You Can’t Win But You Can Be Wise

Welcome to our Livestream service. I wanted to give you an update on our phased approach to reopening. As was mentioned in our newsletter, starting Monday we will have sign-ups for live services in very limited numbers that will slowly open up as the city lifts restrictions.

More on that later but for now I wanted to give a pastoral word regarding our plan to meet. There are two extreme polar positions represented in our society right now.

On the one hand, you have those who interpret any behavior other than complete isolation as dangerous, uncaring, and disregarding of scientific authorities.
On the other hand, you have those who think this whole thing is a hoax, a power play by the bureaucratic elite, and all about the money.
Both of these are tools used to create fear. Either fear of a virus or fear of a corrupt elite. These are powerful fears because massively influential forces are acting upon us that are completely outside our control. I’m here this morning to remind us of who is in control. The virus is not in control. Human leaders are not in control. God is in control. There is not one person on planet earth that contracted COVID to God’s surprise. There is not one person who has power who was not put there by the hand of God. Do you not remember Jesus’ words to Pilate, “You would have no authority over me unless it was given to you from above.”

No matter where you fall in the spectrum of responses, Christians are freed from fear. In fact, we are commanded to not fear because we are the loved children of the one who is in control. We know him. He is good. And he can be trusted.

Our plan to reopen in phases is driven by many things: unity, seizing a gospel opportunity, and enjoying unique advantages to this season, not fear.

I want to direct your attention to a verse in Philippians 1:12, “I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.” Paul had been thrown into prison, and what happens? The gospel advances.

FCBC church family, we need to not be a fragile church that comes unglued if our Sunday morning services get disrupted. Are we that fragile? Paul can’t go to church. His version of Zoom is a quill and parchment. Paul says his circumstances are creating a greater opportunity for the advance of the gospel. Did Paul want to be in quarantine in prison? No. Did he want to be chained to a Roman guard? No. But God wanted him to be so that he could influence the palace guard and the whole household of Caesar.

Here’s the question for us. The main question is not, “When can we get back to church?” The main question is, “How are the circumstances God has placed us in creating greater opportunity for the gospel?” People in positions of authority are not the ones responsible for churches not meeting. God has decentralized His church on purpose. People are thinking about death and eternity in ways they never have - their hearts are ready. They actually have time on their hands. This is a unique opportunity. There is a window of ministry that we won’t have anymore when life goes back to normal.

Our circumstances are designed to make the gospel go forth more, so let’s do this. Let’s embrace it. Get in conversation with those in your sphere of influence. When it gets back to normal, we will be excited to meet, but these opportunities will be over. Let’s be a robust church so that the gospel spreads no matter what God chooses to bring.

Please pray with me.

Well, happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers watching! Today also happens to be the 17th anniversary of our church so we praise the Lord for that. I hear all you clapping out there in your pajamas.

We are so thankful for our mothers, and this service is designed to honor them. Of course, Mother’s Day may surface emotions that are not entirely positive. Perhaps you’ve recently lost your mother or you may not have a good relationship with her. Maybe you are a mother who recently miscarried or are wanting to be a mother but cannot.

We would be amiss to not acknowledge the fact that there are many broken situations. And we trust in God’s promises to redeem them. But there are also many wonderful relationships and we want to give expression to that as well. And we will do that through the book of Ecclesiastes.

So follow along with me in Ecclesiastes 10.

Remember, all through the book of Ecclesiastes we are getting a peek into Solomon’s life long journal. We are nearing the end of the book and we are starting to see some of Solomon’s conclusions. Solomon was the great happiness experimenter. At the beginning of the book, we saw Solomon try to overdose on every one of the gifts God has given us. But now as he begins to summarize some of his lessons from his hedonism overdose, you hear lessons and balance coming out.

Women can’t make you happy, but enjoy your wife.
Work can’t satisfy, but enjoy your work.
Food can’t fulfill, but enjoy your food.
Why? Because they are gifts from a good God who wants you to enjoy them. Now last week we ended by reading Solomon ponder wisdom.

As a mature man, he’s not trusting in wisdom, but he values it. He sees it’s place.

It can’t satisfy, but it’s a gift of God.
It helps you live skillfully, but it can’t guarantee an outcome.
It is commendable, but won’t necessarily get you commendation.
And to illustrate this last point, he gave a story of a poor wise man who saved a city by his wisdom but was totally forgotten. How lame is that? Here’s a man who did all the right things and saved a city with his wisdom but gets no credit.

Now in telling us that story, he’s setting us up for chapter 10. Because in chapter 10 he’s going make one point: You can’t win but you can be wise. Wisdom won’t guarantee that you win. Since when has winning been the goal? The goal is to be wise.

In the same way, being compassionate doesn’t guarantee that you will win, but that doesn’t mean you stop being compassionate.
There are plenty of kind people who get trampled on. Does that mean that we should discard kindness?
In the same way that being self-sacrificing, joyful, patient, self-controlled, and gentle won’t guarantee results, yet you keep doing them; in that same way, we should be wise.
Solomon teaches us that wisdom won’t guarantee that you win, but how beautiful it is to be wise. Is this not true?

A wise person is a true treasure. When I look at the feeds, streams, and Internet chatter, I just see foolishness everywhere. Brash, confident assertions that aren’t backed by substance. No ability to dialog and have civil discourse. Just name throwing, senseless attacking.

We don’t need more opinions or speculation. We need wisdom.
We don’t need more information. We need wisdom.
We don’t need more confident assertions. We need wisdom.
We don’t need more data, science, numbers, charts, or graphs. We need wisdom.
We don’t need more editorials, blogs, posts, books, or best-sellers. We need wisdom
We don’t need more conferences, TED Talks, or forums. We need wisdom.
We don’t need more videos, podcasts, or movies. We need wisdom.
The amount of minutia, trivia, facts, and information in our day is overwhelming and staggering, but what we’re desperately lacking is wisdom.

Now our boy Solomon is going to hook us up. Now today is Mother’s Day, and I’m going to frame the wisdom of Solomon from the vantage point of mothers. And here’s the message you need to hear today. Moms, if ever there was a profession in which you can guarantee not to accomplish everything you hoped, it’s being a mother. What mother feels like they are crushing it? I’ve never met one.

Moms, this message is for you, “You can’t win, but you can be wise.” In fact, change your definition of what it means to win. Win by being wise.

So here are five ways in which moms can win by being wise.

I’m not talking about the trash under your sink. I’m talking about a different kind of trash. Let’s read what Solomon says.

Now in this section, Solomon is trying to point out the damage of foolishness. He compares foolishness to something very small and putrid that fouls up something that would otherwise be very pleasant.

He’s comparing wisdom to perfume. Wisdom by itself is like perfume in that it creates a very pleasant environment, but all it takes is a fractional amount of folly to stink up the entire house.

Wisdom is like fresh-baked bread.
Foolishness is like a stinky bathroom.
Wisdom is like a vase of lilacs.
Foolishness is like a rotting jug of milk in the trash.
And Solomon says, take out the trash. Get foolishness out of the house. Why? Because foolishness is so damaging.

Solomon points out, “A little folly outweighs wisdom and honor.”

You can speak 10,000 kind words but the one cruel word will be remembered.
You can remember to pick up your kid 1000 times straight but he’ll remember the one time he was left.
Foolishness is like this. Just a little bit of foolishness can go a long way in making the home stink.

And moms this is not a call to self-reflect (that’s always good), but it’s a call to do this for your kids. It’s a call to root foolishness out of the hearts of your children. It’s a call to discipline your children whether through taking away privileges, corporal, adding chores, etc..

The text says, “The fool says to everyone that he is a fool.” He’s not literally saying that but his actions are. Foolishness is obvious to the wise. He takes the simplest thing in the world, walking down the road, and says that even in that action foolishness is revealed.

God has given you wisdom not to condemn your children but so that you can help them. Your heart is inclined to the right while your children’s hearts are inclined to the left. Help incline their hearts.

God has given parents the responsibility to discipline their children but much of this falls to the mom if dad is away. Discipline is hard work. It’s so hard to be consistent. It’s so hard to know when to show grace. It’s so hard not to be angry, but to be patient and correct with love after the thousandth infractions. But it’s worth it.

Because when that trash is finally taken out and when that foolishness is gone, then what remains is pleasantness. Here’s a verse to hang your hat on.

How do you take out the trash? Get foolishness out of the house.

I’m not talking about the dress that goes on the body. I’m talking about the dress of the soul.

Now the principle expressed by this wisdom is that Spirit-empowered kindness can actually turn unhealthy environments into healthy ones. And pictured here is someone who is very angry.

Who is this person? Pictured here is someone in authority, but the principle extends to any relationship.

Our bosses can be unreasonable, demanding, or ungrateful.
Our kids can be angry, grumpy, or upset with us.
Our spouses can be angry, disrespectful, flippant, cheeky, or crude.
What is this person upset about?

Sometimes their aggravation, annoyance, or irritation is legitimate because of sin on our part.
Sometimes the frustration or discontentment is because of honest mistakes we make.
Sometimes the anger has nothing to do with anything we did. We just happen to be the object upon which that anger lands.
What do you do when you see that anger? What do you do when the environment of your home is not healthy? Moms, you have so much power in this regard. What’s the advice when you see the temperature rise? Be kind. Be calm. Be gentle. Be loving. “Calmness will lay great offenses to rest.” Proverbs echoes this thought.

This is one of the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman.

When someone is angry toward you, the typical response is anger back. But here we see something different. Here she opens her mouth with wisdom and kindness comes off her tongue. What power there is in wisdom mixed with kindness! What power kindness has to change the temperature of a home. The home can be filled with stress and anxiety and tension and then, through a simple word of kindness, all that dissolves into tranquility. Moms, don’t underestimate the power you have to transform your home through kindness. Calmness will lay great offenses to rest.

Some of you are in very difficult marriages. Things aren’t going well and the environment is not healthy. And that makes raising kids that much harder. Just remember the power of kindness in laying to rest great offenses. Kindness is such a healing agent. Be kind. Mothers, be so careful and kind. Be kind.

Maybe you don’t feel very kind. How do you become a kind person? The New Testament has a great principle and uses the analogy of clothing. The apostle pictures unrighteousness as a piece of clothing that we take off and righteousness as a piece of clothing we need to put on. How do you win by being wise? Change your dress.

We see this illustrated in Colossians 3. Normally when someone mistreats you, how do you respond? Anger, wrath, you want to slander them, you want to maybe even curse at them. Well, Paul says that’s your old dress. Take that off.

Paul says to rid your self of anger, malice, deceit. He says, as believers we have taken off the old self. What’s the next step?

You see, as we look to the cross and we see God’s forgiveness toward us, it enables us to be so kind to others. And that love binds us together in perfect harmony.

Can you get a taste for the power of kindness? So win by being wise.

Here’s the point. The wise are never in it for the recognition. I don’t need to tell anyone this, but as a mom, you won’t get any official awards. I’ve never seen a mother’s hall of fame. I’ve yet to see a Grammy, an Emmy, or a Nobel Peace Prize awarded to a stay at home mom. Moms don’t get raises. Moms don’t get promoted. The wise recognize that it’s never about honor. This is really the meat of where the title of the sermon comes from, “You can’t win but you can be wise.”

Do you see the point? Being a mother is among the most honorable things a person can ever do, but many won’t see it that way.

If I were to reword this for mothers here’s what I would say, “There is an evil that I have seen under the sun, as it were an error proceeding from the justice department: kids are given food they did not work for, did not shop for, did not prepare, and yet they complain. I have seen teenagers driving brand new sports cars while moms drive worn out minivans. I’ve seen moms on their hands and knees mopping the floor, folding laundry, and cleaning up spills, while kids spend their mother’s money at McDonald’s with their friends.”

This is an injustice. But moms aren’t in it for justice. They are in it for love. A wise person doesn’t care about titles, accolades, awards, or positions of glory. A wise person cares about what is right. A wise person cares about being the right person, not about being recognized. And if that is true, then a mother is the wisest person of all.

How many beautiful mothers out there put their lives on hold, stop their careers, silence their dreams, to be home with ungrateful kids and never let on even once that this was a sacrifice.

While other women are running up the corporate ladder, they are at home changing diapers, doing laundry, their skills get rusty, their education fades, they aren’t building resumes and experience. They give up everything for their children, they are acting for the benefit of another and not themselves. Their tremendous sacrifices are never recognized but they accept this with such grace.

What prize gets handed out to mothers who make their kids finish their homework, who make their kids give oral book reports for comprehension, for choosing a healthy meal over an easy one?

Mothers have to constantly absorb disrespect. But I want to tell you right now, I respect you. I respect that. That’s among the hardest things in the world to do. God sees it. God will bless you.

The reason this is so beautiful is that this kind of behavior is exactly like Jesus. He came not to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many.

The greatest power and strength of all is to be like Jesus who disadvantaged himself to serve others. Mothers are the princesses and queens who choose to enslave themselves to their families by walking on the ground while their children ride on horses. It’s a beautiful thing.

If you know my mom, she is the ultimate example of this. So selfless. So uncaring about her position or her title or whether or not she is recognized. It’s made such an impact on me.

This is one of the hardest things about being a mother, you have to let your kids make mistakes. You have to let them experience the consequences of their actions. You can teach them wisdom and commend wisdom and encourage wisdom and model wisdom and praise wisdom and promote wisdom and then you let them go and they choose foolishness.

His point here is that if you play around dangerous things you get hurt.

You can’t fall into a pit you didn’t dig.
If you don’t attack a city wall, you won’t get bit by what’s inside.
If you don’t carve out a giant rock, it can’t crush you.
If you don’t cut down a tree it won’t fall on you.
We have a phrase, ‘don’t play with fire.’ Why? Because eventually you get burned. Mothers have to watch all this happen to their kids. I am quite sure my poor mom laid in bed anxious worrying about all the dumb things I did in my life.

All mothers must suffer the self-destruction of their children. It’s pointless to ask the question,

“Why were you shooting each other with potato guns?”
“Why were you trying to ride your bike into a lake with a blindfold on?”
“What did you think would happen if you jumped off the roof onto the trampoline?”
Some things cannot be taught. He who digs a pit will fall into it. Mom can’t teach that lesson. The pit has to teach the lesson. And it’s the pain of a mother’s heart to have to watch that!

But there’s more here than the self-destructiveness of kids. Here’s the thing about this list. Nothing on this list is bad. If you want to accomplish something in life you have to confront the dangers of the world. If you want to build a house, you have to cut down a tree and cut out stones. If you want water, you have to dig a pit. And there is unavoidable danger in those tasks.

Every mother dreams of having her son or daughter marry a wonderful spouse. But the problem is you have to date people to make that happen. He who dates people is hurt by them. And that’s hard to watch.

Every mother dreams of having their son or daughter be in a successful career. But you have to let them get eaten alive by college and a cutthroat free-market economy. He who tries to start a business is skewered by the merciless indifference of a free market.

You have to cover your eyes. Mothers, God bless you as you suffer beneath the weight of your children and their grown-up decisions.

But wisdom knows when to cover your eyes, when to not intervene, and when to let the natural consequences do the teaching. Let the pit administer the discipline while you cover your eyes. To know the right time to do that is wisdom.

Now if you think I’m going to be metaphorical, I’m not. This is literally what he says.

The idea here is to work smarter not harder. I have a knife sharpener at home for our kitchen knives and every few months, I break that out and sharpen the knives and man, it makes such an incredible difference. Why use more effort than necessary? Just a bit of work to improve your tool and everything becomes so much easier. Summary - use good tools.

In the example of the snake charmer, he’s making the point that working too fast can be worse than not working at all. Now, snake charming is not a super popular modern-day past time, but apparently, it’s kind of hard to tell when a snake is fully charmed. You can be patient and make sure or you can move in quickly and risk it with potentially disastrous results. So wisdom says, “What’s the point of picking up the snake before he is charmed? All that effort will have been wasted. It will be way worse than no effort at all.” Wisdom will teach you to be patient to make absolutely sure. So adding both these thoughts together: use good tools with patience.

So what are some parenting goals you have? Maybe you want your kids to know God’s Word. Well, use good tools with patience.

How do you get God’s Word in their heart? There are some really dull tools out there to accomplish this. Conversely, there are some really good tools. So find the sharp knives. But you have to look around and find books, videos, articles, devotionals that do this well. And once you do, you have to use them patiently.

Maybe you want to teach your kids to be disciplined and not lazy. Again, there are sharp tools and dull tools. But you have to be patient even with the best tools.

Moms, many of you have kids that turned out the total opposite of what you hoped or dreamed. Perhaps they are not walking with the Lord, perhaps they have chosen a lifestyle that grieves you. Apply the sharp knife of wisdom and wait. That’s it. That’s all you can do. You must release the rest to God.

Mothers can’t win but they can be wise. They can win by being wise.

Summary
Solomon is teaching us through this book both the power and limitation of wisdom. He teaches us what it is but just as importantly what it is not.

Wisdom is not intellect. Some people are very smart but not very godly or wise. You can be a fool with a high I.Q.
Wisdom is not success. You can accomplish a lot being a fool, including being the owner of a Fortune 500 company, a celebrity, lawyer, surgeon, or executive.
Wisdom is not education. It is possible to go to college and have more degrees than Fahrenheit and still be a fool.
Do you want to know what wisdom is? Wisdom is 3 things:

Wisdom is knowing the goal.
Wisdom is knowing what you can control and what you can’t.
Wisdom is then doing what you can and trusting the rest to God.
Now I want you to listen now to one example from our body in our most recent Story of Faith.

Prayer for Moms

I’ve invited an expert up here, my wife, mother of 5 children. And we thought it would be appropriate to have a special prayer for mothers this morning.

If you are a mother, this prayer is for you.
If your mother did these things for you, you can thank the Lord for such a mother and thank her.
If you are a father, you can pray this for your wife.
If you don’t have a wife, pray for one of these models.
Lord, we thank you for our mothers. What a job you have given them. What an absolutely beautiful, incredibly difficult, eternally rewarding job.

Lord, empower our mothers to do this job well.

Empower them to tuck the kids in with a smile, read a story, and pray with their kids when they are tired.
Empower them to set an example.
Empower them to pray in faith for the salvation of their children.
We pray for those who are trying to run a household on a shoestring budget, doing so much to pinch pennies, forgoing the out-to-eat meals. We pray that you meet their needs but also help them not to trust in the uncertainty of riches but in you.

We pray for wisdom in threading that needle between allowing their children to experience natural consequences and loving their kids by bailing them out of their foolish choices.

We pray for mothers who are married to difficult men in demoralizing marriages. This makes raising kids so difficult. We pray that you help them to be kind. We pray that you give them your wisdom and grace to create an environment in which spiritual growth can happen. We pray for healing in those marriages.

We pray that you give mothers dignity when they choose to stay at home and raise their children.
We pray for working mothers who are trying to balance so many things.
We pray for single mothers who are doing it all on their own.
We pray for mothers who try to motivate their kids to do school, manage their time, learn to clean up after themselves, etc.
We pray for conviction and resolve to help mothers elevate God’s Word in the minds and hearts of the children so they respect you.
We pray for mothers in their efforts to foster the creative gifts inside their children.
We pray that you give mothers the courage to force their kids to do things they despise but are good for them.
We pray that you help them pick their battles, laugh at the small stuff, and enjoy the gifts of life.
[Lisa]

Lord, you love these moms that are in the trenches right now.

Help them battle strongly in the war against technology.
Help them laugh at their mistakes.
Help them glory not in fading beauty but in You.
Help them learn how to ask for forgiveness.
Help them love their husbands.
Help them educate their children.
A mother is a wonderful gift. She is a treasure among treasures.

Help her forgive when she is taken advantage of.
Help her pray when she is needy.
Give her faith to trust when it’s confusing and doesn’t make sense.
Give her joy in the sacrifices.
Lord, every mother has some impossible circumstance she is trying to navigate where she feels lonely and unheard. Hear her now.

Give strength to the weary, patience to the frustrated.
Give cheer to the brokenhearted.
Give energy to the worn out.
Give thankfulness to the discontent.
Give wisdom to the puzzled.
Give answers to the confused.
Give peace to the anxious.
Give prayers to the exasperated.
Give creativity to those who are stuck.
Reward the selflessness. Honor the sacrifices. Energize the empty. Satisfy those who have silenced complaints. Crown our mothers with beauty.

Open our eyes to see how we have been loved and served by our mothers. Help us appreciate it. Help us admire her worship. Make the image of our mothers shine bright. Crown her with dignity, honor, respect, and admiration.

Give our mothers a rich portion of the blessing of knowing you. Reward the humility. Keep her eyes fixed on the prize. Set her hope in heaven. Give her the joys and rewards of laughter and pleasantness and peace in you.

Application
Tell your mom what you love about her!