Destined for Motherhood: A Story of Adoption and Surrogacy [S5E1]

As always, ADOPTION NOW focuses on the many powerful stories centered around adoption and foster care. This episode also includes a topic April Fallon is new to, the topic of surrogacy. Dr. Claire Dumke tells us the story of her two daughters, Ruby and Hazel, and how she pursued both adoption and surrogacy at the same time. As a result of this, her two daughters were born 8 months apart!

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The episode focuses on the many joys that were felt throughout her experience, but also on the challenging aspects. And in addition, surrogacy is explained: the price, what to expect, regulations, details on medication, and so forth.

Below are four of the most crucial aspects of this episode ranging from surrogacy in a nutshell, transracial adoption, the importance of agencies and the selection process for adoption, as well as the relational interplay between biological and adoptive mothers.

[#1 What to Expect When your Surrogate is Expecting]

As was the case with Dr. Claire, surrogacy may be an option for a family if they have embryos either through IVF but cannot personally carry them to full term. It is very expensive! Dr. Claire mentions that the price was in the six-figure range at least. But as always, no amount of money is too much for the wonderful gift of life. Dr. Claire also discusses and warns of the emotional distress that can occur for surrogates after they give birth. Counseling is a very powerful tool for this common circumstance and Dr. Claire highly recommends that the biological family is prepared to provide this resource.

[#2 Transracial Open Adoption ]

Ruby--Dr. Claire’s first daughter and who was adopted through an open agreement with her  African American birth mother--didn’t make Claire nervous in the slightest at the dynamic. Although she does talk about how nervous she was to meet the extended family of the biological mother, she stresses just how beautiful and wonderful Ruby is. The concept of providing racial mirrors for Ruby is brought up as well, meaning that considerable attention to positive reinforcement of Ruby’s racial identity is a large focal point in their family. And through Claire’s relationship with Ruby’s biological mother and her extended family, Ruby has that much more reinforcement.

[#3 Agencies and The Adoption Selection Process ]

When talking about how expectant  mothers choose adoptive parents for their child, the best advice is, “Be yourself!” As April states; you never know just what detail will stand out and speak to a birth mother in the midst of her choice. And like it is discussed within the episode, the difference between you being chosen or not could have to do with if you have a golden retriever or not; be yourself! Agencies are very important for introducing you to a bigger pool of possibilities for being matched with a child. And the multi-state agencies also give you a higher probability to be selected faster due to more choices. The Adoption Choices of Colorado was the agency Dr. Claire used. She and  her husband were pleasantly surprised to find themselves in Texas for Ruby after just two short months of waiting.

[#4 Relationship Dynamics Between Surrogates, Biological Mothers, and Adoptive Parents ]

There is a fair amount of discussion on the interactions between adoptive parents, the birth mother and a surrogate mother. There can be a lot of grief after placement, so counseling and sensitivity towards that issue are imperative. As Dr. Claire states during the episode, what words are there to express to a birth mother or surrogate mother besides gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude! In addition, the whole process has strengthened the bond between Dr. Claire and her husband.

More details at: https://adoptionnow.com/podcast/destined-for-motherhood-a-story-of-adoption-and-surrogacy

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ADOPTION NOW is produced and distributed by Simpler Media