Avocado Porn

It's Official

Here’s how America prefers to eat us.

An Easy To Peel Avo?!

Photo from Washington Post. Of all the dangers that lurk in our kitchens, avocados might be the most quietly sinister. The green-fleshed fruit of Instagram-perfect avocado toast and party platters of guacamole has caused so many injuries that it even has an ailment named after it: avocado hand. That’s what happens when you try to dig out an avocado pit with a sharp knife and end up slicing your palm instead. Read the rest at the Washington Post.

Avocado Haiku

Green, Brown, Green, Brown Seed Smooshy? Hard? What will it be? Avocado, wee!

The BEST Avocado Toast

Recipe from Gimme Delicious. Photo from Gimme Delicious.

Wanna AvoCuddle?

Product Review: Avocado Oil

Are you tired of hearing about how when things get too hot with olive oil, things just aren’t safe with your heart? We hear you. This pure avocado oil lets things get as hot as you want while still keeping that pitter pat of your heart safe. Like things slippery? Well, doesn’t everyone? That is why this 100% pure avocado oil comes in a super big, one litter container with enough oily fun to lube up anything you decide you want to put into your mouth! So, when you are ready for things to ...

Avocado Quality Meter

A new avocado quality meter is about to enter the market. QA Supplies recently announced that the F-751 from Felix Instruments, would be available from December 5 this year, although companies can already pre-order the device. Based on the F-750 Produce Quality Meter, the F-751 is strictly for avocados and utilizes dry matter readings to gauge the fruit’s maturity. QA Supplies says it is simple to use and is ready to use out of the box. Once the dry matter reading is taken, the data is tra...

Where Avocados Come From

Original Drawing by @slothjams

Noodles w/ Avocado Miso Dressing

Recipe from A House in the Hills. Photo from A House in the Hills.

That Moment When

Avocado ASMR

"Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is an experience characterized by a static-like or tingling sensation on the skin that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine." Now with more avocado! For more avocado goodness, be sure to check out: https://www.avocadoporn.com/

Well Hung

Hang me on your Christmas Tree. It can be our dirty little secret. Buy me here.

Avocado Veggie Panini

Recipe from Pinch of Yum. Photo from Pinch of Yum.

You Can AvocaDO It

Image from Cupcake Logic.

[Video] Avocado Porn Podcast Episode 1 - Hello World

Join Mistress Avo and her guest Todd as they discuss everyone's favorite fruit, how they met, and the new website.

[Audio] Avocado Porn Podcast Episode 1 - Hello World

Join Mistress Avo and her guest Todd as they discuss everyone's favorite fruit and the new website. Need more hot avocado action? Check out https://www.avocadoporn.com/

Eat Me: Herby Avocado Hummus

Recipe from Bon Appetite. Photo from Bon Appetite.

Wanna Avoquatro?

Are You Hipster AF and Love Avocados?

Photo from Amazon. You have a mustache with twirly tips, you ride an electric scooter to work, you bitch slap anyone who suggests coffee other than a meticulous pour-over. We see you! How can you express your hipster lifestyle when your hands aren't free to hold avocado toast in one hand and vape with the other? Say no more! This Visive Original Printed Short Sleeve Button Down covered in artistic avocados tells people everything they need to know about you and keeps your hands free. Slip...

Ripe, An Original AvoPoem

Thick, black skin, Gleaming under the fluorescent kitchen light. The curves and lumps on my body, Forever in your sight. The second I begin to ripen, It’s time for you to make your move. Go ahead, slide your big, fat knife in, My taste is a unique one to prove. You can massage me on the inside, Just prepare for sticky hands. Ah yes, I can feel your eyes getting wide. I can sense your salivating glands. You can dismember me however you desire, Whether you slice me into thirds, Or prefer to...

Don't Take Us So Hard

That's not how you eat us!

Um, @Kianangih that's not how we like to be eaten. https://t.co/2t8uXK7Nu1 — Avocado Porn (@RipeAvocadoPorn) November 12, 2018

Eat Me: Chicken Avocado Lime Soup

Recipe from Cooking Classy. Photo from Cooking Classy.

Look at this sweet pussy

Squeezing is the Only Way to Know if we're Hard

Am I right, or am I right?

It's a no for us.

Yeahhhh. Nope. We like to keep it ya know, casual, NSA, etc. Source: @fooddeco

Eat Us Creamy - ZUCCHINI Pasta w/ Avocado Cream Sauce

From Running To The Kitchen - Zucchini Pasta with Avocado Cream Sauce. Source: Running To The Kitchen. Perfectly angled zoodes paired with a creamy sauce will have you saying ohhh yessss in no time.

The *Good* Kinda Fat

These Avo PJs Make Us Hot!

Do you often dream of your body being covered at night by more avocados than you can handle? Now, your dream can finally come true. These Cozy Fleece Pajamas by Angelina will make your avocado wet dreams a reality. As soon as there is a chill in the air, just pull these sexy fleece avocado pajamas onto your body so you can get hot - real hot! Let's be honest, we all dream of our lover in flannel, button down pj's covered in avocados and with an elastic waistband. Just think about how fun all...

Dr. Jean - The Guacamole Song

Dr. Jean has all the right moves as far as we are concerned!

Good for you. Bad for Fido!

Avocados are poisonous to birds, cats, dogs, rabbits, and basically all pets. – Source

The fattest fruit!

Avocados contain more fat than any other fruit or vegetable. Also, the trees contain enzymes that prevent the fruit from ever ripening on the tree, allowing farmers to use the trees as storage devices for up to 7 months after they reach full maturity, allowing avocados to always be in season. – Source

Kristen Bell gets us

Help that special avocado in your life last longer

When you’ve found that special avocado you want the magic to last and last. If you have been disappointed by the stamina of your favorite green fruit, may we suggest the Food Huggers Silicone Avocado Huggers. This BPA free, FDA approved device can extend your enjoyment of the avocado experience. And after all, isn’t longer better? It comes in regular and large sizes ensuring a perfect snug fit. So give your avocado a hug and see what it’s like to stretch your avocado enjoyment through th...