Dice Heist Podcast

Ep. 49- Machine Madness: Back in the Sewers Again

Ep. 49- Back in the Sewers Again Back in the sewers again Down where the Kolbods are dead Where big crocodiles feed On this daring group of three Back in the sewers again In order to save the city, the group must rush away and the best path is through the sewers. Boy do I wish I could have been there and heard Bertram’s grumbles. Adam calls upon some animal friends though, which helps them through. The group finds an apothecary, a very “useful” shop for restocking on their supplies. Wit...

Ep. 48- Machine Madness: Prototype Assault

Ep. 48- Prototype Assault As if things were not getting dire enough, Dirk finds himself regretting not taking down that Delivery Drone when he had the chance. When will he learn that you should just TAKE OUT THE BAD GUYS when you can? I mean, what was the good in not taking it out? Nothing? Exactly… Anyways! Bertram casts Bardic Inspiration, but will it actually be useful or will Adam and Dirk succeed without ever needing it… Again. Man, if I had a nickel for how many times that’s happened,...

Ep.47- Machine Madness: Planning the Assault

Ep. 46- Machine Madness: Deconstruction & Confusion

Ep. 46 Deconstruction & Confusion Where were we? Ah yes, the pit of… Oops, nope not there. Here we are! Adam, Bertram, Dirk, and Fulcrum are doing their damnedest to make it out of this alive. Adam gives his gauntlet a go but, in its decrepit state, will it even work? Bertram stays invisible, ever the self-preserving type, and continues to waylay targets. That is, until he has a “better” idea. Though, in my humble opinion, being invisible in an automaton takeover would be ideal. Dirk discov...

Ep. 45- Machine Madness: The Chase is on

Ep. 45-The Chase is on Na na na na na na na na Fulcrum! In his trusty Fulcrum-mobile, he does his best to drive the group to safety in another part of the city. The overworked and finally-sick-of-taking-shit automatons have a thing or two to say about that. After the devastating encounter with the Deli-Slicer Bot, Adam's gauntlet is fading fast. Oh no! That's what makes Adam super powerful! Will he make it out before the power is completely gone? Still invisible, Bertram is able to best hi...

Side Quest- Spelljammer Academy: Orientation Pt. 2

Side Quest: Spelljammer Academy Orientation Pt. #2 What’s this? Two guests have appeared on Dice Heist for our very first Side Quest! Meet Julie and Erica, or rather, Prix Krixel (a Lizardfolk bard) and Rittith (a Bugbear barbarian). If Prix and Rittith thought that this was any old orientation, they were sorely mistaken! It turns out that this academy not only tests their physical skills, but their efficiency by setting a time constraint on their orientation tasks. As the two work together...

Ep. 44- Machine Madness: Get to the Quad-motor!

Ep. 44- Get to the Quad-motor! Automatons are detaining people all over the café! Amid the chaos, Fulcrum forces his way to the quad-motor to prepare the group’s getaway. Following behind, Dirk seems to have entered “the zone,” slicing his way out with electric fury. Bertram does what he can to avoid any conflict, going invisible and making his way out with a bit less gusto. He just has to hope the guys won’t leave him behind! While the others are making their exit, Adam resorts to his ultr...

Ep. 43- Machine Madness: Café Meeting

Ep. 43- Café Meeting What a doozy! And, I truly hate to say this, technically Rumor is right about the facts. The intentions, however, is where she is mistaking our dear Adam for a menace. Adam finally hears back from Fulcrum, who will hopefully be able to give the trio some answers about who Rumor is. Adam, Bertram, and Dirk meet with Fulcrum in an Automaton Café where, um, they discuss the unlikelihood that Adam will come out of this with his reputation unscathed. (Did I put that the nices...

Side Quest- Spelljammer Academy: Orientation Pt. 1

Side Quest: Spelljammer Academy Orientation Pt. #1 What’s this? Two guests have appeared on Dice Heist for our very first Side Quest! Meet Julie and Erica, or rather, Prix Krixel (a Lizardfolk bard) and Rittith (a Bugbear barbarian). Prix and Rittith immediately find themselves aboard a ship in Wildspace under attack! With no time to make introductions or even figure out where they are, they must handle the situation in front of them. Well, really the various mish-mashed creatures that have ...

Ep. 42 - Lore of the Lands Part #4

Ep. 42- Lore of the Lands Part #4 You know what these guys need? I mean, what they need besides a hangover cure? MONEY! Moo-la. The green stuff. And a possible business venture with Inaza could be their ticket. But will they consider it? Bertram attempts to work through his daddy issues as his father tries to get to know him better. Jeeze, Dad, perhaps you would know me better if you had just been there my whole life instead of lying to me… At least, that’s what I’d be thinking if I were Be...

Ep. 41 - The Tipsy Tourney: Rumor & Truth

Ep. 41- Rumor & Truth The sober-er members of the trio get ready to play Last Pocket with a familiar face — Tibo, who is confident in his ability to win. What Adam and Dirk may not have expected was what a vicious battle it would be! Though, they may even do well enough to earn a place on the podium... Adam is confronted by a strange figure making even stranger accusations, and doing so with a familiar tone of voice. Dirk shows us how #deep he can truly be as he opens up to an unsuspecting...

Ep. 40 - Tipsy Tourney: Beyond Redemption

Ep. 40- Beyond Redemption Welp, it turns out that hitting a patron of the bar does, indeed have its consequences. One of the contestants must forfeit as one of their knives goes out of bounds... and into someone else. And, speaking of out of bounds, who will be the first to go past their limit into dangerous — dare I say — shwasted territory? The trio has a surprise encounter with Inaza, leading to a proposal of a business relationship. But will her new invention be viable? That Inaza is a ...

Ep. 39 - The Tipsy Tourney: The Liar Reigns

Ep. 39- The Liar Reigns DM Raistlin can’t seem to reign himself in as Bertram starts off strong in Liar’s Dice. Dirk and Adam can’t help but notice that Bertram is able to win his first four rounds before they even have a chance to sit down at the table with him. Once they are seated, it begs the question, will they try to unseat him or give this lie-ing dog a bone? As they leave the Lucky Lime, Bertram plans on chatting with his new friend, Timothy — the man who oh-so graciously gave Bertr...

Ep. 38 - The Tipsy Tourney: An Unexpected Victor

Ep. 38- Unexpected Victor The glorious battle at The Raging Bull is finally dwindling to its end and, much to my surprise, our three heroes have managed to hold on. The bout comes to a close with a winner, a bloody runner-up, an unruly contestant, and some sneaky scouting of the reward. We’ll, um, let you listen to find out who is who. As the trio makes a hasty exit, Adam searches for an answer to the panging calls of hunger he feels after the adrenaline fades. To Adam, the food cart of war...

Ep. 37 - The Tipsy Tourney: The Raging Bull

Ep. 37 - The Raging Bull Everyone is acting like bulls in a China shop! Erm, well, I guess that should be bulls in a bar... But that doesn’t have quite the ring to it, now does it? As the fight rages on, Dirk begins to hate all of the attention from the other fighter, who is just aching to get a piece of him. Meanwhile, Bertram maintains his invisibility but tries to take some hits out on his competitors. Adam, on the other hand, is very much visible and is forced to dodge like a madman, ju...

Ep. 36 - The Tipsy Tourney: Dirk Gets Swole

Ep. 36- Dirk Gets Swole Oh Bertram... It wasn’t curiosity that killed the cat afterall — it’s unfounded confidence that could do him in as he decides to “line ‘em up” at a bar that only serves ale in pitchers. Can you imagine this suave gentleman sitting between two relative giants, chugging pitchers of ale so he doesn’t get beat up? Dirk takes his drink into the bathroom to, um, doctor it, which leads to him coming out — wait, what do the kids call it? — swole af! Adam is in his own la la...

Ep. 35 - The Tipsy Tourney: The Crooked Bard

Ep. 35- The Crooked Bard Now entering the semi finals! Adam adds a touch of class with some champagne, but will it be enough to win? Later, Dirk and Bertram have already secured their chances in the finals, but who will reign victorious? Adam is acting like a Frat boy who can’t help himself chugging drinks from strangers and getting off-kilter. What happened to pacing himself? Okay, I know I’ve asked a lot of questions here, but I really really need to ask one more: What the f*** is in “G...

Ep. 34 -The Tipsy Tourney: Fancy Footwork

Ep. 34- Fancy Footwork Picking up where we left off, the trio has ordered their first round of drinks and the Pro Fencing competition is getting underway. As one does before a competition, they peer around the room and size up their opponents. Adam is first up for the event and, at least at first, leaning on his sword skills seems to be enough. Will this be enough? Dirk, perhaps with some newfound confidence after a date with Scarlet, takes a flashier approach for his entrance. And if that...

Ep. 33 - The Tipsy Tourney: Let the Staggering Begin

Ep. 33- Let The Staggering Begin The heroes are finally able to catch up with one another and boy oh boy does Bertram have a tale to tell. He reveals his newly found Sir-ness — emphasis on the capital “s” — and Dirk and Adam take it surprisingly well given that their good friend was MIA for much too long. As Bertram describes the Order, the knighting, the fight, and even the boring bits, Adam is disappointed he was not there to document the goings on. Perhaps we will see an autobiography of ...

Ep. 32 - Holiday Happenings: Mudbreaker‘s Gift

Ep. 32 Holiday Happenings: Mudbreaker’s Gift The three heroes move into their new home and, yes, they are sharing an apartment again. I’ll bet that Bertram has a chore chart all ready to go. Bertram shows them off and they are actually excited for work the next day. Do they have to pay for parking for their new rides?  As they ride up to work feeling like a bunch of bad bitches, they are surprised to hear that today is “Choosing Day,” whatever that means. And what that means is Mudbreaker ...

Ep. 31 - Lore of the Lands Part #3

Ep. 31- Lore of the Lands Part #3 Negonia has a rich, albeit violent, history of rivalry and war. Come and learn about the creation of Negonia with DM Raistlin as he takes listeners through the very earliest days of this world and those who ruled it. And, after the dust settled, the founding of Igelphia took place, making it the oldest city in the entire world. After your history lesson, be prepared to have some “Oh yeah, I know the feeling” moments as Dirk anxiously makes plans for a date ...

Ep. 30 - Bertram‘s Bloodline: Mind Games

Ep. 30 Bertram’s Bloodline - Mind Games Run, don't walk, from the Oblex!!! Bertram, Dirk, and Mudbreaker hitch a ride with Fulcrum in his sweet quad. They try to do some recon on the monster, but realize that they are not sure how it "sees" and if what they are seeing is even the truth, given its mind-altering abilities.  Will our heroes be able to stop this creature and free those it has enslaved?  sdince this is part 3, you should all know how these go by now. But in case you haven’t re...

Ep. 29 - Bertram‘s Bloodline: Leveraging the Enemy

Ep. 29 Bertram’s Bloodline - Leveraging the Enemy There are a few places I would not want to wake up in: an unknown basement, the woods, a sewer, etc. But one I am adding is definitely a dingy clinic where you might be concerned they were using the same sheets from the night before that someone died in. This is where Adam wakes up, his thoughts immediately going to his friends in need.  With the Oblex on the loose in the city, Dirk and Bertram find themselves in conversation with Fulcrum, ...

Ep.29 Bertram‘s Bloodline: Leveraging the Enemy

Ep.29 - Bertram‘s Bloodline: Leveraging the Enemy

Ep. 28 - Bertram‘s Bloodline: An Old Enemy Confronted

Ep. 28 Bertram’s Bloodline - Bittersweet Victory Back to the action! Adam, taking advantage of his hidden position, takes a potshot at Nia. But doing so opens himself up for her deadly archers who strike Adam, causing him to fall to the ground bleeding out. Nia has other plans, focusing her efforts on freeing the Oblex. If there were a sign, it would show "0 days since last incident" as another unfortunate individual is eaten. Tibo, though very concerned about his paycheck, looks to Adam's...

Ep. 27 - Bertram‘s Bloodline: Bittersweet Victory

Ep. 27 Bertram’s Bloodline - An Old Enemy Confronted Ready for some action? Dirk, Adam, and Tibo were able to remain hidden from Nia and her gang, giving them an advantageous position. Then BAM! Dirk accidentally gives away his position while trying for an attack. What a relief! He is able to find cover once more. Poor Tibo, somehow still not realizing how Dirk and Adam are, you know, the brave heroic type, has futile hopes of them leaving the fight. Kaboom! Dirk chucks in his last Capsule ...

Patreon Sneak Peek-Sweet Dreams Part 1

Ep. 26 - Bertram‘s Bloodline: Raw Draconic Power

Ep. 26 Bertram’s Bloodline - Raw Draconic Power I feel like the last thing you think of when joining a super cool sounding club called “The Order of the Dragon’s Blood” is that there are actually rules and proceedings and blah blah blah. After swearing his oath, Bertram finds himself half listening to the boring meeting. However, it gets very interesting once a black orb is mentioned. And by “interesting” I mean all hell breaks loose as two large draconic creatures start to attack the memb...

Ep. 25 - Bertram‘s Bloodline: Right Place, Right Time

Ep. 25 Where were we? Oh yes, EXPLOSION!!!!! Dirk makes good use of a poison capsule as he throws himself into battle with the cannon operators. Tibo, proving himself to be very useful indeed, moves up to the third floor and defends himself against the cannon operators on the ladder. After nearly being brought to his knees by a blow to the er hrm… family jewels… Adam scrabbles, amusingly so, up to the second floor.  When it seems like it’s just the two heroes - and one honorary member - a...

Ep. 24 - Bertram's Bloodline: Knight of the Dragon's Blood

Ep. 24 Bertram and his father arrive at a warehouse — not sketchy at all — and he decides that he needs to handle this on his own. Beyond the warehouse facade, he meets his father’s Lord and gains insight into the “procedure,” whatever that means… Bertram pledges himself to this organization by taking a knee and not listening to the little voice inside his head telling him this could end very badly. Meanwhile back at the hall of — oops, can’t say that — Dirk, Adam, and Tibo are driving aro...

Ep. 24 - Bertram’s Bloodline: Knight of the Dragon’s Blood

Ep. 24 Bertram and his father arrive at a warehouse — not sketchy at all — and he decides that he needs to handle this on his own. Beyond the warehouse facade, he meets his father’s Lord and gains insight into the “procedure,” whatever that means… Bertram pledges himself to this organization by taking a knee and not listening to the little voice inside his head telling him this could end very badly. Meanwhile, back at the hall of — oops, can’t say that — Dirk, Adam, and Tibo are driving ar...

Ep. 23 - Bertram’s Bloodline: To Trust or Not to Trust

Ep. 23 So, we all know about Stranger Danger, right? It’s something most of our parents teach us. Unless you’re Bertram and your father is actually the dangerous stranger. But, of course Bertram knows about the whole secondary location thing, right? Wrong. He heads out with his father to a secret meeting place. Because that doesn’t scream CREEPY!!!!!!! Right? Oy… Bertram’s father agrees to go back to the bar to look for Bertram’s Page, which has basically blown up with messages from Dirk ...

Ep. 23 - Bertram's Bloodline: To Trust or Not to Trust

Ep. 23 So, we all know about Stranger Danger, right? It’s something most of our parents teach us. Unless you’re Bertram and your father is actually the dangerous stranger. But, of course Bertram knows about the whole secondary location thing, right? Wrong. He heads out with his father to a secret meeting place. Because that doesn’t scream CREEPY!!!!!!! Right? Oy… Bertram’s father agrees to go back to the bar to look for Bertram’s Page, which has basically blown up with messages from Dirk ...

Ep. 22 Bertram’s Bloodline: Kobold Carnage

Ep. 22 A fight breaks out amidst the exploding Molotov cocktails at Elmuc's Friendly Oozes. Dirk and Adam are worried they'll have to handle it all, but the 3-foot-tall kobold security guard is surprisingly more than competent. The kobold gang was not expecting a fight and tries to run away like little bitches. However, Dirk and Adam are quick to act.   Dirk pulls out a bow and uses a new arrow with questionable, but also game changing, properties. Adam ends up behind the wheel of one of ...

Ep. 22 Bertram's Bloodline: Kobold Carnage

Ep. 22 A fight breaks out amidst the exploding Molotov cocktails at Elmuc's Friendly Oozes. Dirk and Adam are worried they'll have to handle it all, but the 3-foot-tall kobold security guard is surprisingly more than competent. The kobold gang was not expecting a fight and tries to run away like little bitches. However, Dirk and Adam are quick to act.   Dirk pulls out a bow and uses a new arrow with questionable, but also game changing, properties. Adam ends up behind the wheel of one of ...

Ep. 21- Bertram's Bloodline- Bad Blood

Ep. 21 Remember how Bertram didn’t get the whole “Stranger Danger” thing? Yeah. He wakes up in his father’s study to have a serious heart-to-heart about him being alive. You know, after the whole absentee dad thing.   Dirk and Adam go to the Pet Ooze shop only to be surprised that they are genuinely friendly creatures. But, while they are admiring the oozes, they are attacked by kobold hooligans who pull up and gangsta-style throw Molotov cocktails into the building. Join us in this epis...

Ep. 21- Bertram’s Bloodline- Bad Blood

Ep. 21 Remember how Bertram didn’t get the whole “Stranger Danger” thing? Yeah. He wakes up in his father’s study to have a serious heart-to-heart about him being alive. You know, after the whole absentee dad thing.   Dirk and Adam go to the Pet Ooze shop only to be surprised that they are genuinely friendly creatures. But, while they are admiring the oozes, they are attacked by kobold hooligans who pull up and gangsta-style throw Molotov cocktails into the building. Join us in this epis...

Patreon Launch Announcement!

Patreon Launch Announcement We here at Dice Heist are pleased to announce that we are launching our Patreon! Patreon is a platform that allows fans, like yourself, to support content creators, and in return for that support we would like to give you access to some all new exclusive content! Currently we have 4 different levels of support for you to choose from, each with more cumulative rewards. Aside from these rewards, your contribution helps us continue to create the free content you alr...

Ep. 20 - Lore of the Lands Part #2

Ep. 20 Sit back and sip a cocktail for this episode as our DM Raistlin and the rest of the gang have some one-on-one time. Learn more about the 8 districts of Igelphia, see Adam black out and remember a memory once forgotten, bite your nails during Bertram’s poisonous encounter, and feel all warm and fuzzy as Dirk runs into an old friend on the street.   Join us in this episode of Dice Heist: a D&D 5e actual play podcast.   Be on the lookout for a new episode every Sunday and stay up-to...

Ep. 19 - An Alchemical Anomaly: Reunion & Retribution

Ep. 19 Bertram puts Fenian under a very persuasive spell, getting him to come quietly to meet Sarah on their terms. But first, our heroes must smuggle him out of the sewers and into their quad-motor.    Once at the safe house, Fenian becomes lethargic and reluctant to speak now that he is in front of Sarah. The group did not expect Fenian to admit to killing Karl, nor the way Sarah goes apeshit and a fight breaks out. Bertram, ever light on his feet, sneaks in for the killing blow, but is...

Ep. 18 - An Alchemical Anomaly: Reptilian on the Run

Ep. 18 Oh no! Our heroes find Karl dead and discover that he was attacked in his own home by someone from the sewers. Remember those cartoons with really obvious footprints on the carpet? Kinda like that. To keep Sarah safe, they decide to send her to a safe house with Mudbreaker.   They follow the trail through the sewers - much to Bertram’s dismay - and find a mysterious figure standing behind a makeshift workbench. Just as they think they’re going to surprise them, Bertram finds the sp...

Ep. 17 - An Alchemical Anomaly: Can Justice Wait?

Ep. 17 Ah yes, roleplaying -- the essence of a great D&D campaign. We hope you think so, too.   Our heroes find themselves being called to the Principal’s office. Okay, he’s not the Principal, but he’s their boss. Mudbreaker and Adam get into it with each other, causing temperatures to rise.   The group also finds out the hard way that being the good guys sucks out loud when their morals are making decisions difficult. The DM thinks they ended up making the right choice in the end -- bu...

Ep. 16 - An Alchemical Anomaly: Dark Truths Discovered

Ep. 16 Our heroes may be in trouble as the monster starts strong in the fight, charging in and flinging Dirk like a ragdoll. Oof, that has to hurt his pride. During the fight, some magical shenanigans turn out to be more helpful than expected - you know, unlike casting Sleep when someone is on a roof.   When the dust settles, Adinal finally starts to be useful just in time for AlchemCo guards to arrive to take her away. Dirk, ever the sneaky Trickster, tries his hand at espionage, but qui...

Ep. 15 - An Alchemical Anomaly: Messy Dealings & Revealing Meetings

Ep. 15 When the group finally heads home what seems like ages later, they find a nasty surprise in Dirk’s bed. And no, it’s not a gross hooker he left there. But they may still have to get him a new mattress.   The next day they meet with one of the researchers, a green Dragonborn woman, who worked on the drug. As they talk, a mysterious, small woman enters the room. The heroes decide to ignore their instincts - and the woman - which does not go well for them. Join us in this episode of ...

Ep. 14 - An Alchemical Anomaly: AlchemCo Under the Microscope

Ep. 14 Bertram takes his partners out to lunch to meet his contact at AlchemCo. She doesn’t realize what a precarious position she’s in as Bertram’s contact — let’s hope she doesn’t end up dead like Davis.   Dirk researches the various crime lords and gangs of the city. As he does so, he comes across something very interesting indeed. Well, let’s hope so or this would be a very boring episode!   Adam looks into the anatomy of Kobolds in an attempt to understand what happened in the sewe...

Ep. 13 An Alchemical Anomaly: Bertram’s Lament

Ep. 13 A team arrives as backup in the sewers to clean up the leftover carnage from the Kobolds (formerly known as murder hobos). While they clean up, the trio continues to search the filthy maze of tunnels. Bertram goes from dapper and handsome to, well, not that when he takes an unplanned dunk in the sludge. By now we all know Bertram, and he is NOT happy about that one bit.   After the trail goes cold, they return to the precinct for well-needed showers, especially in Bertram’s case. A...

Ep. 13 An Alchemical Anomaly: Bertram's Lament

Ep. 13 A team arrives as backup in the sewers to clean up the leftover carnage from the Kobolds (formerly known as murder hobos). While they clean up, the trio continues to search the filthy maze of tunnels. Bertram goes from dapper and handsome to, well, not that when he takes an unplanned dunk in the sludge. By now we all know Bertram, and he is NOT happy about that one bit.   After the trail goes cold, they return to the precinct for well-needed showers, especially in Bertram’s case. A...

Ep. 12 - An Alchemical Anomaly: The Plunge into the Sewers

Ep. 12 Follow the nasty-ass smell. Follow the nasty-ass smell.  Follow follow follow follow, Follow the nasty-ass smell. They’re off to find the bad guys, the terrible bad guys of course. *To the tune of “Follow the Yellow Brick Road”   Our heroes find themselves nearly overcome by the revolting smell that permeates throughout the sewer system. They use their detective skills to follow any signs of passage, hopeful to catch up to the perpetrators.   Along their not-so-glamorous journ...

Ep. 11 - An Alchemical Anomaly: A Dockside Break-in

Ep. 11 “Now what do we do when we are sad?” — “Go get drunk?” — “Absolutely!”   Dirk uses the ancient art of drinking to help cheer up Bertram. Of course, their night of irresponsibility means LOTS of coffee to help them recover, which Adam is so kind as to bring to them.   Duty calls when there is a break-in at a warehouse on the docks. Our heroes journey there only to discover that the evidence just doesn’t add up, taking them into the sewers. Join us in this episode of Dice Heist: a...