We can't read minds - so ask!

Good morning, good day, good evening, wherever in the world you are. This is Dave with another episode of my Nuggets, you'll be happy to hear that feeling a lot better a week on. I'm still here in Connecticut, I fly to Chicago next Friday. Today I'm going to talk about how we just cannot read minds.
So we need to ask the question, What am I talking about here? Well, we all tend to waste a lot of energy and time making up stories and assumptions about situations and what we think people are thinking about. And we feel like because we can pick up so many clues through body language, through situations, and also, we have gut feelings. That and, and we know that energy does travel. So, if something's not really right, between yourself and someone else, we get the vibe. But although all these cues and signals can give us an inkling into what other people are thinking, it's not always very reliable. Because sometimes what they're expressing or their body language is to do with somebody else, some other situation that we're not aware of. And because we just happen to be part of their story for a day, or whatever it is, we think that it's all about us. In reality, it's about somebody else. So, you know, you can waste a lot of energy thinking “What have I done wrong? What did I do to make them feel bad?” There's a myriad of things that we can always be blaming ourselves for or thinking that we're responsible for when the reality is we're not.
I always find that the best policy is when you're just not sure of a situation. Just ask a good question, like, I'm just curious, you seem to be a little bit troubled today. Is there anything that I can do to help? Or is there something that, you know, I've done to upset you, and hopefully, they will tell you the truth, if you feel like they're not? Well, that is their problem. And, you know, just when they ready, they may tell you, they may never tell you, but then you can just kind of box it, and leave it alone and not waste further energy on it. Also, we can't assume that we understand how other people think everybody has different values, beliefs. Totally different upbringings. So, when you think about a situation, so for instance, I find it impossible to get my head around the fact that some people can actually sit down and plot and plan how to, you know, hurt somebody else, you know, in their job or in their careers or in their relationships.
Now, that kind of mindset. I don't know how it comes about, how you formulate that. And therefore, it's impossible for me to understand that there are people who simply think that way. You just have to deal with the consequences. Because it's very, very difficult to make up in your mind, a process that they've been through, because you just do not think like that. And there's a lot of situations in life, where you look at what people do, and you cannot fathom it at all. And that's because you cannot relate at all in any way to how they think. So again, don't fall into the trap that somehow you can truly understand where they are coming from. The fact that you can't also don't fall into the trap, that you somehow have the power to change the way say that they think. You do have the power to offer them a different perspective for them to choose themselves, whether they want to change the way they think. But that's the max that we can do. So anyway, the bottom line is, Do not assume that you can always read other people's minds. And no matter what the cues are telling you, if you're not sure, just ask. And there are ways of thinking that your brain just cannot get around. And therefore, you just got to say, okay, that's the way they are, and I can steer clear, or I'm aware of it, and, you know, be careful in those certain situations around certain people. I hope this makes sense. Sometimes, when you're talking, it just gets a little bit jumbled. But I hope the message is clear enough to understand, and I'll speak to you again next week.

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Good morning, good day, good evening, wherever in the world you are. This is Dave with another episode of my Nuggets, you'll be happy to hear that feeling a lot better a week on. I'm still here in Connecticut, I fly to Chicago next Friday. Today I'm going to talk about how we just cannot read minds.

So we need to ask the question, What am I talking about here? Well, we all tend to waste a lot of energy and time making up stories and assumptions about situations and what we think people are thinking about. And we feel like because we can pick up so many clues through body language, through situations, and also, we have gut feelings. That and, and we know that energy does travel. So, if something's not really right, between yourself and someone else, we get the vibe. But although all these cues and signals can give us an inkling into what other people are thinking, it's not always very reliable. Because sometimes what they're expressing or their body language is to do with somebody else, some other situation that we're not aware of. And because we just happen to be part of their story for a day, or whatever it is, we think that it's all about us. In reality, it's about somebody else. So, you know, you can waste a lot of energy thinking “What have I done wrong? What did I do to make them feel bad?” There's a myriad of things that we can always be blaming ourselves for or thinking that we're responsible for when the reality is we're not.

I always find that the best policy is when you're just not sure of a situation. Just ask a good question, like, I'm just curious, you seem to be a little bit troubled today. Is there anything that I can do to help? Or is there something that, you know, I've done to upset you, and hopefully, they will tell you the truth, if you feel like they're not? Well, that is their problem. And, you know, just when they ready, they may tell you, they may never tell you, but then you can just kind of box it, and leave it alone and not waste further energy on it. Also, we can't assume that we understand how other people think everybody has different values, beliefs. Totally different upbringings. So, when you think about a situation, so for instance, I find it impossible to get my head around the fact that some people can actually sit down and plot and plan how to, you know, hurt somebody else, you know, in their job or in their careers or in their relationships.

Now, that kind of mindset. I don't know how it comes about, how you formulate that. And therefore, it's impossible for me to understand that there are people who simply think that way. You just have to deal with the consequences. Because it's very, very difficult to make up in your mind, a process that they've been through, because you just do not think like that. And there's a lot of situations in life, where you look at what people do, and you cannot fathom it at all. And that's because you cannot relate at all in any way to how they think. So again, don't fall into the trap that somehow you can truly understand where they are coming from. The fact that you can't also don't fall into the trap, that you somehow have the power to change the way say that they think. You do have the power to offer them a different perspective for them to choose themselves, whether they want to change the way they think. But that's the max that we can do. So anyway, the bottom line is, Do not assume that you can always read other people's minds. And no matter what the cues are telling you, if you're not sure, just ask. And there are ways of thinking that your brain just cannot get around. And therefore, you just got to say, okay, that's the way they are, and I can steer clear, or I'm aware of it, and, you know, be careful in those certain situations around certain people. I hope this makes sense. Sometimes, when you're talking, it just gets a little bit jumbled. But I hope the message is clear enough to understand, and I'll speak to you again next week.

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