The Sorrow of Genuine Loss

Well, I’m so excited to be back in the narrative this morning and to introduce the main point, I want to read the opening line from Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina. It begins this way:By that, Tolstoy meant that for a family to be happy, it had to succeed in several key aspects. And for that reason, every happy marriage looks similar. They communicate well, they work out conflict, and they are self-sacrificing. All good families share these traits. Bad families will be bad in a million different ways. There are endless ways to be selfish. Only creativity limits the way you can be hard-hearted.Now, we could adapt this observation theologically. We could say, “All salvation stories are alike. Every unsaved man is unsaved in his own way.” And by that, we would mean that every saved person goes through that exact same narrow gate where they abandon all their props, all their idols, all other means by which they hope to save themselves and turn to Jesus Christ. Because that gate is narrow we must first be stripped of all these attachments and barnacles so that we can fit. That stripping process is often very painful. God in some way brings us to that absolute end of ourselves. He takes us all the way down until we are at the rock bottom of our ability. We experience that salvation moment of bankruptcy where we abandon all the things we once loved that we thought would bring us happiness. This stripping of attachments is common to every saved person. Every salvation story is the same in this way. Now today we are going to see this salvation moment of bankruptcy illustrated in Jacob’s life and Joseph’s life in different ways.ReviewThis year our theme is “Change What You Love.” Jacob, like many of us, had a love problem. He loved the wrong things. Or, more accurately, he loved good things too much. He loved the right things in the wrong order. He needed to change what he loved.In Jacob’s case, he loved his son Joseph in a warped and unhealthy way. He made Joseph into a hub around which he ordered his life. And because God loved Jacob, he wouldn’t allow him to continue in that disordered love. So God began the stripping process. He takes away his precious. He takes away his favorite son Joseph. Joseph is sold to some Ishmaelite traders and when the brothers come home from their dirty deed of betrayal, they tell their dad that Joseph was destroyed by a wild animal and present to him the evidence in the form of a blood-stained coat.Now when Jacob hears the news, he gives us the undeniable evidence of a man whose been involuntarily stripped of his precious. He just weeps and writhes bitterly. He refuses to be comforted. He clenches his jaw, pities himself, and wallows in his misery. And that’s it. Jacob just kind of drops out of the scene for a couple of chapters.The story cuts to Joseph. Joseph rises to the most powerful post in the Ancient Near East second only to Pharaoh himself and he does this totally unbeknownst to his entire family. As far as his brothers know, he’s lubricating stones with his blood and sweat as a slave in Egypt. As far as his father knows, he’s dead.But in a matter of fact, he’s been providentially promoted beyond anyone’s wildest imagination to steward the resources of the land. The seven years of plenty predicted in Pharoah’s dream are realized. And under the careful and astute management of Joseph, the crop abundance created this incredible surplus which is squirreled away in anticipation of the coming drought.Now that drought comes. Like the sucking sound at the bottom of a great milkshake, those years of plenty come to an end. The famine that ravishes the land is severe. And it’s the famine that causes Jacob to surface in the narrative again. Our last mental picture of him pinned to the walls of our mind was him grieving because of the loss of his son, Joseph. Now we see Jacob again and he is getting very old and he’s starving to death.He says, “Sons, this famine is severe. Go buy us grain, lest we die.” And when we hear Jacob’s voice in the text we excitedly wonder, “How has the refinement process been going?” God stripped poor Jacob of his idol, his son Joseph, those 25 years ago. Did this painful stripping have the intended effect of refinement?And to our horror, we discover that Jacob has not surrendered his idolatry. He has simply replaced Joseph with Benjamin. Now Benjamin is the new center. Benjamin is the new favorite idol of the family. Jacob has not yet experienced that salvation moment of bankruptcy. God has more stripping work to do in the life of Jacob.So again we watch favoritism play out. Jacob sends everyone, except his youngest son Benjamin. So they set off on the 150-mile journey to buy grain. When Jacob’s sons return from Egypt with grain but without Simeon, his countenance turns stormy. You can imagine his face. “What? Where is Simeon?”“Well Dad, Simeon was imprisoned. And unfortunately - I really hate to say this - he is to remain imprisoned until Benjamin is presented to the man in charge.” Wince!!!Everyone knows that a nerve has just been hit. God is stripping away the idol. These unhealthy barnacle attachments must be stripped away. He’s being asked by God to go through that narrow gate. But he’s not going to go without a fight. Let’s pick up the narrative at the end of chapter 42. We are going to read the end of 42 and we’ll work all the way through chapter 43 today so settle to enjoy the text. Jacob gets the news that Simeon has been imprisoned as collateral for Benjamin.“How dare you suggest to take my son Benjamin down to Egypt? That’s not happening.” Jacob swore it. Jacob was:When we have idols in our hearts and those idols are threatened, we begin lashing out. We begin blaming. We swear oaths to threaten those around us and warn them to back off. One of the initial feelings that surfaces is blame. Jacob’s idol is being threatened. God is asking him to surrender. And instead of confessing that it’s a problem, he blames. “No. Absolutely not. My idol is not the problem. My sons are the problem.”From a rational point of view, his sons have nothing to do with this. They just went down to Egypt to buy grain and all this happened to them but that doesn’t stop the blame!When someone is in blame mode, they are locked down. They aren’t ready to surrender their idol. I’m not the problem, you are the problem. “You have bereaved me of my children.” How often it is, when our sin is confronted, we disregard the legitimacy and just go into blame mode. “You never put away your dishes. Well, if you wouldn’t let this place get so dirty then I’d have the incentive to keep it clean. Your diet is terrible. Well, if you would buy better food, maybe I wouldn’t eat so terribly. You are on your phone too much. Well, if you would pay attention to me instead of playing on your phone, maybe I wouldn’t have to bury myself in my device.”You see when the idol is threatened, the blame starts erupting out of the heart. It’s a self-defense mechanism, “I don’t have an idolatry problem. The problem is not me. The problem is you. The problem is her. The problem is him.”That’s what Jacob is doing here. You guys are such cruel sons to ask me to give up my precious. The answer is no. An emphatic no! My precious. That’s how chapter 42 ends.So some time has transpired between chapters 42 and 43. Maybe six months. Maybe a year. Maybe two years. It’s enough time for all the grain they had acquired on their previous journey to run out and now they are starving once again.At first, God asks Jacob to surrender his idol. What’s Jacob’s response? Over my dead body. Very well. It actually will be over your dead body. Either he dies of starvation or he sends Benjamin down. That moment of salvation bankruptcy is coming. Jacob is being forced through that narrow gate.Imagine growing your tomato plant and normally you get 50 tomatoes per plant. And this year 90 percent of your plants die and the ones that survive only yield 4-5 bug-infested tomatoes that you have to share with dozens of starving people. Oh, this is such a terrible feeling.So Jacob commands his sons to go down to Egypt, but notice that he conveniently ignores what he knows is the prerequisite for going down. “Why don’t you just go down and try to get food… and you know, just for kicks, let’s just have Benjamin stay with me.”Jacob is caged. God has given him two and only two options. Die or send Benjamin so that you can buy grain and live. Jacob is being forced into a refinement situation. At first, it was a question, “Jacob, will you give up your idol?” Now it’s not an option. God is prying it out of his grip. And the response is severe.Jacob is like a caged animal in a corner with wild darting eyes, hissing, claws extended. “Why did you treat me so badly and tell the man of Egypt that you had another brother?”It had to have been so obvious to the brothers at this point that dad was irrational. Dad was just white-knuckling his idol. He wouldn’t let go. He wouldn’t open his hand. It’s almost embarrassing. Of course, it all felt perfectly normal for Dad. But so painful to watch for the brothers. Dad’s twisted love is distorting his decision making. He’s sick in his thinking.Now it looks terrible, but something good is happening. God is stripping those attachments. Those barnacles that once looked so secure are beginning to show signs of losing their grip. That salvation moment of bankruptcy is near. And then finally it comes.And then he says the words they never thought they’d hear. He humbles himself and gives up the one thing he swore he would never give up. The barnacle breaks free. That attachment releases.What we finally see here is open-handed surrender to God. The white flag is run up.He had to surrender his idol. There was an abandonment of that thing that he demanded to be the center of his world. He had to finally give it up and trust the almighty. It’s impossible to know for sure, but when Jacob finally breaks here, it appears to be a change different from the other times he was bereaved. When Joseph was taken from him:You can hear in this verse the gross self-pity. When he was told that Simeon was taken from him and that Benjamin too was being required he said, “I can’t do it. If harm comes to him, my gray hair would be taken down to Sheol in sorrow.” You can hear in this the self-centered nature of his concern. Self-centered, self-pity.But when he finally breaks it appears the focus changes. “May God Almighty grant you mercy. If I am bereaved, I am bereaved.” It is up to God.He was stripped of his attachments, no food, weak, he’s lost two maybe three of his children and that beautiful, beautiful salvation moment of bankruptcy has come upon him. It’s through that narrow gate he squeezes. That beautiful salvation moment of bankruptcy where it felt like all was lost. That decision to give up his most precious will ultimately save his life. He had to lose his life to save it.JosephSo we looked at the process of surrender in Jacob’s life. In Jacob’s case, it was the surrender of a disordered love of his family.Joseph too is being asked to surrender. Joseph is being asked to forgive his brothers and in order to do that, he is going to have to surrender hate. He is going to have to release the grudge and the bitterness that he feels. But unlike his father, he’s not going to blame and fight. He’s going to engage and bless. But it’s still going to be a process.Joseph is being asked to forgive his enemies. And the opportunity presents itself. The brothers pack their camels.So they make the journey and ring the doorbell of the palace and present themselves to the king. Now apparently Joseph saw them coming while they were a way off and gives his palace attendant some instructions.So you can imagine the brothers saying, “Um, we are here to see Joseph.” “Ah yes, he’s been expecting you. He’d like to dine with you at lunch.” What? That’s about the last thing in the world you’d expect. Now remember, the last memory Joseph’s brothers had of Joseph was harsh words and false accusations. “Now he wants us over for lunch? That’s not good. He’s setting us up for something. It must be the money in the sacks. Well if we volunteer it, it will go better for us. Let’s just immediately confess everything.”Now, this is the first real act of grace they have received. This is the first reveal of Joseph’s intent toward them. You will recall that this is the resolution to a test that Joseph set up. He commanded that the put the money back in their sacks. Now why did he do this? Why this test? I think Joseph is doing something really significant here. He’s recreating at this moment the scenario of his betrayal. All the elements are present: his brother Simeon is in a pit, is in prison, and they have all been given money in their sacks. Will they return as honest men, give the money back, and try to free their brother from the pit? Or, will they leave Simeon in prison and take the money and run? Will they abandon their brother for a fist-full of cash? Will they, so-to-speak, sell off Simeon to some foreigners for 20 pieces of silver?Joseph is testing to see if they have experienced that salvation moment of bankruptcy. Have they gone through that very narrow gate where they abandoned all their props, all their idols, all other means by which they hope to save themselves and they cried out for God to save them? Now, the test has been run. They return with the money in the sacks! Do you see? They passed the test. Kind of. Because it’s been many, many months, perhaps even years. We know that they have been holding out as long as they possibly could.So Joseph legitimately asks, “Did they just return with the money because they were starving to death or because they were truly honest men as they claimed?” Joseph has been hurt and now he has to decide if he’s going to re-engage. There is some evidence that perhaps they’ve changed, but it’s not conclusive. What do you do in situations like this? This is not irregular. This is how forgiveness always works! I’m not sure they have changed. Do I want to open up and risk being hurt again?You see a lot of people, out of self-protection and fear of being re-wounded, won’t ever let someone change. They harbor that bitterness. They always see a bad motive no matter how long things continue in a positive direction. No matter how much a person has actually changed, suspicion just follows them around like a dark cloud. And that suspicion and hurt can eventually prevent the person from ever wanting to try. “No matter how hard I try I’m always viewed with suspicion so I’ll just stop trying.”Joseph tells the house servant how to respond. “If they have the money in the sacks, if they confess that it was there, give them the benefit of the doubt. And then I want you to go get Simeon.”And now he sees those bald spots again. The dream comes rushing back. Now Joseph is face to face with his tormentors. He’s again face to face with his abusers. You want to talk about being caged. This is being emotionally caged.But Joseph will not allow the pain of the past to dictate the future. He takes Simeon out of prison. He reunites the family. And then he begins to inquire again about their father.You see, he’s open-hearted here. That such a great picture of the posture of forgiveness. Open-hearted. “I open my heart to you. I’m willing to welcome you. I want to inquire about your welfare. I care about your life.” So he’s willing to engage. He’s ready to bless. And then in that process, he breaks.Here, the most feared man of the land, reduced to a puddle of tears. All those years of hurt and anguish. Benjamin would have been just a few years old last time he saw him. And the tears just rush out of him. He probably surprised himself that all that emotion was even in there. Where is all this emotion coming from?He’s giving them clues of his knowledge of them. He’s starting to leak clues. Can you imagine how eerie this would have been for the brothers to see everyone seating in their birth order? I calculated the odds of this happening at random and it’s about 1 chance in 40 million. It’s so unlikely.Your guest is signaling to you. This would be like showing up to a hotel in Hawaii and your hotel room has a complimentary laptop with your Facebook account open and waiting for you, your bank statement printed for you on your bed, and your last year’s tax returns on the TV screen. What’s going on here?The brothers are saying, “How could he possibly know this? It’s an impossible accident.” And why give Benjamin five times? That could not be more strange. He’s the youngest. Joseph is signaling. “I know you. I have a special connection to Benjamin.” Joseph is opening his heart wide. What we see here is the evidence of surrender. This work was done not over minutes, days, or months but years. God had been plowing the soil of Joseph’s heart to prepare him to weep tears of compassion and warmth.If Joseph had been stewing in his mind for all these years, “My brothers, man they took away my life. I’m so bitter toward them. What did I ever do to them? If I ever see them again, I’ll tear them limb from limb. I’ll show them what it’s like to rot in prison. I’ll show them what it’s like to not see the light of the sun for years.” If that is what Joseph had been doing in his mind for 25 years, then that’s exactly what he would have done. But he had been doing something very different. He turned it over to God. God had brought Joseph through that salvation moment of bankruptcy and he surrendered it to God. No God, I trust you. I will not be bitter. I will love them like you loved me.CommunionNow we are about to take communion here and there’s something significant to notice in the process of surrender. God brings every one of the characters in this narrative through pivotal salvation moments of bankruptcy. He did it to Joseph. He did it to Jacob. We are going to trace it in Judah next week. And guess what? He’s doing it to you and me right now. God loves us too much to leave us unrefined and loving idols. He loves us too much to see our affections unordered. He really does.We clutch and cling to our idols and we do not want to let them go. We have created centers around which our life must revolve and those centers. It could be your career. It could be your family. It could be church ministry. It could be money. It could be an unforgiving spirit. But it’s an idol. It has ahold of your affections. You aren’t free. And God loves you too much to keep it there. So he begins the stripping process. He wants us to confess.When that thing is threatened, at first we blame. Then when it’s forcibly taken from us, we fight. “The problem is not me it’s you.” We make excuses. “If it wasn’t for this situation, I wouldn’t have done it.” But God keeps working on us. And soon we break.And you know what that breaking is? It’s the moment we realize that our sin of attachments and idolatry is a sin against the God who saved us. When we break, it is that moment where we realize that our sin was not against other people. Our sin was against God himself.“Please forgive me for ever trusting anything other than you. That’s me laughing at you and throwing you in the pit. Forgive me for trusting in my money. That’s me selling you off as a slave to Egypt. Forgive me for trusting in my reputation. That’s me selling you for 30 pieces of silver.”Jesus is ready to forgive. Jesus as the greater Joseph, seats us in order at his table, revealing that he knows all about us. He knows our sin in advance of our confession. He’s just sitting there totally and completely ready to forgive. He’s already absorbed all the hurt. He’s already been taken down into the pit. He’s already suffered the rejection. He’s suffered the hurt of betrayal. His body has already been broken. His blood-stained coat is evidence of blood that has already been spilled. And he’s sitting you down at the table ready to bless. Do you see the spread of blessing before you? It’s so wonderful.And here we are wringing our hands. Does he know about us selling off our brother? Does he know about the 20 shekels? Does he know about the hidden treasure in the sacks? Does he know about the lies we told to father?And so in those moments of incredible insecurity, we try to project images of ourselves that we are worthy folks. We are honest men. We have never been spies. But do you not see? He knows everything. Our deeds are laid bare before him.And we are all worked up in our hearts thinking that our confession is going to disqualify us from the approval and love of the sovereign. Oh church, do you see how it is exactly the opposite? It is the act of confession that qualifies us to receive the grace and mercy already purchased for us! Jesus as the greater Joseph knows it all and is ready with open arms to forgive. Do you see that he is waiting and wanting to give that to you right now? Jesus is the ultimate Joseph who seats you at his table and is ready to bless.