Disagreeable Colleagues

Is there someone you work with and wish you didn’t have to? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler, an organizational psychologist and the author of Optimal Outcomes. They talk through what to do when you manage a high performer who gets on everyone’s nerves, your teammate unfairly berates you, or the one person you don’t get along with is your boss.

Is there someone you work with and wish you didn’t have to? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler, an organizational psychologist and the author of Optimal Outcomes. They talk through what to do when you manage a high performer who gets on everyone’s nerves, your teammate unfairly berates you, or the one person you don’t get along with is your boss.

 From Alison and Dan’s reading list:

HBR: How to Tell a Coworker They’re Annoying You by Caroline Webb — “Whenever we’re working closely with other people, it’s easy for tensions to arise thanks to differences in personal styles and priorities. When they do, we have a choice: should we raise the issue, or keep quiet? Many of us bite our tongue, worrying that speaking up will harm an important relationship. But research suggests that letting something simmer can make things worse, for several reasons.”

Book: Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler — “Conflicts are typically caused by multiple factors, but our tendency is to view the situation in much simpler terms. This inclination to simplify into narrow ‘us-versus-them’ affairs stems from the fight-or-flight instinct, which restricts our focus in the face of danger. When a tiger is charging you, the tiger is all you can afford to pay attention to. Even if you understand that a situation is complicated, your mind seeks rapid clarity so you can take quick action.”

HBR: How to Help an Employee Who Rubs People the Wrong Way by Rebecca Knight — “If you’ve ever cringed in a meeting when your direct report was talking, you know how tough it can be to watch a team member undermine themselves. Maybe the person is interrupting colleagues too often. Or being condescending, or even combative. No matter the specific behavior, your employee is clearly rubbing people the wrong way. As the manager, you know it’s your job to address the issue, but you’re not sure how to start the conversation.”

HBR: How to Work with Someone You Hate by Amy Gallo — “Pompous jerk, annoying nudge, or incessant complainer, an insufferable colleague can negatively affect your attitude and performance. Instead of focusing on the work you have to do together, you may end up wasting time and energy trying to keep your emotions in check and attempting to manage the person’s behavior. Fortunately, with the right tactics, you can still have a productive working relationship with someone you can’t stand.”