Kagro in the Morning - May 2, 2024

May day, again! On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin perform many of the rarely heard verses of “I’m Just a Bill”, along with that old dance hit, the “Motion to Recommit”. If the Gop thinks they can shut up Marjorie Taylor Greene, then they might have something there.

Twelve departing lawmakers tell us what Congress is really like… well, maybe not like Matt Gaetz could tell you.

The trial of Sleepy Don, TFG, TFFG, TFFFG, Baron Von ShitzinPantz… really, if we had to herald all of Trump’s royal ranks and titles, Trump could be able to delay the trial for days.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump humbly asks the American people for another chance to be their dictator, promising to be much more dictatory this time around. Tears in their eyes, America thanks Donald for granting them the lawlessness they’ve always so richly deserved. Unfortunately for Trump, Tradwife influencers are kind of kooks, and that demographic is owned by RFK Jr. 

Colleges across the US have been ruminating on when the best time is to call in the cops to crack down and crack heads. U.C.L.A. regrets enrolling those hippies in the first place. What’s wrong with being patriotic and dressing to impress like some of the kids?