JBD Team Talks: Change the High Conflict Deflect, Defend and Apologize Dynamic with Lisa Brick

If you’ve found yourself avoiding conversations with your spouse after being blamed or attacked for insignificant events, accused of things you haven't even thought of doing, ignored, or had the topic changed before anything you said/asked was addressed, you are living with someone who uses “deflection” and the blaming and shaming that goes along with it to protect their fragile ego from having to look at themself in any way that would shatter the inflated view of him/herself that s/he must maintain.

If this happens more often than not you, and all the others who defend, pacify, and ultimately avoid, are not alone in suffering from an unhealthy relationship.

In today’s show Lisa and Karen explore “Deflection”, the art of diverting attention away from the heart of a matter. If practiced regularly this common yet complex phenomenon destroys trust, authenticity, love, attraction, everything that makes relationships worthwhile. Deflection wreaks havoc, leaving you unseen, unheard, and very much alone.

We’ll discuss defection in greater depth, how it shows up to divert or squash vital communications, touch on its origins, explain how it erodes intimacy and trust, and offer practical tips for recognizing and addressing deflection in you or your partner's behavior.

Recognizing and addressing deflection in your own behavior and your partner's can only improve communication and strengthen your relationship if you have a cooperative partner. Without cooperation it’s time to reevaluate the value of maintaining the relationship in its current form. Without cooperation nothing you can do by yourself will get you listened to, heard, and happy in your relationship. It’s that important.

Journey Beyond Divorce resources mentioned in this podcast: