The Trouble with Teens with Erica Ehm

The pandemic has affected mental wellness for everyone — and teenagers are having a particularly difficult time. Youth unemployment is up. Competitive sports are on hiatus. Adolescents are stuck in a cycle of solitude, screen time, social media and boredom — creating all sorts of mental health problems. Here, Dr. Jack Muskat, Medcan’s psychology team lead, talks with parenting expert and Toronto entrepreneur Erica Ehm about the problems facing teens — and how to help.

Links  

Ehm is the founder of YMC.ca, a website dedicated to sharing the perspectives of Canadian women with kids. She also founded Ehm & Co, an award-winning digital agency with expertise in the Canadian mom social space. To learn more about Erica Ehm, visit her personal website.

Connect with Erica on Twitter and LinkedIn, and on the YMC.ca Facebook group.
In a blog post on YMC.ca, Erica discusses the profound shift in women’s roles brought on by the pandemic. She delves into how mothers have had to carry a heavy weight and take on multiple roles since the lockdown. 

A story that illustrates how difficult the pandemic has been on teens: Number of youth in hospital after suicide attempt tripled over 4-month period under COVID-19

Signs your child may need more support after the pandemic, from the American Academy of Pediatrics

Medcan’s Child & Youth Assessment is designed to provide you and your family with tailored strategies to help your child reach their potential. You and your child will spend valuable time with a child psychologist, physician, exercise physiologist and dietitian to help you understand your child better. This assessment is also appropriate as a first step to explore specific health and wellness concerns. Learn more about Child & Youth Assessments at Medcan. 

To book a therapy session with Dr. Jack Muskat or one of the psychologists on his team, go here.  

Insights

The pandemic has been tough for teens, as well as the parents of teens. Many moms and dads feel that their children have become uncommunicative, and hard to reach. Ehm agrees and provides some tips for what works for her. “One of the best pieces of advice I learned is to talk less, and listen,” Ehm says. Let’s say the parent asks the child, how are you feeling? Often, the child may not answer. But every once in a while, this geyser explodes. Once the child starts talking, validate their feelings, don’t try to solve their problems. “That must be so hard,” is a good response. “Wow, that must be so hard to deal with.” (6:00)

Many kids have responded to boredom by spending more time on social media, observes Dr. Muskat. He wonders how a social media expert like Ehm sets boundaries for her kids on apps like Instagram or Snapchat. “How do we figure out what the right rules are?” Ehm’s first advice is, don’t boss them around — because as soon as you say “get off”, they want to get on more. Number two, she says, keep in mind that we're in a pandemic. Pre-COVID, social life meant school encounters, park hangs, sports teams and parties. With much of that gone now, Ehm says, social media represents an important connection to peers. “So my concern about social media is a little lower these days.” Finally, Ehm encourages conversations with your children about what’s happening on social media. “Can you believe that so and so did this?” The idea is to maintain open channels of communication, to grow their critical thinking skills, and to encourage them to realize the power that social media has over them. (10:30)

Excellent spin on the parents’ job: “The number one job for parents,” Ehm says, “is to teach your kids to make the right choices when you're not around.” (13:35)

Dr. Muskat asks, any advice for parents whose children went into the pandemic immersed in a competitive sport, who now want to give it up? “They’re in a bit of a funk, sitting at home, and now the world is going to open up again but they’ve lost this interest in their sport.” “The pandemic has changed a lot of people,” Ehm says. It’s natural for a kid’s interest to change. So don’t force your kid to do a particular activity. Listen to them. Let them take the lead. A parent cannot force a child into any activity and expect it to be productive. (17:15)

The pandemic has not been all bad for the relationships between parents and children. Ehm and her team surveyed 700 moms across Canada about how things have gone in the pandemic. The survey turned up some silver linings. Almost 50% of moms said that they have better relationships with their teens, likely because their teens are not distracted by the lure of their friends. That said, the survey also turned up some troubling elements. Of the women who responded, only 7% describe their COVID state of mind as “doing well,” and 78% say their biggest struggle is worrying about their families’ mental and physical health. (22:40, 24:35)