30. Be a Rockstar Home Bartender - The Highball

I remember the first time I modified a drink. It occurred well before my 21st birthday. Somebody introduced me to the “Fuzzy Navel,” a sweet, thick combination of orange juice and peach schnapps. Today I get reflux just thinking about it. But then, it was a damn epiphany. I remember getting my hands on vodka, perhaps from my parents’ liquor cabinet, but most likely from Anthony’s parents’ liquor cabinet. (We all have that friend or two whose parents aren’t really drinkers but who still keep a full bar. These are the very people who don’t pay much attention to said bar, and we were just the teens to capitalize on that.) I made a Fuzzy Navel, and then I splashed in vodka. It tasted no different but it got us where we wanted to be significantly more quickly. I deemed it a “Hairy Navel.” It all starts there, with the Hairy Navel.

(NOTE: You can use a high quality vodka to make just about any mixed drink pack a more powerful punch without sacrificing flavor. What do I mean by “high quality?” You ask. I certainly don’t mean a $30+ bottle. Those are way too expensive. Vodka is, by definition, grain-neutral. That means it should taste and smell like just about nothing. That’s it. To some extent, talking about more or less delicious vodka is like talking about more or less delicious filtered water. I realize there are taste savants out there who really can discern seemingly imperceptible differences of “neutral” gradation…but for most of us with average palates, the argument is entirely bunk. There are several vodkas that fit the bill of high quality AND phenomenal value. These include: Absolute, Russian Standard, Penn 1681, and Tito’s, among others. All of those vodkas are easily obtainable for approximately $20. You really do NOT need to be spending $30 or more on vodka. You can even amp-up your wine by splashing a little of the clear stuff. Really, you can. Try it. Just a little, though. Remember, we’re grown-ass, sophisticated people now. No shots, no Mad Dog, no quarter drafts, and vodka with moderation, please!)

Across the course of my life as a casual drinker, I’ve gradually shifted from indiscriminate cheap-drunk to exceptionally discerning buzz-seeker…and I’ve become the de facto mixologist of my family, friends, and immediate neighborhood.

In this podcast, I propose that any person can become a rock star home bartender with absolutely minimum equipment, without having to spend extravagant money on ingredients, and with the knowledge of just two drink categories and the seemingly innumerable variations therein.

Today we start with the “Highball.” Booze, bubbly, and ice. That’s it. That’s the foundation. Super simple. It’s a fun journey with Jen inserting her usual wit, wisdom, and ball-breaking. It’s a crowd favorite, or so I’m told.

We also reference Brad Thomas Parsons (Twitter feed) and his book, “Bitters.” It’s worth getting this book, as it provides a wonderfully written history of bitters then launches into drink recipes, including anecdotes and historical notes. This book can serve as your sole reference for a while, and really the writing is exceptional.

Before signing off, I’m going to share two of my recent modified recipes. Both of these drinks have become crowd favorites among my circles. Here goes:

1. The Ginetto
This is a variation on a classic gin and tonic, a staple “highball.” You’ll need the following ingredients, all of which are easily obtainable:

> Favorite London Dry Gin
(Our favorites, in decreasing order, are: Hendrick’s, Bombay Sapphire, Bombay, Beefeater, Bluecoat)

> Favorite Amaretto
(We use Disaronno, which is the most readily accessible “premium” amaretto.)

> Tonic water
(We use “Fever Tree,” available at many grocery stores. They use filtered water, cane sugar, and real quinine. You can also use the more traditional brands, but I avoid these because of chemical flavorings and high fructose corn syrup.)

> Angostura orange bitters
(Easily accessible in grocery stores and typically only $8 per small bottle. You can search around, however, because the market is now flooded with bitters of all sorts. Pittsburgh’s own Wigle Whiskey produces, among it’s bitters variations, a wonderful “Pomander Orange.”)

> 1 lime

> Ice

> Pint glass (or something “large”)

> Long spoon

> Standard shot glass

Fill glass with ice (…crushed or whole, to preference…), squeeze the juice of one full lime into the glass, put in two shots (approximately 2.5 ounces) gin and one shot (approximately 1.25 ounces) amaretto. Fill the rest of the glass with tonic water, then put in the bitters …3-5 shakes. Stir and serve.

2. The “Aaargh”
This is a variation on a rum and coke, another classic “highball.” I pronounce it like a cartoon pirate, because this drink makes me feel like a pirate. You’ll need the following:

> Favorite spiced rum
(I prefer two local spirts here. First is Wigle Landlocked spiced. In position “1A” is Maggie’s Farm Rum Spiced. Both are available at select Pennsylvania wine and spirits stores and they can be obtained online. However, use whatever you love.)

> Favorite root beer
(I prefer “Virgil’s,” which is available in four packs at grocery stores. They make a delicious Stevia version for those of you trying to shift low carb. They also make a specialty “Bavarian Nutmeg,” which is extra delicious.)

> Citrus, molѐ, or chocolate bitters…or all three!
(Again, you can go with the Angostura orange here…but a real “Aaargh” has molѐ bitters. Wigle Whiskey makes a wonderfulversion, and it’s what I use.)

> One-quarter orange

> Ice

> Rocks or double old-fashioned glass (or an 8-12 oz water glass)

> Long spoon

> Standard shot glass

Fill glass with ice (…crushed or whole, to preference…), put in two shots (approximately 2.5 ounces) rum and fill the rest of the glass with root beer. Put in bitters…3-5 shakes. Squeeze in one-quarter orange then twist the rind and rub it on the lip of the glass to get the oils and scents on top. Stir and serve.

Have fun with this people!!

(The intro music is “Cold Beverage” by G Love and Special Sauce, and the outro piece is, “God Moving Across the Face of the Water” by Moby, which, incidentally, is my favorite piece of running music for the very beginning of a long race. Check out both of these artists if you’re intrigued.)

-G