Episode 016 Working Through Sexual Abuse with Hope Part 2 with Dr. Jason Newsome

Working Through Sexual Abuse with Hope Part 2 with Dr. Jason Newsome:

On today’s show we have Dr. Jason Newsome with us again for Part 2! We are very excited to be able to share with you guys two shows with this amazing overcomer. He shares with us some great insight on what is going through someone’s mind after they have been abused. He starts with their belief system.

Our belief systems are based on our past experiences. Our brains do a wonderful job of cataloging how we react to situations. A person who has been abused usually has a different view on things. Dr. Newsome uses his sexual abuse as an example. He was sexual abused by 5 different people, starting at the age of 5. It gave him the idea that something was wrong with him since it had happened with 5 different people. At the same time he didn’t tell anyone that it was happening so that contributed to his dysfunctional thinking. He didn’t have someone to tell him that it wasn’t okay and that he wasn’t doing anything wrong; the abusers were doing wrong.  He thought this was part of experiencing life.

Dr. Newsome’s abusers were hurtful for the most part. When he would try to resist, he was forced to be abused. When he said no, they would harm him. Then there were times when his abusers were nice and that was very confusing for such a young boy. This led to the thinking that in order for people to be nice to him, he had to say yes. If he was to tell anyone no, he would get hurt. He became a people pleaser. He felt like everyone had to be happy with him all the time. But in reality that is impossible to do. This would then lead to anxiety when he felt like others weren’t happy with him or his decisions.

What is it about any type of abuse that makes people feel that they need to stay silent? Dr. Newsome answered by saying fear and shame. His abusers told him that if he was to tell anyone, he would get in trouble. He was then afraid to say anything. He also felt that two of the abusers might even kill him if he was to tell. That kept him quiet.

Shame also keeps many people silent when abuse is happening or happened. Most people believe they should be better than what’s happening and that they are good enough to avoid these situations. In cases of domestic violence, they feel they should have chosen better or somehow prevented the abuse from happening. When it has been going on for a while, they feel they should have done something before now. In reality the person who is being abused is not at fault and there is nothing they are doing wrong. But in their mind, they are filled with shame and therefore won’t say anything.

In most abuse cases, the abuse doesn’t start until after they have manipulated the victim. Abusers are very good at drawing someone into the situation and then taking advantage. We must forgive in order to live a life of enjoyment again. Un-forgiveness hurts us and our souls. But it starts with us. We have to forgive ourselves before we forgive others. We have to let go of the shame and guilt and understand that it wasn’t our fault.

Dr. Newsome makes a good point that many people talk about forgiveness without truly understanding what it means. The word Jesus used in the Bible for forgiveness means to discharge debt. So when we forgive someone we are releasing them of debt. When we don’t forgive, we are constantly seeking repayment and we seek it in different ways.

The truth about abuse is that we can never be repaid for what was taken. The things that were taken hold no monetary value. Dr. Newsome gives us three steps in how to effectively forgive someone.

We have to acknowledge that we have been harmed. Someone has done us wrong. We have to truly understand that the abuser cannot repay us for what was taken. And we can’t seek repayment from any other source. We have to stop seeking repayment. This can be the hardest step in forgiveness.

Dr. Newsome wraps up the podcast with three things he would tell his 11 year old self. At that age he was still being abused and had already been abused by multiple people.

Please tell someone that you trust what is happening. Don’t keep it inside. In order for the abuse to continue, the abuser needs you to stay quiet. What is happening is not okay and it’s not your fault. No matter how many times or how many people abuse you, you are doing nothing wrong. You can make it! This does not define your life. This does not have to be your identity. You will have an identity beyond this situation.

We sincerely hope that you enjoy today’s podcast with Dr. Jason Newsome for the second part. He is such an overcomer and has great knowledge to help others overcome abuse. For more information on Dr. Newsome or to get in contact with him, visit his website at drjasonnewsome.com as well as Twitter and Facebook under Dr. Jason Newsome.

If you enjoyed today’s show, please like, share and comment. Many people can relate to the subject of abuse. This might be the show they need to hear in order to give them the courage to tell someone. Please continue to send us your comments and questions at [email protected]; we enjoy hearing from all of our listeners! Until next time be sure to follow us on Facebook, The Journey Principles, and on Twitter, Stephen_scoggin.