Gymkommentary!
26 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 12 years ago - ★★★★★ - 6 ratingsMovie and Television Commentaries from The Peanut Gallery
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Episodes
GYMKOMMENTARY #16: Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
January 30, 2012 02:02Every saga has a beginning. A confusing, boring, vaguely racist beginning. The Tale of the Tape Film: Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) Director: George Lucas Runtime: 500 million minutes (or 136 minutes; hard to say when you're watching it) Genre: Disgraceful Prequel Stars: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman Rated: PG for Sci-Fi/Action Violence, Mild Gungan Profanity, and Crimes Against a Generation's Collective Childhood. IMDb, Wikipedia, Jake Lloyd: Ten Years Afte...
Gymkommentary 16: The Saga Begins
December 16, 2011 16:21We just brought you Gymkommentary 15 and we've already got Gymkommentary 16 recorded. MULTITASKING, BITCHES! Your clue: This, uh, this is not a subtle hint.
GYMKOMMENTARY #15: Revenge of the Ninja
November 28, 2011 03:33Go ninja go ninja go! Go ninja go ninja go! Go ninja go ninja go! Go go go go! No seriously: GO. You suck. No, you can't have a ride home. I don't care. Take the bus or something. The Tale of the Tape Film: Revenge of the Ninja (1983) Director: Sam Firstenberg Runtime: 90 minutes Genre: Ninja Revenge Stars: Sho Kosugi, Keith Vitali, Throwing Stars Rated: R for Graphic Violence, Lazy Italian and Japanese Stereotypes, Pantsless Karate Fights, and Excessive Guyliner. IMDb, Wikipedia, Ni...
Prepare for Gymkommentary Redux!
September 05, 2011 16:46Some of you may not know this about me, but I'm kind of an idiot. And recently I was informed that our older episodes are not downloading thru iTunes (they are currently all working on the blog). I've tried to figure out how to simply get the older episodes to work again in iTunes and come up short. If you have a solution, I'd love to hear it. In the meantime, I'm thinking of occasionally republishing our old commentaries here on the blog just so they are all available on iTunes, since th...
Gymkommentary 15: A Whale's Vagina
July 17, 2011 04:18We haven't recorded the next Gymkommentary yet, but we've chosen a movie (it was Moreno's pick this time) so I'm passing along the clue to let the teasery commence. We're hoping to do it shortly after Chris gets back from San Diego Comic-Con. And speaking of Comic-Con, if you go, make sure you say hi to Chris in Artist's Alley at booth AA-03. He says he promises to sign any Gymkommentaries you put in front of him, assuming you can figure out a way to put a formless audio file in front of ...
GYMKOMMENTARY #14: I Know Who Killed Me
June 17, 2011 04:42A lot of the movies we cover on Gymkommentary are torture to watch. But we've never really tried doing this with something billed as torture porn. Now I don't know who killed me, but I do know what movie almost killed me: THIS ONE. The Tale of the Tape Film: I Know Who Killed Me (2007) Director: Chris Sivertson Runtime: 105 minutes Genre: Softcore (Torture) Porn Stars: Lindsay Lohan, Neal McDonough, Julia Ormond, The Color Blue Rated: R for Extremely Unappealing Slow-Motion Stripteases, ...
GYMKOMMENTARY #13: Star Trek: The Motion Picture
October 15, 2010 05:10Star Trek movies. The final frontier. These are the commentary tracks of the website Gymkommentary. Its continuing mission: to make fun of terrible films, to seek out new cinematic garbage and new celluloid travesties. To boldly mock where we're pretty sure at least a couple others have mocked before. Now just hum the TOS theme as you read through the rest of this. The Tale of the Tape Film: Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) Director: Robert Wise Runtime: 136 minutes (The "Shockingly...
Gymkommentary 13: For Real This Time
October 15, 2010 05:01Okay, yes, we screwed up. Promises were made. They were not kept. But this time, the next Gymkommentary is already recorded. I'm listening to it right now for quality control purposes. So it should be up next week. In the meantime, here's a clue as to what it is (We're gonna get to that other movie we were planning on doing at a later date).
Gymkommentary 13: We Predict You'll Like It
May 17, 2010 02:52Chris and I haven't recorded the next Gymkommentary yet but we've agreed on the movie and we're both very excited about it. So look for it in about a month. Here's your clue: Let the psychic speculation begin.
Gymkommentary 13: We Predict You'null
May 17, 2010 02:52Chris and I haven't recorded the next Gymkommentary yet but we've agreed on the movie and we're both very excited about it. So look for it in about a month. Here's your clue: Let the psychic speculation begin.
GYMKOMMENTARY #12: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
April 22, 2010 04:26The Gymkommentarians. They're the best there is at what they do. And what they do is watch crummy movies and make fun of them. (OK, yes, well technically, there's a bunch of other people who are better at it, and who make a nice living doing it. But given the fact that Matt and Chris both have day jobs, significant others, and lives, and do this for free around all that other stuff, they're really not that bad at it.) (In fact, now that I think about it, maybe they are the best there is a...
Gymkommentary 12: The Dirty Dozen
March 24, 2010 18:31Chris and I are scheduled to record April's Gymkommentary this weekend. If it's not up April 1st, it should be up shortly thereafter. Here's your clue: Hmmm... what could it possibly be? Oh! I know! Navy SEALs!
GYMKOMMENTARY #11: Righteous Kill
March 01, 2010 14:20They are the two greatest actors of their generation. And in 2008, as the culmination of legendary, Academy Award-winning careers, they had their finest achievement. And by their finest achievement I mean their most unintentionally hilarious movie of either of their careers. That's how we measure achievement around here on Gymkommentary: DIY laughs. The Tale of the Tape Film: Righteous Kill (2008) Director: Jon Avnet Runtime: 101 minutes Genre: Geriatric Cop Thriller Stars: Robert De Niro...
Gymkommentary 11: More Fun Than Fun
February 12, 2010 06:45Here's your clue as to next month's track, scheduled to go up March 1st: And, no, we're not doing Heat. That wouldn't be a clue; that would be just telling you what we're doing. Also, Chris and I picked out April's Gymkommentary target, but after that we have no specific plans. So I throw it to you listeners: what movies would YOU like to have Gymkommentary tracks for?
GYMKOMMENTARY #10: The Stabilizer
February 01, 2010 05:12Merriam-Webster defines a stabilizer as "a substance added to another substance or to a system (as an emulsion) to prevent or retard an unwanted alteration of physical state." Merriam-Webster can go eff himself. Wait, is Merriam-Webster two dudes or one dude with one of those hyphenated last names? Either way, he she or they can go screw. This here is one stabilizer who will NOT stabilize things. He will do the opposite of what the dictionary calls stabilization, then call it stabiliza...
Gymkommentary 10 is on its way!
January 14, 2010 21:03It's been recorded and edited and it should be posted online by the end of the month. In the meantime, here's a clue to the title of the film: Don't be worried if you don't get it. Gymkom' 10 is our most obscure title yet. But it's a good'un, I promise.
GYMKOMMENTARY #9: Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus
January 02, 2010 19:09Silent for much of the second half of 2009, Gymkommentary returns to kick off 2010 with a vengeance! No, we're not doing Die Hard With a Vengeance. Please stop being more clever than us. Thanks. The Tale of the Tape Film: Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009) Director: Ace Hannah Runtime: 90 minutes Genre: Ultra-Cheapo Monster Movie Stars: Deborah "Debbie" Gibson, Lorenzo "Renegade" Lamas, Vic "I Wish I Had a Nickname" Chao Rated: R for Science-y Sex Scenes, Blatant Misrepresentations of...
GYMKOMMENTARY #8: Universal Soldier: The Return
August 27, 2009 06:22Like Jean-Claude Van Damme, Grover Cleveland, or that case of herpes you got in Sausalito, Gymkommentary has returned! The Tale of the Tape Film: Universal Soldier: The Return (1999) Director: Mic Rodgers Runtime: 82 minutes Genre: Needless Action Franchise Prolonger Stars: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Michael Jai White, Heidi Schanz, Xander Berkeley Rated: R for Excessive Male Grunting, Blatant HAL 9000 ripoffs, and A Totally Gratuitous Scene in a Strip Club IMDb, Wikipedia, Michael Jai White's "...
Gymkommentary 8 -- COMING SOON!
August 07, 2009 02:29OK, so it's not recorded yet. But it will be. Soon. OK, soonish. Not later, anyway. More like midway between sooner and later. And, this time, instead of giving a cryptic clue, I'm gonna just TELL you what movie we're doing. Assuming you're up for a little game of You Tube Movie Trailer Charades. Here goes! First word: Second word: Third and Fourth words: Look for it by the end of the month. Oh yes.
GYMKOMMENTARY #7: The Scorpion King
July 30, 2009 00:02He killed Babylonians. He killed Mesopotamians. But he was no match for: Gymkommentarians. The Tale of the Tape Film: The Scorpion King (2002) Director: Chuck Russell Runtime: 92 minutes Genre: Sandalsploitation Stars: The Rock, Steven Brand, Michael Clarke Duncan, Kelly Hu, Peter Facinelli Rated: PG-13 for Mild Sword Violence Without Blood, Atrocious White Man Dreadlocks, and Scenes of A Dude Claiming to Invent Things He Didn't Actually Invent. IMDb, Wikipedia, Create Your Own The Rock W...
Gymkommentary 7 Has Been Invented!
May 29, 2009 02:19Chris and I just did our first inter-Skype commentary and it was a rousing success. This means that in the future you can expect much more frequent (and -- Kurt Thomas willing -- regular) Gymkommentary tracks for your listening enjoyment. #7 is in the can and should be ready for download by the weekend. In the meantime, here's your clue as to the film:
GYMKOMMENTARY #6: Rambo: First Blood Part II
March 11, 2009 04:13It's a long road, when you're on your own. And it hurts when they tear your dreams apart. And it's a longer road, when you're with the Gymkommentators. And it hurts when they never shut their mouths. The Tale of the Tape Film: Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) Director: George P. Cosmatos Runtime: 96 minutes Genre: National Revenge Fantasy Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Charles Napier, Martin Kove, Julia Nickson-Soul Rated: R for Gun Violence, Graphic Sweat Stains, and Scenes ...
Gymkommentary 6 will blow you away!
February 24, 2009 18:16It's already recorded and coming soon. Here's your clue:
GYMKOMMENTARY #5: The Wicker Man (2006)
February 13, 2009 02:35Okay everyone! Look at the camera and say "How'd it get burned?!? HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!?" The Tale of the Tape Film: The Wicker Man (2006) Director: Neil LaBute Runtime: 102 minutes Genre: Regrettable Remake Stars: Nicholas Cage, Ellen Burstyn, Kate Beahan, Leelee Sobieski Rated: PG-13 for Intense Hairpieces, Suggestive Kicks to the Face, and Disturbing Images of Little Girls Being Run Over By Trucks On Boats IMDb, Wikipedia, The Wicker Man on Rotten Tomatoes To get this WICKER MAN GYMKOM...
Gymkommentary 5 is alive!
February 05, 2009 06:29Holy crap, has it taken a while. I blame Bernie Madoff. Okay, here's your clue: "Good luck. Good life. Good Gymkommentary. Coming Soon."