Īllūmīnatï. [S 3.5 EP 11]

| L E G E N D S . |

English - April 18, 2022 01:29 - 22 minutes - 18 MB
Comedy dillon francis rave music festival edm Homepage Download Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Overcast Castro Pocket Casts RSS feed

Previous Episode: Ï ∆ M ∆ N ∆ N D ∆ R. [S2 // S3.5 10]

Next Episode: {Everything Is Everything. } [S 3.5 EP 12]

Listen.

I've been listening

This is what you signed up for.

I know what I signed up for

[A stern look—she turns to walk away; he grabs her upper arm, gripping with force; her subservient obedience overrides her.]

There are rules.

I know them.

—then play nicely.

Do I have a choice?

It's your choice.

—

Here. Stay hidden.

Okay.

Turn your light off.

Okay.

Dissipate.

IN.

Hmm.

—Goo for it.

I am a good girl

In a mad world

I got bad habits, yeah

Bad habits, yeah

What would you do—

What wouldn't you?

I am Illuminati

Do what you do;

Let light shine through

I am Illuminati

I tell you what to do

I tell you what to say

I tell you what to wear

I tell you who to play

I tell you what to buy

I tell you what you make

I tell you everything

In Jesus name:

Don't pray.

I am Illuminati

Sunni BLU becomes the first black man in the Illuminati

LOL

CARMEN!

What now, Sunni?

Shut the door.

Okay.

Turn off the lights.

Alright.

Now, give me your phone.

Okay.

[she does—Sunni tosses it into a bucket, and shoots three rounds from a hand gun into the trash can.]

You have a gun?!

What black man doesn't have a gun?!

[still startled, but in agreement]

Okay!

[Sunni sets the trash can on fire, staring into the blaze—CARMEN (sunni's manager) just stares, bewildered.]

What is wrong with you?!

I think I'm in the Illuminati.

What the fuck!

I know, huh!

Are you sure?!

I'm pretty sure!

How do you know?!

Well—once when I was 15…

[flashback]

CUT BACK TO:

Why we're you in a room with Wayne Newton at 15?

I was Mormon!

Oh...Kay??

And then, earlier today…

EARLIER THAT DAY:

DON'T check the—

She's going to—

DON'T check the Instagram!!!

You fucking loser.

I can't help it…

You can help it.

—I don't know why-

You do know why!

It's not my fault.

Technically, it's his.

Ughgghhhh.

What are you looking for?

Evidence of romance.

On INSTAGRAM?

He's got a girlfriend, let it go.

Can't.

Get it go.

Caaaaant.

You don't know. Could be anyone.

He seems partial to white and frail.

He also has a Dragon.

Yeah.

More than one, maybe

Or one that can replicate itself innumerously.

Go Skrilly

Go Dilly.

Oh, yes. "Go"

Why does it matter?

I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.

There is no bottom of the rabbit hole.

Yes there is, Aliceeventually hit somewhere.

That somewhere is wonderland, and Alice seems more his type than you'll ever be.

Doesn't matter.

Does matter. One. He's a genius.

Yeah he is.

Two. He's out of your league, by class, and looks.

Okay, that's been established.

Three; even if you were somehow equally as gifted and intelligent, somewhat wealthy, and in any other way in the least desirable--you can't change the one thing that really matters.

What's that?

CUT TO:

What's that?

That's--nothing.

An entire awards show audience is sent throughout the Multiverse.

Do NOT Check the--

….

God, I suck.

What's his dogs name?

Wilfred.

That's a decent name for a dog.

I feel bad. I'm so obsessive.

Don't feel bad, it was bound to happen.

Yeah, that's probably why he did it in the first place...pass that.

(What did he do?)

Yeah...but then how did Dillon Francis manage to break through.

(Who the fuck is Dillon Francis?)

I don't know, he's like a magnet.

(Another mirror…)

But how did that happen--

He has a peloton in his--

I mean one minute, you hate Dillon Francis, next thing you know--

It wasn't "the next thing"

Well, how did that happen?

Hey, did you know OK(*JK) Rowling said she didn't believe in magic.

Apparently.

Tragic.

She is so cancelled.

Well illuminati probably frowns upon acknowledging occult practices.

...they're letting women in the illuminati now?

White ones, probably, at least.

Oh.

What about Oprah?

Who The Fuck Is Oprah?

I am.

Thats...Fantastic.

Dude!

Don't believe your eyes; he is a master if illusion.

He is a lot of things.

Dont fall for his trickery!

I really doubt it's his trickery, I mean; this whole thing is starting to feel like a joint effort. I mean--google, all the socials--disney, NBC…

They're trying to make me kill myself.

Or they're grooming you for something.

Outruled. Whoever's in charge is doing a great job at letting me know i am replaceable.

Replaceable? Please.

Yah. All these ads with pretty light skinned by racial girls; all these models, actresses, dancers, child stars--its like they're shoving it in my face that there are a million wannabe everything's that look like me, but better--doing everything I do--but better.

What do you do?

Nothing.

Right. So I guess something's better than nothing.

It's all easy when you're pretty.

If you were pretty, you wouldn't be writing this.

Exactly. Wait--so?

So maybe, that's what he needs.

Who--?

You know Who?

No...he needs a hot wife to go with all that stuff.

So then, what about Dillon Francis?

He also needs a hot wife. And a dog maybe? I don't know.

What about all the other artists?

What about them?

What do they need?

NOTHING. These people don't need anything, they have everything!

Then why are they always drinking?

For...fun, I guess?

Drinking's only fun when it's not all the time.

I can agree, but how does that apply to me?

Because you never drink!

So, I can.

But you don't--and you don't have to.

So.

So maybe it doesn't matter how fat or tragically ugly you are, or if your skin's too dark and your eyes are uneven and too far apart--and your hair just kind of grows out of your head all...sad like that--

--okay--???

Maybe what matters is that you've proven you can be creative, and practice self control.

SO WHAT.

Everyone you're looking at has a red solo cup in their hands, and you keep thinking that's the question--but that's the answer!

Answer to what? How is a cup a question?

How is a Raven LIKE a writing desk?

Cause she's writing this.