CRITERIONAUTS artwork

CRITERIONAUTS

35 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 10 ratings

Brave film explorer comrades Joey Reinisch and Chris McCaleb journey to far the reaches of cinema. In each mission, they will analyze, report and criticize a film from THE CRITERION COLLECTION, hopefully maintaining their sanity in the presence of extreme motion picture brilliance...or something.

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Episodes

#31 - The Blob (1958)

August 14, 2020 17:00 - 59 minutes

Join Joey and Chris for some goo filled metaphors of questionable pacing.

#30 - Dead Ringers

April 24, 2020 17:00 - 1 hour

Don't forget to pledge now for your commemorative tote.(there is no tote)

The Rubric #2 - Mortal Kombat (RADaptations)

January 18, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour

Chris' Assignment: RADaptations. Joey's Submission: Mortal Kombat. Does it stand up to Chris' RUBRIC?!? Let's watch...

#29 - Michael Cimino's Heaven's Gate

November 08, 2019 17:00 - 1 hour

The rad is the fat.

#28 - Funny Games (1997)

August 30, 2019 17:00 - 1 hour

Learn and laugh along with your chuckle buddies in this hilarious romp of torture and 4th wall breaking remotes.

The Rubric #1 - Pilot

August 01, 2019 15:00 - 55 minutes

Criterionauts Joey Reinisch and Chris McCaleb try out their new show idea. A movie discussion show on a graded curve. Assignment: The Toys That Made Us. Chris' Submission: G.I. Joe The Movie Does it stand up to Joey's RUBRIC?!? Let's watch...

#27 - The Last Temptation Of Christ

June 27, 2019 17:00 - 1 hour

Hey look! Someone made a movie out of the cliff notes for that book you never read but were supposed to.

#26 - The Tree Of Life

May 03, 2019 17:00 - 1 hour

Life. Mother. Tree. Movie. Sorta. Kinda. Vagina fish. Ghost mom. Father. Fart noise.

#25 - The Lure (2015)

February 25, 2019 17:00 - 1 hour

Smooth.

#24 - Andy Warhol's Flesh For Frankenstein

February 02, 2019 17:00 - 1 hour

Hold on to your gallbladder.

#23 - The Canterbury Tales

November 16, 2018 17:00 - 1 hour

After over a year lost in the void, Criterionaut Joey is joined by a new co-pilot: Chris McCaleb! In a horrible initiation, the new crew dives into the deep end with a new movie from Salo director Pier Paolo Pasolini

#22 - Fellini Satyricon

February 16, 2017 17:00 - 1 hour

Joey and Brian watch ______ based on a book wh___ whole fu___ing passages are missing. What the f____.

#21 - Valley Of The Dolls

January 20, 2017 11:00 - 1 hour

Joey and Brian struggle to remember the cast of the prequel to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls whilst talking about the media circus surrounding both movies.

#20 - Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls

January 06, 2017 11:00 - 1 hour

Hey superfly babydoll. Grab your uppers downers, sisters and cousins for a rad fab party of perfect perversions and lots and lots of boobs.

#19 - Eyes Without a Face

November 16, 2016 17:00 - 1 hour

The film explorers dive into the inspiration for the modern classic "Face-Off". Spoiler alert, there's no golden guns.

#18 - Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down!

September 25, 2016 17:00 - 1 hour

Joey and Brian watch their favorite bondage themed 90's romantic comedy about stockholm syndrome yet!

#17 - I Am Curious: Yellow

September 08, 2016 17:00 - 1 hour

Joey and Brian get curious about Sweden and it's 60's politics...also bush. Did she touch the wiener? LETS FIND OUT.

#16 - 8 And A Half

August 08, 2016 14:00 - 52 minutes

This episode is the final nail in the coffin on proof that we can't have nice things.

#15 - Sweet Movie

July 01, 2016 14:00 - 1 hour

Don't let the title of the movie fool you. It's ironic. Oh, you don't get it? That's because you don't get art. Art is only for smart people, you prude. Prude! I AM NOT A PRUDE.

#14 - The Night Porter

June 24, 2016 14:00 - 55 minutes

In an upsetting change of pace, Joey and Brian find themselves yearning for a strong dose of body horror to energize this post-war nazi hotel dramedy. It's not actually a comedy.

#13 - My Life As A Dog

June 07, 2016 23:00 - 58 minutes

Joey and Brian attempt to cleanse their movie watching palates with a healthy dose of schadenfreude. It doesn't work.

PSA - PRIMO SHOW 4: GODZILLA!

May 02, 2016 16:00 - 1 hour

Visit the store at explosomagico.com for 8.5 hours of Godzilla Premium Mega show! Only $4!

#12 - In The Realm Of The Senses

April 11, 2016 23:00 - 1 hour

Joey and Brian suffer through the most unsexy sex filled movie they've seen to date. You're going to need an new Criterion score card after this one, because all the boxes are getting checked.

#11 - Antichrist

March 30, 2016 21:00 - 1 hour

Joey and Brian lean into it and delve further down into the depths as they explore Lars Von Filmguy's ANTICHRIST. There's a He, a She, a dead kid, and a very heavy log.

#10 - Scanners

February 23, 2016 15:00 - 1 hour

TThe Criterionauts journey to the realm of the SCANNERS. Where buckets of plot are saved till the end, shotgun squads are decimated on the reg, and warble voiced mind talking is hard to take seriously.

#9 - Cronos

February 11, 2016 15:00 - 1 hour

The filmsplorers embark on a relatively tame mission after the harrow experiences of Salo. GDT's first Wampire feature still holds up despite all the toilet blood.

#8 - Salo

December 03, 2015 14:00 - 1 hour

The Criterionauts face their most challenging challenge to date. Salo, or the 120 days of sodom, assaulted the brave explorers with such fury that the effects will be felt for years to come.

PSA - PRIMO SHOW 3: STARSHIP TROOPERS!!

November 18, 2015 17:00 - 1 hour

Our 3rd premium show is out, and it may be the best one yet. $4 for 7 and a half hours of Starship Troopers themed madness.

#7 - Modern Times

October 29, 2015 14:00 - 1 hour

Mission 7 takes the Criterionauts back in time to Modern Times as they experience life through the eyes of a brain damaged factory worker known only as "The Little Tramp." Oh and there's an attractice underaged homeless girl too. Modern Times!

#6 - Eraserhead

September 16, 2015 22:00 - 1 hour

Our latest mission takes us to the student film filled stopmotion world of Equinox. Follow Joey and Brian as they witness films dumbest non-heroes mercifully get wiped out by a slobbery park ranger with a dick ring.

#5 - Equinox

September 15, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour

Our latest mission takes us to the student film filled stopmotion world of Equinox. Follow Joey and Brian as they witness films dumbest non-heroes mercifully get wiped out by a slobbery park ranger with a dick ring.

#4 - House: A Movie

September 14, 2015 16:00 - 1 hour

The Criterionauts journey to the LSD-infused, blood-soaked sex dreams of House and barely make it out with their sanity intact. Those Japanese sure know how to party. It's a super good time, you guys.

#3 - Rosemary's Baby

September 04, 2015 16:00 - 1 hour

Criterionauts Reinisch and Carney embark on their first english language mission where they are treated with a shocking amount of nudity for a 50 year old movie.

#2 - Blue Is The Warmest Color

August 28, 2015 16:00 - 1 hour

Mission 2 casts our explorers into the bizzaro mysterious world of France. Where young women eat spaghetti on a daily basis, smoke, and always sleep naked. Stay tuned for fluids of all kinds, long musicless scenes, and of course... more spaghetti.

#1 - Seven Samurai

August 21, 2015 10:00 - 1 hour

Criterionauts Joey Reinisch and Brian Carney suit up for their impossible mission. To boldly watch culturally significant movies and expand their tiny brains. We now join our heroes for their first mission: Seven Samurai. Do YOU like...films? Ughh