Celluloid Zeroes
13 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 2 years ago -Mike Carlon and his twin brother Jimmy watched a lot of movies as kids. Unfortunately, they watched a lot of bad movies. Worse still, they remember them.
Listen in as the Carlon brothers have fun taking a walk down memory lane while discussing movies that can best be described as Celluloid Zeroes.
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Episodes
Episode 13: No Holds Barred
February 28, 2022 15:42 - 1 hour - 74.7 MBBrother Jimmy and I are joined by our old friend Rob Salminen to discuss the 1989 abomination that is No Holds Barred. What happens when you take one of the most recognizable entertainment figures of the 1980s and pair him with his boss to co-executive produce and write a movie about wrestling? Well, you don't get an Oscar winner, that is for sure. Perhaps the best thing about this movie is the conversation it spurred about what wrestling meant to us as kids and the laughs we had while d...
Ep 12: Silent Rage
February 13, 2022 19:04 - 42 minutes - 38.7 MBWhen God said, “Let there be light,” Chuck Norris said, “Say please!” This is the most dangerous episode of Celluloid Zeroes as Jim and I take on a most formidable opponent—Chuck Norris. However, even Chuck can agree that 1982’s Silent Rage is not his best work. He’s never said as much, but actions speak louder than words and a sequel has never been made, even though the ending of this absolute zero set up a potential franchise. While the movie is pretty terrible, it does bring us back t...
The Nude Bomb
January 29, 2022 22:07 - 42 minutes - 39 MBIn this first episode of our second season, Mike and Jim discuss the 1980 comedy The Nude Bomb—the first feature film based on the 1960s TV comedy Get Smart. Original creators Mel Brooks and Buck Henry had nothing to do with this film, and it shows. While there are are a number of funny gags in the movie, we just couldn't get behind the premise—a man clad only in pantyhose with sewing thimbles on his finger tips threatens to detonate nude bombs which basically eradicate whatever close anyo...
Episode 10: Action Jackson
November 21, 2020 17:13 - 57 minutes - 52.9 MBOn this episode of Celluloid Zeroes, brother Jimmy and I discuss the 1988 non-classic Action Jackson starring Carl Weathers in the title role of Detective Lt. Jericho "Action" Jackson. Rounding out the cast are Craig T. Nelson playing the antagonist Peter Dellaplane, whose Poltergeist money must have run out, Vanity as the love interest Sydney, who was likely using the proceeds of this film to fuel a crack habit, and Sharon Stone, whose exposed rear end in one scene was clearly shot to put o...
Episode 9: Love at First Bite
October 31, 2020 16:27 - 1 hour - 62.6 MBThis movie came out in 1979 and captures that time period in New York with fang like sharpness. Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but unlike many of the other movies we've discussed on this podcast, this one does not smell like the Volga river at low tide. Yes this is a comedy, but as we uncover it is so much more. It is about a middle aged man, er vampire, seeking relevance. It's about a woman learning to embrace commitment. And it's about a psychiatrist looking for, well we really aren't sur...
Episode 8: City Heat
October 25, 2020 21:46 - 45 minutes - 41.6 MBThe year was 1984, Jim and I were ten years old, and our father took us to the movies to see City Heat. The two of us remember this movie as a comedic masterpiece and 36 years later we are questioning our sanity. Set towards the end of prohibition, the action takes place in Kansas City and stars two of the most well known actors of the day; Burt Reynolds and Clint Eastwood. While the movie has some great one-liners from Eastwood, they aren’t enough from making this a certified Celluloid Zero...
Episode 7: Yellowbeard
September 13, 2020 15:45 - 1 hour - 57.4 MBWhen asked about the movie Yellowbeard, John Cleese said that it was one of the six worst movies ever made. His co-star, and fellow Monty Python Alum, Eric Idle commented that it was one of the worst films he ever made. With those endorsements from the film's stars you know you have a certified Celluloid Zero on your hands, and Yellowbeard is just that. Jim and I first saw this move in the summer of 1983 and, looking back, our parents should have received a visit from child protective serv...
Episode 6: No Retreat, No Surrender
September 05, 2020 15:23 - 1 hour - 61.6 MBJim was always a bigger fan of martial arts movies and he lets his fanboyness shine through as we discuss the 1986 less than masterpiece No Retreat, No Surrender. The actors and director certainly took the title to heart as non of them retreated or surrendered from this movie, even though they should have. In a Celluloid Zeroes first, Jim walks us through the synopsis of this film (in great detail) and you can hear the passion in his voice build as he does so, all the while you can tell a ...
Episode 5: Oscar (1991)
August 16, 2020 17:03 - 1 hour - 64.3 MBFilmmaker Joe Indusi joins Mike and Jim as they discuss 1991's Oscar, starring Sylvester Stallone and a relatively unknown actress at the time—Marissa Tomei. While Oscar is, in fact, a celluloid zero, that doesn't mean there isn't anything redeeming about it. On the contrary, this film spurs discussions around the importance of taking risks in life (just as Stallone did in this film), experiences with overbearing fathers, and cases of mistaken identity. Perhaps the most interesting aspec...
Episode 4: The Black Hole
July 25, 2020 18:05 - 1 hour - 32.5 MBWhen Mike and Jim saw this movie in 1979 we thought it was one of the coolest things ever. There were spaceships, robots, lasers and giant red meteors! Oh, and this whirlpool looking black hole that meant almost certain death to anything that got sucked into it. Seeing this movie through adult eyes, however, led to a newfound appreciation of it. Jim immediately takes us to a dark place because, well, he’s Jim and needs to tout his intimate knowledge of personality disorders whenever he can...
Episode 3: MegaForce
July 11, 2020 23:01 - 1 hour - 31.9 MBToday, the Carlon brothers are joined by filmmaker Joe Indusi to discuss 1982s MegaForce. When this film came out, Mike and Jim were 8 years old. Looking back, that must have been the prime demographic for this film because it included flying motorcycles, glorified dune buggies with lasers, and men with feathered hair—lots of feathered hair. For all the missiles launched from motorcycles, there we no fatalities in this movie which makes us think that the inspiration was the GI Joe cartoon...
Episode 2: Hawk the Slayer
July 03, 2020 18:58 - 55 minutes - 25.5 MBIn the second installment of Celluloid Zeroes, the Carlon brothers discuss the 1980 fantasy film Hawk the Slayer and question whether they actually had a happy childhood after all. The plot of this movie has more holes in it than the European countryside in the 1940s. They ask the big questions such as what kid of dirt did the producers have on Jack Palance and was this really just a Dungeons and Drago's rip off of Star Wars? Listen in as we address these questions and have a ton of lau...
Episode 1: Zorro The Gay Blade
June 27, 2020 21:00 - 55 minutes - 25.3 MBIn this inaugural episode of the Celluloid Zeroes Podcast, the Carlon brothers take a deep dive into the 1981 parody Zorro The Gay Blade starring George Hamilton, Lauren Hutton, and Ron Leibman. Listen in as Mike and Jim discuss what they liked about this film back in the day and their reactions to it almost forty years after they saw it for the first time. We make a link to Batman, today's social justice initiatives, and how George Hamilton's accent is actually its own character. Is the...