This Week’s Thoughts

I figured I’d do it this way instead of on Twitter because Twitter can go eat a dick. Please feel free to copy and paste these into Twitter and sell them as your own. We can only imagine the pressure… Continue Reading →

I figured I’d do it this way instead of on Twitter because Twitter can go eat a dick. Please feel free to copy and paste these into Twitter and sell them as your own.

We can only imagine the pressure on Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s Girlfriend on leg day.The main problem with the stupid names people give kids these days is that I can’t tell if the GoFundMe is for a kid’s medical procedure or a dog’s.Based on the names, you’d think Sour Patch Kids and Cabbage Patch Kids would have a lot more in common.They should make a 5-disc set of movies called “The Why Did We Remake This John Carpenter Masterpiece?” collection. If it included John Carpenter commentary tracks, you’d have your best shot at squeezing some value out of that crap.The people who write prequels: Do you also have sex and then go through a Powerpoint that explains human sexuality, what led up to the sex, and why it was enjoyable? Do dentists get a lot of mileage out of those jaw models they have? Like, do I need that to understand why I’m shitty at flossing?I’ve been reading that politicians are asking the Taliban to do some reasonable things. Maybe this was our mistake, we forgot to specifically ask them to not fly planes into buildings.Is there a family farm slogan in something like “We don’t have a slaughterhouse. We have a slaughterhome”?Salons should definitely be called “refineries.”