Hands Off Those Balls

Episode 50 - 5/30/2021

June 01, 2021 19:52 - 54 minutes - 50.5 MB

As the show hits its 50th episode, the guys reflect on the last several weeks with another installment of "Now What Did We F#*% Up?" to clean up some recent on-air errors. Mike tips the hat to the various clubs that have closed their seasons by winning trophies while Jared gives a preview of the three teams getting promoted to the Premier League next season. Finally, with another season in the books, it's time to recognize the PL's great (or not) performances with the 2nd Annual Hands Off ...

Episode 49 - 5/25/2021

May 25, 2021 20:19 - 50 minutes - 46.9 MB

On the final day of the 2020-2021 Premier League season, all of the drama was about qualifying for European play next year. Now that the dust has settled, Mike gives a rundown of who punched their tickets to Europe and examines the new Europa Conference League. Jared summarizes the Sunday matches and the guys discuss the performance of their fantasy team, which came up juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust short of winning its league.

Episode 48 - 5/17/2021

May 18, 2021 19:37 - 45 minutes - 42.3 MB

The past week saw Manchester City clinch its fifth Premier League title in ten years and Leicester City win its first FA Cup title in the club's 137 year history. Mike compares the total points accumulated by various teams at this point last season to see whose form has improved (West Ham) and whose has worsened (Liverpool, obviously). Jared takes us through some of the past week's games as we prepare for an exciting final stretch in which two matchweeks are compressed into five days.

Episode 47 - 5/10/2021

May 11, 2021 19:54 - 47 minutes - 43.8 MB

The tension continues between Manchester United ownership and the club's fans as an open letter from owner Joel Glazer addressing the supporters's concerns appears to have satisfied no one. As for some good news, the UK government has ordered that up to 10,000 fans will be allowed to attend outdoor sporting events beginning on May 17 -- meaning fans in the stands for the last two matchweeks of the PL season. Mike and Jared discuss these developments and recap the past week's games as the r...

Episode 46 - 5/3/2021

May 04, 2021 19:55 - 49 minutes - 45.8 MB

Peaceful protests calling for an ownership change outside Old Trafford on Sunday got out of hand when a vocal minority got violent, throwing bottles, smashing a gate into the stadium and injuring two police officers. Mike and Jared discuss whether the fans truly have the power to engineer a transfer of ownership and the events over the past few years that led to where Manchester United and its supporters find themselves. Mike takes several opportunities during Jared's match recaps to compl...

Episode 45 - 4/26/2021

April 27, 2021 19:50 - 49 minutes - 46 MB

That pain in your neck is whiplash from the Big Six's sudden reversal of plans regarding the ill-conceived (and now defunct) European Super League. Mike discusses the chain of events leading to the change of heart and associated apology tour the club owners have had to endure after swift and pronounced fan outcry. A quick note on the EFL Carabao Cup, Jared's game recaps and a shout out to the newly-inducted inaugural class of the Premier League Hall of Fame round out the show.

Episode 44 - 4/19/2021

April 20, 2021 19:53 - 46 minutes - 43.4 MB

News of the formation of a European SUPER LEAGUE just came out, so the guys try their best to unpack what this means for the Premier League. Will the Big 6 actually have to leave the PL over this? Mike takes a moment to bid farewell (good riddance?) to Jose Mourinho, who was sacked as manager of Tottenham Hotspur hours ago. And Jared is back to give a recap of the weekend's matches and to correct Mike on his continuing failure to understand the offside rule.

Episode 43 - 4/12/2021

April 13, 2021 20:51 - 50 minutes - 46.5 MB

This week, Jared was unavailable to join the show, so that means listeners will be left with just Mike's "unique" form of Premier League analysis (don't worry, Jared will be back soon). Mike starts things off with his very own list of the Top 5 managers in Premier League history. He follows that up with a recap of some of the exciting matches this week, along with what seems to be a now weekly rant about VAR and the inability of Spurs to hold a lead.

Episode 42 - 4/5/2021

April 06, 2021 20:01 - 50 minutes - 46.8 MB

Manchester City is all but assured to win its fifth Premier League title this year, but when it comes time to defend that championship next year, the club will do so without longtime Cityzen Sergio Aguero. The striker's contract will not be renewed next season, so Mike discusses some of his records and achievements that top the record books for both the franchise and the Premier League itself. Jared recaps several games from the past week, including another instance of Spurs squandering a ...

Episode 41 - 3/22/2021

March 23, 2021 19:37 - 50 minutes - 46.6 MB

West Ham United's score off a "quick free kick" against Arsenal had Mike so thoroughly confused that it was time for another look at the Laws of the Game, this time to find out why sometimes players have to wait for a referee's whistle before kicking and sometimes don't on free kicks. There were only four matches for Jared to talk about this week, but several superior performances warranting a tip of the hat, like Meslier's acrobatic goalkeeping, Bamford's two goal involvements despite injur...

Episode 40 - 3/15/2021

March 16, 2021 19:44 - 47 minutes - 44.1 MB

After their scoreless clash at Elland Road on Saturday, ever wonder how Chelsea and Leeds developed such an intense rivalry? Mike and Jared are here to discuss the origins of this curious grudge that gave the world, among other things, the "most brutal game" in the history of English football in 1970. The guys also discuss the breakup between Sheffield United and former manager Chris Wilder, a move that seems unlikely to change the Blades's fortunes any time soon. Jared reviews key matche...

Episode 39 - 3/9/2021

March 09, 2021 21:19 - 49 minutes - 45.7 MB

When the guys aren't incorrectly remembering scenes from "Seinfeld" this week, they are discussing the new clarification of the handball rule issued by the International Football Association Board. Spurs fans (like Mike) can rejoice that the clarification was not in effect for last week's match against Fulham. A quick check on the happenings in The Championship reveals that Norwich City is likely to return to the Premier League and Jared gives a rundown on select games from the past week, ...

Episode 38 - 3/1/2021

March 02, 2021 21:32 - 43 minutes - 40.1 MB

Many 30-somethings got rare starts for their teams this weekend, so Mike and Jared take a moment to recognize these members of the Premier League's Old Guard (Actually, this was just an excuse for Mike to puff his chest out over Gareth Bale scoring a pair of goals after last week's show called on Spurs boss Jose Mourinho to give the Welshman more playing time). Jared, joining the show this week from an undisclosed remote location, covers highlights from the week's more interesting matches an...

Episode 37 - 2/22/2021

February 23, 2021 20:46 - 49 minutes - 45.5 MB

They seem to happen nearly once per week, so it's time for Mike and Jared to examine own goals -- the rules, if any, that govern them and the players and teams that have the dubious honor of scoring for the opposing team this season. The guys then question why their fantasy league doesn't impose negative points on players who commit fouls that result in converted penalty kicks and Jared gives a recap of the week's matches, which included more losses for Liverpool, Spurs and Arsenal.

Episode 36 - 2/15/2021

February 16, 2021 21:16 - 49 minutes - 45.8 MB

As Liverpool falters and Manchester City rolls, sports media are going crazy that Jurgen Klopp somehow "conceded" the Premier League title by admitting that he doesn't believe his Reds can catch the Cityzens at this point. Mike and Jared discuss whether Klopp's admission is being blown way out of proportion (psst . . . it is). They also present 2021's first installment of everybody's favorite corrections segment "Now What Did We F#*& Up?" followed by our own sort of analysis of this past we...

Episode 35 - 2/8/2021

February 09, 2021 20:59 - 48 minutes - 44.6 MB

After an unscheduled week off, Hands Off Those Balls is back! This week, in response to what seemed like a surge in misconduct calls by officials, Mike looks at the grounds for issuance of a red card and the various matches that were affected the last few weeks by such bookings. Jared reviews some of the more exciting matches from last week and the guys wonder if anybody is going to be able to catch red hot Manchester City, while also taking a moment to celebrate their own improbable return...

Episode 34 - 1/25/2021

January 26, 2021 21:16 - 56 minutes - 52.1 MB

Ownership can be fickle in the Premier League, and nobody is more aware of that than Frank Lampard, the (now) former Chelsea manager who got sacked after a mere 18 months on the job, which included a Champions League berth. Mike and Jared discuss whether Lampard deserved his walking papers and whether any other managers need to be looking over their shoulder. Not too many matches this past week for the guys to discuss, which gives them more time to complain about the poor performance of th...

Episode 33 - 1/18/2021

January 19, 2021 21:01 - 47 minutes - 44.2 MB

With half of the Premier League season behind us, Mike and Jared take a look into the reasons The Wolverhampton Wanderers are having a season most of their players and fans would like to soon forget. Is Raul Jimenez's injury really the only reason for their struggles? The guys then discuss some highlights from this past week's matches, even that snoozefest that was supposed to be the Match of the Season: Liverpool vs. Manchester United.

Episode 32 - 1/4/2021

January 05, 2021 21:04 - 51 minutes - 47.4 MB

With the Festive Fixtures season ending, the January transfer window begins as the Premier League season approaches its halfway point. Mike takes the opportunity to test Jared's attention to the finer points of the game by giving him a quiz to match the jersey sponsor to the team (it doesn't go great). The guys then discuss whether we are now seeing the real Arsenal and whether Manchester City has finally found its offense while also discussing highlights from various matches from the past...

Episode 31 - 12/28/2020

December 29, 2020 21:04 - 53 minutes - 49.2 MB

As 2020 mercifully wraps up, COVID-19 remains a problem for everyone, and the Premier League is no exception as an outbreak has forced Manchester City to postpone at least one match and the league is considering a two-week stoppage of play. Mike (finally) explains why the Manchester United-Leeds United rivalry is called "The War of the Roses" and Jared provides the highlights from the past week's action. The guys also sheepishly describe how, for all their whining about Dame Fortune cursing...

Episode 30 - 12/21/2020

December 22, 2020 20:57 - 47 minutes - 44.1 MB

It's the holiday season, which means 20 Premier League matches in the span of a week! Jared shares his findings after looking into why teams occasionally wear jerseys with stomach-turning color schemes (looking at you, West Brom). Speaking of the Baggies, Mike gives a quick rundown on their new manager, Sam Allardyce, who has taken over for recently released Slaven Bilic. The guys then recap some select matches from the past week -- which included two full matchweeks -- as the league heads...

Episode 29 - 12/14/2020

December 15, 2020 20:51 - 52 minutes - 48.7 MB

Because there's never a shortage of errors to choose from, Mike and Jared figure that it's a good time for another installment of everybody's favorite segment, "Now What Did We F#%& Up?" in which they recount some of the more egregious mistakes they've made on the show over the last few weeks - now with new imaging!! The guys also fret over what felt like a dull week in the EPL, but that probably had more to do with the lousy performance of their fantasy team. Jared wraps things up with a ...

Episode 28 - 12/7/2020

December 08, 2020 21:10 - 49 minutes - 45.4 MB

The fans have returned to the stadiums!! Well, some of the fans have returned to some of the stadiums. For the English Football parks that were allowed to admit the maximum 2,000 supporters to watch their teams play this week, Mike discusses how most of the matches were a welcome return to festive celebrations of competition while one disgraceful group of fans chose this moment to showcase their hateful disposition, at the expense of their team's reputation. Jared takes issue with live up...

Episode 27 - 11/30/2020

December 01, 2020 20:51 - 52 minutes - 48.9 MB

The soccer world lost Argentina's Diego Maradona last week after he suffered a fatal heart attack at the age of 60. Mike and Jared reflect on his complex life and career, from his successes at the 1986 World Cup and as captain of Napoli to his struggles with drugs and alcohol. The guys also examine whether this Premier League season is developing into one of the least impressive when compared with seasons of the past. Jared recaps some of the games from Matchweek 10, giving Mike a chance ...

Episode 26 - 11/23/2020

November 24, 2020 19:55 - 49 minutes - 46.2 MB

Tottenham Hotspur may be at the top of the table for now, but Mike and Jared discuss the team's prospects for the future given financial reporting that shows Spurs to be suffering an $85.5 million loss this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Meanwhile, Man City, the team that only recently faced investigations and sanctions for violating the Financial Fair Play regulations, is still in the market for Lionel Messi and his $90 million annual salary somehow. Curious, no? The guys also recap ...

Episode 25 - 11/9/2020

November 10, 2020 21:18 - 54 minutes - 50.4 MB

This week, the guys take a look at The Championship to examine the financial scandal that resulted in a 6-point deduction for Sheffield Wednesday and muse about its similarities to Manchester City's "creative bookkeeping." Jared discusses the frustration that many are expressing about inconsistent challenge calls that affect the outcome of games. A successful week for the fantasy team gets a mention and the guys close with some thoughts about Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek, who passed away fro...

Episode 24 - 11/2/2020

November 03, 2020 21:00 - 52 minutes - 48.6 MB

You may have noticed that several Premier League players have hyphenated names, but have you ever wondered whether you could set a Starting XI of such players? Well, Mike and Jared save you the trouble with the release of the 2020 Hands Off Those Balls All-Hyphen Team! Jared recaps several of the matches from an eventful week and the guys reflect on the difficulties they've encountered with their fantasy team, wondering whether the problem is bad luck or bad management . . . . . . It's pro...

Episode 23 - 10/26/2020

October 27, 2020 19:42 - 51 minutes - 47.8 MB

Now that Matchweek 6 is in the books, Mike and Jared figure enough of the season is over for them to make some BOLD predictions of how things will play out from here. They can think of no better way to do that than with a new segment they call "Dope or Nope," in which they evaluate whether they like the chances of a certain Premier League result happening (because it's "dope") or they don't like its chances ("nope"). Jared reviews some of the games from this past week and the guys look bac...

Episode 22 - 10/19/2020

October 20, 2020 20:25 - 48 minutes - 44.9 MB

This week, Mike finishes a discussion he should have concluded last week, as he is now able to describe where the money in those massive transfer fees goes. With the end of Matchweek 5, it's also a perfect time for another installment of "Now What Did We F#@% Up?," so the guys reflect on some of their recent and shameful blunders on the show. Jared gives a recap of some of this week's more interesting (or, in the case of Tottenham Hotspur failing to beat West Ham, depressing) matches, and ...

Episode 21 - 10/12/2020

October 13, 2020 19:43 - 56 minutes - 52.6 MB

After taking a week off with a host on Injured Reserve, Mike and Jared return just in time to discuss the end of the international transfer window. Jared then shares his concerns about some of the own goal decisions that have been made so far this season, the guys look back at a few of the Matchweek 4 games and they reflect on another week in which their fantasy team was saved by the late heroics of Jack Grealish.

Episode 20 - 9/28/2020

September 29, 2020 20:34 - 50 minutes - 46.7 MB

It seems like folks from all corners of the soccer world are up in arms (pun intended) over the Premier League's implementation of the International Football Association Board's new handball rule, and Mike and Jared are no exception. Matchweek 3 saw no fewer than three of its ten matches decided by a rule that, when correctly enforced, yielded unjust results. Jared shares his analysis of what sometimes appear to be arbitrary stoppage time durations and the guys reflect on the shock that wa...

Episode 19 - 9/21/2020

September 22, 2020 20:05 - 43 minutes - 40.1 MB

Matchweek 2 is in the books, and Mike and Jared are here to discuss some of the new developments that have taken shape in the Premier League's first several games. Jared explains how offsides is being called somewhat differently this season, leaving the guys to wonder if the change is really all that helpful. In an attempt to continue making his case against NBC Peacock, Mike shares some choice words from other fans who have voiced their extreme displeasure in the comments section of Peaco...

Episode 18 - 9/14/2020

September 15, 2020 20:08 - 54 minutes - 50.5 MB

It would appear Mike and Jared are celebrating Festivus a little early this year, and as such we begin with the airing of grievances. The first subject to draw their ire: Mike's horrible selections for their fantasy EPL team, which resulted in a loss to a team with half its players idle. Next up: NBC's streaming service Peacock, which has exclusive broadcasting rights for WAAAAAYYYYY too many games this year (a whopping eight out of ten Matchweek 2 games as just one example). But the seas...

Episode 17 - 9/7/2020

September 08, 2020 20:44 - 45 minutes - 41.9 MB

It may have been a short off-season, but that doesn't mean we're any less excited for the start of the 2020-2021 English Premier League season!!! Jared introduces us to the newly promoted teams joining the EPL this year and Mike discusses some of the news from the preseason like Lionel Messi's suggestions of leaving Barcelona and joining, perhaps, Man City, as well as the scare of Adama Traore's positive COVID-19 test. The guys also begin plotting the best way to manage the Hands Off Those...

Episode 16 - 8/3/2020

August 07, 2020 15:58 - 53 minutes - 49.7 MB

Now that the Court of Arbitration for Sport has issued its written decision in Manchester City's appeal of UEFA's two-year ban from European tournament play, Mike and Jared discuss the panel's reasoning and the effect the decision may have on the financing of soccer teams going forward. The guys also take the opportunity to dole out The 1st Annual Hands Off Those Balls Awards ("The Handsies") to several deserving players and teams and finish up by considering the various factors that go int...

Episode 15 - 7/27/2020

July 29, 2020 14:51 - 51 minutes - 47.9 MB

The 2019-2020 Premier League season is over, and Mike and Jared are here to share their thoughts on the final week's matches and a few performances that warrant special recognition. After correcting some mistakes from last week, Mike gives a basic rundown of Europa League qualification rules and Jared offers a preview of what we can expect from The Championship as the four playoff teams vie for promotion.

Episode 14 - 7/20/2020

July 22, 2020 13:53 - 51 minutes - 47.2 MB

With only one week left before the 2019-2020 Premier League season comes to a close, Mike and Jared discuss the curious decision by Watford to fire manager Nigel Pearson with only two games left to play and spend a little time griping about handball and penalty kick rules. Mike's poor memory is again put on display as he botches (SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT!!) details from the 1990 World Cup and the 1999 Women's World Cup, while Jared gives a rundown of memorable moments from the past week's Prem...

Episode 13 - 7/13/2020

July 15, 2020 20:55 - 54 minutes - 50.2 MB

Fresh off Man City's successful appeal of its two-year ban from UEFA competitions, Mike and Jared discuss the the ruling itself and what it means for the other teams vying for Champions League berths. They clean up some of their past errors with another installment of "Now What Did We F%©# Up??!!" and review all the fixtures from this past week.

Episode 12 - 7/6/2020

July 08, 2020 11:15 - 56 minutes - 52.1 MB

A great way to enhance your English Premier League fan experience is to play in a fantasy league, so our pal Luke joins us in the studio to discuss how he got involved in such a league, what strategies have worked well for him so far and what his prospects are for winning his league in only his first season playing! Mike and Jared then break down some of the matches from this past week and acknowledge some individual performances of note as the EPL continues its march toward a midsummer con...

Episode 11 - 6/29/2020

July 01, 2020 20:49 - 49 minutes - 79.9 MB

Now that Liverpool has clinched the Premier League title, Mike and Jared discuss the various records the Merseyside crew can break by season's end, why it took them 30 years to win another title and whether we can expect this to the first of many for this Reds squad. Also, they review the brilliance of Adama Traore' at setting up goals, take a look at the race for Champions League berths and examine that age old question: Is intentionally committing a hand ball to stop a goal-bound shot che...

Episode 10 - 6/22/2020

June 24, 2020 14:13 - 52 minutes - 83.9 MB

With the resumption of games, Mike and Jared break down the new protocols like manufactured crowd noise, increased substitutions and water breaks. Mike complains about Tottenham Hotspur's failure to hold a lead over Man U, Jared gives an update on promotion scenarios from the Championship and much, much more!

Episode 9 - 6/15/2020

June 17, 2020 15:08 - 55 minutes - 89.2 MB

After a three-month hiatus, English Premier League football is BACK, and with it comes a new episode of "Hands Off Those Balls!" Mike and Jared review the protocols the League is mandating to mitigate health risks to the players, discuss the effect the suspension of play has had on player injuries and make some BOLD predictions about Champions League berths, relegation and promotion.

Episode 8 - 3/16/2020

March 19, 2020 15:01 - 37 minutes - 52 MB

With games suspended due to the COVID-19 outbreak, Mike and Jared discuss how the EPL may decided to handle promotion and relegation if no more games are played this season. They also take a moment to recognize the selflessness of various folks in the sports world who are donating their time and resources to help those less fortunate during these difficult days. Note: No new episodes are planned until at least the week of April 5.

Episode 7 - 3/9/2020

March 10, 2020 23:56 - 52 minutes - 72.1 MB

Jared puts Mike in the hot seat with a two-part quiz on EPL history and team nicknames which serves as an endurance test for the "wrong buzzer." They also discuss Liverpool returning to form, Chelsea's win against a lackluster Everton and the Manchester Derby.

Episode 6 - 3/2/2020

March 06, 2020 03:39 - 52 minutes - 71.6 MB

You know the guys get stuff wrong, and they know it too. This week, Mike and Jared celebrate their ignorance with the first airing of a new segment, “Now What Did We F%©# Up??!!” in which they remember some of their least forgivable mistakes on the show – you may notice Mike still can’t get the facts right in the 93:20 story. Later, they discuss a certain MONUMENTAL and SHOCKING upset from Matchday 28.

Episode 5 - 2/24/2020

March 06, 2020 03:35 - 45 minutes - 61.8 MB

Derbies (pronounced DAR-bies)!!! Last week’s Chelsea-Spurs match gives Mike and Jared a chance to talk about all manner of Premier League rivalries and thereby bone up on English geography. Because the guys are distracted watching the Liverpool-West Ham match while they record this episode, it has all the professional production qualities you’ve come to expect . . . . 😉

Episode 4 - 2/17/2020

March 06, 2020 03:30 - 55 minutes - 76.7 MB

Something smells rotten in Manchester as UEFA levies a 2-year ban on Man City from Champions League play, so Mike and Jared provide their unique analysis of the situation. In addition, they also discuss some select games from the conclusion of Matchday 26.

Hands Off Those Balls

Episodes