 MBThis week’s episode was recorded live in front of an audience at the Gothic Theatre in Denver! Our first case is BUY ME SUBPOENAS AND CRACKERJACK: Paul brings the case against his friend Chris. Chris has stopped believing in baseball superstitions and jinxes. He says his behavior can’t affect the outcome of a baseball game. But Paul says his friend’s carelessness has jinxed his team! PLUS: Swift Justice featuring the legendary David Gborie! Thanks to reddit user u/ScrotalMigraine for naming...
A Priori Engagement
March 29, 2023 22:15 - 1 hour - 57.9 MBTanya brings the case against her husband Thomas. During the height of the coronavirus pandemic, Tanya read a news story about wedding venues being booked years in advance. She asked Thomas if he wanted to get married. He said yes. Thomas interpreted that as a proposal. But Tanya says it was just a question about logistics, NOT a proposal! Thanks to reddit user u/teabiscuit54 for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at ma...
No Legume to Stand On
March 22, 2023 22:00 - 1 hour - 64.2 MBEmily brings the case against her cousin Jess. When Emily was 3, her uncle chased her around a family gathering while wearing a Mr. Peanut costume. This traumatized her! Jess was present at the event, and she still sends Emily pictures and memes of Mr. Peanut. She says it “wasn’t that bad.” Emily wants Jess to stop because she still finds it upsetting! Who's right? Who's wrong? Thanks to reddit user u/PR0T0G3N for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye...
Forge Majeure
March 15, 2023 22:00 - 1 hour - 62.9 MBJordan brings the case against his friend Jacob. Jordan and Jacob are both blacksmiths. Jacob has been Jordan’s apprentice for the past few years, and he says it’s time he gets a new title, like “journeyman.” Jordan says Jacob is still learning and needs more experience first! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thanks to reddit user u/Beejtronic for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com!
Kanga and Roo Court
March 08, 2023 23:00 - 1 hour - 64.7 MBJoan brings the case against her sister, Barbara. When Joan was 8, their aunt gave her a present: a framed print of Winnie-the-Pooh. Joan hung it in the bedroom she shared with Barbara – but she left it behind when she got her own room. Now it’s 50 years later, and Barbara says the Pooh print belongs to her. Joan wants it back! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thanks to reddit user u/BadArtistGoodListenr for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maxim...
Butt Money with David Lindsay-Abaire
March 01, 2023 23:00 - 1 hour - 68.7 MBIt’s time to clear the docket! This week, we’re tackling BOARD GAMES. And we get some help from a very special guest: Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright and board game enthusiast David Lindsay-Abaire is here! He helps decide on issues of Monopoly house rules, the layout of the Clue board, and how to win at Life! (The board game, not, y'know, life.) David's musical KIMBERLY AKIMBO is on Broadway right now, at the Booth Theatre. Get tickets here!
Live from Portland, OR
February 22, 2023 23:30 - 1 hour - 59.2 MBThis week’s episode was recorded live in front of an audience at Revolution Hall in Portland, OR! Our first case is BROCCO-LEADING THE WITNESS: Alan brings the case against his wife Christy. Alan wants to introduce broccoli into their 14-month-old daughter’s diet. Christy has a phobia of broccoli, and doesn’t want any in the house unless she’s out of town. But Alan wants to serve it to their daughter more frequently! PLUS: Swift Justice featuring the legendary Corin Tucker of Sleater-Kinney!...
Live from Seattle
February 15, 2023 22:52 - 1 hour - 60.4 MBThis week’s episode was recorded live in front of an audience at the Neptune Theater in Seattle! Our first case is PAUSE-ABLE DENIABILITY: Sam brings the case against his girlfriend, Angela. Angela and Sam used to watch a popular food-reaction video series together. One day, Sam discovered Angela watching a new episode without him. He says they had an unspoken agreement to always wait to watch new episodes together, but Angela says she did nothing wrong. PLUS: Swift Justice with Washington S...
Live from Port Townsend, WA
February 09, 2023 00:45 - 1 hour - 72.2 MBThis week's episode was recorded live in front of an audience at the Wheeler Theater in Port Townsend, Washington! Our first case is BURDEN OF HOOF: Amy brings the case against her husband, Toby. Amy and Toby became “accidental farmers” when they moved back to the island where Toby grew up and bought a home that came with a tractor. Now that their kids are nearly grown, they want to spend more time sailing, but the farm is too much work! Amy wants to build lodging to hire help, but Toby says...
Acting in Bat Faith
February 01, 2023 22:15 - 1 hour - 56 MBElyse brings the case against her wife, Erin. Erin wants to install a bat box in their yard to help manage mosquitoes. But, Elyse is opposed. She is concerned about becoming the neighborhood’s weird bat people. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thanks to reddit user u/DrColossusOfRhodes for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com!
Blob Babies
January 25, 2023 21:01 - 59 minutes - 55.6 MBIt's time to clear the docket! Tipping, packing, baby-shushing, exercise nomenclature, and much more! Plus, Kayleigh from episode 426: Blob Justice writes in with an update — and a plea for a stay of justice!
Misdenomer
January 18, 2023 21:40 - 1 hour - 59.2 MBHaley brings the case against her partner, Jonathan. Haley and Jonathan have a non-existent child named Belinda. Belinda started as a joke, but has become a symbol for their future together. Now that Haley and Jonathan are thinking seriously about having an actual child, Jonathan thinks the name Belinda would be perfect. Haley disagrees! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thanks to reddit user u/SupersoftBday_party for naming this week's case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on ...
Family Feuds
January 11, 2023 21:00 - 56 minutes - 52 MBIt’s time to clear the docket! This week, we're tackling FAMILY FEUDS. Is it okay to run in Crocs? Should you serve your sister old, old honey? Is "tweets" an acceptable Scrabble word? Plus: baby names, Chex mix and frosty facial hair!
Meld in Contempt
January 04, 2023 22:32 - 1 hour - 66.8 MBStacey brings the case against her friend, Ellen. Stacey says that when they play canasta, Ellen changes the rules mid-game. Ellen says that this isn’t true. She’s simply reporting what the rules have always been. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @IronyMaiden for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun Subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com!
The Egg, The Nog and the Holy Sprite (RERUN)
December 28, 2022 19:01 - 1 hour - 75.4 MBContent Warning: This episode is entirely about eating and drinking various foods, including some alcoholic beverages. There is a brief description of cooking live lobsters during Monte Belmonte's message to the show in the last segment. It's the last episode of the year and we are celebrating with a Judge John Hodgman Office Party! Inspired by a case regarding mixing eggnog and Sprite, the Judge sent a call for our audience's favorite holiday foods and drinks. Bailiff Jesse had to miss the...
Filing For Skankruptcy
December 21, 2022 16:23 - 1 hour - 63.5 MBChris brings the case against his friend and bandmate, Nat. Chris would like to incorporate some ska music into their band’s repertoire, but Nat is opposed! Who's right? Who's wrong? With Guest Bailiff Jean Grae! If you want to check out more of bandmate Ross' "Smash-ups," click here for his Bandcamp! Check out Jean's online vintage shop at instagram.com/bea22nyc! Thank you to Twitter User @sittingina_tree for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on T...
Case Sera, Sera
December 14, 2022 17:49 - 1 hour - 59.6 MBGillian brings the case against her friend, Courtney. Sometimes Gillian will say that something was “meant to be.” Courtney bristles at this idea. Gillian wants Courtney to just let her believe what she wants. But Courtney doesn’t think that Gillian truly believes in destiny! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @WeHaveSnacks for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep tra...
Sing the Wall Song
December 07, 2022 19:59 - 57 minutes - 53.3 MBIt's time to clear the docket! It's another edition of JUVENILE COURT with Guest Judge Oscar Thorn (age 9). Time travel artifacts, parents singing in public, swearing along to song lyrics, cat limits, banana bread, and text interpretation. Plus much more! Do parents understand? Oscar will be the judge! Judge John Hodgman is bringing LIVE JUSTICE back on the road! Sat 1/28/23 – Wheeler Theater in Port Townsend, WA Sun 1/29/23 – Neptune Theatre in Seattle Tue 1/31/23 – Revolution Hall in Por...
Plea Cute
November 30, 2022 20:01 - 1 hour - 63.2 MBJonathon brings the case against his wife, Kat. Jonathon believes that their first date was a post-class lunch in their college’s cafeteria. But, Kat says that lunch did not count as a date! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @aint_no_rule for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag #JJHoCaseNames.
Hodgman's Desiccation Declaration
November 23, 2022 15:20 - 52 minutes - 49.4 MBIt's time to clear the docket! With the holiday season in full swing, we are tackling LEFTOVERS. What should one do with leftover Halloween candy? Are pumpkins acceptable to use as decor after Halloween? How does Tom Perrotta, the writer of the novel THE LEFTOVERS, enjoy his holiday leftovers? All this plus office breakfast burrito leftover policy, freezer technique, and much more!
Jawn Order
November 16, 2022 19:36 - 59 minutes - 55 MBRachel files suit against her parents, Rex and Patty. Rex insists that Patty pronounce certain words with a proper Philadelphia accent, and Patty goes along with it. Rachel thinks this needs to stop, especially since Patty is originally from New Jersey! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @lexfri for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag ...
Homer Confinement
November 09, 2022 19:09 - 1 hour - 63.1 MBTamar brings the case against her husband, Aslan. Aslan reads Homer’s The Odyssey to their three year old child at bedtime. Tamar claims that this bedtime routine is contributing to their son having nightmares. But Aslan says their son requests it! Who's right? Who's wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @therealsobreiro for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hash...
Crust-ody Hearing
November 02, 2022 15:21 - 58 minutes - 54.3 MBLilarose brings the case against her brother, Kumar. They disagree on the best method of making a pie crust. Lilarose believes it’s important to keep the ingredients in the freezer. But Kumar says that the fridge is just fine. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Plus expert testimony from J. Kenji López-Alt! Find his work at Serious Eats and on YouTube. More, including his books, at www.kenjilopezalt.com. Thank you to Twitter User @MeaghanLamothe for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a...
Judge of the Darned
October 26, 2022 16:21 - 1 hour - 62.7 MBSpooky Season is here! We are in chambers this week to clear the docket and it's all Halloween! We talk about costumes, trick-or-treating, scaring kids, and much more! Plus we catch up with Friend of the Court and Spirit Halloween expert, Aidan Kaye!
Birthday B.S. Corpus
October 19, 2022 16:50 - 58 minutes - 54.8 MBBrandi files suit against her husband, Greg. Greg’s birthday falls in August, but he would like to change it to October 17th. She wants to be able to celebrate on his actual date of birth! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @BenjaminAhr for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag #JJHoCaseNames.
Bad News, Heirs
October 12, 2022 18:46 - 1 hour - 60.3 MBDan brings the case against his wife, Emily. When their kids are already in a bad mood, Dan believes this is a good time to deliver a piece of news that they may not want to hear. Emily disagrees with Dan’s method and would like him to stop doing it when she is with him. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @jack_mathews for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track us...
Persona Non Carta
October 05, 2022 18:37 - 1 hour - 56.2 MBSteven brings the case against his wife, Carrie. Steven wants to take a family photo for a Christmas card. But, he wants to include a total stranger in the picture and provide no information or context in the card. Carrie thinks this is a terrible idea. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @TimmKinitz for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hash...
Habeas Cropus
September 28, 2022 18:26 - 1 hour - 30.1 MBAlan brings the case against his wife, Tawni. Tawni has accumulated a lot of plants in their apartment. She says that some of the plants need to have grow lights in order to thrive. But, Alan does not like the lights. He would rather have plants that don’t need the lights. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @IronyMaiden for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track u...
The Deceitful Dish
September 21, 2022 22:20 - 52 minutes - 48.8 MBIt’s time to clear the docket! Monte Belmonte and Joel Mann are back again to squeeze in one last summertime fun time! Disputes about oyster sauce, The Lion King, when to sing "Happy Birthday," and a sound in a song from the musical Hamilton. Plus much more!
Trivial Lawsuit
September 14, 2022 18:27 - 1 hour - 56.4 MBBecky files suit against her brother, Andrew. Sixteen years ago, they had a dispute over the correct answer in a game of Trivial Pursuit. Becky says that Andrew’s answer was wrong because it was not the exact same answer on the card. Andrew says that the spirit of the answer was the same. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @AdiliciousDish for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgm...
New England Style Justice Chowder
September 07, 2022 19:15 - 49 minutes - 46.1 MBIt's time to clear the docket! Bailiff Jesse Thorn has the week off. Monte Belmonte and Joel Mann join Judge Hodgman to dispense New England Style Justice. Hosting gatherings with your spouse, silverware sorting, maple syrup, car navigation, and sleeping with the windows open during New England winters.
Scheduled For Adrainment
August 31, 2022 14:52 - 1 hour - 60.6 MBKaren brings the case against her husband, Matt. Part of their property has a pasture that slopes downward. This creates a low spot that fills with a foot of water during certain times of the year. Karen calls this area the “frog bog.” Matt wants to fill it in, but Karen wants to leave the bog alone. Who’s right? Who’s wrong?
Fast Juice and Air Cured Beef
August 24, 2022 15:02 - 54 minutes - 51.2 MBIt's time again to clear the docket. This week we are also returning to Juvenile Court! Cases from kids about embarrassing dads, pigeons, knuckle cracking, silent mode, and walking.
Death Cab or Sue Me
August 17, 2022 17:35 - 56 minutes - 52.5 MBLouisa brings the case against their sister, Josie. Josie has a huge box she would like to paint to look like the Skeleton Cab from HALLOWEENTOWN. But Louisa wants to just get rid of the box! Who's right? Who's wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @jack_mathews for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag #JJHoCaseNames.
Subarule of Law
August 10, 2022 22:50 - 1 hour - 65.7 MBSophie brings the case against her husband, John. John would like to get a Subaru Baja. But Sophie is worried that his dream car includes a manual transmission. She doesn’t want to have to learn how to drive stick in order to drive his car! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? With Expert Witness River Butcher! Thank you to Twitter User @RuthieGriffith for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep t...
Marbits and a Mayo Knife
August 03, 2022 17:46 - 54 minutes - 51.2 MBIt's time to clear the docket! Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn discuss the proper way to eat Lucky Charms, communal baked goods, adding berries to pancakes, ordering the same entrée as your dining partner, and proper knife placement. Plus much more!
Live From Lincoln Center's Summer for the City
July 27, 2022 21:52 - 1 hour - 73.3 MBThis week's episode was recorded live in front of an audience at Lincoln Center's Summer for the City! We first hear the case, "Solstice Delayed is Solstice Denied!" Erica doesn’t change the clocks in her home or car during seasonal time changes. But her wife, Kylee, can’t live this way! Erica says that Kylee is free to change the clocks in the home, but her car is OFF LIMITS. Plus Swift Justice with Jean Grae and Open Court with a surprise special guest! Thank you to Twitter User @sarahch...
Big Gondola Guy
July 20, 2022 17:32 - 57 minutes - 53.7 MBIt's time to clear the docket. This week, our vehicle expert River Butcher joins us to discuss things that go! Cars, gondolas, and funiculars! Click here to check out Gyles' gondola dispute deck. Make sure to watch River's new special, "A Different Kind of Dude," on Comedy Central's YouTube channel! And you can catch him on Freeform's Good Trouble!
Pico de Trial
July 13, 2022 17:55 - 53 minutes - 50.1 MBAndrew brings the case against his wife, Marilyn. Marilyn is entering a salsa competition at her work. When Andrew noticed her browsing the internet for potential salsa recipes, he accused her of cheating. But Marilyn doesn’t see the problem. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @brackenthebox for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag #JJH...
Top Golf Mansion
July 06, 2022 20:19 - 1 hour - 56.4 MBIt's time to clear the docket with Guest Bailiff Jean Grae! Jean and Judge Hodgman discuss beans on display, grammar correcting, Top Golf competition, wedding dress donating, and complicated pizza math!
Hearspray
June 29, 2022 12:00 - 1 hour - 59.4 MBKate and Richard bought their house a few years ago and have been spending a lot of time fixing it up. Kate believes that a paint sprayer will solve a lot of her problems. But Richard is concerned about adding that tool to their collection. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? With Guest Bailiff Jean Grae! Thank you to Twitter User @nyc_marmar for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using...
All Weirdsies With Linda Holmes
June 22, 2022 18:48 - 59 minutes - 55.4 MBLinda Holmes (NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour), The Court's expert on Little Weirdsies, returns to help clear the weirdsiest docket we could pull together! Pajama pants, athletic shirts, feeling "sloshy" and having "minty eye," brushing teeth before coffee, and superstitions. Plus Judge Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn talk to Linda about her new book Flying Solo, available wherever books are sold!
Numerical Order in the Court
June 15, 2022 19:24 - 54 minutes - 51.2 MBSabine thinks she can count to one million. Her husband, Cameron, says there's no way she can do it! Who's right? Who's wrong? Thank you to Twitter User @lexfri for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag #JJHoCaseNames.