Boehmcke's Human Condition
101 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 4 years ago - ★★★★★ - 3 ratingsBringing the world together, while tearing himself apart.Boehmcke's Human Condition is a weekly essay from writer and multimedia artist Richard Boehmcke. It's an examination of his own life, an exploration of what it is to be a man, and a quest for the many things that connect us all."This podcast is changing everything" is something somebody might one day say. For now, we will just have to wait and see.
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Episodes
The Wrong Fit
November 07, 2019 05:00 - 7 minutes - 5.05 MBIt is 2009. I am 25 years old and begrudgingly working at a nonprofit in midtown Manhattan full of unhappy people during the throes of the financial crisis. I have already been furloughed for one paycheck. I would work somewhere else if only I could get hired anywhere else. By far the best part of my job is the woman I am dating who sits 30 feet away from me. I spend a large portion of my day flirting with her on g-chat while I avoid asking people with no money to donate to a nonprofit they...
Looking for the Secret To Marriage
November 01, 2019 01:00 - 6 minutes - 4.29 MBTry. It’s a very simple word. Three letters. One syllable. Small, but powerful. It’s the beginning of things. The decision. The first step. The commitment to an effort or a journey. It’s a word my parents said to me at the dinner table a thousand times. When confronted with a new food there was nothing I wanted to hear less than “just try it.” I did not want to try whatever “it” was. It is because of my knowledge of my own history, and the rapid approach of my wedding, that I am so focus...
The Skin of a Redwood
October 24, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 4.44 MBI spent a lot of time this weekend around the redwood trees in Northern California. I had visited them once when I was a kid but my tiny brain hadn’t seen enough in this life to comprehend them. As an adult, it was an absolutely fantastic experience I feel kind of giddy even thinking about. I thought standing closer to one, looking up at it would have it make more sense. So I did just that. It did not make more sense. It just made the whole experience trippy. Looking up I saw a trunk that w...
Do I Really Want to Be Here?
October 17, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 4.84 MBIt’s January of 2006. I have just graduated from college and I am sitting in the courtyard of a Hostel in Melbourne, Australia. The summer weather is perfect which means the courtyard is a cosmopolitan mix of young people drinking, smoking and sharing their nascent worldviews. I am at a table with 10 other people from around the world, including a girl I’ve just met from Minnesota named Betty (with whom I am trying to flirt) and a guy from Sydney who I’ll call Jake. We are talking about me...
3 Lessons From Hiking the Grand Tetons
October 10, 2019 04:00 - 10 minutes - 7.55 MBBy the time I got to Wyoming I was feeling a little overwhelmed. Whenever I get that feeling, I itch for a grand adventure, something big and different and far away that will allow me to temporarily escape everything familiar to me. I want to be in a place where I don’t know anything or anybody with no ability for technological distraction. A place where I can truly let my mind wander. A week hiking in the Grand Tetons was going to be everything I wanted and needed. I spent months preparin...
The Stories We tell Ourselves
October 03, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 4.98 MBI had a pretty significant realization recently while sitting in the dentist’s chair. It is not a place I usually experience great moments of clarity. Generally, I sit in the dentist chair with my ankles crossed and my hands folded across my stomach, white-knuckling it like I am about to be shot out of a cannon. But even in that pose, I had a moment of clarity. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves-rbmke-cmtt/
Missing Where You're From
September 26, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 4.39 MBDo you miss it? That is the question my fiancé and I kept asking each other about New York. We never raised it out of the blue. It was usually prompted by some other conversation we were already having. A memory we were reliving. A movie about the city. An article we both read. I’d ask her cautiously because I already knew the way she felt. I worried if I asked too often or in the wrong way I would make her sad. But still, I’d ask, hoping the gravity of the city had somehow dissipated. But...
Learning to Drink: The College Years
September 19, 2019 04:00 - 8 minutes - 5.55 MBBy the time I got to college, I knew almost nothing about alcohol or how we people socialized around it. The first time my roommates said they were going to a fraternity party I responded: Are we invited? Why would a fraternity invite more guys to a party? Unsurprisingly, I didn’t go to that party. Frankly, I was intimidated by how eager everybody was to get drunk. Sure I was excited to be at college, but I was still a human. The people on my floor seemed like howler monkeys recently relea...
Why Are Men So Angry?
September 12, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 5.13 MBThe comedian Kumail Nanjiani was on Ellen recently talking about the plot of his latest movie “Stuber.” In discussing the dynamic between the two main characters of the movie (who have opposing views of the value of anger) he said something which resonated. The only emotion that men feel comfortable expressing, in general, is anger. We’ve been told that’s the only manly emotion there is. Sadness isn’t manly, fear isn’t considered manly, even joy can be turned into anger… And I felt for many...
What Does a Birthday Mean?
September 05, 2019 04:00 - 5 minutes - 4.03 MBI am writing this on my birthday. As of today, I am now officially in my late 30s. Which, as we all know… means absolutely nothing. Sure there are the science things that happen like losing two percent of my muscle mass every year, but that’s been happening for six-years already. I’m talking about what “Late 30s” signifies. It’s as arbitrary as it was when I was in my mid-30s or late teens. What is fascinating is our obsession with age. I don’t know if it is the same all around the world, ...
When Mom Went Back to Work
August 29, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 4.24 MBWhen I was seven years old, and my sister was ten, my mother went back to work. But it wasn’t like she hadn’t been working. In addition to being a phenomenal mother who was home with us every day since birth, she had also worked from home. She typed, she did resumes, she hustled from the comfort of our home office. Eventually, she and our neighbor bought a Printing franchise 2 miles from our house. I’m not sure my sister and I saw a big difference in our lives in the beginning. Dad still ...
Wedding Planning According to Other People
August 22, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 4.64 MBMy fiance and I had only been engaged for three weeks before people started asking us where we were going to get married. Of course, we had no idea, but one particular person seemed concerned. We had no desire to rush the planning. We were still so excited to just be engaged. But that is what has been so fascinating about wedding planning. Everybody has a point of view. Married people. Unmarried people. Divorced people. And if you’re not sure what your point of view is, people will sniff yo...
The Cold Basement of My Youth
August 15, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 4.37 MBThe humidity in Phoenix hit 40% this week. And while that isn’t very high as percentages go, when the temperature hits 110, the air begins to feel like dishwater that has been wrung out of a washcloth. It’s a feeling that was very frequent in my childhood when summer covered our town with its sweaty palms leaving me with nothing to do but wander listlessly around my own house. We didn’t have central air conditioning growing up, but I had an air conditioner in the wall above my bed. Some nig...
Learning to Drink: The High School Years
August 08, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 4.46 MBAfter my early interactions with alcohol, I didn’t drink. Didn’t even try. I wasn’t interested. There were kids my age sneaking booze from their parents’ liquor cabinets or getting drunk on weekends, but it wasn’t of interest to me. I just didn’t get it. In hindsight, there was a lot I didn’t get. There was the high school I knew which involved sports, plays, and community service, and the high school of teenage rebellion I wasn’t even aware of; A Shadow High School. Read the original arti...
A Memory I Still Don't Understand
August 01, 2019 04:00 - 11 minutes - 7.79 MBI have tried several times to tell this story. Each time I have failed. My stilted attempts are those of somebody working to extract meaning from an experience he is still struggling to understand. While I remember the events that transpired and the order in which they took place, when I try to convey why I care so much about what happened, I stumble. Part of that is because the story itself is incomplete. And yet this story occupies a heavily annotated space in my memory. It wasn’t horrib...
Your Own Voice: The Instrument You Barely Hear
July 25, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 4.96 MBI remember the first time I heard myself on camera. I was in high school and I was just coming out the other side of a pubescent voice change. The pitch of my voice was nasally, much different than what I heard in my head. Like a dented flugelhorn covered in wax paper. Is this what everybody else heard? God. It was terrible. Most of the time we don’t really hear the sound of our own voice. While performers like singers and actors must work with and take great care of their voices, the rest ...
Why Are We So Afraid of Therapy?
July 18, 2019 04:00 - 9 minutes - 6.54 MBMy senior year of high school I found out on a Sunday night in October that a wonderful teacher of mine had passed away. I remember being in the bathroom of my house, feeling confused, and trying, unsuccessfully, to cry. I knew I was sad and yet it felt like the appropriate grief circuits weren’t firing. Five years later, in my first months out of college, I was again feeling overwhelmed, this time with a kind of inadvertent gumbo of sadness, longing, and loneliness. While I had broken up w...
The Modern Bachelor Party
July 11, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 4.86 MBWhistler, Canada is full of good looking, laid back residents used to the somewhat more gregarious nature of American tourists barreling through their mountain wonderland. And yet, the server who came to our table of five guys seemed genuinely shocked for another reason. Seriously? A bachelor party? You don’t look like any of the other bachelor parties that come through here. It was meant as a compliment. We looked around at each other and laughed. But it got me thinking about the modern b...
The Fear of Forgetting
July 04, 2019 04:00 - 8 minutes - 5.88 MBWhen I look at the number, it seems ridiculous: 339 notes in 11 different notebooks. Those are the statistics of my account on the digital note taking platform Evernote. Over 100 of those notes are recipes, half of which I’ve never made. Nearly 30 are for the business I owned. There are 47 in a folder just called “Randomness.” It is all some iteration of trying to remember prompted by a deep fear of forgetting. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/the-fear-o...
How Do You Make Friends As An Adult? Part 3
June 27, 2019 04:00 - 10 minutes - 7.07 MBThe cowboy. The loner. The Alpha. The rugged individual. Our culture’s immediate memory serves up no less than 100 years of masculine stereotypes reinforcing the idea no man should need the support or community of other men. It manifests in the way we raise our boys, teach them, and train them to be around other boys. This sets the foundation for how they grow up, and the men they become. It is why today a third of American men feel lonely. So what the h*ll are we supposed to do? Read the...
How Do You Make Friends As An Adult? Part 2
June 20, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 3.38 MBMeeting my fiance dramatically shifted my world. The early months of our relationship were immersive. There was this unquenchable thirst for the other person. We were eager for all interactions as we tried to impress each other, presenting the best version of our own self-portrait. The pendulum slowly swung back from seclusion to immersion as we introduced each other to our respective circles. The couplehood we were starting to build was now something we wanted to share with other couples....
How Do You Make Friends as an Adult? Part 1
June 13, 2019 04:00 - 8 minutes - 3.78 MBThe night before my first day of kindergarten I asked my mom how I was going to make friends at my new school. Here instructions were simple. Go up to somebody I wanted to be friends with and say “Hi, my name is Rich, what’s yours?” It seemed easy enough. So on the first day of kindergarten, as all the kids were getting settled before the first bell rang, I looked for somebody I wanted to be friends with. I saw a table where four girls were sitting and talking. I walked up to them and said:...
Dentists, Yoga Mats, and Acceptance
June 06, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 2.94 MBAs I sat in the dentist chair listening to my new dentist explain the digital x-rays on the screen in front of me I knew what was about to happen. I would be given a series of options for a course of treatment going forward, and no matter what option I chose, the impact on my bank account would be significant. I wasn’t intentionally sitting with my arms crossed, trying to portray anger, but it was the default position I morph into whenever any dentist ever tells me how much it is going to c...
Restarting Is Uncontrollable
May 30, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 3.04 MBWhether it was camp or school or the first day at any of the jobs I started in my life, there is always that feeling within me, how do I prepare for an event that could be life changing? Perhaps it’s the wrong question. Maybe the event itself is not a catalyst, but a reflection, an indicator of a life already changed. Of course, it is not what I wear or how I look that determines how I start something, or how my experience transpires. But it is always interesting to reflect back on what I t...
My Obsession With Credit Card Points
May 23, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 3.58 MBThe first time I ever used any sort of airline miles I was 23 years old. After years of unintentionally flying on the same airline, I had accumulated over 50,000 miles, which, back then, was enough to get me a round trip ticket to the Mediterranean. I sat in the living room and booked my ticket over the phone. No computer in front of me, no website open. I spoke to the US Airways rep for nearly an hour as she patiently built my itinerary and answered dozens of my questions. Ultimately she bo...
When Girls Become Women
May 16, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 3.45 MBFor the majority of my life, I have been saying, girls. Any female my age or younger was a girl. It wasn’t a deliberate act to denote girls vs women, youth vs adult. It was just what I had always done. Women were those females considerably older than me. Why? I’m not really sure. Generally, we do what we’ve always done. Girls was the term I used throughout high school and college. And while I probably should have stopped referring to my peers as girls at some time, I didn’t. Read the origi...
Phoenix Is Hotter Than Your Imagination
May 09, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 3.32 MBLyft drivers in Phoenix don’t understand why I moved here. Whenever I mention I am newly arrived in their city whatever banal conversation we were having is kicked up a notch by their heightened interest. Did you move here for work? It is the question they all ask me. As though that were the only possible reason anybody moves anywhere. I suppose it stands to reason. People in New York were often baffled I was moving to Phoenix. It makes sense people in Phoenix would be just as baffled I ar...
Everything All the Time Always
May 02, 2019 13:00 - 8 minutes - 3.73 MBThe first time I saw it I did a double take. Sitting in the courtyard of a bar downtown, while drinking and playing cards I turned to grab my beer and saw it out of the corner of my eye. A young woman was sucking on her phone. No, wait. She was holding a vape pen and her phone in the same hand. No, that wasn’t it either. The phone she was holding had a vape pen that was… part of the case? Yep. I tried not to stare but I kept looking over to confirm what I had seen. A phone case vape pen. ...
Queer Eye, Marie Kondo, and the Stagnant Self
April 25, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 3.18 MBDo you remember the exact age? Maybe it was the year you bought your home or the day you got married. It might have been the result of something traumatic like the loss of a family member or a joyful moment like the birth of a child. There is a finite amount of time in this world. Our attention is limited. We reach a certain point in our lives and additional effort either seems too hard or just not worth it. It is not at all uncommon. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject....
From Employee to Entrepreneur to Employee
April 18, 2019 04:00 - 11 minutes - 5.32 MBHow much longer can I do this? How much longer do I want to? Those are the questions I started asking myself last year regarding entrepreneurship. Was I passionate about continuing this strangely unstructured, personal/professional journey… or did I want out? The answer wasn’t as clear as I hoped it would be. Entrepreneurship has always felt to me like a massive crank that took herculean strength, and significant time to turn. It required consistent sustained effort which did not necessar...
The Gifts We Do Not Know We Give
April 11, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 3.07 MBMy neighbor Anthony wheeled the freshly painted black and yellow BMX bike towards me. “Careful,” he said as I reached for the handlebars. “The paint is still wet.” I was 10 and basically incapable of not touching anything. Feeling was believing. So, of course, I touched the frame leaving a tiny fingerprint where “RICHARD” had been hand painted in black on the yellow frame. In a parking lot near the mall, he had found the bike with the front wheel disconnected from the fork. Somebody had jus...
The Fear of Influence
April 04, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 3.11 MBWhen I was 18 years old I had my brain mapped. It was the summer after my freshman year of college. I was somewhat beaten down after a rough transition to the autonomous mode of collegiate study. Focus and attention had always been a challenge for me, but I had generally been bright enough to get by. Failing calculus in my first semester was a massive recalibration. For the first time in my life, I had fallen behind and was struggling to catch up. My mother’s friend was a Counselor who emp...
Impressing Without Fitting
March 28, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 2.94 MBThe word that keeps coming up over and over again is “fit.” It is the lynchpin of almost every email I receive when job searching. The autoresponders after I apply always say “If you are a good fit…” However, the rejection emails never directly say I’m not a good fit. To do so would be insulting and nobody wants that. Instead, the emails just say the company will be moving forward (i.e. away from me) with other people who are a better fit. Better becomes such a confusing and secretly relati...
This Is How It Works
March 21, 2019 04:00 - 6 minutes - 2.92 MBFor most of my life, I believed there was an otherness responsible for change. Life’s great leaps were not the result of some mental or behavioral shift but a direct result of experiences the universe laid before me. These were the elements with the power to change my core; enabling me to be the person I always wanted to or prohibiting me from dwelling in circles I no longer desired. And it’s preached to us, from an early age. In high school, we are told College will be the best years of yo...
Cross Country Meditation on America
March 14, 2019 04:00 - 7 minutes - 3.25 MBDriving across the country is a case study in disparities; a constant bombardment of contrasting ideas. What we’ve heard versus what we see. What we “know” versus what we experience. Preconceived notions and immediate realities. It is a field trip through news headlines. And while I didn’t anticipate doing so, I started thinking about racism over breakfast at a Waffle House in Montgomery, Alabama. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/cross-country-meditation-...
Striving For A Timeless Journey
March 07, 2019 05:00 - 8 minutes - 3.75 MBHow much time is left? The question plays on repeat in my head every time I am driving a car and using Google Maps. I wasn’t as concerned about the time remaining in my journey before the advent of GPS. But it isn’t the map itself prompting the question. It’s the timer on the bottom left corner of the screen telling me exactly how many minutes I have left in my trip. It is relevant information that causes unnecessary anxiety. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/guy-...
Gillette, Qualifiers and The Public Stance
February 28, 2019 05:00 - 6 minutes - 3.08 MBGillette’s recent ad “The Best Men Can Be” has garnered millions of views and as many opinions at this point. Much has been said supporting and denouncing Gillette’s decision to make the video. But those aren’t the elements of the discussion I find most fascinating. I’m interested in what this entire exchange says about the way we state our beliefs and talk about, well… anything. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/social-justice-2/gillette-qualifiers-and-the-public-s...
Book Report: The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
February 22, 2019 05:00 - 8 minutes - 3.82 MBBook Report: The Way of the Superior Man I recently finished reading David Deida’s “The Way of the Superior Man.” Normally I would resist reading anything suggesting a singular behavior, certainly one that results in superiority. But with a 4.4 rating from over 300 reviews on Amazon, I felt the book must have something to offer. It also seemed like the perfect kickoff for my course of self-directed study on masculinity. The book posits every person, regardless of gender or sexual orientati...
Feminism and Mindfulness for Toddlers
February 14, 2019 05:00 - 6 minutes - 3.1 MBMany of my closest friends have begun reproducing which means our social calendar has seen an influx of birthdays for people newly arrived on the planet. Since we don’t have children, and I haven’t had a lot of interactions with tiny humans throughout my life, I’m not quite sure how to buy gifts for them. Babies grow so fast that clothes seem incredibly temporary and I don’t know really know anything about toys. I know play is fundamental for the development of children but I don’t know whi...
A Life In Boxes
February 06, 2019 15:00 - 6 minutes - 3.25 MBMy fiance and I are in the process of packing up our apartment to move across the country. I haven’t moved homes since I was 24 years old and living with my parents. That was 11 years ago and I have accumulated an absurd amount of things in the meanwhile. Parsing through it all has meant trying to figure out why I held on to any of this stuff, to begin with. When my fiance moved in two years ago we quickly merged stuff, got rid of stuff, and bought more stuff together. As time passed I bega...
The Disconnected Home
January 17, 2019 05:00 - 10 minutes - 4.74 MBWhen it comes to technology, I vary a little bit in terms of where I fall on the spectrum. While I’m not a Luddite I do appreciate the tactile nature of things like pens and paper over emails and texts. And while I’m not an early adopter I do see the value of the technologies and tools that actually make my life easier and more enjoyable. Two years ago my sister gifted me an Amazon Echo for the house. Mainly it’s a great speaker. It’s also a lot easier to tell echo to stop, skip or change t...
Mid-30s Investing Anxieties
January 10, 2019 05:00 - 7 minutes - 3.54 MBWhen I was 27 the startup I worked for brought in a “financial advisor” to meet with employees. A bunch of tech 20 somethings in flip-flops and shorts sat in a conference room with this suit for 15 minutes each so he could guide us on our 401K contributions. His disposition made me feel like a kid who had forgotten to hand in his homework. The way he reacted to my questions made it seem like I was asking him about the long-term earning potential for my stockpile of magic beans. Clearly, my...
A Review of Year End Reviews
January 03, 2019 05:00 - 8 minutes - 3.89 MBAbout 7 years ago I did my first year-end review. Visiting my parents in South Carolina for the Christmas holiday, and somewhat unsatisfied with how my previous year had transpired, I found myself wanting something more than my standard set of incredibly vague handwritten resolutions. Every year just after Christmas I sit in the recliner on my parents’ porch under a heavy blanket and stare into the pitch black silence of the Carolina night. It is there where my brain and body are finally a...
Kareem Hunt, Violence Against Women and the Non-Apology
December 27, 2018 05:00 - 7 minutes - 3.43 MBIn February of 2018, Kareem Hunt, then a Kansas City Chiefs running back, assaulted a woman in the hallway of his residence. The event, which was captured by the building’s security cameras, shows Kareem knocking a woman over, pushing, and finally kicking her in an altercation which involved other individuals trying to restrain him. That video, released by TMZ Sports, did not emerge until just recently. Last week, after 10 months of non-action and 11 active games for the Chiefs, Kareem Hunt...
Learning to Drink: The Early Years
December 20, 2018 05:00 - 8 minutes - 4.1 MBThe first alcoholic drink I remember having was communion wine at church. Walking down the thin red carpet in the cathedral with my hands folded in front of me I would review the appropriate procedure over and over in my head. Listen. Reply. Sip. Return to seat. From then on there weren’t many other drinking experiences. Strange considering how much time I spent behind a bar as a child. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/learning-to-drink-the-early-years-rb...
The Pre-Reviewed Vacation
December 13, 2018 05:00 - 8 minutes - 3.75 MBWhen I was 20 years old I lived in Europe for 5 months. Smartphones did not exist. Travel review sites were still in their infancy. Where I went and what I did was dependent on my guidebook and recommendations from people I knew or met. Traveling by myself was a crash course in forming connections disconnected from any sort of structure or support. No clubs. No mutual friends. Just strangers starting from scratch. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/the-pre-...
The Subtle Art of Learning from Other People
December 06, 2018 05:00 - 7 minutes - 3.66 MBAbout a year ago several different people recommended a book to me called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.” It was a not so subtle hint I was, perhaps, giving too many fucks. The careful distribution of fucks has never been my forte`. I have always cared too much about what people think with regards to, well... almost everything in my life. And it has taken a negative toll on my mind and my heart. Perhaps it was time to learn this subtle art which somebody had written a not so subtle b...
Clothes Make the Man Who Makes Himself
November 29, 2018 05:00 - 7 minutes - 3.29 MBAs I was switching out the summer clothes in my closet for the winter ones under my bed I found myself creating a rather large pile to donate. This didn’t really surprise me considering my relationship with clothing hasn’t always been, shall we say, a good fit. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/clothes-make-the-man-who-makes-himself-rbmke-cmtt/
Nanette: A Case Study In Empathy
November 22, 2018 05:00 - 7 minutes - 3.49 MBHannah Gadsby’s special “Nanette” is not the Netflix comedy special you put on to zone out and have a laugh. No, Nanette is something much bigger and (at the risk of sounding incredibly pretentious) far more important. Knowing that going in will help you stay patient and realize, for as funny as the special is, the point is not the laughs. Read the original article here: https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/nanette-a-case-study-in-empathy/
Are We All Missing the Point?
November 15, 2018 05:00 - 7 minutes - 3.71 MBSeveral times a day I receive an email from a site called Help A Reporter Out or HARO. It is a site journalists use to find sources for their stories. As a subject matter expert, it is a great way to find opportunities to share your expertise. The majority of the articles I see being written are about fashion or sex. “Real Men who have waxed their testicles” or “Men in their 30s willing to talk about their foot fetishes.” Cheating, erections, and male anatomy are in heavy rotation. Here i...