Don't Crack Podcast
100 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 5 years ago - ★★★★ - 15 ratingsWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Where we dare, NAY, challenge you to listen without laughing. New episodes every Monday through Friday.
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Episodes
Merry Chrstmas
December 17, 2018 06:01 - 2 minutes - 2.48 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! That’s it for the year. Thank you everyone that has listened and supported us. With the busy holiday season upon us, we have decided to take a break for a few weeks. So, let me be the first one to say it to you… See you next year! Yup, I still hate myself. I thought it might get better after I said it a second time. It did not.
The Original “Mrow”
December 14, 2018 06:01 - 8 seconds - 140 KBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! That’s it, the last ringtone. I have to say, I saved the best for last. This is the original “Mrow”. Most of the credit goes to Blackbear – Slide Thru, with a little help form Joel. He had to cat censor it. Enjoy.
I Believe In A Thing Called Love
December 13, 2018 06:01 - 5 seconds - 87.6 KBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! *Headphone Warning* Play this at a high volume at your own risk. Again, I don’t want to get sued so I won’t put the name of the song on here. O wait, it’s in the title. I could delete it but that would take too much effort. I’ll take my chances.
Radio Da Da
December 12, 2018 06:01 - 1 second - 25 KBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Alright, text tone number two. You may recognize this from a famous band from the 80’s, but Micah has changed the lyrics to something of her own. That should be enough of a disclaimer so we don’t get sued. O, the best part, she didn't know I was recording.
The Burp
December 11, 2018 06:01Welcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! As promised, here is your first ring/text tone. *WARNING* This is one of the loudest burps ever recorded… on the podcast. Use as you please. Feel free to download it on your friends’ phone and prank them. You have my permission.
Podcast 29ish (After Hours)
December 10, 2018 06:01 - 13 minutes - 13.9 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! We have a few surprises for you this week. I won’t spoil it here in the description. I will give you a “disclaimer”, it’s not the same thing so get off my back… We will not be releasing full length episodes this week, but we will have some other goodies that hopefully make up for it.
Episode 28.4 – Fatboy Face Off (After Hours)
December 07, 2018 06:01 - 19 minutes - 21.3 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Week one was a bit of a roller coaster. I was a little nervous after hearing Ryan’s strategy for the weight loss competition, but then Ryan opened his mouth and words came out that made me think I had a chance at victory. Take a listen to find out who won by a narrow margin. O, and the best part... Punishment!
Episode 28.3 – Mute (After Hours)
December 06, 2018 06:01 - 22 minutes - 24.1 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Mute, something I wish Micah was. Hmmm, maybe I’ll recreate what happened to the main character in this movie and run Micah over with a boat. Just typing that makes me feel a little guilty, and now the guilt is gone. Good day.
Episode 28.2 – Please Advise (After Hours)
December 05, 2018 06:01 - 17 minutes - 18.3 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Guess what, a new challenger has arrived. I have not retired Harold Johnson, but I did want to shake things up a bit. Even if Ryan and Micah did not think it was very clever. Who cares what they think… They don’t even listen to the podcast…
Episode 28.1 – Dream Concert With A Catch (After Hours)
December 04, 2018 06:01 - 21 minutes - 23.1 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Let’s complete the dream, shall we? We leave our dream house in our dream car to drive to our dream concert. Maybe next week we will pick out our dream date. Even better, we day dream about a dream while dreaming in our bed. Meh, too much dreaming. I’ll get back to you next week.
Episode 28 – Inappropes (B-Rated)
December 03, 2018 06:01 - 17 minutes - 18.7 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Let’s see what’s on the agenda for today… Name shaming, my first encounter with Darwin and a sneak peek at Ryan’s potential punishment for Fatboy Face Off. I couldn’t contain myself, I just had to tell him.
Episode 27.4 – Fatboy Face Off (After Hours)
November 30, 2018 06:01 - 17 minutes - 18.3 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! That’s right, another segment, because I can. I like to keep it fresh, and if you’re no jive turkey then move along. Wait, I didn’t mean it… please stay. At least listen to the podcast and see if you like it. Ryan and Joel go head to head in a weight loss competition with consequences. Trust me, I have a feeling you’ll like it.
Episode 27.3 – The Late Bloomer (After Hours)
November 29, 2018 06:01 - 19 minutes - 21.2 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! I haven’t laughed this hard since I made Ryan and Micah eat the nasty jelly beans, and I lost it twice this episode. It really wasn’t because of the movie either. It was because Ryan started to review the wrong movie and Darwin had soda coming out of his nose. Classic.
Episode 27.2 – Please Advise (After Hours)
November 28, 2018 06:01 - 19 minutes - 21.3 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Someone needs to take this email away from me. I am having too much fun messing with these scammers. This episode we catch back up with a couple military men with some consignment boxes I have coming my way. Plus, I get to sing a song to one of my correspondents’.
Episode 27.1 – Inappropes (After Hours)
November 27, 2018 06:01 - 19 minutes - 20.9 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! If you like a little random, then I have an episode for you. Let’s start with Amanda sticking her foot in a mouse trap. Mosey on down to Joel’s goal for the podcast. Finally, we finish with Ryan ruining his D&D campaign. Yup, that should do it.
Episode 27 – Dream Car With A Catch (B-Rated)
November 26, 2018 06:01 - 19 minutes - 20.9 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! We have the fake house, now we just need the fake car to complete the dream. O, how could I almost forget? The redheaded wonder makes his debut appearance. We have hinted at the existence of this magnificent individual, but it’s time you meet him for yourself.
Episode 26.4 – Joel’s Journal Of Love (After Hours)
November 23, 2018 06:01 - 18 minutes - 19.1 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Entry Five: A Slow Start I just realized I have enlisted the help of two family members now. This episode Ryan helps out. I use the word “help” very loosely. I let him message a tinder match… Lesson learned.
Episode 26.3 - BASEketball (After Hours)
November 22, 2018 06:01 - 28 minutes - 30.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Time to introduce Micah to a little bit of culture. I was going to let Ryan recap the movie because it was “his favorite movie of all time” but he had performance anxiety. So you’re just going to have to listen to “Joel’s slightly boring review”.
Episode 26.2 – Please Advise (After Hours)
November 21, 2018 06:01 - 17 minutes - 19.3 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Time to stop what you are doing and… Please Advise. That’s just as satisfying to type as it is to say. I have a couple of good ones for you this week. Listen as we talk about a woman whose husband met his fate for an unusual reason. O, and I talk with an Army General that has 40 million dollars waiting for me. Jackpot!
Episode 26.1 – Professional Sports Star With A Catch (After Hours)
November 20, 2018 06:01 - 20 minutes - 21.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Guess who’s back? Back again, WAC is back, tell a friend. That just felt right. It’s been 3 weeks since our last “With A Catch” and that is too long. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive us. If not, I’ll just have to cry myself to sleep, but that’s nothing new. It’s the only way I can fall asleep these days.
Episode 26 – Inappropes (B-Rated)
November 19, 2018 06:01 - 18 minutes - 19.5 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! 6 months… It’s been 6 months of this. Why does it feel like so much longer? Maybe it’s because recording's like this where Micah feels the need to chew her food with her mouth open like the animal she is. On the positive side, Ryan wants to rent our Micah’s womb, so there’s that.
Episode 25.4 – Please Advise (After Hours)
November 16, 2018 06:01 - 29 minutes - 32.1 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! I am one good email away from retiring. I just need to have these people respond to me. I don’t know what I am saying to drive them away. Like this episode, I am an Amish Alchemist that competes in butter churning competitions. Nothing strange about that…
Episode 25.3 – Inappropes (After Hours)
November 15, 2018 06:01 - 18 minutes - 19.5 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! As promised, I explain the mix up for the name of this segment. Classic Joel, even when he makes a mistake it works out. He can’t do anything wrong. At least that’s what my mother says. Don’t forget to share! I have a specific goal in mind. Listen and help me out. Pretty please.
Episode 25.2 – Fill In The Blanks (After Hours)
November 14, 2018 06:01 - 17 minutes - 18.7 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! I know we have filled in the blanks before, but this is a very different episode. Last time we didn’t have spoiled milk flavored jelly beans. I had to take pity on Ryan and Micah, they suffered enough the last two episodes.
Episode 25.1 – I Want To Play A Game Part 2 (After Hours)
November 13, 2018 06:01 - 24 minutes - 26.7 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! As promised, here is part two. I would tell you who won, but there are no real winners in this game. I guess the listeners are the winners, so that would make Micah and Ryan the losers. I wonder what I can get them to eat next time?
Episode 25 – I Want To Play A Game Part 1 (B-Rated)
November 12, 2018 06:01 - 23 minutes - 25.9 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! We did it, 100th episode! What better way to celebrate than to torture Micah and Ryan. They have been torturing me for 100 episodes, so I felt it was only fair. The only thing that could have made this better was video of it all.
Episode 24.4 – Joel's Journal Of Love (After Hours)
November 09, 2018 06:01 - 20 minutes - 22 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Entry Four: Mother Knows Best Mother knows best, more like “Mother Tries Her Best”. I might have to change the name of the episode. Meh, it’s too far away. Take a listen to the, lets call it an “interesting “conversation we had and catch up on the Tinder progress.
Episode 24.3 – Please Advise (After Hours)
November 08, 2018 06:01 - 20 minutes - 21 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Guess what, I have won more money. I wish I would have known about this years ago. I wouldn’t have wasted all my time with college and work. It’s so much easier to have someone from Nigeria send me 9.5 million dollars. I feel bad for all the suckers out there working that boring old 9 to 5.
Episode 24.2 – Clipisode 2 (After Hours)
November 07, 2018 06:01 - 16 minutes - 17.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! As promised, here’s a few of our favorite clips since our last Clipisode. This has been great research for our upcoming 100th podcast. Oops… I’ve said too much… Where is my Men In Black flashy thing…
Episode 24.1 – You Get A Prize, You Get A Prize (After Hours)
November 06, 2018 05:01 - 15 minutes - 16.6 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! That’s right, I’m the male version of Oprah... Everyone gets a prize. It was kind of nice to take a trip down memory lane. I just wish I could go back in time and tell young Joel to invest in Bitcoin. That would be my prize to myself.
Episode 24 – Girls Night (B-Rated)
November 05, 2018 05:01 - 18 minutes - 19.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! You don’t have to be a girl to enjoy a good Girls’ Night. Just like it’s ok to love boy bands. I personally have paid hundreds of dollars for used tissues from the members of the Backstreet Boys. Also, listen as we talk about the surprises to come in the next couple weeks.
Episode 23.4 - Joel's Journal Of Love (After Hours)
November 02, 2018 05:01 - 19 minutes - 21.6 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Entry Three: Family Affair Turns out there is a plot afoot. Ryan reveals a certain individual’s scheme. Also, I swipe right, a lot. I think I broke Tinder, or I just ran out of swipes. Who knew there was a limit? Not this guy.
Episode 23.2 – Please Advise (After Hours)
November 01, 2018 05:01 - 22 minutes - 23.3 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Guess who is still racking up the millions? That’s right, this guy. You just wait until I get my treasure chest from overseas. The quality of this podcast is going to go through the roof. For now, take a listen to how I came into these “millions”. One guy may or may not think I am a 17-year-old...
Episode 23.2 – Game Night (After Hours)
October 31, 2018 05:01 - 32 minutes - 34.1 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Time for another addition of Ryan’s slightly offensive recap. This week we watched Game Night. I don’t like this, I’ve actually talked about the movie. I much rather keep it vague and bash on Ryan or Micah. What have I become?
Episode 23.1 – Inappropes (After Hours)
October 30, 2018 05:01 - 22 minutes - 23.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! So, I just realized that I looked up the wrong word… The word I was looking for was inapropos. We will talk about that next week, but the name still fits, right? I mean, we talked about the best no pants dance scene in a movie, bowel movements and crop dusting. Along with some feel good type stories. I’m going to count it as a win. Republicattak’s goodbye video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=No9X4eQhWDI
Episode 23 – Greek Gods With A Catch (B-Rated)
October 29, 2018 05:01 - 23 minutes - 24.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! How to start? That should work. Now that I got the important part over with… let’s talk chickens. I know what you’re thinking, I thought this episode was a about Greek Gods. Well, it is, but all the catches are chicken themed. Thanks to a little impromptu nickname from Ryan. Thanks Ryan…
Episode 22.4 – Joel’s Journal Of Love (After Hours)
October 26, 2018 05:01 - 24 minutes - 25.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Entry Two: Time To Go Fishing Well, its’s week two and it didn’t go that bad. I thought Ryan and Amanda wouldn’t be much help, but I thought they wouldn’t be helpful in a mischievous way. Against my better judgment, I let them fill out a profile on POF. I wonder how it will turn out?
Episode 22.3 – A Wrinkle In Time (After Hours)
October 25, 2018 05:01 - 22 minutes - 23.2 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Warning.... What you hear might be slightly offensive, but it sure was funny. Leave it to Ryan to take a Disney movie and turn it into, well, I wont spoil it. You’ll just have to listen for yourself. Please come back Friday.
Episode 22.2 – Please Advise (After Hours)
October 24, 2018 05:01 - 22 minutes - 23.6 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Please advise me, you see, I have been gifted millions of dollars and need to know how to get that money. It’s my money, and I need it now! Bonus points if you can name that commercial. Take a listen to my back and forth with a couple of kind-hearted guys that are just trying to ensure I get the money that is coming to me.
Episode 22.1 – A Documentary With A Catch (After Hours)
October 23, 2018 05:01 - 27 minutes - 29.6 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Wait, before you click away hear me out. I know a documentary might not sound like a good “With A Catch” episode, but let me tease you with this little nugget. Vegan butt pie. If that doesn’t peak your curiosity, then I don’t know what will.
Episode 22 – Off Topic (B-Rated)
October 22, 2018 05:01 - 21 minutes - 22.9 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! This episode was supposed to be about 90’s TV, but when Amanda and Ryan are on the podcast together… I just can’t even. So, I am just going to name it off topic because that’s what happened. If you would like to hear the topics we did discuss then you are in luck. Click the play button, silly.
Episode 21.4- Robin Hood: Men in Tights (After Hours)
October 19, 2018 05:01 - 15 minutes - 15.7 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! It’s Movie Monday... on Friday! Maybe we should be doing movie reviews on Mondays. That would be real original, right? I would be willing to sacrifice originality of alliteration. I’m a sucker for some good alliteration, I.e. Ryan’s Ramblings.
Episode 21.3- A Chat With A Millionaire (After Hours)
October 18, 2018 05:01 - 20 minutes - 21.2 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! We have an exciting podcast for you today. A real-life millionaire chats with us. Well, soon to be millionaire. I can’t keep it a secret anymore… It’s Joel! Take a listen to how Joel comes into his millions and listen for some advice on how you too can be a millionaire.
Episode 21.2 - Story Time! Halloween Edition (After Hours)
October 17, 2018 05:01 - 18 minutes - 19.8 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! That’s right, story time! Let’s keep the Halloween theme going with some parties, trick or treating and a little bit of randomness. Also, Ryan gets what’s coming to him. I finally found an effective way to punish him.
Episode 21.1 - Ryan’s Ramblings: Cryptids And Ghosts (After Hours)
October 16, 2018 05:01 - 21 minutes - 22.4 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! For the record, I didn’t want to talk about this. If your house gets possessed, the Don’t Crack podcast it not liable. You can, on the other hand sue Ryan. I am perfectly ok with that. I’ll even be a character witness against him.
Episode 21 – Halloween Costumes With A Catch (B-Rated)
October 15, 2018 05:01 - 18 minutes - 19.3 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! I know what you’re thinking, Halloween costumes, be original guys. We are original, we put a catch on it. Ryan’s catch this week is particularly painful. O, and we have a special guest. How could I forget that? My bad...
Episode 20.4 – Olympics With A Catch (After Hours)
October 12, 2018 05:01 - 20 minutes - 21.2 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! With the winter Olympics upon us, we wanted to celebrate in our own special way. Ok, I don’t know when the Olympics will be here, I just needed a segue into our topic. I think I nailed it by the way.
Episode 20.3– Joel’s Journal Of Love (After Hours)
October 11, 2018 05:01 - 18 minutes - 19.2 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Entry One: The Beginning This could be a horrible mistake, and I am regretting it already after one episode. The problem is letting two of your delinquent family members help you set up your online profile. What could go wrong?
Episode 20.2– Billy Madison (After Hours)
October 10, 2018 05:01 - 21 minutes - 23 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! We’ve done it, we have brought a little culture to Micah. I almost gave up on her. I can’t tell you how many times I have been disappointed by how many great movies she hasn’t seen. Was Billy Madison the best movie to introduce her to right off the bat? Maybe not, but it was on Netflix, and that was enough.
Episode 20.1– Ryan’s Ramblings: Addictions (After Hours)
October 09, 2018 05:01 - 16 minutes - 17.6 MBWelcome to the Don’t Crack podcast! Addictions, like Micah’s lust for murder, we all have our vices. Let’s talk about them. Just think, if you ever want to be famous, you can go on the “My Strange Addictions” show. They turned Ryan down though… said his addiction was “too strange, even for the dark web”.