Make the Whining Stop by Checking Your Social Connection Quality

Are your kids starting to whine all the time? Living in isolation is really challenging and everyone can get edgy. Today's quick tip is about how providing more high quality social connection will help your child be more independent... and stop whining so much!

TRANSCRIPT
Living in isolation can really bring out the worst in your family members. You can’t get what you want, you lack variety in your day, and you’re cooped up in the same space with the same people. And no matter how much you love them, it can still get, well annoying. This is especially true if your kids have started whining or complaining all day long.

So what can we do as parents to make the whining stop? Whining usually occurs when someone wants or needs something. If your kids are older maybe what they want is answers. If you need some ideas on how to have that conversation check out episode 5 where I talk about explaining isolation to kids. Maybe your child needs extra food or a nap. You can probably assess these needs or wants and fix them but if the whining doesn’t stop maybe what your child needs right now is more social connection. 

Social connection is a psychological need to feel close to other people. Now you might be wondering, how can my child possibly need more closeness? We’re spending alllll day together. Well my quick tip today is to assess if you are providing the right amount of high quality social connection. 

Social connection comes in many forms. Talking to each other, playing a game with each other, or even arguing. Any time you are interacting with another human you're getting some kind of social connection. You do this without even thinking about it. But what I’m suggesting in order to minimize the whining is that you assess how much as well as what kind of social connection your child is getting. 

If you’re sitting next to each other all day on your phones the social connection is not as powerful as when reading a book together or going for a walk together.High quality social connection comes when all parties are fully and positively involved in the interaction.

So what does high quality social connection look like and how much does my child need? The answer to this will vary based on your child’s age. Babies need a lot more social connection because they can’t be independent and much of their learning comes from being around other people. Toddlers are starting to be more independent but they still need a lot of face time with adults and other kids. Once in school, kids can be more independent so they don’t need as much and they would also get to connect with their peers and teachers. Now, due to the COVID 19 situation, and were home all day YOU are the main source of social connection. And unfortunately the younger your kids are, the more time you have to put into this in order to get them to feel calm and for the whining to stop. This makes it really hard to get anything else done. If you feel overwhelmed by that check out episode 1 where I give a quick tip on how to divvy up your day to account for your child’s social connection needs.

This is a huge burden for many families especially if schools in your state have been closed for the rest of the school year. But understanding these needs and planning for them will help with the day to day struggles while at home.

I’ll also post on my instagram @familysanitypodcast a table of how much time your child needs of social connection each day based on thier age. Now don’t get scared when you see that a 3 year old needs 5 hours a day. That doesn’t mean you need to sit with them for 5 whole hours at a time. Instead weave into your day times where you are intentionally giving your 3 year old your full attention even if its 10 minutes at a time. Reading a story, having lunch together, using chalk are all examples of high quality social connection. 

Spending time with siblings or video calling grandma are al