28. Coping with Grief during the Holidays

Julie Kemp has 11 years of experience as a Grief Facilitator.  Additionally, Julie has personally experienced loss at the holidays, and she finds peace in helping others that are on a grief journey.   Julie lost her husband suddenly in a car accident in October of 1997.  While her son Landon (age 8) miraculously survived, he had a long road to recovery.  She spent Thanksgiving in the hospital, and got to take her son home the week before Christmas.  She shares openly what she experienced that first year, what helped her cope, and offers practical tips for those facing loss this holiday.  She also shares warning signs for trouble and how to intervene when help is needed.     Julie's recommendations for Thanksgiving:  Count your blessings!  Be thankful.  Create a gratitude list A-Z, anything that comes to mind.  Be thankful as you remember the many special ways your life was touched by your loved one.  You hurt so much because you loved so much.     Julie's top 10 Holiday Survival Tips: 1.  Allow yourself to break away from old traditions, or start new traditions, at least for the first year.  Even subtle changes can help you cope.  Make a plan. 2.  Give yourself permission to cry.  Don't apologize for your feelings or for your tears.  Grief is a process, and it is different for everyone. 3.  If you are going to a social function and are unsure you can handle it, take a close friend who can speak for you if the words become too difficult.  Make sure you have an exit if needed. 4.  Light a candle to remember your loved one.  You can create a special area to display photos to honor times together. 5.  Don't expect too much of yourself.  If you need to get alone, or leave early from an event, allow yourself that opportunity.  Set healthy boundaries for yourself. 6.  If you don't feel like listening to Christmas music or sending cards, then don't!  There will be a time when you feel like doing it again, but you can skip a year or two until you feel ready. 7.  Consider giving a gift in memory of your loved on to your favorite charity, needy family, or to an organization your loved one supported or belonged. 8.  Finding time to reflect and journal may be beneficial to you and help you deal with your emotions. 9.  Reading the Bible, particularly Psalms, can be beneficial.  Finding a good devotional book and setting aside a daily quiet time for prayer and meditation will be advantageous for your grief journey. 10.  ULTIMATE TIP:  Skip the elf, the reindeer, and the tree, and remember the real meaning of Christmas and celebrate Jesus' birthday, and remember that because of his sacrifice that we will be united again for eternity.     "Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Julie Kemp has 11 years of experience as a Grief Facilitator.  Additionally, Julie has personally experienced loss at the holidays, and she finds peace in helping others that are on a grief journey.   Julie lost her husband suddenly in a car accident in October of 1997.  While her son Landon (age 8) miraculously survived, he had a long road to recovery.  She spent Thanksgiving in the hospital, and got to take her son home the week before Christmas.  She shares openly what she experienced that first year, what helped her cope, and offers practical tips for those facing loss this holiday.  She also shares warning signs for trouble and how to intervene when help is needed.     Julie's recommendations for Thanksgiving:  Count your blessings!  Be thankful.  Create a gratitude list A-Z, anything that comes to mind.  Be thankful as you remember the many special ways your life was touched by your loved one.  You hurt so much because you loved so much.     Julie's top 10 Holiday Survival Tips: 1.  Allow yourself to break away from old traditions, or start new traditions, at least for the first year.  Even subtle changes can help you cope.  Make a plan. 2.  Give yourself permission to cry.  Don't apologize for your feelings or for your tears.  Grief is a process, and it is different for everyone. 3.  If you are going to a social function and are unsure you can handle it, take a close friend who can speak for you if the words become too difficult.  Make sure you have an exit if needed. 4.  Light a candle to remember your loved one.  You can create a special area to display photos to honor times together. 5.  Don't expect too much of yourself.  If you need to get alone, or leave early from an event, allow yourself that opportunity.  Set healthy boundaries for yourself. 6.  If you don't feel like listening to Christmas music or sending cards, then don't!  There will be a time when you feel like doing it again, but you can skip a year or two until you feel ready. 7.  Consider giving a gift in memory of your loved on to your favorite charity, needy family, or to an organization your loved one supported or belonged. 8.  Finding time to reflect and journal may be beneficial to you and help you deal with your emotions. 9.  Reading the Bible, particularly Psalms, can be beneficial.  Finding a good devotional book and setting aside a daily quiet time for prayer and meditation will be advantageous for your grief journey. 10.  ULTIMATE TIP:  Skip the elf, the reindeer, and the tree, and remember the real meaning of Christmas and celebrate Jesus' birthday, and remember that because of his sacrifice that we will be united again for eternity.     "Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  2 Corinthians 1:3-4