HOME TRUTHS: Indira

Indira, 72, from Melbourne, discusses the challenges of moving to Melbourne
40 years ago, far away from her Indian home. Over the years, however,
Indira has discovered that so much of what she thought of as home – Indian
music, culture, dance, food, and community – has followed her here.

Name Indira 

Age 72

Lives in Melbourne

Please finish this sentence: Home is … where the love and joy is.

Describe your childhood home.

My childhood was the happiest life imaginable; it was very peaceful and full of joy. We lived in a joint family. I am one of eight children and we also lived with my father’s three brothers and their families – I had over ten cousins, plus my grandparents. All of us lived together in one large house in the village of Tiruppattur in South India. Nobody ever said anything was mine, it was always ours. We had very few wants or desires except to just be happy together. All the food we needed came from the farming we did, and we distributed whatever we harvested to the whole village and shared equally with everyone. There was no distinction between caste, class or religion. I am a Hindu and I went to a Catholic school but had Muslim friends and friends from all castes and class backgrounds. At home, we had to draw water from a deep well and take turns bringing it  inside the house. As for clothes, my grandfather would buy meters of the same fabric from which all of us would get our clothes stitched. Our family looked like a small school.

The beauty of my childhood was that, although we didn’t have many material things, we never felt like we missed out on anything. There was no TV or digital games; we only had stories that my grandparents would tell us, and I was often nominated as the chief storyteller for all the younger cousins. Even today, when we gather together in India they fondly remember this about me.

Although we lived in a village, my father wanted us to have a broad education. Despite the fact that my father was not formally educated, he always encouraged us to read books and wanted us to have a good education – he ensured that all the girls in the family were well educated. We also listened to the radio and used to follow sports, especially cricket and tennis. Even now, I remember the matches between India and Australia.

Did you ever have to make a home away from home? Why? What was it?

Because I wanted to study further at university level and there was no girls’ college in my village, I had to travel to another town and study there. It was not common for girls to leave home for further studies at that time; I had to live in a hostel. I was a vegetarian and it was a big problem for me in terms of my food because the hostel was not very particular and served meat as well as vegetarian dishes. It was a huge shock to the system to leave the peace of my family and the village where I felt so protected. But my desire to study overcame all these other issues, especially because I was one of the first girls in our family to leave the village and go and study and live elsewhere.

After my graduation it was another huge cultural shock, leaving my village and traveling to live in North East India in what is now the city of Kolkata. After getting married, I left the village and went to live with my husband, his mother, and little sister. I had only met my husband alone and spoken to him for fifteen minutes before we got married, then I ended up in a massive city Kolkata where I knew no one. Also, my father died suddenly a month before I was married. I had been very close to my father and this was a huge shock to my system and, even now, I’m not sure I have gotten over it. But it all worked out and I got used to life in the big city until the next big move we made.

Where’s home for you?

I now live in Melbourne. I moved here forty years ago with my husband and my two young children. My husband came to Melbourne with all of us, with no job and $100 in his pocket. He had lost a very good job in Kolkata and didn’t see a future there for his career as a computer engineer. Since the field was very new then in India, he did not think there were good opportunities for him or the children. Thanks to a friend and a cousin who lived here, our move was not too bad as they helped us out. It was very scary when we first moved, surrounded by so many white people. We had no car, no house, just a small rented unit and very little money. It was a struggle for some time. When I wore my sari and walked on the street, I remember truck drivers would honk their horn. When I picked up my children at school, some of their friends would point and stare and ask questions about my sari, bindi, and nose ring. There were very few Indians back then and most people were extremely curious. I managed to make friends at the school especially through the mother’s club and, even now, I keep in touch with them after all these years. Coming from a noisy city like Kolkata full of hustle and bustle, it was very strange and scary to be surrounded by silence. Nobody spoke to one another which was very strange for me. So, I remember I couldn’t bear the silence and I visited all my neighbours and invited them to my home to have afternoon tea, and even introduced them to each other … some of them had never even met each other before! A few years later I got a job in the Ministry of Education and things started to improve for us financially as my husband’s job was also more secure. My life progressed well thanks to the support and encouragement of my husband over the years.

What does home mean to you?

After forty years this is my home and I can’t imagine ever going back to India to live. I do go and visit India and it gives me a lot of joy. But Melbourne is my home. It is fortunate that my daughter and son live here with their families. My desires are very few. Home for me is where my children, their spouses, grandchildren and husband are. Their joy is mine and their sorrow is mine. In any case whatever I thought I left behind in India is now here in my extended family. The Indian music, the culture, the dance, the food, the community have all grown so much that I feel that India has followed me here.

Do you have any home truths for people dealing with the impacts of the Covid-19 pandemic? 

I feel that I could go through all the changes, face it head on, and emerge from my struggles to be happy with everything I have, whatever little it might be. Before Covid-19, I felt that everybody was living in their own narrow worlds. Now we all are coming together, reflecting on family values and supporting each other as a community. We know now that going after money is not really important. The small things such as spending time together and the value of community are more important now than ever before. Maybe we took all that for granted previously. Hopefully after we emerge from this pandemic, we will have changed our views of life, family, and community and appreciate peace, harmony, and good health. When I look back at my life, I survived all these changes because of the good values, background and culture that was taught to me. If anything, I would like to share the importance of that to everyone now. The most important thing I remember is that my father taught me to love everybody and never to hate anyone; that lesson comes to my mind even now.

Illustration by Sonia Kretschmar Interview Maria O’Dwyer