Emotionally Validate Yourself with Doug Noll

Discover the power of self-awareness. Can you be calm in the face of intense anger? Do you yourself have uncontrollable fits of anger? Here is the science and technique of emotional competence, validation, and creating peace within yourself and with others. 

Doug is a mediator, speaker, and author of De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less. He was a commercial trial lawyer for 22 years before transitioning to leadership development, problem-solving, and peacemaking. He is the co-founder of Prison of Peace, an organization dedicated to promoting peaceful conflict resolution among prison inmates.

Quotes to remember: 

“There are many conflicts today that should not be in the legal system.” 

“We do not create emotional safety for each other or for our children.” 

Takeaways:

Lessons from tai chi: the softer you are, the stronger you are; the more vulnerable you are, the more powerful you areAll human conflict starts in the brainOur society privileges rationality over emotionWe are hardwired to recognize emotionEmotional invalidation is one of the most ubiquitous and insidious forms of abuseAnger is hiding many other emotionsFeeling numb comes from not wanting to feel the pain of emotionBy emotionally validating others you do not need to take on their emotion or feel scared or anxious

What you’ll learn:

How being called too arrogant by his martial arts instructor, and being let go, led to an entire career change for DougThe reason most people’s emotional competence is so lowHow a former gang member cried when he was able to finally connect with his daughter, who was afraid of himWhat it means to “listen someone into existence”The difference between active listening and emotional listeningWhy people emotionally invalidate othersThe neuroscience of emotional validation (affect labeling) and why it works to calm someone down in minutesHow to learn the skill of emotional validation in 6 weeks

Mentioned on the podcast: 

https://dougnoll.com/https://www.prisonofpeace.org/De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or LessChildhood ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

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