158: On writing "selfish" women

In this episode, I’m addressing a particular complaint that some readers have had in their reviews about my latest romance novel, Small Town Stilettos — some of the reviews dislike the main character, Margaret, because she is perceived as “selfish.”

In this episode, we explore this idea a little further: What makes a person selfish? How do we determine whether a person is selfish or not? Why are we put off by a character who puts their own self-interest first? Why is there a double-standard for women vs men when it comes to how “selfish” we are allowed to be?

I want more readers to give themselves permission, in their own lives, to put themselves first, and to recognize that putting themselves first doesn’t make them a bad person, it doesn't make them selfish, and it doesn’t even necessarily need to mean that other people won’t get what they want or that putting yourself first is at the detriment or cost of other things. 

You can get what you want, and do good things in the world. These aren’t mutually exclusive! 

You are allowed to know what you want, to express what you want, to put yourself first. Especially if you are constantly putting others before you. Especially if you feel guilty about expressing your wants and needs. Especially if you are not ALLOWING yourself to have and be what you want in life.

So every time a reviewer mentions something about my characters being selfish, to be honest, it just makes me want to write MORE " selfish" women. To normalize women asking for what they want and need; to normalize women speaking up for themselves and asserting themselves; to normalize women being unapologetic about their drives and desires.

Resources & links mentioned in this episode: 

Learn more about all of Sagan’s books (including the Polyamorous Passions romcom series, Small Town Stilettos, and her business books for solopreneurs) at https://saganmorrow.com/books/ Get success & life coaching: https://saganmorrow.com/coaching Tune into Indie Author Weekly on your favourite podcast platform at https://saganmorrow.com/podcast Subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/indie-author-weekly/id1469586590 Check out Sagan’s YouTube channel to watch the video versions of these podcast episodes: https://www.youtube.com/user/SaganMorrow Enroll in the Productivity Powerhouse anti-hustle e-course: https://saganmorrow.com/powerhouse Work with Sagan: https://saganmorrow.com/workwithme/ 

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