Unlearning Project
69 episodes - English - Latest episode: almost 2 years ago - ★★★★★ - 12 ratingsWe attempt to examine and breakdown our beliefs, biases, and assumptions' origins, most of which are impressed upon us by society and our upbringing. We encourage awareness of our thoughts, and embrace the question "why?"
Welcome to our introspective, sometimes crast, show where we explore philosophy and different perspectives on everyday issues.
Original music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com
For more, visit www.unlearningproject.org
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Episodes
Whose Responsibility is it Anyway?
July 11, 2022 09:00 - 38 minutes - 69.9 MBWhere do we draw the line in terms of who's responsible for protection? Do we expect the government to protect us from everything? Life is risky, and to an extent, each person is responsible for the risks they choose to subject themselves to. This brings up the question that at what point is the government overstepping or overreaching their authority in the name of “protecting the public.” In today's episode, Virginia and I talk through the concerns I have with the status of the stock m...
Die with Zero
June 22, 2022 09:00 - 56 minutes - 103 MB“Why does it have to be that so much of your energetic years are committed to earning income or saving or working? ” Society has ingrained in us that we have to work 50 weeks out of the year and only get two weeks off, but when you really think about it, that puts you on a path toward spending all your valuable time working, saving, and hustling instead of enjoying your life. In today’s episode, Virginia and I talk about Bill Perkins’s book, Die with Zero. In summary, Bill’s book operat...
The Bubble
May 16, 2022 09:00 - 46 minutes - 84.7 MBThere are seasons of life in which all your energy, time, and mental space is taken up by your circumstances. The thing is, you probably don’t even realize you were in a bubble until you come out of it. One major “bubble” of life is the 20 year period in which you have kids, are driving your career forward, and are likely caring for or at least keeping an eye on your aging parents. Prior to having kids, we had a social life, ambitions, and even hobbies. But inside the bubble, our prioriti...
COVID and Beyond
April 22, 2022 09:00 - 56 minutes - 104 MBHave you ever noticed a tendency to view yourself as invincible? It’s not a true belief of invincibility, but rather a perception that other people’s experiences couldn’t or wouldn’t ever happen to us. Virginia and I both admit to this when it comes to being sick. It’s not typically something most people admit out loud or are even conscious of, but it’s the optimistic or perhaps naive assumption similarly phrased as “that won’t happen to me.” For us, it’s often like a badge of honor that...
Conspicuous Consumption
March 21, 2022 10:00 - 38 minutes - 71.2 MBYou probably know someone who’s always showing off their latest purchase- maybe it’s gourmet lunch, a new car, the latest tech - you name it. When someone buys goods or services in an attempt to show their success, they are participating in conspicuous consumption. These days, everyone posts on social media doing “humble brags” about their life, and even if they don’t intend to showboat their status, that’s exactly what’s happening. Even something so seemingly innocent as vacation pics ca...
Preventing Rock Bottom
March 07, 2022 10:00 - 1 hour - 116 MB“You shouldn’t deny somebody their bottom.” In the end, hitting rock bottom may be the only thing that will save you. In this episode, Virginia joins me as we discuss helping others and the possibility of helping too much. Imagine if someone came to you for help, how would you proceed? How do you find the balance between letting someone fend for themselves versus sharing the wealth? Do handouts really help or do they ultimately prevent someone from experiencing the pain of hitting roc...
The Big Short - Contrarian Views
February 21, 2022 10:00 - 46 minutes - 84.8 MBJim Rohn said “Everyday stand guard at the door of your mind.” We are constantly bombarded with information. Our minds grow hazy as we begin to believe everything that comes our way. You must maintain vigilance while screening out irrelevant information. Listen in as Timothy Messina joins me in a discussion about the harsh realities of the housing market crash and our contrarian views toward the corporations fueling the news content these days. Our discussion sums up the key points that stuc...
Optimism, Realism, Pessimism
February 07, 2022 12:00 - 1 hour - 110 MB“Success is a balance between optimism and realism where it's unhindered by the weight of pessimism.” Which one are you? Is it ingrained in us to determine whether we are pessimists, optimists, or realists, and if so, do we continue to change in order to stay on track? Today, Virginia Elder joins me as we discuss how our minds operate, react, and what occurs when we’re confronted with uncontrollable circumstances. In this episode, listen for: Examples of scenarios in which it is necessar...
Coffee Talk
January 17, 2022 10:00 - 58 minutes - 108 MBWhen you come from nothing, it’s natural to push toward achievement. But what happens when you’ve achieved what you wanted? Does the bar move higher, do you fear losing it all, or can you sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor? Antonio Porretta joins me today to hash over the conversation we started having over coffee nearly 10 years ago. We’re able to look back, laugh and identify the key decisions that got us where we are. In this episode, listen for: Setting the guidelines ...
Risk Assessments
December 13, 2021 10:00 - 1 hour - 112 MBWe face risks daily in areas of money, health, kids, family, education, career, etc. Some risk has to do with the decisions we make while other risk lies in not making a move. In what areas of your life do you think you’re conjuring up risk that doesn’t really exist or that’s holding you back? As with many things, our personal risk assessment begins with what we learned in childhood. In some ways, we want to continue what our parents did, but in other ways, we’ll have to make a conscious e...
Mixed Messages
December 03, 2021 10:00 - 56 minutes - 104 MBIsn’t it funny (not in the moment maybe, but eventually) how basically anyone can find research to prove their point no matter how extreme it may seem? The truth is, any “study” can be manipulated to include or exclude certain test controls, age groups, or other potential data points to prove their own bias. These days, the media just fuels that fire by taking issues that a small subset of the population is facing and blasts it on all channels until we’re all nearly convinced those even...
Mandates and Respect
November 11, 2021 16:34 - 51 minutes - 93.9 MBHow should we actually react to everything that is going on in the world and the always-changing events; COVID vaccinations, anti-bullying, everyone wins, gender pronouns, and whatever else is to come? Perhaps we should accept that everyone will have an opinion on each of these issues. While remaining respectable adults, we need to have talks in addition to understanding what others think and grasp what’s going on. How can we know if the vaccine information we’ve gathered is accurate? Som...
Transitions
March 22, 2021 09:00 - 50 minutes - 70.4 MBLife takes you through a constant roller coaster ride full of beginnings and endings, but it’s how well you navigate the space in between those events that counts. In this episode, we both share about a transition we’re experiencing and that neither of us are really sure what to do with this time, whether or not to make a definitive move, or what that move would even be. Al’s chat with a coach recently helped him discover a book called Transitions, by William Bridges that he's now read throu...
Walking Contradiction
March 08, 2021 10:00 - 48 minutes - 67.3 MBIt’s generally perceived as being untrustworthy if you make contradictory statements or choices. But maybe you learned new information that allowed you to perceive choices and their expected results differently, causing you to change your mind and do something differently than originally expected. The media loves to find contradictory statements and drive a celebrity’s image downward, for example. But, we offer the possibility that someone who contradicts themselves often might be more trust...
Trust The Process
February 22, 2021 10:00 - 41 minutes - 57.8 MBShow up, do what you can, and even though you don't know how things will turn out, even when it looks like it’s not working or when it feels like it’s not worth the effort, just keep going. 90% of the battle is just showing up everyday. Within every journey exists moments where we question ourselves, our choices, our effort, and it’s okay not to know what will happen next and commit to enjoying the process anyway. It’s in the process where we grow and learn the most about ourselves. On the f...
Don't Believe What You Think
February 08, 2021 10:00 - 40 minutes - 56 MBYour thoughts are not true, they are simply fleeting assumptions, memories, images, and ideas, that create your own internal experience. Thoughts have the power to help you enjoy every nuance of the moment or the power to take you away completely, as if you weren’t even present. What thoughts are you believing as true? Which thoughts are you taking action on as if they were facts? Time to examine where those thoughts came from, if you’ll allow them to stay, and what you might replace them wi...
Art Of Reframing
January 25, 2021 10:00 - 47 minutes - 65.6 MBYour ability to see something in a new way or from a new perspective that allows you to reframe a problem as an opportunity or a weakness as a strength is a transformative process toward experiencing life with a more optimistic, open mind. We all carry beliefs and biases with us, but when we recognize all or nothing thinking, repeated patterns, and assumptions, we can examine the feelings those thoughts are producing, and intentionally rephrase those thoughts toward a positive possible outco...
Confirmation Bias
January 11, 2021 10:00 - 47 minutes - 65.9 MBWe all have inherent biases that impact how we gather information, what we believe, how we interpret and recall information, and even what we expect based on circumstance. Confirmation bias is why we seek to find information that supports the ideals we already carry and why we reject any information that challenges our perspective. We carry possible biased memory, biased interpretation, and are likely to be performing biased searches for information without even realizing it. What are your b...
Psychological Flexibility
December 28, 2020 10:00 - 54 minutes - 75.2 MBThere’s much talk about being present in the moment, but not much out there telling us how to do so when we’re experiencing internal feelings of stress, anxiety, the need to do something or be somewhere, or feeling stressed for any reason. Psychological flexibility is one’s ability to cope by changing their perspective or behavior to align with a set of chosen values, even when it’s hardest. We both share examples and challenges in our own lives representative of an attempt at psychological ...
Judgment To Curiosity
December 14, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 87.3 MBGetting curious about our feelings, reactions, and expectations is tough, but it’s a great way to dive into understanding which emotions we’re having in response to a stimulus and why. You may have heard about changing your language to say you’re feeling a certain way right now instead of identifying as that type of person. Curiosity is a great way to explore those emotions and release anxiety and fear around the unknowns, our reactions, and our stressors. When we’re leading with judgment, t...
The Trolley Problem
November 30, 2020 10:00 - 54 minutes - 75.1 MBWelcome to the first episode of Unlearning Project, rebranded from Confessions of A Financial Advisor since we only occasionally talked about money. Al prefers talking about social dilemmas, psychological studies, mental and emotional health, and current issues we face as a society. The Trolly Problem, also known to psychologists as Bystander At The Switch presents the reader with a choice, to divert the train to save four lives but sacrifice one life in two different scenarios. Today...
Rebranding to Unlearning Project
November 25, 2020 17:02 - 43 minutes - 64.2 MBCreating Confessions of A Financial Advisor fulfilled a long-time desire to expose the truths about the Financial Advisory industry. However, I’ve discovered my interests lie in issues around our beliefs, biases, behaviors, and fears. So, Confessions of A Financial Advisor is getting a makeover. You'll enjoy the same type of content you've loved most on the show, but the cover art, colors, content, and social channels are all being moved to the Unlearning Project. Stay tuned - the first new ...
The Nervous System
October 26, 2020 09:00 - 43 minutes - 60.8 MBMy entire day is a matter of nervous system management. I naturally become more tense as the workday progresses, and if I don’t notice it and take specific actions to counteract the building stress, my fight or flight tendencies are in full swing. The nervous system shuts off the ability to think logically and clearly in a stressful situation, but we know little about how it works. The more steps we take to get outdoors, stretch, reduce unnecessary input, and take care of our nutrition and h...
Inside or Outside Ourselves
October 19, 2020 09:00 - 48 minutes - 68.1 MBWhen did you last say what you wanted instead of reading your partner’s or friend’s face before answering the question? We have all succumbed to peer pressure. The will to please, the desire to gain approval, how to “be good,” the proper way to avoidance of side-eye judgment from anyone anywhere, even if they are strangers, is infused into us, and one day we wake up and wonder why we are such people pleasers. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com Subscribe at www.faconfession...
Questioning Our Assumptions
October 12, 2020 09:00 - 42 minutes - 58.7 MBAwareness and evaluation of the assumptions we carry is at the heart of this episode. I challenge you to notice any perspective you may have, dig to find out where it came from, find the most opposite perspective, and attempt to validate it. Polarizing opinions, stories, and media is popular right now, but what we really need is to learn open mindedness and to break down the walls created by the assumptions we carry. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com Subscribe at www.faco...
Letting Go
October 05, 2020 09:00 - 39 minutes - 55.4 MBOur feelings accumulate from every encountered frustration, and we carry them forward, into the next situation, without us even realizing it. When we do boil over with tears or anger, it's not just one event that triggered the explosion of emotions. Each experience shapes us, and if we practice letting go of any resulting tension, only then are we be able to address the following situation with a truly open mind. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com Subscribe at www.faconfess...
Finance Basics
September 28, 2020 09:00 - 57 minutes - 79.5 MBManaging money well doesn’t have to be as complicated as some of the financial gurus make it out to be. Learn what big pitfalls and financial traps exist and then set yourself up to avoid them. The younger you are or if you can set your kids on a straight path from a young age, the better because it’s easier to start out with positive, unnegotiable financial habits than it is to make a major adjustment later in life. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com Subscribe at www....
Forgiveness
September 21, 2020 09:00 - 47 minutes - 65.7 MBAnger, resentment, guilt, and blame keep us from forgiving. We can forgive and choose not to reconcile the relationship. I’ve found compassion for myself and others while implementing boundaries with those who treat me poorly, drain my energy, or inflict turmoil into my life. Forgiveness and the choice to rid your life of stains leftover from a toxic relationship is the ultimate act of self-care and self-respect. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com Subscribe at www.facon...
Parent Guilt
September 14, 2020 09:00 - 40 minutes - 56.9 MBWe constantly question if we’re present enough, if we’re doing too much for them or not enough and how much is too much. The pandemic has rendered us all grounded to close quarters with our families, which increases the strain. Now the parenting balancing act includes online school and attempting to work from home while limiting screen time so we aren’t ignoring our kids for hours at a time. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com and on IG @fa_...
Connection
September 07, 2020 09:00 - 34 minutes - 48.3 MBIs it not obvious that the confinement we’re experiencing as a result of the pandemic is robbing us of the one thing we crave most? Human connection - to feel similar to another, to feel a commonality with another. This lack of connection is skyrocketing mental health issues. We are living through a social experiment, what will the results show & what will they say about this 20 years from now? Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com and on IG @...
The Cult of Safety
August 31, 2020 09:00 - 31 minutes - 44.8 MBGiven the current environment - pandemic, protests, and overall paranoia and fear - it’s interesting to compare our current reactions to these situations with the dichotomy of parenting styles. So-called helicopter parents attempt to protect their children from everything, which actually lends them to be more susceptible to injury, hurt feelings, failure, and being misunderstood instead. Is social distancing and obsessive use of hand sanitizer actually leaving our immune systems more at risk?
Parenting Without Religion
August 24, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 85.9 MBEthical, responsible, empathetic children can be raised without being shamed as a sinner, threatened to a sentence in Hell, or praying to God, as is believed by most Judaeo-Christian families in the US. Instead, I believe children are born with an internal compass and inherently know right from wrong. In what other aspects of life does it make sense to follow a book written thousands of years ago? Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com and on IG @f...
Fear of Success
August 17, 2020 09:00 - 22 minutes - 31.9 MBThe phrase sounds like something backwards and ridiculous, but people fear the consequences of success. We learn when we’re young not to outshine our siblings or classmates because it will make them feel bad. As young adults, we’re called braggers when we share a win. So we begin to keep our successes a secret, fearing what others will think if we tell them about something great in our lives. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com and on IG @fa_co...
Friends and Family of Origin II
August 10, 2020 09:00 - 41 minutes - 56.3 MBOur adult lives are colored by the influence of our family of origin. During childhood, we learn behaviors beneficial to us at that time, but as adults, those stories are still running subconsciously and driving our decisions. It’s important we stop to realize what those subconscious thoughts are, if they are still beneficial, and choose to surround ourselves with chosen friends who support our growth. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com and on ...
Friends and Family of Origin
August 03, 2020 09:00 - 32 minutes - 45.8 MBThe personalities of varying family members have inevitably made each of us question our lineage at some point. Relationships with family members have a level of expectation intertwined since you’re stuck with them. Friends, on the other hand, are people whose personalities, beliefs, manners, and behaviors you choose to have in your life. When did you notice or feel that you had a choice? Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com and on IG @fa_confess...
Creative Pursuits
July 27, 2020 09:00 - 41 minutes - 57.3 MBCreativity is often imagined as this flowing release of innate talent when it’s usually quite a challenging and tumultuous process. I never labeled myself as a “creative” and have approached learning skills meticulously so that, in combination, they could be used creatively. Some people do harness creativity and the ability to share it with the world naturally, but that doesn’t mean the process comes without challenges. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfe...
Judgment
July 20, 2020 09:00 - 46 minutes - 64.3 MBJudgment is this sneaky, underlying, natural trait we all have because it’s useful to our survival. We judge danger versus safety and joyful experiences against those that are grief-stricken. However, when that judgment is internalized too strongly and results in accidental self-sabotage or when it’s projected outwardly with excess which creates distance and misunderstanding between humans, evaluation is needed. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessio...
Prison and The Abyss of Choice
July 13, 2020 09:00 - 49 minutes - 67.4 MBNo matter the dissatisfaction in the present situation, there’s a strange level of comfort and security in knowing what we have and remaining in “safety.” This is why, as a society, we admire those who have the courage to make leaps of faith, and especially those who do it over and over again, ever up-leveling their impact and experience. Sometimes you just have to be shoved out of the nest to begin to fly. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com
Anniversary
July 06, 2020 09:00 - 42 minutes - 57.8 MBIn celebration of www.faconfessions.com 's launch in June 2019, we’re reflecting back over the past year and highlighting some of our favorite posts, discussing similar, ongoing topics, and we even touch on a few current events (we can’t help it!). Can you guess what our favorite topics are? Everything circles back to questioning our personal beliefs, being open to new perspectives, and continuing to seek instead of follow. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com
Making the Unconscious Conscious
June 29, 2020 09:00 - 39 minutes - 54.8 MBThe self-help culture of today will have us believe that positive affirmations, motivation, and self-talk are the keys to happiness. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg - just 10% of our brain is conscious. The unconscious 90% is actually running the show, perpetuating habits formed as coping mechanisms. The courageous work of becoming more conscious of hidden beliefs might be the most important work we could ever do. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.fa...
So Busy!!!
June 22, 2020 09:00 - 36 minutes - 49.9 MBWhen did being “busy begin to equal importance and productivity? It’s a feeling we’re taught to chase and strive for, but at what cost? Busy leads to denying deeper emotions and failing to give our full attention to anything in life. A sense of busyness can be an excuse to avoid connection; a distraction from being present. It leads to feeling constantly on the edge of burnout: the opposite of happiness and fulfillment. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com Insta: www.instagr...
Dropping The Rope
June 15, 2020 09:00 - 36 minutes - 50 MBWe can’t control what we experience, but we can control how we choose to respond. Dropping the rope gives you a vivid mental picture of releasing the tension and letting what’s on the other side fall to the ground. This can occur when you chose to simply walk away, go against the expectation, or accept something without resistance. It applies toward anxiety, experiences, expectations, assumptions, and metrics of success. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconf...
Preventing the Big Mistakes
June 08, 2020 09:00 - 40 minutes - 55.6 MBEveryone in the financial space tells you what to do, but nobody talks about what not to do. There are 4 simple things you just shouldn’t do if you’re working toward a comfortable retirement. These mistakes can easily seem like the “right” move but are detrimental to your future financial situation. Habits and understanding the compounding effect in any aspect of life are what will or won’t allow you to make progress. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfess...
Harsh and Tender
June 01, 2020 09:00 - 37 minutes - 52.1 MBCertain moments in life require us to be tough, but other moments yield better results when we handle them with tenderness. Many men were raised not to cry, to be tough, and that tenderness would be perceived as weakness. Meanwhile, women absorb that femininity and harshness are incompatible. As it turns out, there are times for harsh reactions, but empathy and tenderness provide more conversation, connection, and even power. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.f...
Dead Time & Time Speeding Up
May 25, 2020 09:00 - 40 minutes - 56 MBYou hear people say it often - comments like, “Time is flying by! Make it slow down!” And when constraints are placed upon us, we stress out more. “I’ve got shit to do & places to be!” We despise dead time. What if this could all be flipped though? Deadtime can be seen as an opportunity and slowing down purposefully can make days seem to stretch longer and be more enjoyable. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com
What I Don't Tell My Daughter
May 18, 2020 09:00 - 41 minutes - 56.3 MBThis whole parenting job requires us to walk the walk. Our actions as parents speak louder than words and I can easily list off things my parents taught me just by example. I especially learned what not to do. I’m extremely thoughtful about what my daughter sees in me and how my actions influence her life. I don’t tell her everything verbally, but instead, attempt to model intentionally with my actions and choices. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfes...
The Danger of Success
May 11, 2020 09:00 - 24 minutes - 33.8 MBSuccess seems like this glamorous goal, but nobody talks about the dangers that can accompany being successful. When someone wins at a high level consistently, they can get an inflated perception of their skills, innate talent, or self-image. This is exhibited by the “behind the scenes” footage we often see of former rock stars’ lives. The worst thing that can happen to a gambler is that he wins and feeds the flame. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfe...
Nostalgia for the Future & Nothing to Lose
May 04, 2020 09:00 - 31 minutes - 43.5 MBIf you believed you had nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain, would you show up differently to your life? If you believed your best days and experiences were yet to come instead of in your past, would you approach each day and each interaction with more fervor? When I was young I was so full of insecurity, but the memories in my mind attempt to tell me otherwise. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessions.com
Cheetah
April 27, 2020 09:00 - 46 minutes - 84.4 MBIf you’ve ever looked around and felt like something was missing from your life, this episode is for you. We live in the confines of the familiar rather than striving toward our full potential simply because we’re taught to stay safe, avoid the unknown, and surround ourselves with what’s comfortable, much like a cheetah who’s been raised in a zoo. Most have never considered anything beyond their current life status. Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessio...
Comparison and Competition
April 20, 2020 09:00 - 47 minutes - 86.9 MBComparison creates competition because without comparison, who are you competing with? Progress without competition is collaboration, the idea that we can all move forward together, in a helpful, supportive way. I’m so sick of the cut-throat, clinical, desperate environment competition creates. Where do we stand in the world though, if we’re not competing with anyone? Is some level of comparison absolutely necessary? Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com More at www.faconfessi...