Cocktale Hour
189 episodes - English - Latest episode: 20 days ago - ★★★★★ - 9 ratingsLearn all those things they don't teach in school. Three foul-mouthed fathers give you the low down on everything. Nothing is sacred as we pull back the covers on current events and big picture philosophical ideas.
We are podcasting out of Los Angeles and try to keep our identities secret because in real life, we're pretty darn famous.
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Episodes
Episode 158 Wide Lapels and Fine German Automobiles
March 30, 2024 18:18This week we talk about growing up in small towns and what we learned. Evidently that chicks liked the Saturday Night Fever vibe of the 70's. Join us on an educational trip down memory lane...
Episode 157 Salt Scrubs and Clay's Balls
March 23, 2024 13:12Friday Margarita Night comes to you live. Rather than just the 3 of us, we invite 3 totally random women to join us in the kitchen for drinks and laughs. Names were changed to protect the innocent!
Episode 156 Timeless Comedy and the Great RV Reality Show Pitch
March 02, 2024 18:36What do old guys fantasize about? Evidently getting an RV and dreaming of turning the whole repair experience into a new reality show. Go figure. Also, if you want help during the cold and flu season, turn to ActiveHerb...not a sponsor.
Episode 155 Generative AI and The New Hollywood
February 24, 2024 18:40Did you know that John is an AI expert and regularly lectures people...or is it randomly lectures people? Anyway, we talk a little about new generative AI stuff and how it is poised to change Hollywood as well as small town TV which I think is infinitely better. Enjoy!
Episode 154 Waiting For Taylor Swift To Stand At Your Bedside
February 03, 2024 19:13Is Taylor prepared to save America, or does she resent you for hating on her for her 38 seconds of air time in an NFL game? We discuss this as we also dive into other important topics like master guitar player/actor Jerry Reed and the meaning of life and assisted suicide. Call someone today if you need help, otherwise...enjoy!
Episode 153 The Sore Elbow and the $20,000 movie
January 20, 2024 19:42It sucks getting old. Kelly's arms are worn out and Danny has a bum foot, but we can still laugh. Kelly is offering a cash prize to anyone that can heal his elbows. Let us know at [email protected] if you have an answer. As always we have tons of money making ideas including how to sell a movie for 20 grand and make a profit. Cocktale Hour for the win!
Episode 152 Tesla Solitude and Why You Should Get One
January 13, 2024 19:25This week we talk about how Tesla owners should get out of their cars at the superchargers, come on and create community, you rich bastards! Danny is on his own and Kelly remembers dragging things out of a hole in the floor of his '77 Chevette.
Episode 151 Stinky Stuff: Dog Shit in the Grocery Store and The Presidential Aroma
January 06, 2024 20:13Cocktale Hour has become a global phenomenon, not because of the well-rehearsed, tired banter of the other celebrity podcasts, but because we connect with our listener through impromptu, timely topics. For example my decision to call some ex-president "Fat Hitler." It is a rare case that we'd bring a prepared topic to share with you, but I had to get that dog shit at Aldi's - yes it was Aldi - story out. Dog Shit. In the grocery store. That shouldn't be a thing I have to report on.
Episode 150 The Wedding and James Brown's Robe
December 23, 2023 19:19Happy almost Christmas everyone! We had a big wedding yesterday and we talk about how John can capitalize on making money out of religious services. The key, unfortunately is his learning to walk and talk simultaneously on camera. Can you believe that we've done 150 of these?
Episode 149 Peanut in Heaven and AI Generated Jokes
December 09, 2023 19:54Can ChatGPT make a photo of John's dead dog frolicking in Heaven? Hell yes it can. We talk about weddings, AI assisted services and how it does not use as much profanity as I do. That's where the comedy is.
Episode 148 Kelly's Aunt Geoffrey's Cologne
November 25, 2023 19:07Thanksgiving is over and we are looking forward to Christmas. Relive your childhood stuffing recipe with us as we talk about fake vs. real trees. Who is Aunt Geoffrey? Your guess is as good as mine.
Episode 147 No One Named Tina Ever Lives to be 65
November 18, 2023 18:51Happy Thanksgiving to all our listeners! We are celebrating by wondering why there is no Thanksgiving song, especially set to Knights in White Satin. Thank the Lord that Danny doesn't have covid after his New York trip. We talk about subway homeless, getting a bunch of shots and and the immigration situation around 90 Day Fiancee. Enjoy!
Episode 146 The Slip It Inn and Costco Caviar
November 11, 2023 20:49More New York tales with Danny and Dave this week as we dive into caviar prices, luxury cars and the rich! I've also started uploading old episodes again, so check out some of our pre-Covid laughs.
Episode 145 Banana Splits and Chinese Toupées
November 05, 2023 21:19Recording on a Sunday this time because Danny had the big yard sale yesterday and we talk about the eternal fight of what you save and what you leave for your own estate sale.
Episode 144 The Church of Latter Day Taints
October 28, 2023 18:13John is back from New York with product ideas and we discuss what the future of religious gatherings could look like. Enjoy!
Episode 143 Necromancy and The Conflict
October 14, 2023 17:25What keeps these old farts in government going...we have an idea. Also we talk about the conflict in Israel and all the SAG insurance stuff you ever wanted to know. Hang in there.
Episode 142 Death Prep Cruise and Aint My Kid
October 07, 2023 17:22Missed us? After 2 months we are back in action with some great ideas. John's cruise turned into another fantastic idea for what to do when you are going to die, and we came up with a new reality show idea about a town full of swingers that don't do Ancestry.com.
Episode 141 To Fill A Mockingbird and Trump Flees the US
August 19, 2023 18:59As we prepare for Hurricane Hillary, we talk about her 2016 opponent and the chances that he doesn't run off to his brethren in Moscow. Book banning is my new hobby and I want to see how I can get involved to ban the bible in each Christian™️community. That'll teach them a lesson!
Episode 140 Barbie and Nancy Sinatra
August 05, 2023 17:01In the immortal words of Khloe Kardashian, "It's been a minute." We're back with more pontification for you. Danny and John saw the Barbie movie and have thoughts about the future of the studio business. It's good to be back.
Episode 139 Reparations and Presidential Women
July 01, 2023 20:57It's tough to stick to a schedule this summer! We're back and as always with even more information for our listeners. Stay close as we drop pearls of wisdom!
Episode 138 Chekhov and The Mariachi Band
June 17, 2023 17:27We're back. I need to stop going out of town so that we can have more regular episodes. This week we talk about birthday parties, school board meetings and The Seagull performed with a gender-fluid cast. As always, we're about education!
Episode 137 Shingles and Vote for Dale
May 27, 2023 18:48We are back after another hiatus! Kelly has had a birthday and we all got to meet our fans at the first annual Cocktale Hour Fan event. If you want to be invited to the next one, head over to Patreon and subscribe. That is a sure way to get a mug and a party. We're back talking about the same stuff we were before the last episode, so it's like you haven't missed anything!
Episode 136 ChatGPT, AI and The Lack of Candidates
April 08, 2023 19:11We are back with a discussion about AI and how much fun it is. I made Kelly's obituary and except for the lies, it was pretty good. We lament the lack of good Presidential candidates-The Rock and Tom Hanks are my front runners. Next week we are off again so enjoy this one while you wait!
Episode 135 Brenda from Branson and The Jamaican Accent
April 01, 2023 18:43This week we touch briefly on that guy who was indicted for hush money payouts to actress Stormy Daniels, and focus on really important things like what I would do if I was the heir to the George Jones throne..I'd sign autographs and take photos with EVERYONE. Danny's wife is drinking margaritas in Jamaica this week and we learned that of all the accents that Kelly can do, that isn't one of them.
Episode 134 Happy Endings and The Greatest St. Patricks Day Song
March 18, 2023 18:35This is the week to celebrate St. Patty's day and we hoped you enjoyed a green beer and listening to our song over and over. We talk about secret massage parlor tricks and Danny's new love for Google Lens.
Episode 133 Danny's Deals and Farrah Fawcett
March 04, 2023 20:57Celebrities and Estate Sales, pretty common here in LA, so add celebrity Estate Sales to the long list of things we need to do like Karaoke and Burlesque shows. Oh and soon the Patreon mugs should ship!
Episode 132 Blood Pressure and the 5th Season
February 25, 2023 20:16Joy, hope and looking optimistic...that's something to try out, huh? We address the big issues facing today's youth and how the best thing to do might be just to ignore it all and move to Harlingen, Texas.
Episode 131 Colonoscopies and Cialis Saturday
February 18, 2023 21:58Dave joins us this week and tells us all about his colonoscopy and Taylor Swift. Yikes. We hit on different topics as we return after a little break. Thanks to our Patrons and welcome to the show! You too can help to keep the lights on by checking us out on Patreon.com
Episode 130 Academy Awards and 80 Year Old Porn Stars
January 28, 2023 20:57Scandal today, did someone get nominated for an Academy Award because of advertising? Does anyone care if the Scientologist leader is missing or ever heard from again? Would you be embarrassed to be a porn performer at 80? Finally, and what age is it acceptable to get full body tattoos? We've got the answers!
Episode 129 Pharmaceutical Commercials and Mean Surfer Jesus
January 21, 2023 19:452023 is in full swing now and we plan what's on deck for us this year- Danny is going to start auditioning for drug commercials like Cialis or Zeljanz or some other crazy named product, and Kelly is finally going to work on his stand up act, I hope as a mean Surfer Jesus. Look for his Hallmark Christmas special coming in December! Thanks to our loyal Patreon subscribers! You should get your mugs by March - they claimed that I didn't click a button when I set up the account but it is 100% t...
Episode 128 Toy Guns and the 15th vote
January 07, 2023 19:30It must be really embarrassing to lose the vote 14 time, but hey, politics is a racket and they'll suffer any embarrassment to hold on to power won't they? Also we talk about open carry in Texas and how easy and legal it is to shoot a guy that is carrying a toy gun. Finally...thanks to our Patreon subscribers, I'm trying to get them to ship your mugs!
Episode 127 Mr. Rogers and The Sling
December 31, 2022 19:21It's the end of 2022 and we offer a light recap for the year and a hopeful view for next year. Best wishes to all for a prosperous 2023!
Episode 126 I Hate Christmas and Next Level Sauce
December 17, 2022 19:29Happy Holidays! Christmas is almost here and the stress of gift giving is in full swing. Danny is having a hard time getting in to the mood and Kelly has to go to the Mall! Let's talk Snapchat filters and how chicken and waffles are gooood.
Episode 125 The Hustle and Fantastic Business Ideas
December 03, 2022 22:56That's one thing about the Cocktale Hour, we are full of great ideas to make money. If you'd taken our advice from one of the early episodes, you'd be a thousand-aire by now. Don't miss you chance with the great ideas in this one! Remember, we're off Twitter so you'll have to send your fan letters by email now. [email protected].
Episode 124 The Smithsonian and New York City
November 20, 2022 19:04It's almost Thanksgiving and Kelly is back from New York city, drinking $80 Mezcal shots. We are thinking about this podcast and how it will be presented as the greatest example of podcasting in the Smithsonian in just about 200 years. We're no longer on Twitter, and you should drop it too.
Episode 123 Life, Liberty and Midterm Elections
November 12, 2022 20:19The midterms are over and we don't know who won. So let's talk about affirmations and Hollywood instead! Join us for the most stimulating Saturday morning talk you'll find, and don't bother connecting with us on Twitter, we're out. Don't let anyone impersonating us steal your money!
Episode 122: The end of the truck story and the mime protest
October 29, 2022 23:33Kelly's truck was never found, but we did find a great way to protest, show up in Maricopa County Arizona in a speedo and a smile. Kelly can mime his heart out while the Gravy Seals look threatening around the ballot boxes. Happy Halloween!
Episode 121 Police departments and obese old people.
October 08, 2022 20:14When you went from 150 to 400 pounds, it just snuck up on you didn't it? If your BMI is over 40, you might expect some health issues, but I can tell you what restaurant you will really enjoy. We dig deep on this episode even though the cops have 0 leads on Kelly's truck. Do the police care enough to help you when you need something? Danny ponders attending a local school board candidate meeting. I wonder, should you go to every local political board meeting and cause trouble?
Episode 120 The Stolen Truck
October 02, 2022 05:13It happened. Someone stole Kelly's truck from in front of his house. Will he ever get it back? How long do you have to wait before it is declared gone forever. Do people masturbate to your personal photos if you AirBnb your house? All these questions will be answered in this episode!
Episode 119 Foreskin trading and Senior Swingers
September 03, 2022 17:04The prayers worked and Kelly is chipper as ever! We discuss skin grafts and discover that foreskin is available for any kind of facial graft you need. Now we just need to figure out to corner the market for our own retirement goals. Speaking of retirement, would you retire to a community that we ran? Come on, it would be fun!
Episode 118 Willie Nelson and The Rule of Law
August 28, 2022 17:55This week we come back from a few days off and celebrate the fact that Willie is still alive. America still needs to get its shit together and Kelly needs prayers of comfort. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter!
Episode 117 Utopia and Entertainment
August 06, 2022 19:00TikTok and influencers. Kevin Spacey's morality clause. Whether Danny is susceptible to advertising or not. We have a politics free talk today and get deep into what the young people want to see. Join us as our popularity skyrockets on The Cocktale Hour!
Episodio 116SP Barberia Cultura de terror y cancelacion
July 24, 2022 00:40Mi peluquero era un pervertido y Kelly se cortó el pelo muy corto. Hablamos de la cultura de la cancelación y si puedes volver de ella. Planeamos un control remoto para mi reunión de secundaria. No olviden seguir mis quejas en Twitter. La hora del cuento de gallos!
Episode 116 Barber Shop Terror and Cancel Culture
July 23, 2022 19:57My barber was a low-key pervert and Kelly's cut his hair too short. We talk about cancel culture and if you can ever come back from it. We plan a remote for my high school reunion...yikes! Don't forget to follow my rants on Twitter- CocktaleHour!
Episode 115 Life Finds A Way
July 16, 2022 18:52No big political topics this time. We're talking about what happens if aliens are real and they come to take all the women. Who would help us decorate? Kelly says it leads to a new series, Handsjob Tale. Let's get in better spirits and make the world a better place, what do you say. Follow us on Twitter, I've been complaining a lot there...
Episode 114 Political Science and the New Orphan Train
July 09, 2022 18:46The Fourth of July didn't seem so festive this year. We riff on politics, the supreme court and what's going to happen to all those babies the high school cheerleaders in Missouri and Louisiana are going to have. As always, you can complain to us on Twitter at Cocktalehour. I've been making angry tweets there, so feel free to enjoy!
Episode 113 A Gift from Jesus and Angry Women
June 25, 2022 18:24This week America is a dumpster fire and I for one blame Christianity and have taken to Twitter to express my impotent rage. Danny is trying to keep us level headed, and Kelly has given up on voting as a way to institute change. Whether you believe in our opinions or not, here they are. Remember, no one can see your vote. If you live in a Christian Taliban state, you can still vote for change and no one a the Garden Club will ever know...
Episode 112 The Smell of Gwyneth and Saving the World one Beer at a Time
June 18, 2022 18:40Follow your dreams, but make sure your funeral expenses are covered. We spend this episode diving into parenting and generational trauma. How would we rank as fathers? Stay tuned and maybe we'll share the results next time...
Episode 111 Go Karts and Prayer
June 11, 2022 18:35Gas prices are high for no good reason. What can we do but pray about it? Join us for comforting words of wisdom, and not a whole lot of penis jokes this time. We want to make Kate happy.
Episode 110 Memorial Day and Evil in America
May 28, 2022 23:08It's Memorial Day weekend and we're finding it hard to find much joy in America. Another school shooting, price gouging and inaction from every branch of the government. We find that it's the little things, like Herschel Walker's inability to make coherent sentences that give us joy.