Gajok, Ep. #121: May 27, 2024

Happy Asian American Native Hawaiian Pacific Islander Heritage Month, friends. 🌼

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The 8-month anniversary of 아빠's passing was hard. I think these summer months are going to be especially hard because that's when he started dying, and my body, mind, and spirit remember. The grief built up until Saturday, really hit hard on Sunday, and it's still here today. I watched videos of him because I really wanted to hear his voice. I realized that the time we had with cancer, although it was excruciating, the time was also a gift, where we could do and say the things we wanted to say before things got really bad. Obviously I wish he never had cancer and didn't die, but I was able to feel gratitude for these videos that we took of him. He said a lot of the things he wanted to say before he died. And for the things he couldn't say, he did them. And we also had the time to say and do things for him before he died. And while I wish he were still here, I'm glad we have these memories in the form of these videos. I want to make sure I take it slow for these next four months. They're undeniably going to be difficult. I will survive them. But they will be hard.